A/N: Uh, slight AU since Sasuke doesn't go to Orochimaru (yay!). Sasuke and Naruto are both 15 (also Sasuke now lives in the Uchida complex).The idea popped in my head one day when I was imagining what Lee and Sakura's kids would look like (try it…you'll laugh too) and I thought about how Sasuke would revive his clan as he intends to and this is what came out. Oh well. Enjoy and review.
Chapter 1: Oh, Baby
In a small hotel room about 15 miles east of Konoha, Uchida Itachi sat up and saw the room spin. His head felt like a pile of lead. "What the hell happened?" He groaned and pulled the covers over his head. "Shut the curtains, Kisame." He said in a dangerous tone of voice.
Kisame got up from his chair and closed the ratty, stained curtains. This was the last time he'd let Itachi get drunk, he thought. It didn't happen often, maybe once a month or so when he was feeling bored or restless; Itachi would stop at a town, drink himself to sleep or get drunk and screw just about anything. In this case it was the latter. The blue-skinned man rubbed his temples, anticipating the hell that always followed.
"Wasn't there a girl in here?" Itachi said from underneath the blankets. Kisame grinned. So he did remember this time.
"I told her to leave a few hours ago."
"Hn." It was silent for a while. Then Itachi spoke again, "What'd you tell her?"
"That Uchida Itachi wouldn't want to be bothered in the morning." Kisame replied, shrugging.
There was a long pause. "You gave her my name?" Itachi asked flatly. Kisame's eyes widened. Shit. But the look was all Itachi needed, "I see."
It was Kisame's turn to groan. The next couple of days would be a living hell.
A loud crashing came from inside the Hokage's office. It was followed by screaming and more crashing. Sasuke hesitated before opening the door. He expected Tsunade to be furious with Naruto and needing him to intervene.
He didn't expect to see a pregnant woman knocking over file cabinets and tearing up papers. There were three bottles of spilled sake seeping into the carpet and Tsunade's chair had been thrown out the window, among other things.
"What do you mean, Itachi's not here?! I heard that this was his fucking village!" Said the woman. She might've even been pretty if her face wasn't crudely twisted into a scowl.
Sasuke narrowed his eyes and said coldly, "What is going on, Hokage?
Tsunade didn't seem to hear him, "Would you please stop wrecking my office? Do you know how long it took me to do all that paperwork?" The redheaded woman stopped briefly and crossed her arms.
"Just tell me where Itachi is, bitch, or—" She froze unnaturally.
Sasuke and Tsunade turned around to see Shikamaru by the window, "Shadow Imitation Technique…successful."
Tsunade ran a hand through her disheveled hair, "Thanks." She turned to the woman and spoke slowly and firmly as if the woman was so wild animal in need of restraint, "Now you can finally listen to me. Itachi is not here. But his brother is. Now if you promise to remain calm, we'll let you go."
"Why am I here?" Sasuke asked again, his agitation rising steadily.
Shikamaru released her and then mumbled as he left, "So troublesome…"
"What is your name?" Tsunade asked in the same tone of voice.
"Hitomi." The woman replied icily.
"And why do you want Itachi?" Sasuke asked, clenching his fists.
"Isn't it obvious?" Hitomi spat.
"So you're saying that Itachi got you pregnant." Tsunade started to say and received a nod from the woman. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah. It was at a bar and he had this weird blue guy with him." She said through gritted teeth. Sasuke had an urge to knock his head against the wall. It was Itachi all right.Hitomi continued to talk, "Anyways, I don't want a kid. Ever. I thought maybe he'd want the kid—"
Tsunade coughed. "Well, um, yeah. Excuse us for a minute." She took Sasuke by the shoulder and dragged him out of the office.
Sasuke punched the wall. "Son of a bitch!"
"What do you want to do?" Tsunade asked, wishing for a cup of sake to ease her headache.
"What do you mean? It's not my damn problem." Sasuke muttered.
"Keep telling yourself that." Tsunade said. "I'll keep her here until you figure out what you want."
Sasuke didn't know what she meant so he buried his hands in his pockets and left.
On his way back to his home, he ran into Naruto. "Yo, Sasuke!"
Sasuke rolled his eyes. The last person he wanted to be with right now was Naruto. "What?"
