Hello everyone, guess what? I PASSED ALL MY CLASSES AND WILL BE GRADUATING TOMMOROW!! OMG!! You have no idea how stressed out I've been lately…but now I'm fine and can resume being a slacker now and spending copious amounts of time writing and hanging on the internet. Yays.

This chapter is dedicated to Barking Spiders who said she was having a bad day :)

A sparrow was flying through the sky; a special jutsu had been used on it to help it find the person it was looking for. Its instinct gave a sharp tug to the right; the bird followed the feeling and swooped down low. The chakra it was linked to was close!

The bird stopped flapping its wings, instead gliding until it landed on the shoulder of a white haired man.

The middle aged male turned in surprise to his sudden guest.

"Ho? What's this?" He noticed a piece of white parchment tied carefully to the bird's left leg with orange twine. He carefully untied the burden from the bird's leg, as soon as he did so the small sparrow flitted off the jutsu that had clung to it had been dispelled.

Jiraiya scanned the letter with growing interest.

Pervy Sage,

I have a problem; I can ask only you for help. Come to my apartment sometime at night.


P.S: Don't let anyone see you come

What the hell is Naruto's problem? Jiraiya had been away for the past two months for 'research' he had been thinking about going to Konoha anyway, but now his student had just given an actual incentive.

"'don't let anyone see you' Please, what does he think I am, some pathetic gennin?"

All was still and quiet in the sleeping town of Konoha. Except for a few strategically placed Anbu Black Ops, there was no one out on the streets.

Jiraiya slipped passed all the guards unnoticed, and walked quickly down a familiar alleyway. The novelist sighed when he spotted the apartment. It wasn't that it falling apart…it just seemed sad somehow. The building seemed tired, worn out and run down. It seemed to sag a little, possible tired and didn't see the need to stand up straight like it did when it was young. The passing wind and rain and snow of the years had exhausted the abode, causing it to long for the day when it could finally rest. He chuckled.

Who says I can't write anything but erotica?

He walked up the stairs and knocked on the door (it seemed to protest with a creak when he did) Jiraiah heard shuffling behind the door; a scrap of the locks clicking out of place, and then the door was tentatively opened.

Jiraiya's eyes widened. There was a petite blond haired blue eyed girl at the door. Weird, she could have been Naruto's little sister. He stepped back, and looked around. Yeah, this was where Naruto's apartment was. It had always been his. What the Hell?

He flushed in confusion, "Oh, excuse me miss it appears I've mistakenly gone-"

"Would you just hurry up and get in here Pervy sage! I don't want anyone to see you!"

Jiraiya looked down in surprise. The lighting was poor, but his eyes had adjusted and only now did he notice the three scars donning the sides of the young woman's face.

The Sannin looked flabbergasted "…Kid? Na…Naruto??"

The girl scowled. "Yes, you perv now get in here!" She moved away from the door and gestured with her hand to enter the room. Jiraiah shook his head in bewilderment. This can't be a trap…right? If that's really Naruto, what's with the girly getup?

Naruto closed the door and slid the deadbolt home. The blond stood facing the door, not looking at Jiraiya.

"So. That's really you Naruto? What the hell? Turn back already."

Naruto turned around and stared sullenly at Jiraiya. "I can't."

Jiraiya sat down on the beaten orange couch in the living room. Naruto walked over and sat in a blue arm chair across from him.

"Okay…care to enlighten me?" Jiraiya asked.

Instead of answering, he started playing with a ring on his finger, idly twisting it around as he tried to form his words.

"I can't turn back because I'm pregnant…and also for-"

Naruto was interrupted by his teacher's hysterical laughter.

"Okay, what the hell. It's really beginning to bug me. So just tell me…did you get laid or something? 'Cause you were humming earlier and ….yeah. You were humming earlier. So did you get some?"

Crack. Thump.

Karin and Juugo looked down at the now unconscious Suigetsu whom was lying on the floor. Sasuke's hand was still clenched into a fist. His black eyes glared into theirs.

He remarked dully, "Any more questions about my prior behavior?"

The two other teenagers shook their heads furiously.

Jiraiya managed to climb back onto the couch with some difficulty because he kept snickering and would burst back into laughter. By the time he had finally managed to make it back on the couch he had tears in his eyes and a cramp in his side.

Naruto had his arms crossed and was glaring daggers at him.

Jiraiya attempted to poise himself and donned his best serious face.

"No really, why don't you change back?"

Naruto fumed. "I already told you goddamit. I. Am. Pregnant. With child. Expecting. Kocked up. Preggers. Bun in the oven. Any other possible slang term that means I have a baby inside of me.

