Here I Come
Summary: I guess I should feel guilty. I miss you more than I have ever missed them. Maybe I feel this way because you were always the one who helped me through loved ones' deaths… now that you are not here, I do not know how to get through your's.
Disclaimer: I'm middle aged, British, and I write really brilliant stories. Oh, wait, that's not my life...
I am so tired these days. Without you around, there is no spirit to keep me going. Old age… it's a funny thing. When you become as old as me, you are simply staying on earth for the good things in life. Without you, Ginny, things don't seem as good. Even visits from a son, a daughter, grandchildren… they don't affect me the way they used to.
Do you remember when Lily and Albus used to visit us in our humble little hut we bought over seventy years ago, Ginny? Do you? You would ask Albus if he had been feeding himself enough fruits and vegetables while he was away on Auror business. He would always change the subject to the weather or what new books our Lily had started to work on…
God, I remember when they were kids. James would tease Albus mercilessly and pull pranks on Lily everyday… You could always resolve problems, Ginny. You were the one who could make James behave himself without ever having to raise your voice. You were amazing.
When James was murdered, you were the one that held it together. Sure, you cried… I did too. Yet you were the one that pulled me out of my depression. If only you were here now to do that very same thing.
I wonder if you are feeling what I am feeling right now. If it's pain to the degree that I feel constantly… It is unbearable, but I suppose you always were the stronger one out of the two of us. I am not too worried about you, though. You're surrounded by old friends. My parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, Tonks, Lupin, Fred, Moody, Percy, your parents, Charlie, Bill, Fleur, Colin, Hermione, James…
Me? Well, even though I have a daughter, a son, grandchildren, great grandchildren… I am alone. There is no one here like you. George is def in his ear, Ron has not remembered who I am for at least twenty years now… and, even though they are your siblings, they are not you.
I cannot be held by anyone else in this world the way you held me… I cannot ever hear your sweet laughter again… I cannot ever smell your perfect, flowery hair… You will never be there again when I wake up in the morning, feathering my face with soft kisses… I will never be able to just talk to you for hours, laughing and chattering about pointless things… I will never see your lovely face light up when someone or something made you smile… I will never be able to touch you ever again…
When you died last year, something broke inside of me. Well, actually, many things broke inside of me. I don't think I ever cried so much before then in my life. Not even when James or Hermione died. I guess I should feel guilty. I miss you more than I have ever missed them. Maybe I feel this way because you were always the one who helped me through loved ones' deaths… now that you are not here, I do not know how to get through your's.
If only you could see me now… I am a wreck; inside and out. I've become much too thin, but I doubt I would have noticed if Albus had not pointed it out.
My emotional status is as sturdy as debris; that much I know is a fact. I don't have any idea when the last time I truly smiled was. You were normally the one that could get me to do that.
Why did you leave me, Ginny? I know you could not help dying, but why did you leave me? You could have taken me with you. I have known you since I was twelve. That is one-hundred-ten years. I know I'm being selfish, but I do not really care about that anymore. I don't really care about anything anymore. I bet if you were here you would know what to do. But you are not here, and I don't have a clue of how to act. Without you, I'm lost.
So, I came here to the cemetery today with a Muggle gun and a single silver bullet. I walked over to your grave and knelt down. I traced the letters and numbers on your tomb mindlessly with my wrinkled, worn fingers. It did not matter what the stone said; your life meant more than just a few silly words and dates engraved into a boulder. I bet there could be a million different words written down about you, but it still would not be enough to describe how breathtakingly wonderful you were.
I thought about my life up until that point. My parents' deaths, the Dursleys, the prophecy… but, most of all, I thought of the point after the defeat of Voldemort. We finally got to be together…
Do you remember the first time I told you I loved you? We were eighteen—well, at least I was—and we went to a Muggle cinema. What movie did we see again—Titanic? I'm not sure, my memory has worn out. But, even with my awful memory, I remember every moment… every brush of hand… after the film.
We were heading back to a small apartment I had bought. Your mom had finally let you stay with me for a few days at the end of the summer, remember? Anyways, as we were only three blocks away from my quaint home, we stopped on a small foot bridge. I grabbed your hand as we leaned over the rail and stared into the dark water below.
'Teach me to spit like a man!' you had insisted. You were quoting that movie. I grinned at you. You had that adorable look on your face that you wore when you wanted to play a game or tell a joke. I decided to play along.
'Well, first, gather up some spit…' I watched as you released my hand, standing up straight and making a real show of collecting mucus. I laughed.
'Then, arch your back way far…' You leaned back, so far, actually, that I had to grab onto your waist to keep you from toppling over.
'Easy there,' I laughed. 'Now, lean forward and spit as far as you can.' You did so, but you overshot your lean and went plummeting into the water. You shrieked.
'Ginny!' I yelled. I, of course, jumped in after you. The jump was only fifteen feet. I emerged from the cool water to find you wet and laughing.
'Are you okay?' I asked her. It was a silly question. You nodded anyways.
'Yeah, but seriously,' you chuckled, 'I was practicing to spit, and I fell in!' Your laugh was absolutely contagious.
As soon as we calmed down enough to breathe properly, I swam over to you and latched my arms around your waist. I looked into your pretty eyes. 'You are hilarious.' And you were. You were so lighthearted and free.
'Only around you,' you whispered.
'I seriously doubt that,' I argued. I leaned in and touched your lips to mine softly. I pulled away. You were grinning at me. What I wouldn't do to see you smile like that again… 'You are incredible.' You blushed and looked down. You were just like me when it came to praise. I kissed your cheek. 'I love you.' It was my turn to blush.
It is funny to look back at moments like these. It was so awkward back then. We were so unsure of ourselves. But if I said 'I love you' now it would not be awkward at all. It is just too bad that I have not had the chance to say those words in over a year. At least not to you. But I will soon be able to. You see, I'm going to join you in a minute. I cannot live with myself another day, knowing that you are not here with me. I have had an attachment to you for over a hundred years. It is not going to end for anything. Not even death. I wonder what will happen when the Boy-Who-Lived is found dead in a cemetery.
Here I come, Ginny.
Author's Note: Um, well, that was shorter than I expected, considering it took up 6 pages in my notebook. But whatever. This was obviously a Harry/Ginny fiction in case you did not notice. Hope you liked it!!