Title: Fall from Grace (lame, I know)
Author: Me, of course.
Disclaimer: Is this even necessary?
Summary: While participating in the Kira investigation, Raito suddenly runs into a personal issue of enough magnitude to diffuse his ability to bring Kira to justice.
AUTHORS NOTE: Hey bicchezzz. I need to write a fic that I actually like, since I pretty much hate everything else that's out there right now. I can't stand the fact that most yaoi completely overlooks the fact that being gay isn't exactly the most acceptable thing in conventional society, especially in Japan. I would think people would see that as a great source of effect, but apparently not. I probably have no concept of what is widely popular. Anyway, I'll try to keep these guys as much in character as possible, but it will not be completely that way seeing as infatuation probably makes people slightly more pathetic. This takes place during the time that Raito has forgotten his memories of being Kira, therefore he is in righteous polite goody Raito mode. Forgive the guaranteed plot differences to the original series.
Raito, at an early age, had come to the conclusion that he would never fall in love. He'd eventually come to define love as something perhaps others were capable of, seeing as the majority of the human race seemed to have the ignorance and faith required to infatuate themselves with their perception of what and who would supposedly benefit them for all eternity. But not Raito. No, he believed himself far too logical to invest faith into a concept that went against all logic. He was too smart for that.
He was all for personal benefit, and women in general did not seem to have much potential to benefit someone already chock full of arrogance and self righteousness. They were high maintenance, and the very last thing Raito wanted was to appoint himself responsible for the emotional wellbeing of any member of the generally impulsive and irrational female populace.
However, he eventually discovered that not all things in existence were necessarily logical. That was an obvious fact when observing those around him, but it was inevitable that he too fall into a helpless state of unwanted emotion. It took a while for him to allow himself to acknowledge its existence, and even then total acceptance seemed entirely out of the question.
"Would you like some tea, Raito-kun?" L inquired as he poured himself his first cup of the day.
"No, thank you." Raito replied, not taking his eyes of the computer screen he appeared to be so diligently studying. He was meant to be researching any leads concerning Kira's most recent activity, but in reality his mind was reeling with thoughts of his current predicament. His attempt at ignoring it into submission had had quite the opposite effect than he'd desired.
Raito had never entertained the idea of romantic interest between members of the same gender. The possibility in general had been something he had never had the opportunity to consider on any level, being raised within conservative Japanese society. Its mere existence came as a shock to him, let alone the fact that he himself was experiencing elements of it. In the beginning, he'd had no idea what to associate this feeling with. It seemed so unbelievable that he'd immediately deemed it a mistake, a phase, something not worth regarding as it would surely pass. It was only after months of battling against this steady decrease in his ability to control his thoughts (and his body) that he'd felt he could no longer run from the blatant truth. He was most definitely, hopelessly, indisputably attracted to L.
"You've been staring at the same page for over an hour, Raito-kun. Surely by now you have been able to judge whether the given information is of any use?"
Raito twitched at the sudden interruption of his thoughts. He could feel L's cold black eyes observing his profile critically. He quickly dug through his mind for a sufficient explanation, but his imagination failed him. He instead opted for a vague version of the truth.
"I'm sorry, I haven't been feeling very well lately. I'm finding it difficult to concentrate." It was a rather lame response, but it would have to do.
"Ah. Problems with Amane-san?" Raito knew him too well to miss the barely perceivable tone of mockery in L's voice.
"What makes you think that, Ryuuzaki?"
"Because" L paused to sip at his tea, "you do not appear to be suffering from illness, but rather you appear to be perplexed or, dare I go so far as to say, emotionally distraught?" He stated with the trace of a smirk on his otherwise aggravatingly calm expression.
Raito tried not to grit his teeth in anger. If only L knew. This was no trivial matter, no source of potential amusement for anyone who would ever have the misfortune of discovering Yagami Raito's pitiful fall from grace (though he swore on his life no one ever would). It went so far as to rival the significance of his parallel struggle to discover the identity of Kira and sentence him to justice. No, further, seeing as his ability to focus on the case had dissolved almost completely.
L did not notice the well masked onslaught of emotions, but did find the extended silence peculiar. He'd expected an immediate witty retort, and Raito rarely failed to fulfill his expectations. "I apologize if I have tread upon sensitive ground; Your personal matters are of no relation to me, though I must insist that you solve them quickly so that you may better focus on the task at hand."
'It has very much to do with you' Raito thought bitterly. He became furious at himself for his natural impulse to blindly follow L's instructions whatever they may be in order to prove his worth, and he quickly extinguished it. Anyway, 'solving the matter' was out of the question. It had been at least three solid months of rapid escalation and showed no signs of ever leaving him in peace. He suddenly felt a strong sense of defeat. It was his first, and it was ironic that the only person to defeat him in anything thus far was his very self.
"Yagami-kun," He still had not changed pages. "Go home and rest. Come back when you feel you are capable of contributing to the investigation."
AUTHORS NOTE: Please let me know what you think. I'm not exactly in my element here, so I don't know whether I should bother trying to write?