Jiraiya stared. "Really?" Naruto nodded. "You're not lying?" Naruto rolled his eyes. "Why the hell would I lie about this?"

Jiraya shrugged. "Well, you're a prankster. But most of your pranks involve naked women…not pregnant women. I like the naked women pranks better."

Naruto glared. "I'll keep that in mind." Was all he said.

However Jiraiya had a sneaking suspicion the blond really meant:

"Shut up or I'll fucking castrate you."

Jiraya rubbed the back of his head nervously. "So…whose the dad?"

Naruto uncrossed his arms and sank further into the chair. "I'd really rather not say." Jiraiya felt hopeful for a minute. Naruto never got angry at him, so he was glad the moment had passed. Problem was that now the blond seemed depressed.

The Sage looked at Naruto seriously. He couldn't believe this was happening…Holy shit. "Okay…so did you want to um, abort it?"

Naruto shuddered. "Um…no. Not particularly."

Jiraiya frowned. "Why not? It'd be the most convenient for you. And you really can't deal with this right now, Naruto. Between the Akatsuki, and your quest to find Sasuke, having baby just isn't going to fit in there. What will you do when you're too big to fight? Also, there's going to be a point in the pregnancy when you won't even be able to use chakra for combat or anything."

Naruto paled at the thought of being too weak to perform any jutsu. He shook his head though. "Jiraiya…Look, I may not be the smartest guy…or the strongest or anything. But, I know…even if I'm not a real girl…I know I will regret it later. If I kill the baby.

Jiraiya rubbed his face God; he was talking about a pregnancy with his student.

His male student.

"Alright kid. Um guess your not a kid…you're gonna be a mommy?" Jiraiya dodged the pillow thrown at him. "Okay sorry. So what do you want to do?"

Naruto clutched the other pillow in front of him. He sighed. "One: I don't want anyone to know. This is for several reasons…one of them being I could never look at anyone again. I just…Oh God, what would Kakashi say? Or Tsunade? Or Sakura? No…just no. Two: I say you take me on a training mission."

Jiraiya frowned. "Training mission?"

Naruto nodded "yeah… 'training mission'. Though it's more like, I'm gonna be hiding away from everyone for about a year, and then when I come back with a baby I'll tell everyone I found it in the bulrushes or something."

The fact that Naruto looked quite pleased as punch with this idea disturbed Jiraiya.

"Tsunade won't let you. You know how paranoid she's been about you lately-"

Naruto grinned. "She owes me one. It's indirectly her fault I'm like this…it's mostly mine though…I shouldn't have gotten drunk and slept with that guy."

"I believe that's called 'date rape' Naruto."

"Shut the hell up. He was drunk too. Wait…yeah, he was drunk too. Uzumaki Naruto does not get raped."

Jiraiya rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine. The only reason I even come to Konoha is to check up on you, really. So I might as well."

Naruto looked thoughtful. "Um, pervy sage…I may not stay with you the entirety of my pregnancy. I might find some no name village and tough it out there."

Jiraiya sighed with relief. "Oh good, I don't think I could handle you waddling around with me when you're nine months pregnant. It might put a dent in my research. But, what will you do when you're in labor?"

The blond rolled his eyes. "Midwife. Duh. They have at least one in every village right?"

Jiraiya nodded. "Okay Operation sneak out pregnant Naruto is in order. Phase one: Lie to Tsunade like a lying liar who lies."

Naruto was not a thinker. He was the type of person who would make spontaneous decisions that seemed to be easiest in whatever situation he was in.

Example? Best friend Sasuke runs away to be Orochi-bastard's bitch. Decision? Run after said bitchy best friend and bring back home. Failed…for now.

Any other day, Naruto would love to find Sasuke and attempt to drag him back to Konoha. However, Naruto didn't think he would be able to stand seeing his lost friend right now... He was just teensy bitpissed off as hell with him right now. Especially now that Sasuke had knocked him fucking up.

It wasn't as if he had known that the sandy blond stranger at the bar was Sasuke…and technically he didn't say he couldn't get him pregnant…but…He didn't say he could either. There was a line between best friends and fuck buddies. Sasuke had not only crossed that line, but he had also set it on fire and blown the rest of the remains to smithereens.

Naruto had gotten the shaft. In more ways than one.

Anyway…back to the subject at hand, So when Naruto found out he was pregnant he decided to do the simplest thing that came to mind…Run the fuck away.

