Yeah, once again I apologize for taking forever and a day to update, though I doubt most of you care…….
Kaori and Suki sat in the mesh pit, bored.
"So…" said Suki. The boring silence continued. Ever since they had altered the scores, there hadn't been much to do.
"Hey," said Kaori, "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"
"What? Plan F?" They looked at each other. Suki poised her finger over a big, shiny, red, button. "Ready?" she asked.
"But I wanted to press the button!"
"Fine." Now Kaori got ready to poke the Button of DOOM.
"Alright," said Suki, grinning, "On the count of three. One… two… three!"
"RELEASE THE FANGIRLS!!!!!!!" they cried in unison.
"RELEASE THE FANGIRLS!!!!!!"
The intercom had picked up the dreadful command of utter doom. All over the maze, bi-shonen and hot psychopaths alike trembled with fear. Except for Gaara. He smiled and readied himself for a mass Desert Burial.
And the fan girls came.
They'd been categorized into "sectors" based on taste, and every sector had been released at once.
"Look, it's Iruka-kun! Get him!" The sensei's eyes widened as a small, female, horde surrounded him.
"Yes! Success! Now all we have to do is find Kakashi!"
"K-k-kashi," Iruka stuttered out, "What do you need him for?" The mob about him giggled.
"Isn't that cute? Acting like he doesn't know what we're talking about."
"Like, O, M, G!!! Lee and Haku! That's soooooo unexpectedly cute!!!!"
"Better than Lee and Gaara, anyway."
"Better than me and Gaara doing what?!" There was a spatter of fan-girl giggling, which was becoming a familiar sound throughout the maze, but Sector Y wasn't having all the fun (although probably most of it due to sheer numbers), there was also the slightly smaller but no less deadly……..
"You know," more giggles, "Temari?"
"What? The overly troublesome blonde with the fan?" The giggling almost hit hysteria pitch, as if Shikamaru had just told one of the cutest, funniest jokes the surrounding girls had ever heard. Shikamaru began to black away slowly, suspicion in his eyes.
"What do you troublesome girls want?" Giggles were his only answer.
"W-w-what?" Hinata's twin pearl eyes widened at the sight of the miniature mob bearing down upon her.
"You must come with us! We're gonna track down Kiba-chan so he can tell you something very special!"
"B-b-b-but…" It was no use. The pure willpower of the small crowd was too much for any one ninja to go up against.
"But I like Naruto-kun….." Hinata muttered sadly as the swarm swept her away.
Small yet horrible, Sector I:
"Damn!" It had been hard enough to evade the ones that were dragging along a slightly bewildered Ten-ten, now these other ones had him cornered. "What do you want?!"
"Come with us!"
"Why?" he asked, even while searching frantically for an escape route.
"Even now, others of our sector are attempting to rescue your cousin from the clutches of those skanks from Sector H so that the two of you can be brought together to confess your deeper-than-just-family love for each other!" Neji was momentarily non-plussed.
"The same main family weakling who I resent with every fiber of my being and would love to pummel to death had I the chance, which I shall someday because destiny is on my side?"
"Oh, stop being a drama queen, you know you like her……."
"Hey! Hey! Itachi-san!" Kisame stood on tiptoe, trying to find his partner among the throngs upon throngs of fangirls.
"I already told you, Kisame," came the Uchiha prodigy's voice, slightly muffled under what looked like a dog-pile of fangirls who'd been attempting to glomp the bishonen, "You don't want to hear some of the offers coming from Sector Y, all sector H wants is to hook me up with some chick named Sakura I've never heard of, and I just don't want to know what the rest of them are planning, okay?"
"C'mon, Itachi-san. You should go with one group before they tear you apart. And you could be more grateful," he added under his breath, before saying, "There's another group here that wants to reunite you with your little brother."
"That's wonderful, Kisame, now stop for a moment and think about possible reasons why they want to reunite me with Sasuke and what they'll want us to do!"
Kisame considered this for a moment. "Ewww…….."
Smaller than the other sectors, but still worth noting, Sector B:
Lee and Haku had just barely escaped the Sector Y girls, and Haku was in the process of convincing Lee he had no idea what Y stood for or what the girls thought Lee and Gaara should do, when the two boys bumped into another boy, not someone from a Hidden Village from the look of him, who'd simply been wandering aimlessly down the halls.
"Oh, hi," the boy said softly, blushing when he saw Haku. The trio stood in awkward silence for a moment. Then the boy, blushing even more deeply, nervously looked up at Haku and said in a voice barely above a whisper, "You're pretty."
