Sauce

Don't own, etc etc.

"Records indicate the room you're looking for should be there. Guess they plastered over the door way."

"Guess so."

"Bummer. Guess you're going to have to get in from outside."

"Bummer is right. It's like three degrees out there."

"Hold on, twenty-something Wonder. I have your boss-man on the other line."

I flipped over to Batman's channel. It was one he used for only serious issues. "What can I do for you?"

"Do you have a minute?"

Bruce never asked me if I had a minute. It was always swift commandments. Something very out of the ordinary must be up. "Maybe."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Hold on."

I flipped back to Dick's channel. "Hey, Dick, do you know of anything being up with Bruce? He's getting all weird and personable on the other line."

"I don't know of anything. But keep me posted. I'm working on getting the window opened now. I'll let you know what I find in the office. Nightwing out."

And I was left alone to deal with Bruce. Changing channels once again, I steeled myself for what could possibly be a very uncomfortable thing. "Thanks for waiting. What can I do to you. I mean for you."

"I have the pot boiling." I leaned closed to the computer, as if that would somehow help me hear him more clearly. "What do I do with the can of sauce?"

I blinked. "What?" Sometimes he expected us to read minds, I swore.

"Ok. I'm boiling the water. I put the spaghetti in. Now What do I do with this can of sauce. Do I dump it in too?"

I sighed. Life without Alfred hadn't been easy for Bruce. Unfortunately, it was the rest of us who were paying for that.

"You have to strain the spaghetti first."

"Oh."

What he was really saying was… 'how do I do that?'

"With a strainer. Looks like a bowl, has lots of little holes in it…"

"Ok. I think I got it. Then I put the sauce on top."

"They don't call you the world's greatest detective for nothing. Oracle out." Sighing with weary frustration, I hung up on him cold right then and there and got Dick back on the line.

"So, what was that about? Something big?"

"No. Dumbass wanted to know how to make spaghetti."

"Wow. Even I know that you gotta strain the spaghetti before you put the sauce on."

"Yeah, Dick, but at least he ASKED. You didn't figure it out until that first time when you had spaghetti soup."

"Give a guy a break, Babs. Least I figured that out before I turned 21. How old's Bruce and he's just catching on?"

I shook my head and laughed. "What would you guys do without me?"

There was a pause. "We'd all be hopelessly lost, babe. Hopelessly lost."

END.

I apologize for that sudden burst of lunacy.