A/N: A strange little piece where the universe is reversed and Hermione is the Potions mistress and Severus a seventh year Gryffindor attracted to her. The roles have been reversed, though there will be some subtle differences. Based on a challenge I read a while ago, can't remember the name of it though. Hope you'll give it a look. Will update in spurts between ANB.

In an Alternate Universe Someplace Chapter 1

"Mr. Snape, put your blasted hand down and let someone else have a chance to answer my question," an irate Professor Granger hissed at the pale, dark-haired young man who had his hand raised.

Severus Snape slowly lowered his hand, his dark eyes locked on the scowling Potions Mistress.

"Thank you. Now that Mr. Snape has so kindly deigned to give the rest of you dunderheads a chance to make your meager offerings, let's see some responses or there'll be a pop quiz!" Professor Granger spat.

Several hands flew into the air.

Severus Snape stared at his scowling teacher. Professor Hermione Granger had to be the coldest, meanest and most brilliant witch he had ever met. She was also one of the most courageous.

The seventh-year Gryffindor was one of the best friends of Harry Potter and a brilliant student himself, excelling in every class. Most considered the pale wizard a know-it-all and a stickler for perfection. He and Ronald Weasley had stood by the boy-who-lived in the Final Battle against Voldemort and in the end helped to bring about the evil despot's downfall.

Initially, Professor Granger had been hunted for the death of Albus Dumbledore and ultimately arrested. But when the Headmaster reappeared, restored by a Horcrux, she had been taken from Azkaban and restored to her former position as Potions Mistress. Her part in Voldemort's death came out in the end. The witch's love of Harry's deceased father, James Potter was a driving force in garnering her aid

James was the one who told her she was a witch and befriended the strange, dark young woman. She was broken-hearted when he was sorted into Gryffindor. Lily Potter and several of her friends, who called themselves the "Velvet Mauraders" had antagonized the witch throughout her young years at the school and she sought the company of her fellow Slytherins, falling in with Bellatrix LeStrange and the rest.

It was difficult going for her at first in Slytherin because she was a Muggle-born, but she was so dark and vengeful that she managed to cull the favor of the Dark Lord. She had no love of her own tainted magical background or people, especially Lily Potter who was Muggle-born like she was, in fact Lily may have been one of the driving forces that turned her to the dark side completely.

Her own mother and father were both dead, her mother by her father's hand, and her father of his own. All Granger cared about was her own advancement and showed a great talent for potions from the very beginning.

It was Professor Granger who developed the elixir that changed Tom Riddle into Voldemort and sealed her place as one of his most trusted servants. When the despot killed James Potter in an attempt to destroy his son Harry Potter, the witch changed allegiances, swearing to see the wizard dead and spent many years protecting Harry so he could come of age and destroy him.

On Professor Granger's back was a mass of scars that resembled a tree with many branches, the result of bouts of the Dark Lord's displeasure with her from time to time. She was often whipped and crucio'd by the frustrated despot during her servitude, but she returned to him time and time again to garner information for the Order of the Phoenix. Now he was dead, and she was left to her bitterness and guilt.

Severus calmly accepted the parchment the Potions mistress handed out, giving the class a pop-quiz anyway, her lips curled sardonically as they groaned. The black-eyed wizard looked up at her as she placed the parchment on his desk, but she ignored him as she always did, moving away with a billow of robes. He sighed.

She acted like he didn't exist, unless she was dressing him down about something. He didn't mind it. It didn't bother him at all in fact.

Actually, it turned him on a little.

"Something must be very wrong with me," he'd muse to himself as he lay in his four-poster bed fantasizing about the dour witch. She had to be twice his age and was as approachable as a basilisk. When she trained those slitted amber eyes on most students, they were so full of malice it was cringe-worthy. But Severus loved when she looked at him that way.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sick," he'd sigh, rolling over in his bed and trying to get the witch out of his head.

Severus, Harry and Ron were in the Common Room, supposedly studying. They weren't however, and the topic even managed to bring Severus out of his normally studious mood. And that topic was: Witches

Or Shagging Witches.