"Oh……" Haku said quietly, and then had the foresight to interrupt any comment from Lee, "Um, it's okay Lee. Looks like we have a fan-boy here. I'll just talk to him, okay?"
Haku led the bashful boy a few feet away and whispered something in his ear.
"I know," the boy murmured, "So's Lee."
Now it was Haku's turn to blush.
"Can I follow you?"
"Lee and I would prefer not to have a stalker."
"Oh…." The boy looked hurt. He recovered to some extent, "Well, I just wanted to tell you you're pretty. You wouldn't happen to know where Sasuke is right now, would you?"
"I think I saw him go that way," Haku lied, pointing.
"Thanks, and," more blushing, "Y'know, if things don't work out with Lee…"
"Yes, yes, of course."
And then there were the girls who had no sector. The girls who devoted all their fanaticism to but one character. Some boys were buried in them……..
Sasuke moaned. He couldn't move for the mountain of over-enthusiastic-glompers who were his fangirls on top of him. In the distance he could hear arguments turning into shrieks of conviction that he and Sakura were meant for each other, a thought that would make him shudder if movement were possible, or something about him and Itachi, though just what he tried not to contemplate. And over the dull roar he could even hear what he was starting to think of as the least evil part of the mob demanding the right to take him to Naruto.
Others, well….. weren't so very buried, but everyone had at least one…………..
Kisame was carefully stepping over the unconscious female, and occasionally male, bodies littering the passage until it became too much an effort and he simply walked across the pile toward his battered partner.
"Never thought I'd have to use Mangekyo on so many in one day…." The prodigy panted.
"Serve you right to go blind after all that," Kisame muttered.
"Well, what? I had to, didn't I?"
"Do I detect a hint of jealousy?"
"How the hell can you possibly be jealous, of, of, this?" An expansive arm gesture indicated the carnage about them. "I was buried alive in this lot, how can you possibly want fangirls?"
"Well, obviously we can't all have as many as you," Kisame snapped. His voice lowered depressively, "But it would be nice to know you had one."
"You gotta be kidding me," Itachi scoffed.
"Yeah yeah yeah……" the shark muttered sullenly, slowing his pace in the hope that Itachi would walk ahead of him and not come back to continue being a pest. He did.
When his partner was almost out of sight, Kisame felt a tug on his Akatsuki cloak. "What the…." He turned around, and saw nothing. He felt the tug again. This time, he thought to look down, and now saw the source of the yanking. It was a small girl, no older than four or five, wearing a pink kimono with a matching bow in her hair. She carried a fishbowl under one arm and held a sharpie in her other hand.
"Could you thign my goldfith bowl?" She held the bowl and sharpie out to him and smiled hopefully.
"Um, okay," he said, taking the offered objects and uncapping the sharpie, "What's your name?" He surprised himself with this question, but somehow he knew he was supposed to ask.
"Kana," the girl said. She pointed at the fishbowl, "And he'th Thamehada."
"Samehada?" The girl nodded happily. Kisame looked into the bowl and met the gaze of an old and wizened goldfish, that is, one that's lasted perhaps an entire month, that seemed to say to him without speaking, "She really is a good kid. Probably should've learned how to say her esses before naming me after your 'thword,' but still, a good kid." Kisame returned that look with another look that said, also without speaking, "Hey, cut her some slack. I'll bet you don't know how it feels to be young and unable to pronounce your esses." The fish's next look said, "And what? You do?" The reply was, "I'll bet you also don't know how it feels to have really sharp teeth designed to carve apart fish and other edible animals but mainly fish." Nothing passed between their gazes for a moment. Then, "Did I mention that ever since the day she picked me out in the pet store I've simply adored the name Thame- I mean Samehada?" "That's what I thought."
"Alright then," Kisame said (aloud now), as he began to write on the bowl, "To Little Samehada and Kana, my favorite fans by far. Kisame Hoshigaki." He handed the bowl and marker back to Kana. "How's that?"
"Thank you, Kithame-than!" After carefully setting the bowl on the ground, Kana surprised Kisame with a hug around the waist, or as close to the waist as she could get. Kisame felt a little embarrassed for a moment but then smiled.
"You're welcome, Kana-chan."
So that's it for this chapter, and, truth be told, I love Kisame at least as much as I've ever loved Itachi, so it's probably unfair to say he's only got one fan girl, but this scene just seemed too cute an idea to not do. BTW, my co-writer and I seriously are out of material so any suggestions would be appreciated.