A/N: I don't know what exactly possessed me to write this. Maybe I'm just tired. CD-warning.
We lost her today. No, I lost her. I don't remember much of what happened.
I rode with her in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.
I argued with the doctors to let me see her while they were in surgery.
I may have slapped Warrick for telling me to go home.
I just don't remember much.
But I remember crying. I remember watching her fade away right before my eyes. I remember feeling helpless to do anything to help her. I remember crying my eyes out for a good three hours. I remember not sleeping. I remember feeling like an idiot because the last words I had said to her were in anger about Gil. I don't remember much.
I remember the site of her hand protruding from the wrecked Mustang. I remember screaming at her to open her eyes. I remember her mouth moving with words…
I remember calling God every bad name I could think of. I remember how cold her hand was. I remember the lifeless look in her eyes. I remember the raspy sound of her voice.
And then I remember taking her home. I remember silence… yes, that's one of the few things I do remember for sure. Silence. I helped her to the bedroom and sat down until she fell asleep. She was crying.
She couldn't walk. She lost one of her legs from being stuck under the car for so long.
I remember the day we lost her. She asked me to go to the drug store to get some aspirin. She said her leg had been bothering her. I remember kissing her goodbye and then walking out to the car. I remember not wanting to leave her.
I wish I hadn't.
I remember coming back inside to a pool of blood in the bathroom. I remember her limp hand lying at her side. I remember my razor sitting next to her feet. I remember screaming and pleading and I think I prayed before I passed out.
I remember telling Lindsey Sara wasn't coming back. I remember watching her run up to her room and the sound of her slamming the door.
As I lay down every night to go to sleep, I remember the feeling of her laying here next to me. I remember what it felt like to be loved and cared for. I remember what it felt like when she kissed me, when she hugged me, when we made love. I remember her.
Now I just have to remember what I did wrong.