Due to a variety of circumstances that I'm not going to go further into, someone managed to get me to write another section for this story.

Hurray for the Spankings!

Naruto- Kunoichi come out of everywhere just for a piece of the action!

After wandering into the building cradling the slightly-out-of-it Kin, Naruto flagged down the first ANBU he could find to pass off both the information he gained and his 'prisoner'.

Out in the arena, the fight between Neji and Shino had just been announced, and Naruto wanted to see it... There was a strong possibility that he'd have to fight the winner, after all.

On his way back to the competitor's box, though, Naruto found an obstacle in his path.

Right at the doorway to the exit out into the arena (from which Naruto had planned to leap up into the competitor's box) stood a person.

One that scared the shit out of him.


Naruto attempted to walk around the silent sand ninja, only to be blocked by a wall of sand.

'Oh shit, he's going to attack me for what I did to his sister!'

"Err... Could you let me pass?"

The two stared at each other for a moment, with Naruto growing increasingly nervous over Gaara's continued silence. Finally, though, Gaara spoke.

"In each of your matches, you performed large amounts of violence upon your opponent... Yet each and every one of them seemed to enjoy it. Whenever I fight, and injure or maim my opponents, they do not express any pleasure, much less to the level that your opponents did. Explain to me why that is so."

"... What!"

Finding no reply to his exclamation, Naruto realized that no, Gaara was NOT joking (no matter how out of character it would have been for him to be, Naruto could still hope).

Looking around, Naruto tried to find an avenue of escape... Only to see that both paths through the building were cut off by walls of sand.

"Well, um... Ya know, I'm not exactly sure myself... I mean, I have a guess or two, but I don't know WHY they would be true."

'Goddamn, what the hell is going on? Why on earth would HE be asking ME a question like this? This makes absolute no sense.'

"Explain them anyway."

"Well, first... Why the heck are you asking me this anyway?"

"... Because my sister always objects when I perform acts of unnecessary violence, yet now my sister, among others, seemed to enjoy your acts of unnecessary violence."

'Is he looking for acceptance? Acknowledgement? I... guess I can understand that...'

Naruto was confused as hell as to what was going on, and why Gaara, of all people, was demanding an explanation like this.

But... Naruto supposed he could try to explain what had happened, if it meant that Gaara might have a less... dangerous... method of releasing his frustrations.

Even if it might cause some rather embarrassing situations further down the road for some unlucky ladies.

"Well, umm... We learned back in the academy some counter-kunoichi tactics, especially dealing with missions where the enemy might be disguised as a, err, prostitute. And most of them dealt with how the undercover ninja women weren't ACTUALLY prostitutes, so if you treated them in a certain way, they wouldn't know how to react and handle it the way a real, um, prostitute would. Though I don't know why that's true, or why any of it works..."

Naruto trailed off, hoping this would be the end of it, and Gaara would let him get back to the arena without a fight that would undoubtedly destroy at least this part of the building, and perhaps get them both disqualified.

After a short moment of contemplation, Gaara spoke up.

"Explain to me how you treat them to make them enjoy your violence, and perhaps I'll be able to explain why it works on Kunoichi."

"... What? How would you know that?"

"... I'm a Kunoichi."


"No you're not!"


'What the hell! This makes absolutely no sense!'

Gaara continued to stare at Naruto, causing him to start to nervously stutter.

"Well, um... You DO have a really deep voice."

"A side effect of having sand constantly surrounding your body, including your mouth, is that you breathe in sand a lot, which makes my voice very raspy."

"Well, uhh... You don't look like a girl, either! Ya know..."

Naruto made a few hefting motions around his chest with his hands, before awkwardly petering off as Gaara continued to stare at him.

"I coat my entire body with a layer of sand that compresses against me. It works in a similar manner as bindings."

"You know what? I don't even want to think about this any further, because I'm creeped out enough as is. I'm just going to take your word that you're a girl."


"Well, Iruka-sensei said it all had to do with confidence..."


Back in the arena, Neji and Shino continued their battle. It was an epic fight, with bugs and glowy chakra covered palms flying everywhere. Apparently, Shino was a better fighter and tactician then most took him for.

The genin up in the stands were all watching the fierce battle... Well, the guys were. The girls weren't really paying attention (well, Tenten was, but that was it).

No, they had more important things on their mind.

Like Naruto.

Sakura was alone in being irritated at Naruto for how often it seemed that he sexually harassed girls and got away with it. She'd have to make sure he learned he WASN'T supposed to do that in a fight... Like, say, he was training with her.

