Chapter 2: They'll Regret That One Too.
Disclaimer: I don't own Halo or WoW
They were flying down to New Mombasa when Cortana noted that the Covenant were broadcasting a message labeled "Regret. Regret. Regret." Miranda Keyes replied, "Catchy. Any idea what it means?" "Dear humanity" Sergeant Johnson started, "We regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to earth. But we most definitely don't regret you blowing up the cow and the elf." Cortana ignored Sergeant Johnson's comment and continued, "Regret is a name. He's one of the religious leaders and he's on this planet, calling for help." All of a sudden, the ship was shot down by a scarab. Master Chief was half-conscious when he could hear, "Chief. Are you alright? Can you move?" Master Chief moaned, "Just five more minutes, mom" where he was replied with, "Goddammit, Chief! Wake up." He felt something hit him, like the butt of a sniper rifle when he woke up to see a slurring Dwarf, trying to talk to him. "Ya shwallowed shome lead, ya barshtard. Guim me ma drink baac or a keel you!" As Master Chief was trying to figure out what the Dwarf was saying, a Gnome on speed ran into him, causing severe pain in the groinal area. Master Chief chased after the gnome who was going "Woit woit woit" in a high pitched voice. As the gnome disappeared from sight, a door blasted open. On the other side was a very ugly female blood elf. Master Chief looked at the elf and said calmly, "I don't hit girls." The elf replied in a deep voice, "I'm a guy, Dumb ass." Master Chief punched the elf repeatedly, until it's face was a puddle, then shrugged and said, "It's an improvement." Then Miranda Keyes sent a message, telling Sergeant Johnson to get on a pelican, which was in an infested Covenant area. Sergeant Johnson bitched about the difficulty, while Master Chief cleared the area of all Jackal snipers, as well as taking time to shoot the Human warrior, the Undead warlock, and kick the gnome, calling it a grunt. When the pelican landed, Sergeant Johnson got on, taking all credit for the dead Covenant. Master Chief continued ahead, shooting down all Humans, Gnomes and Elfs he saw. He turned a corner and was blindsided by a staggering Dwarf. As Master Chief got up, he looked at the Dwarf and said, "I think you need to try non-alcoholic beverages." The Dwarf looked up and slurred, "A keel yeh, ya big gren barshtard. A keel yeh!" Master Chief continued onwards, followed by Night Elves, and a Gnome on speed, who was chained to a Night Elf's leg, making it's rogue abilities completely useless. Master Chief turned another corner and a demon jumped down, moved it's claw in front of it's face, and roared, "You are not prepared!" It killed a Night Elf – Master Chief cheered for it – and was stuck in the face by a grunt. As it exploded – the grenade, not the demon… although it went boom as well – The demon died, roaring, "I was not prepared!"
Sergeant Johnson came down, with a scorpion tank. He told all the marines… and the freaks, to stay behind Master Chief, who could take down the scarab. Cortana thanked Sergeant Johnson for the tank, mentioning that "He never gets me anything." As Sergeant Johnson jumped on the pelican, he smiled and said, "Oh, I know what the ladies like." Master Chief aimed a frag, which landed on the pelican, which then exploded, killing Sergeant Johnson. When the corpse landed at Master Chief's feet, he said, "And you say I never get you anything."
Later on, Master Chief had taught the human how to get dressed, and how to use a gun. He managed to hide all the whiskey, ale, spirits and other alcoholic beverages from the Dwarf. He tied the Gnome to the back of a conveniently placed warthog. He called the Night Elf gay, repeatedly, before tying a thousand pound weight to his feet and throwing him in the lake. And finally, he taught the Draenei that you do not rez things Master Chief kills, after an unpleasant experience involving a Hunter, an SMG and a bowl of Vanilla pudding.
"Beep! Beep!" The gnome yelled, substituting for the warthog's horn as they drove through a horde of unsuspecting Covenant. They were in a metropolis, following another warthog, which was utterly decimating Covenant masses. Master Chief pinned the marines in one place, got out of the warthog and started firing on them. When the scarab arrived, Master Chief pushed the Human, Gnome, and another Night Elf under the scarab's legs. They died but the scarab continued onwards. Master Chief ran up to where he was head height with it, picked up a rocket launcher and shotgun, and started firing. When the scarab arrived, he jumped on and pulled the trigger. Click. Click. Master Chief cursed, "Curses. I knew I shouldn't have used all the ammo on the human." He snuck up behind a grunt, beat it down, and took it's needler. He aimed the needler and fired… and got several needles to the visor for having the needler around the wrong way. After much trial and error… and human death, he managed to slay all the Covenant in and on the scarab.