"I'm telling you, Harry, I had Padma that close to shedding her knickers . . . then Filch comes hobbling up with that damn cat," Ron complained

Harry shook his head. He'd just shagged Ginny, but he couldn't tell Ron that and live.

"I think I need an older witch," Severus said.

Ron and Harry looked at him curiously.

"How old?" they both asked him.

"At least in her thirties," the Gryffindor said with a sigh.

Both Harry and Ron made faces.

"That's ancient! A witch that age is all dried up, Sev. Why in the world do you want to shag somebody with a gray bush?" Ron asked him incredulously.

"Ron, it's unbelievable how dense you are," Severus snapped at him, "Thirty isn't old for a witch or even forty. They can live until two hundred."

"Still, there are plenty of young witches to shag Severus. Anyway, I heard you've already given a couple the high hard one. Luna Lovegood. Susan Bones. I heard you even put it to Draco's witch, what's her name.

"Pansy," Severus said, scowling. "Well, that's not true. Not entirely."

Now Harry was interested.

"You didn't shag any of them?" Harry asked him.

Severus shook his head.

"I almost did. I got their clothes off of them, kissed them a bit, touched them . . . then . . ."

He stopped talking.

"Then what? What?" Ron demanded.

"Shhhh!" Severus said to him, his dark eyes looking around the room.

"Well, none of them would let me do what I wanted to do," he said in a low voice.

"What did you want to do besides shag them?" Harry asked him.

Severus told them.

"EWWWW! I'm never bloody drinking anything after you again, Severus! You're sick! Nasty. How could you want to do that?" Ron choked.

"There's nothing wrong with it. I've tasted nastier potions," the seventh year said.

"Eww, you 'tasted' it?" Ron said, paling.

"From my fingers, yeah," Severus admitted.

"No wonder they wouldn't let you do it. What witch wants a tongue down there? That's where your wand goes. I bet they ran like hell from you," Ron said.

Harry wasn't saying a word. He'd thought about doing the same thing to Ginny.

"No. They didn't run until I took off my boxers. Then they took off. They wouldn't let me shag them. Not one. They said I was too big," Severus said with a sigh. "Luna even started crying. That's why I want an older witch. An older witch would probably let me do what I wanted and wouldn't care how big I was."

"I thought witches liked big tools," Ron said, amazed.

Severus shrugged.

"So did I. But they don't. At least the ones I've gotten hold to don't. I need a tough witch, who's been through some things," the wizard said, getting a faraway look in his eyes.

Harry studied his friend.

"Severus, you know who the witch is, don't you? I can tell," he said to the pale wizard, who looked around the room again, then shook his head slowly.

"Yeah, I do," he said, "Professor Granger."

Both Harry and Ron looked at Severus as if he were stark, raving nutters.

"Professor Granger! Are you mad? She'll chop off your nads with a dull knife and put them in a jar next to her pickled creatures! I bet she doesn't even have a normal –you know. There's probably teeth in it or something!" Ron exclaimed.

"I should have known better than to tell you that," Severus hissed at him, "Ron, you don't ever understand anything. You're such a bloody git."

"You'll be the bloody git if you ever let Granger get wind of what you want to do to her," Ron shot back at him, looking rather green. "Plus, she's absolutely shapeless."

"That's just how she wears her robes. Sometimes they pull against her and she has big breasts," Severus retorted. "And a round bum."

"Oh gods, I think I'm going to throw up," Ron groaned, staggering away from the table exaggeratedly as Harry laughed.

Severus pointedly gathered his books together, stuffing them into his knapsack.

"You two need to grow up," he seethed, "There's nothing wrong with wanting an older witch."

Harry grinned up at the tall, pale wizard.

"Maybe not, but there's definitely something wrong with wanting Granger," he chortled.

Severus thought about kicking Harry's chair out from under him, then thought better of it and strode away.

They were both idiots. Why did he even hang around them?

Angrily he stormed up the stairs and to his Head Boy room, slamming the door behind him and tossing his knapsack on the bed. He sat down and stared at the floor.

"It's not mad. I'm just . . . just mature for my age," he breathed.

Then he let out a sigh and lay down in the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"Nobody understands," he muttered.

A/N: lol. Just something that came to me. Thanks for reading.