"Do I get a kiss?" Naruto grinned playfully and ended up with a hand in his face.
Naruto didn't take the hint. "What did Tsunade tell you? She gave a genius like you a crap mission? Bet she did. Bet you have the crappiest mission possible. Have to baby-sit some brat, right?" Sasuke clenched his fists and didn't respond. "Oh, c'mon tell me, Sasuke."
"Do you ever stop talking?" Sasuke was very close to hitting the blond ninja. "I need to think." Sasuke admitted sullenly.
"….'bout what?" Naruto draped an arm around Sasuke's shoulder, who grimaced.
"The revival of my clan." Sasuke muttered and then an idea popped into his head. This child, Itachi's kid, had the Uchida blood. He could use it to try and revive his clan. Seeing as he was gay, he didn't see Naruto getting pregnant anytime soon. It was a brilliant, awful idea.
"What about it?" Naruto said.
"I'm going to become a father." Sasuke said resolutely.
"What? Now?" Naruto sputtered.
"No…like in month or so." Sasuke said. Visions of a renewed and elite clan danced before his eyes. The Uchida clan wouldn't die; his will was stronger than Itachi.
Naruto eyes widened to the size of saucers, "What do you mean, Sasuke?!" He grabbed his boyfriend by the collar of his shirt, "Bastard, tell me!"
"Let go…I'm going to speak the Hokage." Sasuke said.
"I'm going with you then." Naruto gritted his teeth. Sasuke shot him an angry look.
When they reached the Hokage's office, they saw Shizune trying to put it back together. She spotted them and gave them a quick grin, "Oh you're back. Made a decision?" Sasuke nodded. "Great. I'll tell Tsunade-sama." She got up to leave.
"What are you going to tell her?" whispered Naruto, who was confused.
"Itachi knocked up some girl." Sasuke said flatly. "I'm considering taking the kid in. Don't want another Uchida orphan."
"Really? That's….unlike you." Naruto said, tiptoeing around the words.
"This isn't an act of charity, Naruto." Sasuke said; his voice still cold. "It's just a way to revive my clan. That's all." Naruto fought the urge to roll his eyes. He knew that Sasuke detested the idea of raising Itachi's spawn but one of Sasuke's goals was to breathe life into his clan and he wasn't about pass up an opportunity.
"Mmkay." Naruto muttered. "So is the chick cute?"
"Ugh…not really." Sasuke sighed. He remembered her face, her flaring nostrils, wild blue eyes and messy braid of red hair. Every body part was swollen to the point of looking inhuman and her scanty clothes suggested that she might be a prostitute.
Tsunade walked into the office and groaned. "That woman is impossible. She's asked for ice cream and pickles…again." Naruto visibly twitched. "Sasuke….so what do you want?"
He told her. And then Tsunade told Hitomi, who wasn't pleased.
"You want me to hand it over to a kid?" She said angrily, picking at her ice cream.
"I assure you Sasuke is a good person and has many people to help him." Tsunade resisted the urge to scream, "You don't even care about the child…so shut up!"
"Yeah, whatever." Hitomi said with her mouth full.
Tsunade had to wonder what possessed Itachi to have sex with such a person.
Two months later, Sasuke would be a father.
Sasuke groaned at the pile of books on his kitchen table. Tsunade had required him to read every text possible on being a parent and raising a kid. He had thumbed through Being a Single Father—And a Ninja, Second Edition and Techniques to Use to Protect your Newborn. There were about two dozen more books. Didn't most people learn how to be a parent through experience? However, he wasn't about to suggest that idea.
"Naruto!" He yelled, hoping that alone would wake up the sleeping ninja. A minute later he heard a groan of protest. Well, another five minutes wouldn't hurt anyone, he thought and sipped at his tea.
Eventually, Naruto got out of bed and walked—zombie-like—to the table. "Good morning." He mumbled.
"Morning." He put down his cup of tea and said, mostly to reassure himself, "Tsunade's says it's going to be a girl."
"Mmm." Naruto mumbled.
"I'm thinking of baby names." He tried again, hoping for some encouragement from the blond ninja.
"Yeah…that's a good idea." Naruto said, not quite awake.
"The baby shower's today." Sasuke said, finally getting irritated.
