Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any if its characters. I also do not own the Merriam-Webster web site or the slight movie reference that some of you might catch if you don't blink. (Although it's obvious.)

Notes: This is my first Death Note fanfiction, I hope you enjoy it! This takes place when L and Light are handcuffed together. Which means that Light has no memories of being Kira. Which makes writing this a whole lot easier.

Warnings: Strange attempts at humor, somewhat crackish, lots of thinking and male/male content eventually. Hopefully not too much OOC.


The Definition of Sexy

By Mizurio

Ever since Light had started working on the Kira case with L, he'd had little time for anything else except for the basics of eating and sleeping (along with the occasional shower. Occasional because he was chained to another male.) He hardly had any contact with the outside world except for news he read online and phone calls from his sister and mother. So could he really be blamed for wanting to watch some TV on one of their rare brakes?

The brunette flipped on the television that was provided by the hotel and mindlessly flipped channels for a few minutes; allowing his brain to slowly turn to mush until it was time to get back to work. The pale, dark haired man that was hand cuffed and sitting next to him paid no attention to Light's zombie like state as he was carefully savoring the taste of a thin slice of strawberry cheese cake.

That's when it happened.

Some day time drama had just switched to commercial and clips of a movie trailer started to play. It was obviously American; with it's over the top humor and bad dialogue. Light was just about to take a trip around the 437 channel world of satellite television when the American on television said two simple words made his eyebrow twitch as the movie trailer finally ended.

"Sounds like…sexy hamburger…"

Light blinked. What the deuce? How in the hell could a hamburger be….sexy?

"Well, Light-kun beauty is in the eye of the—Wait, what did you say?" L had to a double take to see if he'd heard correctly while Light's eyes widened. Since it was illogical for L to be a mind reader, he mentally cursed himself for thinking out loud. The insomniac across from him raised a curious eyebrow, fork full of cake poised half way from his mouth, waiting for an answer.

It took everything Light had not to gouge his eyes out with that tiny thing L called a fork.

"Nothing…I said nothing…." This was where the awkward silence decided to settle itself. Light carefully turned away from L, as cool and unrifled looking as ever but on the inside he felt like a complete fool. What the hell are you doing!? What kind of path of mediocrity are you heading down with such irrelevant thoughts!? How stupid, I don't even like hamburgers…I mean—

"Sexy: adjective. Sexually suggestive or stimulating…" Light looked up from the TV to see L with his laptop and on the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary site. L glanced at Light, "I don't see how these two words can be used in the same sentence…"

It was obvious what the unsaid word was that L was referring to, and the fact that L was actually taking his question seriously made Light want crawl in the nearest hole and just die from embarrassment. L turned back to his computer and read off the second definition of the word 'sexy'.

"Something that is generally attractive or interesting. Hmm…" L pondered this. While he did not find sweets sexually simulating, he certainly thought that they tasted good. They also looked good (they had to or else L would have died from starvation long ago). Sweets could come in all sorts of shapes and sizes along with and array of tastes. With these facts L concluded that one could say that sweets were both attractive and interesting. However the thought of anything being better than a chocolate covered strawberry cheese cake was blasphemy, especially if that anything was a…a hamburger. One of the most repulsive looking American concoctions he'd ever laid eyes upon.

It wasn't like he was biased or anything. Not at all….

While the worlds greatest detective was lost in own thoughts (still munching on that cake mind you) on the other end of the couch Light had flipped through all the channels twice and had found nothing appealing to watch, namely to take his mind off his utter self loathing. Seriously, what had he been thinking?! He'd let his mind wander to far…Light looked out of the corner of his eye to steal a glance at L, who was still on his laptop. Does this guy ever take a real break? At least he hadn't brought up there last conversation. Sexy Hamburger….Light thought back on the definition that L had read aloud. There was definitely nothing sexual about a hamburger, although he could think of a few other kinds of foods that could be used during sex as a stimulant…he pushed that thought in the file cabinet of his brain for later.

L absent mindedly began to chew on his thumbnail as he pretended to do work. He wasn't sure if Light had noticed, and if he did he obviously didn't seem to care as the brunette had finally found a show worth interest. L forced himself not to roll his eyes. He swore, that boy could be so indecisive over the littlest things, especially when it came to what he watched on TV it seemed. The scruffy detective went back to the task at hand and continued to feign interest in what was on the screen of his laptop. After looking up the word sexy on multiple online dictionary sites, L concluded that the word sexy could be used to describe anything really. He mentally scolded himself for not thinking so earlier. It's an adjective after all… but he couldn't help but be thorough in all that he thought of, even it was something as silly as this.

Nevertheless from all his findings would he ever say that hamburgers were 'sexy'. What in the world had Light been watching to bring something like that up, the detective would never know. It wasn't like he wanted to anyway.

After reading a few examples of 'the word' being used in a sentence ('I just got a sexy new car.' "Hey, that's one sexy shirt you got there.") he was ready to indulge himself in a little experiment he just whipped up. He closed his laptop.

As Light finished watching the last of the credits roll of some crime drama there was the light clinking of silverware signaling that L was done with his cake, which also meant break time was over. It seemed to be an unspoken rule the two shared. Just as Light was about to get up—

"Light-kun, I think you're sexy."

Said 'Light-kun' almost fell over, but he quickly composed himself. Was L trying to make fun of him for what he'd said earlier? True, L was a bit childish—the guy had admitted it himself—But Light didn't think that L would directly try to poke fun at him; L was above that (at least he hoped). Was this a test of some kind? What should Light say to the scrawny detective? As Light racked his brain for a proper response L simply sat up from the couch and walked back to the desk full of papers and a desktop computer. Light had no choice but to follow. He caught a glimpse of the insomniacs face to see it held nothing but complete innocence, like he'd never said anything in the first place. Light knew better.

L was anything but innocent.

L sat in his swirly chair in his normal manner and looked expectantly at his computer screen. With how much technology cost nowadays, he'd hope that they could at least make something that would just make cake instantly appear with the press of a button. Although that might be asking a little to much….He booted up the computer. L had carefully observed Light's reaction the entire time. The teenagers face had gone through a range of emotions in that spilt second it took for Light to put his mask back on. There had been shock, embarrassment, with a hint of horror and disgust. L sat at his desk and began to do some actual work….well, sort of.

This new experiment was going to interesting. Not to mention something to distract his mind from the Kira case during break, which meant he would have to have more of those now. When the detective felt a pair of eyes drilling holes into his back he stared to really get to work. L didn't have to look at Light to know that the brunette was still sweating it out.

The next few hours were going to be very interesting.


Notes: Comments, criticism, flames, anything is greatly appreciated. I hope I kept L and Light some what in character, so any suggestions for improving on that would help out a lot! The next chapter should be out in a week at the longest.

I wonder what L's devious plan is….Haha!