Title: Faith No More

Author: Mike Pulgoni, Prince of Wales

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon.

Rating: T.

Author's Notes: This story diverges from continuity shortly after Faith arrives in LA.

As our story begins Faith is in a battered room somewhere in Los Angeles, fully entrenched in making the beast with two backs.

"Tell me I'm the only one," she demanded between moans and grunts. "Tell me I'm the Chosen one... I'm the special one."

Faith let out a final whimper and, her goal achieved, disengaged herself from the proceedings and walked off to the other side of the room to recover her clothing.

"Hey," the guy (his name was Alec or Eric or something, Faith couldn't quite remember) protested weakly, "I wasn't done yet."

Faith shrugged, clearly not troubled by this point. "I got mine," she answered frankly, then resumed dressing.

Arlic rose up angrily. "So, that's it? You're just going to leave"

Again, Faith merely shrugged. "Well, I'd say thank you, but the fact is I could have done it better on my own."

"Hey, wait..." Elrec pleaded. "Please, just come back to bed..."

He started to walk towards Faith... only to be promptly shoved back down on the bed so roughly that while she was confident he probably would get up, it wouldn't be soon or without great difficulty.

"They never do stop getting clingy," she thought out loud.

As she moved towards the door, she happened to glance out the window and notice an explosion of light off in the distance.

"Damn," she smiled, "and here I was worried things were gonna get boring."


Throughout the room, the hands, claws, hooves, and the other assorted appendages of the patrons impacted repeatedly against each other in a sort of obscene parody of polite applause.

"Thank you, thank you," Lorne said, bowing graciously.

"You know..." he began, adopting a philosophical tone "...there are a lot demons out there who really love children." Looking out into the audience, Lorne could see heads nodding in agreement and more a few murmurs of assent. "Some love to hold them in their arms and care for them... some just love to drink the blood from their still-beating hearts," which privately upset Lorne unspeakably, but he knew his audience. "Still, I don't think there's a demon in the world that loves children more than the one that first sang this song."

Ben, the two of us need look no more

We both found what we were looking for

Again the room exploded into scattered applause as the crowd recognized the song.

With a friend to call my own

I'll never be alone

And you, my friend, will see...

Lorne was rudely interrupted by an explosion outside that rocked the little club to its very foundations.

"You know, that happens every time I try to sing one of Michael's," Lorne quipped, careful not to let any of his clientele notice how nervous he'd suddenly become.

When the only response was light laughter, Lorne knew he'd succeeded.

"Orlock," Lorne said calmly to the vampire that had been accompanying him on piano, "why don't you show these good people what Amadeus taught you?"

Orlock nodded and launched into a dazzling instrumental set while Lorne himself quietly slipped away to investigate.

Although it was probably ridiculous to think any act of violence could take place in the club with the magicks in place, he couldn't help but worry about that something horrible was going to happen to his beautiful Caritas. He certainly made a few enemies, human and demon alike, when he established the place.

Another explosion shook the air and Lorne suddenly found himself wondering why he was rushing off to investigate when he had a basement full of big, scary demons just waiting for a good fight.

"Because," he told himself, "if I start encouraging violence around the club it will never stop."

Lorne reached the top of the stairs and slowly peaked his head out the door. It was then he realized how right he was to be concerned.

"My god..."

The whole night sky was a thick fog of bulbous, winged, mauve globules: Exploding Fairies. They were clustered together like cancer cells, buzzing like mad insects. They were stupid, but mean and quick to violence. Worst of all, one of them packed enough force to level half a city block... packed together that close and it could start a chain reaction that could leave Los Angeles a smoking crater.

"How did they get out of Pylea?" he asked the night.

The answer was clear enough and he knew it. Someone brought them here. Someone with power and lots of it.

It was times like these he wished that he had more friends with amazing superhuman abilities.