Especially not in front of Sasuke... That'd be bad.

Ino and Hinata, though, were wondering as to how to approach Naruto without looking like they would just let him do whatever he wanted to them. Which they would, probably... In Ino's case, he's already seen it all, anyway, and Hinata just wanted Naruto in any way she could get him.

Both quickly noticed Naruto's absence, though... And it worried them.

Because they didn't see Gaara, either.

Neither was all that surprised, either, when after they began moving out towards the contestants entrance, Temari joined up with them.


Sarutobi, up in his Kage box, just received a note with Naruto's discoveries.

With a subtle hand motion, Sarutobi dismissed the ANBU, to let him organize their defenses as best as possibly could be done with such short notice.

The Sandaime turned towards the 'Kazekage', who was intensely watching the fight, noting to himself that perhaps he should pick up that Neji kid, too.

After all, anyone who was that talented as a ninja, yet also was able to keep his hair that perfect... He clearly belonged with Orochimaru in Sound. He and Kimimaro would probably get along perfectly.

'Well, now that I know its Orochimaru... There really isn't much I can do before he makes his move...'

And Sarutobi was most definitely disturbed by the odd grin growing on Orochimaru's face, as he stared at Neji.


"Ok, I think I'm going to have to draw the line here, Gaara. No... Just no."


"Goddamnit, I WILL fight you here if you try to make me do this!"

"Then perhaps I will disregard your assurances that this would only be an effective tactic on women, and test it out on YOU?"

Naruto's eyes bugged out, as a giant sand hand appeared in front of him.

What led up to this, you ask?

Well, Naruto began to go over what he remembered of Iruka's lecture on 'counter-Kunoichi' tactics, explaining about how acting confident and in control, while placing the woman in a position where they didn't feel either, worked to act against the undercover ninjas attempt on luring a male ninja in with sex.

Iruka went into a long spiel about various psychological strategies and logic and such, that Naruto eventually boiled down to 'Girls like guys with confidence, and mixing confidence in with the thought of sex turns girls on.'

Especially girls who live the extremely stressful life of a ninja.

Naruto was even more terrified of Gaara then he had been back in the hospital... The way Gaara just stared impassively at him as he struggled to recall everything Iruka said.

It was even weirder the way that Gaara always steered the conversation back towards the act of spanking, and the inherent violence in that act that apparently girls liked (something Naruto kept on stressing... He didn't want Gaara to think she (or at least, so Gaara claimed) should attempt to spank Naruto).

Though, Naruto was a tad surprised that Gaara was seemingly attempting to, out of nowhere, find a way to both inflict violence and have the inflictee be happy at the same time. It seemed rather out of character for the... for Gaara.

Naruto decided to then stop trying to attach gender pronouns to Gaara, because just trying to imagine Gaara being a girl seemed so wrong to him.

Gaara, though... Gaara had her reasons for cornering Naruto and getting him to explain the phenomena that she had witnessed.

The short answer was that, at the tender age of 12, Gaara had hit puberty, and started noticing boys.

The long answer was that Gaara, at the tender age of 12, had hit puberty, and started to notice boys... And attempted to reconcile such thoughts with her penchant for random maimings.

She knew, after all, that most people just weren't into a casual slaughter as much as she was.

So, when she saw a guy who apparently had a method for dealing with the opposite sex that involved violence, Gaara decided to find out more.

Though it frustrated her a tad that apparently the violence was a one-way street, at least then her chosen mate would be less likely to voice displeasure at the idea of her doing violence on someone else.

This brings us to the current situation, where Gaara decided that Naruto should spank her right here, right now.

Naruto stared nervously at the sand-hand, and gulped as he saw it hit the back wall of sand, nearly breaking through it.

He sighed, and stood up.

'Well, if I have to do it... I might as well do it right...'

Squaring his shoulders, Naruto formed the familiar hand-seal, and summoned forth a few Kage bunshin.

Naruto stared Gaara (who he was hoping to hell was a girl like Gaara said) in the eyes, summoning the forth all the confidence he could muster.

'Gaara isn't going to squish me, I just explained in detail why I'm going to do what... Gaara... asked me to... Please, for the love of God, let Gaara be a girl...

'I can do this... I'm going to be the Hokage, right? What's a single ninja to the Hokage? Nothing! I can do this!'

Putting himself into the right mindset, Naruto reached forth, and grasped both of Gaara's wrists in one hand, lifting it above her head.