"I forgot about that." Naruto said and then his eyes widened, "You think I should bring a gift?"
"Naruto." Sasuke said dangerously.
Naruto waved his hands apologetically, "Ok, ok, I will then."
Sasuke buried his face in his hands. He didn't say anything but his eyes were saying, "I don't think I can do this."
"Too late now." Naruto grumbled.
"Naruto! I'm being fucking serious right now." Sasuke shouted.
Naruto blinked dumbly for a few seconds. Then smiled and kissed Sasuke, "Don't worry, I'll help you."
Sasuke grinned evilly. "Thanks….you can start by reading these books." And he handed Naruto a stack. "Have fun, moron!"
"Sasuke…Sasuke! That's not what I meant!" He whined.
A few hours later the Uchida house was filled with many ninja from around the village. Sakura had showed up a few hours later and decorated the house with pink streamers and balloons and a glittery pink banner that said, "It's a Girl." Apparently, Tsunade had spilled the beans to her pupil.
"Who invited all of these people?" Sasuke whispered to Naruto.
"Sakura. More people, more presents…she said." Naruto shrugged and bit into a strawberry cupcake with pink icing.
Sasuke noticed the amount of presents piling on the table. There were perfectly wrapped boxes, various stuffed animals with bows and cards with smiling faces congratulating him on parenthood.
Sasuke was beginning to regret his decision. "I need a stiff one…now."
"Don't you think it'll be hard to get away?" Naruto asked and nuzzled Sasuke's neck.
"Not that! I mean alcohol…and lots of it." Sasuke went into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of sake he kept for emergencies.
"Do you like the decorations Sasuke-kun?" Sakura nudged him in the ribs, causing him to wince.
"Yeah, sure." He mumbled and took another swing. Couldn't they all just leave?
While most people mingled, Sasuke ended up with his back against with wall along with the other wallflowers. Naruto made his way through the crowd and grabbed Sasuke's hand. Sasuke took a step and felt his head swim. Too much sake, he thought.
"It's time to open presents." Naruto said brightly and the plopped themselves on the couch. "Mine first!" Naruto found his box easily—it was small and the only one with orange wrapping paper.
Sasuke rolled his eyes and started to tear through the paper. When he was done, he pulled out two matching mugs that said, "World's Greatest Dads" except he could tell that the "s" had been painted messily in bright orange paint.
"Oh, so you are raising the baby together?" Iruka asked, slightly hesitant.
"Yup!" Naruto smiled and gave Sasuke a quick hug.
Sasuke glared at Naruto and slurred, "No we are fucking not. My kid. Not yours. Hell, this isn't even my kid. Bastard."
Naruto could smell the alcohol on Sasuke's breath and knew what had happened. He fought the urge to smack Sasuke for getting drunk and hoisted him in his arms and carried him to the nearest bedroom.
"Put me down, you prick." Sasuke mumbled. "I'm not that drunk."
"Not a chance." Naruto said and put Sasuke down on the nearest bed. "You stay here. I'll handle things."
"You're such a fuckhead." Sasuke said adamantly and crossed his arms.
"Stay in here or else no sex till the baby's born." Naruto said and shut the door, hoping Sasuke would simply fall asleep. He knew Sasuke was barely drunk but he wasn't taking any chances. He had seen Sasuke drunk once and it wasn't pretty.
The party fizzled shortly after that, leaving only Kakashi, Sakura and Iruka behind. Sakura bent over to pick up the remains of torn wrapping paper.
"He's just nervous, Naruto." Iruka said, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I mean, he's becoming a father at the age of fifteen. That's got to be hard on anyone."
"Yeah." Kakashi said doubtfully. Kakashi wasn't sure that Sasuke would be the best parent for anyone. Sasuke was cold, distant and uncaring to most people. However, Naruto had somehow wormed his way into Sasuke's heart…maybe this kid would too.
"At least you got lots of presents." Sakura smiled. And they had. Kakashi and Iruka had gotten a cute little High Chair and a matching bib that said, "I'm My Godfathers' Favorite". Jiraiya had gotten Icha Icha Paradise: An Educational Picture Book. Gai had gotten a baby sized green jumpsuit. Hinata had gotten a giant stuffed fox (and fainted after handing it to Naruto). Ino had brought flowers. Sakura had gotten half a dozen baby outfits with the Uchida symbol sewed on—most were pink. There were many other gifts on the table.
