A Simple Misunderstanding
By Legendary Legacy
A Sakura-beats-the-shit-out-of-Naruto-after-he-brings-back-Sasuke Mockfic
Standard Disclaimer: All of the characters and settings of Naruto are the property of Masashi Kishimoto and whomever he has previously sold the rights too. This clichéd plotline is overused by many people, but the twist to it is mine.
Mockfic Disclaimer: Anyone who doesn't like the idea of me making fun of a (in my opinion) stupid or overused theme or plotline that you, for whatever reason, enjoy reading, I suggest saving yourself a few precious minutes of your own time and clicking the 'Back' button right now. Don't say I didn't warn you.
And, as always, please enjoy!
"There, that should just about do it."
Tsunade turned back to her patient, one Haruno Sakura, and handed her a small cup filled with a steamy purple liquid. The young girl eyed the substance warily before gulping it down with a grimace.
"Thank you, Tsunade-sama," she replied with a deep bow. "Sorry for troubling you like this."
Tsunade waved her off. "It's understandable, all things considered. I know how I felt on the day that my teammate went AWOL on the village."
Sakura drooped sadly. It had been almost three whole days since Sasuke had walked out on her and the rest of the village, with Naruto and the other boys setting out to bring him back. Ever since Naruto had left she had been an absolute wreck. So worried for the safety of both her teammates was she that she hadn't eaten or slept once since then. She felt guilty about putting Naruto in the position she had, making him promise to bring Sasuke back no matter what. The dummy would probably end up getting himself killed in order to do it, and then she'd never be able to forgive herself.
Her worry and fatigue had reached a peak this afternoon, which was the reason for coming to see the Hokage.
"Now then," Tsunade continued, looking over a medical chart. "That medicine should start to take effect in just a few minutes. Its main purpose is to calm anxiety and clear out exhaustion, but there's a good chance that you'll also suffer from small bouts of disorientation, dizziness and double-vision for a little while. My advice to you is to have someone escort you home and lie down for the rest of the day."
Tsunade could still see the lines of worry on the girl's face and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Have faith. I'm sure you know better than anyone what that brat is capable of."
Sakura smiled and nodded, knowing that she was absolutely right.
As she was reaching for the door, it opened for her and a man ran past her into the room.
"Hokage-sama," he shouted. "Uzumaki's returned!"
Sakura froze and Tsunade's eyebrow quirked. "And?"
"He's got the Uchiha with him!"
Sakura was out the door before Tsunade could stop her.
"Sakura, no running!" she yelled after her. "I know you're excited but you're supposed to be resting!"
Uzumaki Naruto slowly dragged himself through the front gates of the village, an unconscious Sasuke on his shoulder. He didn't know how he ever managed to make it the whole way in his condition, because for some strange reason, even though he was more beat up now than he had ever been before in his life, the stupid Kyubi didn't seem to think he needed healing. Go figure.
As he staggered into the village, he saw a crowd of people gathering in front of him. He almost thought that they were all smiling and cheering his great accomplishment, but in his beaten state, it was a bit difficult to tell. For all he knew they could all be snarling and accusing him of trying to kill their precious prodigy.
At least they weren't waving pitchforks and other sharp objects over their heads. That was always a good sign.
Two of the villagers came over and grabbed Sasuke, giving Naruto the chance to fall to his knees and rest a moment. As he looked back up to make sure he wasn't in danger of a riotous mauling, he spotting a pink figure running toward him, and a smile appeared on his bruised face.
Sakura ran for all she was worth down the Konoha streets, not stopping for even an instant until she spotting two shinobi carrying Sasuke back toward the hospital. She examined him carefully: He was badly beaten and unconscious, but not life threatening. Certainly nothing that Tsunade couldn't fix up in a day or two. She couldn't contain her tears. He was really back, and it was all thanks to...
