...because at the end of every story, there are a few loose ends to tie up.

"World Exclusive Interview with J K Rowling", South West News Service, 8 July 2000:

Question: Where do the Hogwarts teachers live during the school holidays? Do they stay at Hogwarts?

JKR's answer: No, they don't. Filch, the caretaker, stays.

This is, naturally, quite understandable.

Even the most passionate teacher looks forward to a few weeks far, far away from a place where one frequently has to debate whether to mark an essay up (just one grade) because of the effort the student clearly has put in, or whether to mark it down (just one grade) because the student in question is Neville Longbottom.

Plus, why would anyone choose to stay at Hogwarts when Filch stays?

It is, for example, a well-known fact that Minerva McGonagall regularly enjoys a few quiet weeks away from it all in her very cosy cottage somewhere in the vicinity of Loch Ness.

Severus Snape also is known to return to his home in a Muggle town every summer, although for some reason his Muggle neighbours have not actually seen him there ever since the summer of 1992.

Xenophilius Lovegood, editor-in-chief of The Quibbler, claims to have accidentally met Snape a few times during summer field trips to Scotland. But Xenophilius has never attached too much importance to those chance meetings, after all, the discovery of a Blubbering Humdinger close to Loch Ness is of greater importance than the whereabouts of a Hogwarts teacher.

Red Nose Day Chat, BBC Online, March 12, 2001:

Question: Have any of the Hogwarts professors had spouses?

JKR's answer: Good question - yes, a few of them, but that information is sort of restricted - you'll find out why...

Restricted, eh? That's interesting.

Of course, there may be a perfectly rational explanation. It certainly has nothing to do with the fact Hogwarts would just not be the same any more if the students ever found out that the Heads of Gryffindor and Slytherin are... well, friendly.

Friendly? What do you mean, friendly?

We've worked our way through this epic drama of misunderstandings and hurt feelings, house-elf abuse, alien encounters (er, make that Muggle encounters), serious discussions in overly romantic locations where the whisky does not taste too bad, less serious encounters with old-fashioned ghosts, very serious discussions whether Snape prefers blonde curls or black buns, passionate arguments, passionate... whatever, fortune-telling, basilisk-battling, and, finally, yet another chapter of house-elf eavesdropping and... and... now you're not going to tell us that they will live happily ever after?

That's it? You palm us off with a few hints about a secretly consummated relationship and holidays spent together in a cosy cottage?

Exactly. The rest is entirely up to your imagination.

Come on, I know you have already formed a vivid mental image of that charming cottage. And of what they are doing there. Right now, in your dirty mind.

(They are arguing about Quidditch, of course.)

And Gilderoy? What about our favourite Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League and five times winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award? (And the Order of Merlin, Third Class. But we don't talk about that.)

Gilderoy Lockhart finds that life at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries is quite enjoyable. The nurses are friendly, the food is alright, and best of all one of the Healers has promised that she will teach him how to handle a wand once he actually remembers that he is a wizard.

Gilderoy was happy to learn that he apparently was very popular with his former colleagues. Two of them have already come to visit him. There was a stern-looking woman in robes of green tartan who said that he did her a great favour, even if he did not intend to do so, and that she felt she had to thank him for that even though he does not deserve it.

Two days later, a rather good-looking fellow in black robes dropped in for a visit. He was not as polite as the woman; in fact he commended Gilderoy with a number of creative insults before he also thanked Gilderoy.

Gilderoy has no idea what the two of them referred to, but he thinks that he must have done a jolly good deed. He asked the second visitor whether he would come to see him again, and was very surprised when the wizard exclaimed "Hell, no!", turned on his heel and positively stormed out of the room.

Alright, that's Goldilocks's future sorted out. But Tibby? What about faithful Tibby, who did her best to make her Master not turn his back on Hogwarts?

Excerpt from "The treatment of House-Elves in British History", by Hermione Granger-Weasley, S.P.E.W. Press 2001:

"(...) in modern history, there is even one known case of a house-elf who deliberately acted against her master's orders and did not have to face grave consequences. In fact, this particular elf called Tibby was actually rewarded for her act of disobedience. Unfortunately Tibby's master S. Snape chose not to disclose any details on why he decided to requite Tibby for committing an act of disobedience."

Ah, but you forgot Sybill! Poor, misunderstood Sybill who knew all along that it was a basilisk...

In 2008, shortly after publishing her semi-autobiographic novel Petulant Prophetess, Sybill Trelawney was interviewed by Daily Prophet reporter Rita Skeeter. Rita was especially interested in everything Sybill had to say about her former colleagues at Hogwarts, and Sybill was happy to provide her with details.

She remembered, for example, that at the end of the 1992/1993 school year, all of the other Hogwarts Professors apologised to her because they had not believed that she had seen the basilisk in a tarot card reading.

Sybill remembers fondly that it was the Potions Master who expressed a formal apology on behalf of the whole staff:

"Oh yes, that's right, he even said that my input to the discussion was 'well-researched, insightful, and enlightening' – and that when it was obviously so hard for him to voice that apology. Dear, I could see it in his face how very difficult it was for him to admit defeat. You know, furrowed brow, clenched teeth – my, he did not look happy. But, mind you, he did say it. – Not at all like our Deputy Headmistress who did not utter a word; she just stood in the background looking smug, as though she had somehow made him express that apology. – On second thought, I do believe dear Severus later had a word with her about that. He did say something about making her pay later on... but clearly she must have misunderstood his meaning because she said she was looking forward to it."

So, that's really it? The end of Folie à Deux?

That's it. Thank you so much for reading my fic, I hope you enjoyed it.

- Frank