"Well—" Naruto started to say and then heard the sound of someone vomiting. "I'll see you guys tomorrow." The others waved goodbye and Naruto hurried to the bedroom. "Sasuke….you're cleaning up that mess tomorrow."
"It wasn't that much, asshole." Sasuke mumbled; his face against the toilet seat.
"We all know you're a lightweight." But Naruto knew that Sasuke wasn't throwing up due to the sake. It was his own tempestuous feelings that were ripping up his insides. Of course, Sasuke would never admit to it unless he was near death.
"Shut up." Sasuke said before throwing up again.
"You done in there?"
"No…" Sasuke grimaced.
Naruto undressed for bed and waited for Sasuke to wobble over. "This isn't our normal bed." Sasuke muttered, "Remind me to never do that again."
"Mmkay." Naruto said sleepily and turn over. Sasuke groaned and got under the covers.
A couple weeks later Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke were clearing out a room to become a nursery. It had been an old dusty room the in the Uchida house but now it was cleaner and definitely warmer. "No pink." Sasuke said firmly as Sakura placed some peonies in a vase.
"Why not? It's a girl. Girls need femininity." Sakura tossed some hair off her should.
"What if Granny Tsunade's wrong and it's a boy?" Naruto asked.
Sakura punched him, "Tsuande-sama's never wrong, idiot!"
Sasuke sighed. "Not too much pink then." Sakura smiled; she had been much easier to deal with once she got over her obsessive infatuation with him. He was at least thankful for that.
"So what are you naming her?" Sakura asked.
"Uh, we haven't thought about it much." Sasuke said and glanced at Naruto who was hauling in the many stuffed animals.
"What about that one name…?" Naruto said.
"You know. I asked you if you liked it and you said, 'it's ok'." Naruto said.
"What was it?"
"How should I remember?" Naruto sighed and earned a hard smack from Sakura.
"This is the name of your daughter and you're just going to forget it? What kind of parent are you?" She screeched.
"Owwwie, Sakura!" Naruto rubbed the bump on his head. "I think it was Kumiko."
"That's better." Sakura said.
"Ah, it's okay." Sasuke shrugged. He was finally warming up to the idea that he was going to be a parent. But sometimes it would hit him like a ton of bricks and he wished he had never heard of Hitomi. Better yet, he wished Itachi had lost all of his functioning reproductive organs. He grinned at the thought.
"Any ideas for godparents?" Sakura crossed her fingers.
"Kakashi and Iruka." Sasuke said flatly. "Who got us the Icha Icha book?"
"Jiraiya." Naruto groaned. "Should we throw it away?"
"Why them? Why not me?" Sakura whined.
"You can be Auntie." Naruto grinned playfully and got another slap across the head.
"Iruka rarely goes on missions so in the event that we aren't here, he can take the baby. He's also good with kids and he's living with Kakashi, our sensei. It's practical." Sasuke said briefly. He looked around the room and it did indeed look how he imagined a nursery to be. There were toys, a crib, formula, diapers, and drawers full of clothes. "I think we're done."
"Oh, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura smiled. "It's lovely."
"Yeah….now leave us alone, Sakura-chan. We're about to make a baby." Naruto ran and glomped Sasuke.
Sakura rolled her eyes and left.
"…about to make a baby?" Sasuke repeated and raised an eyebrow.
"Hey it worked." Naruto said and leaned in for a kiss. It was a deep kiss that left them both breathless.
"Move in." Sasuke whispered huskily when Naruto pulled away.
"What?" Naruto asked, surprised. He never thought Sasuke would ever ask him that. Ever.
"Move in." Sasuke said again and this time Naruto believed him. "You already spend the night here most of the time. You should really just move in." Naruto kissed him again.
"Let's go to our room." Sasuke said against Naruto's cheek. They made love that night not a baby.
"Uhhhhhhh…..I ate too much." Naruto groaned, holding his stomach. It was another meal alone at the Ramen Bar.
"Naruto!" Lee ran quickly and knocked Naruto off his stool.
"Fuzzy Brows, you bastard." Naruto said from the floor.