Turning back, she spotted her hero slumped down before a large group of cheering people, and her heart beat even faster. As he looked up and spotted her, she ran even harder toward him, preparing to do something she didn't think she'd ever do in a thousand years: Kiss him.
As she neared him and he stood up to meet her, she felt something odd. Her vision suddenly blurred and the world before her started tilting to the side. Five feet away she stumbled and threw her arms out to brace her fall. Unfortunately, as one of her fists swung out, it ended up hitting Naruto square in the stomach.
The unexpected blow caused Naruto to hunch forward, completely out of breath, and Sakura hit the ground right beneath him.
"Oh God, Naruto!" she gasped in horror. "I'm sor-"
But as she scrambled to get back to her feet, her head inadvertently connected hard with Naruto's jaw, knocking him completely off his feet. "Oh my God!" she cried again.
Naruto's head was ringing loudly as he again tried to climb to his feet. Why? He wondered in despair. Why is she hurting me like this when I'm so badly injured, after I brought back Sasuke to her? Why is this happening?
Sakura, still trying to recover her equilibrium, reached out to help Naruto up. But in her haste, her dizziness returned and she stumbled again, this time cracking the boy hard on the nose.
As this went on, the crowd of villagers looked on, aghast.
"Why's that girl beating up Naruto after all he's just been through?" one of them asked to no one in particular.
"I don't know," the man to his left responded. "I thought she was the one who asked him to bring the Uchiha back in the first place. I thought she'd be ecstatic."
"...Shouldn't we stop her or something?" the first man asked.
"I'm not gonna stop her! She could rip me apart!"
"Well we have to do something before she kills him! Try throwing something at her!"
The people glanced around for something to use. One of them spotted a large rock on the ground and picked it up. Taking aim, he heaved it at the back of Sakura's head.
Unfortunately, this particular villager's aim was horrible, and the rock sailed past her and hit Naruto in the middle of the forehead.
"Oops," the man muttered as the others yelled loudly at his mistake.
Naruto was seeing little blue birdies flying in circles around his head. Through his concussion he could clearly hear the angry jeers and insults being directed to them. Of all the things to insult him about, they thought his aim sucked? He'd bet his last ryo that he could throw better than any of them. But that was the least of his problems; Sakura looked like she was getting ready for another painful attack any second now.
At this point there was only one thing going through Naruto's mind. He had to get away from here. Far, far away. He'd have to go live in Suna or some other place that would accept him and appreciate all the great things he did for them instead of beating him senseless for it.
Finally getting some help from the Kyubi, he leapt to his feet and dashed out the gates and into the forest, not looking back once.
"Naruto wait!" Sakura called miserably. "I'm sorry! It was...an accident," she finished, realizing that he was already long gone.
There was a long silence as everyone present just stood where they were, feeling very uncomfortable. A large group of shinobi, including Shikamaru, Kiba, Lee, Kakashi, Tsunade and Jiraiya had just appeared to congratulate Naruto on his victory, only to find not so much as a trace of orange from the boy.
"...So hey," someone finally spoke up. "Our prodigy is back...and the demon kid is gone! That's good, right?"
And he was severely beaten. And not by accident.
So there you go. My answer to one of the stupidest, most overused and badly clichéd Naruto plotlines ever. Ever ever ever.
Of course, I have read worse...
Seriously though, usually I can find at least one redeeming thing about the things that I mock, but this one just leaves me baffled. Consider: Sakura didn't beat the ever living shit out of Naruto when he failed to bring back Sasuke. Matter of fact, she didn't blame him for it, did her best to cheer him up to get him to stop blaming himself for it, and then promised that they'd work together to bring him back next time. So why in the hell would she try to kill him if he actually DID bring him back? Now, if Naruto had KILLED Sasuke...maybe. Maybe. But anything less than that...
But I'm ranting now instead of mocking, so let's leave it at that. Hope you enjoyed it. If you didn't, I guess you should have read the disclaimer.
Have a nice day.