Which was what he was currently trying to do. Just as soon as he succeeds in completing phase one of the plan Jiraya and Naruto had concocted last night.

"A training mission brat?" Tsunade asked, slightly stunned.

Naruto nodded "Yeah, I'm just not strong enough…I think going on a leave for a while. Jiraiah said he was going to go traveling for research, and offered me to come along. And who knows, maybe we'll find someone who can cure my little problem"

Tsunade's mouth was slightly agape. She looked up and down Naruto's body, and frowned.

"Um, but you are still a girl."

Naruto rolled his eyes theatrically. "Yes, I realize that. Still, I'm going to be stuck in this body 'cause we haven't figured out what's wrong with me yet"

Tsunade sighed. "Well I tried everything I could think of to get it off. But it seems like for some reason or another that jutsu is stuck on you for now."

Naruto sulked. "Yeah... yeah…." He had a sneaking suspicion that the ring was the cause of all of this. After his little freak out the other night, he'd desperately tried to once again take the damn thing off. In his mind he flipped through all of his failed attempts at loosening the ring around his finger; butter, oil, shampoo, dish soap…he even had grabbed a pair of pliers at one point to try and pry it off, but the ring had remained defiantly snug on his finger.

Naruto looked down on it again, the gleam of the platinum metal somehow seemed smug to him. He didn't need his left ring finger for anything right? Naruto thought darkly.

The thought made him stop and think. What would happen to the baby though? If Naruto got the ring off (which was most likely impossible) and performed the seal, he would turn back into his original male self. So…he would no longer have a womb…and the baby would die. Would it just disappear? Or would its tiny corpse remain in his body?

Naruto shivered at the thought.

"Anyway baa-chan I really just kinda wanna get away for a while. Everyone's been weirded out that I'm a girl. Well not Hinata… or Sai. He just said 'well considering the fact that you didn't have a dick before either, it isn't much of a change.'"

She ran a hand through her hair. "How long?"

Naruto looked at her with all the seriousness he could muster. "Two years."

Tsunade scowled. "HahahahahahaNO. Thankyou come again."

Naruto pressed on, determined."Come on. Two years? That's nothing, I was gone for three before! I'll be with Jiraiya the entire time…again! Nothing will happen alright?"

Tsunade folded her hands under her chin. "Alright Naruto. I'll write you a training mission leave. I have just two conditions."

Naruto nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"One: No Akatsuki. Just stay the hell away from them for now."

"No problem. I like being alive, thankyouverymuch."

"Good. And two: No chasing after Sasuke."

Naruto's anger swelled up at the man's name.

"Definitely no problem." He growled out from between clenched teeth.

Naruto calculated in his head. Lesse, if I'm preggy for nine months…and I've already been pregnant for one. Nine, minus one…So I'll be pregnant for eight more months. And eighteen months minus eight… I'd have about ten months to take care of the kid, and come back to Konoha with him or her.

Naruto could claim he found the baby in an abandoned villiage or another bullshit story. Everyone would believe that right?

Unless the baby is the spit image of Sasuke or me. Fuck. Well, black hair and blond hair isn't uncommon so it should be fine.

Naruto finished packing away the last of any weapons he might need. Jiraiya was sitting on Naruto's bed as he wrote something in a notebook. Possibly something for the latest installment of his novel.

Jiraiya looked up when he heard the zipper of Naruto's back pack hiss shut.

"Not too heavy okay? You're already carrying 'precious cargo'. And also, we should get you some lady clothes."

Naruto frowned. "What's the point of having new clothes if I'm just gonna get bigger soon?"

Jiraiya put the small notebook in the pocket on the inside of his vest.

"Look, we're trying to remain inconspicuous. We'll get some girl clothes for you tomorrow okay?"

Naruto huffed as he pulled the back pack on.

"Fine, but I am not wearing a skirt. Ever."

Jiraiya laughed. "I would never let you live that down."

Sasuke was somewhat confused. An emotion that he was for the most part unfamiliar with until recent events. He looked around the small apartment he had just infiltrated. No sign of the person he was looking for. He entered the bedroom and an picture caught his eye.

The photograph depicted three youths and an adult. The man was smiling, his hands were resting on a brunette and blond's head. A pink haired girl was smiling cutely in the center. The brunette looked sullen, he probably would rather be training. The blond was grimacing angrily, but somehow it still managed to be a grin at the same time.

Sasuke looked around the empty bedroom once more.

Naruto? Where did you go?

Jeez, did I use enough page breaks? Okay so there's the latest chapter. Betcha weren't expecting Naruto to run away didja? Mwahahahaha!