"Hitomi-chan has gone into labor. It's time!" Lee yanked Naruto off the ground and half-dragged him to the hospital.
When they got there, Sasuke, Kakashi and Iruka were already waiting there. Naruto could hear the screaming and cursing coming from a nearby room. "Are they ripping it out of her?" He asked, seriously.
"Well, not exactly." Kakashi said, wincing and then returning to his book.
Naruto sighed and sat next to Sasuke who was staring at the floor. He took Sasuke's hand in his and gave it a little squeeze. Sasuke returned the squeeze and said, "I don't want to be touched right now."
Little talk went on unless you considered Hitomi's constant cursing. In a mere hour, Naruto had learned a dozen new ways to rip someone a new asshole.
After the third hour, Naruto got impatient. "How long does it take?" He began to pace.
"You're asking us?" Kakashi eyed Naruto strangely.
"Well this isn't even the hard part Naruto." Iruka said gravely. "There's the diaper changing, feeding, crying…"
"How do you know all this?" Naruto asked.
"…'Ruka's been reading all those baby books. He's excited to be a godfather." Kakashi yawned.
"Don't pretend that you're not excited too." Iruka said. "He's reading a baby book right now." He quickly snatched away Icha Icha to reveal a mini baby book between the pages.
Kakashi rolled his eyes. "Stop being such a prankster."
Another two hours passed. Naruto was quietly napping with his head in Sasuke's lap when Sakura burst through the doors. Circles were forming under her eyes and her hair was messily pulled back. "Congratulations…it's a girl." She said tiredly.
Sasuke's head snapped up but he didn't get up from his chair. Naruto opened his eyes and rushed over to give Sakura a hug. "You delivered the baby? You're amazing, Sakura-chan!"
"Gerroff me." Sakura said. "I need some sleep." She yawned. "I'll get the baby."
Kakashi and Iruka stayed in their chairs, watching Sasuke. Kakashi still had doubts about Sasuke's parenting. If anything was going to change his mind it would be how he greeted the baby girl.
Sakura disappeared for a few minutes and then brought a pink-faced baby with sparse dark hair. Her fists were squeezing tightly and she was shaking them in the air. She wasn't crying but she wasn't silent either. She made little gurgling noises.
Naruto beamed at the child. "Don't you want to hold her, Sasuke?" Everyone turned to look at Sasuke who held out his hands to take the baby.
"Ooh, watch her head. Be gentle. No, no….more like this." Sakura said and when Sasuke got it right she smiled.
Sasuke looked intently at the child and the child looked back, her little head bobbing. In that moment, something passed between them and Sasuke gave a slight smile.
Kakashi's doubts had been calmed for now.
"So what's her name?" Iruka asked.
"Um….we—" Naruto began to say.
"Mikoto" Sasuke said simply. He cradled the child gently.
"Eh?" Naruto said, surprised. That name wasn't even on their list!
"After your mother?" Kakashi replied.
It was late evening by the time Sasuke and Naruto made their way home with little Mikoto bundled up in a pink blanket. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight." Sasuke admitted.
"Why not?" Naruto asked as he opened the door to the nursery.
"I'm nervous." Sasuke usually wasn't this open or blunt about his feelings. "I'm….I'm afraid that Itachi's going to come and take her away."
"That won't happen." Naruto kissed Sasuke's forehead after he gently placed the baby in the crib. "I won't let it."
"He tried to take you away." Sasuke whispered.
"I'm here now." Naruto held Sasuke's hand.
"Let's sleep here tonight." Naruto nodded in the dark and left to grab a few pillows and blankets.
A few hours later, they woke up to crying. Although it didn't sound like a normal cry, it was softer but more primal. Sasuke jumped to his feet. "What is it, Mikoto-chan?" Sasuke cooed.
"Is she hungry?" Naruto whispered. "What are we supposed to do?"
"We stop her from crying!" Sasuke whispered back.
Naruto made a mad dash for the baby books and flipped through them, hoping to find anything entitled, "How to make your infant shut-up". When he finally found an appropriate paragraph he read, "With newborns, crying is normal and frequent. They only sleep a couple hours at a time. Oh hell no!"
"What?" Sasuke called, frantic. "What does it say?"
"It says this is normal."
"Does this sound normal to you?"
"I'm getting Iruka." Naruto said, panic-filled. He didn't bother to check the clock or put on shoes. He was out the door and running to Kakashi's apartment.
He banged on the door and screamed loud enough to wake the whole floor. "Iruka-sensei! Iruka-sensei!"
The door finally opened with a creak and Kakashi stood there with his hand over his face. "What is it, Naruto?" Came the muffled question.
"I don't know what to do!" Naruto said quickly. "Where's Iruka-sensei? We need his help."
"Be right back." Kakashi shut the door and in a few moments, a half-awake Iruka appeared.
"…yeah?" He said softly.
"It's Mikoto. I don't know what do!" Naruto said and tried to drag Iruka back to the Uchida complex.
Iruka was suddenly more awake and he shot a quick glare at Kakashi, "You said they'd be fine."
"What?" Kakashi groaned. Iruka continued to stare him down until Kakashi mumbled. "I'll go get the sleeping bags. I don't even see why we need them….the Uchida complex has more than enough beds."
Together, a father and two godfather's made their way to rescue Sasuke and his little Mikoto.
When they arrived, Sasuke was desperately rocking the baby in a chair that was a present from Tsunade. He saw them walk in and gave them a helpless look. Sasuke wasn't so easily defeated in battle. So all it takes is a baby? Kakashi wanted to remark but held his tongue.
"Awww come here yoo wittle baby gurl." Iruka cooed and took the screaming baby from Sasuke's arms. "Are yoo hungwy baby? Yessh yoo are. Yessh yoo are!" He turned to Naruto and started to give out orders. "Naruto I want you to fill a bottle with formula, heat it up in the microwave for 30 seconds. Shake it. And then test it to see if it's too hot. Do not put the nipple in with the bottle." Naruto snickered at the word "nipple". "Kakashi and Sasuke, get some sleep. You'll get the next shift when she wakes up again."
Naruto did as Iruka said and gave him the warm bottle, which Mikoto suckled gratefully. "Aw yoo were jus' hungwy." Iruka cooed some more.
Naruto yawned. "How long do we have to do this?"
"For years and years." Iruka replied and began to give lessons on how to feed a baby properly. "….now make sure she doesn't swallow the bubbles because she'll get gassy and no one wants that. Here's how you make her burp…and yes you do this every time. Hold her like this." He demonstrated once Mikoto was finished her bottle. "And rub her back till you hear a little burp!"
"Argh…this is so much work!" Naruto groaned.
Iruka continued to rock the baby for a little while longer until he noticed she was asleep. It was a nice feeling, really. A mixture of accomplishment and contentment. However, he was also afraid to get up. What if she woke up and started to cry again? He sighed. He might as well sleep in the chair. After all, he's slept in worse places.
Like clockwork, a few hours later, Mikoto would up screaming. Iruka jumped, realizing he still held the baby. Naruto was curled up on the floor, sleeping. Iruka nudged him with a foot. "Hey, Naruto. Wake up. It's Kakashi and Sasuke's turn."
"Finally." Naruto mumbled and wobbled as he searched to look for Kakashi and Sasuke. Why was a baby so much work? Shouldn't they be more work when they're older? And brats? He shivered. He did not want to think about that. "Kakashi…it's your turn."
"Go…away…" Kakashi groaned. He cursed Tsunade for giving him this "mission". To make sure his young students didn't actually kill their baby. He had no desire to play happy housewife even though Iruka had jumped at the opportunity.
Naruto knocked on Sasuke's door and kissed him till he woke up. "How many times have I told you not to do that?" Sasuke grumbled.
"It's your turn. I'm going to sleep." Naruto yawned.
"Whatever, moron." Sasuke walked like a zombie to the nursery.
Iruka was already giving instructions. "She's already eaten but she might get hungry again. She likes to rocked and held close. But don't smother her. Also, she'll probably need to be changed."
"Shit." Sasuke muttered. Literally.
Figures that Iruka would give him the diaper-changing job. Kakashi knew he'd get Iruka back for this and immediately started devising a way to execute his revenge. "It's not that bad….it's just a baby." He told himself. "Where are the diapers?"
Sasuke opened a drawer to reveal thick white cloths. "Uh…these?"
"Yeah…." He took one and removed the old. "Are there, wipes?"
"Wipes?" Sasuke said, absolutely helpless.
"Think of this as a mission. You'd be dead now if you acted like that."
Sasuke gulped and rummaged through another drawer till he found a (pink) box labeled "wipes". Kakashi grumbled and did his best change the diaper. The hardest part was figuring out how to fold and tie the new cloth back on. "You saw how I did that right? Cuz I'm not doing it again. Here." He handed the infant back to her "father" and went into the kitchen looking for something to eat.
The last thing Kakashi ever wanted to be was a father. He didn't like babies especially. They weren't cute; they were red-faced tyrants who always got their way. Toddlers were a menace. And teenagers were hormonally-crazed demons. He had been a kid once though. Perhaps in a past life.
"Do you have anything other than instant ramen?" He called into the nursery.
"No." Sasuke muttered and made a mental not to go to the store before both he and Naruto both died from malnutrition. He sat in the rocking chair and moved back and forth slowly. He forgot how soothing this motion was. "Do you know who I am?" He whispered. "I am Uchida Sasuke. I'm your father." He like the way the words sounded. He said them again for good measure. He looked up and saw Kakashi in the doorway. "How long have you been there?"
The next couple of months went on like that. Iruka and Kakashi had temporarily moved into the Uchida complex, according to Tsunade's orders. Their nights were spent taking turns with the child. Soon, Naruto and Sasuke got comfortable being on their own without Kakashi and Iruka over their shoulder. Mikoto, however, didn't start sleeping regularly till she was a year old.
Naruto enjoyed taking her out on walks in the fluffy pink stroller. People would fawn over him instead scream, "Demon fox!"
It was a particularly warm day and Naruto was strolling through town when he bumped into Neji and Tenten. "Aw how cute, Naruto!" Tenten giggled. "She's gotten so big."
"Yeah." Naruto smiled.
"Oh and look she's got your eyes!" She grinned even wider and turned to Neji. "When can we have one?" She nuzzled up against Neji who remained stoic.
"Maybe in ten years." He replied flatly. Tenten withered and said her goodbyes to Mikoto.
After a little while, he ran into Gai and Lee and briskly walked past them. His child didn't not need to be influenced by two crazy men. "Yo Naruto-san!" He heard Lee's bright voice call out to him.
He slowly turned around and laughed awkwardly. "Oh hi fuzzy brows….Gai-sensei."
"I see you're putting my present to good use!" Gai gave Naruto a thumbs-up. Naruto remembered that he had forgotten to do laundry and the only thing left was that green jumpsuit. Oh boy.
"Uh….yeah." Naruto said, trying to inch away.
"This is youth. Beautiful youth." He grabbed Naruto and forced him into a bear-hug.
"Gai-sensei! I will work even harder to get my princess, Sakura-chan, to like me so we can get married and fill this village with talented ninja!" Lee had tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Gai-sensei!" They hugged and then looked around but Naruto was nowhere to be found.
Naruto had turned a corner quickly and then asked, "You ok Miko-chan?" He heard some gurgling and sighed relief.
"What are you doing here, moron?" He heard Sasuke behind him. "And why in the hell is she dressed like that?"
"Ran out of clean clothes?" Naruto winced, preparing for the lecture to come.
"You didn't do laundry." Sasuke muttered. "I knew it. You're such an ass sometimes."
"Not in front of the baby." Naruto whispered.
"I'll take her. You do the laundry." Naruto groaned and prayed for a mission. If he had one more day of laundry, cooking or doing dishes he might just have to kill someone.
At the Uchida Complex, he saw Sakura knocking on the door. "We're not home." He said behind her and she let out a stifled scream.
"Oh." She said. "Tsunade has a mission for us."
So there is a god. "Awesome. For all three of us. And Kakashi too. B-class. Simple retrieval." She paused. "So who's taking care of Miko-chan?"
"Iruka-sensei." Naruto replied.
"Iruka-sensei is sick in bed with a cold."
"Well….um, I dunno."
"Figures you wouldn't have a back up plan. Tsunade-sama has already ordered Asuma and Kurenai to take care of the Miko-chan."
Somewhere in Konoha, a mischievous and satisfied smile spread across the Hokage's face. Yes, indeed, she was too evil for her own good.