With a silent command, one of his Kage bunshins formed into a seat, which Naruto sat down on, bringing Gaara down with him.

Naruto was a tad bit surprised, as so far the sand hadn't reacted to him like he had seen to Lee... It seemed as if Gaara was truly serious about this.

Though it was still creepy, that Gaara had yet to do anything but stare impassively through the entire conversation, even now as Naruto pulled her over his knee.

Treating it like jumping into cold water to get it over with fast, Naruto pulled down Gaara's pants in one smooth notion... Thanking the Ramen above that Gaara had girly-bits.

'Well, here goes...'





It was at this moment, that several things were going on at once.

First off, Neji had finally defeated Shino, finishing off their awesome duel with an overly-dramatic (and seeming random) speech about fate, then an application of some special chakra point that, in combination with many others that had been hit during the fight, finally cut off Shino from communicating with his bugs, and ended the streams of chakra that they could give him to replace the amounts that Neji was blocking off within him.

Secondly, Orochimaru was starting to rethink the idea of taking Neji, as if he bitched THAT much about the caged bird seal, who knows how long it would take him to shut up about the curse seal? No, he might as well just stick with Sasuke.

Thinking that, Orochimaru decided that he might as well start to get ready to set off Gaara... Who he now just noticed was missing.

And finally, the three girls, after getting lost several times in the hallways (and having to prove their credentials numerous times, and that they weren't spies or fakes or anything to the ANBU), finally arrived at Gaara's sand wall.

Which looked to be weakening, for some reason the girls couldn't figure out...


'Oh holy shit! I think this might be even worse result then if she had decided to kill me! At least then, I'd know what to do...'

It was both creepy and erotic... Near instantaneously, Naruto noticed Gaara... enjoying the spankings.

The way Kin and Temari had.

The 'sticky' way.

Maybe it was because no one ever touched her, in any way that could be considered remotely intimate, but she seemed to be enjoying it even more then that Sound girl had, to go by the moans.

Which consisted of the creepy part. Gaara did have a mannish sort of monotone... Hearing her moan REALLY weirded him out, especially because it was STILL monotone, and STILL sounded very manlike.

Unconsciously working her entire ass over, Naruto looked around, to get a grip on reality again.

And he noticed that the sand walls were definitely not as sturdy-looking as they had before.

Naruto smirked... 'Well, if this is what can earn me my escape, then I might as well make sure to do it right!'

With renewed vigor, Naruto returned to the task at hand... He had, after all, just come up with a way to make it better... at least for him.

He still had that rag he used to gag Temari, after all...

So, taking a pause to kneed her behind softly, Naruto handed the gag off to one of the remaining bunshin, who knelt down and put it into Gaara's mouth.

This muffled her moans, and made the whole situation infinitely more enjoyable for Naruto.

Naruto, figuring he might as well go for broke (since it seemed that Gaara might as well decide to go back to the 'kill everyone' stage of romance if this didn't pan out), Naruto began using his right hand, which had been place on Gaara's lower back to keep her steady, to spank her, as he used his left hand to begin rubbing... lower.

And everyone was surprised at what they saw after the sand walls that had previously been blocking sight exploded outward.


"For the Semi-final round of the Chuunin exam tournament, it will be Uzumaki Naruto vs. Gaara of the Desert..."

Lots had randomly been selected to see which individual would get the bye into the finals, and Neji had won it.

However, after announcing the match... People noticed that said competitors weren't present.

Just as Genma was going to announce again, that yes, Naruto and Gaara had to come to the arena NOW for their fight, sand exploded out of an entrance that people had forgot was there, since it had been blocked for so long.

Showing everyone that, apparently, Naruto had won the fight before it had even started.

Everyone stared in a mixture of awe and confusion as one of the Naruto bunshins cautiously stuck his head out into the arena, even as the real Naruto continued to gently ministrated to the semi-conscious Gaara.

Realizing that all eyes were now on him, and that he was supposed to be in the arena fighting Gaara, after pulling Gaara's clothes back on, Naruto stood up, once more holding ANOTHER female opponent bridal style.

Walking slowly into the arena, Naruto looked at the proctor.

"Um... I think this counts as a win, right?"

Genma just stood frozen; not even moving after the senbon fell out of his mouth.

Finally, gathering his wits, he asked the first question that came to mind.

"Gaara's a girl!"

Temari, arriving into the arena from the same entrance with Ino and Hinata following, answered his question.

"Well, yeah, couldn't you tell?"

Naruto and Genma just stared at Temari like she was crazy, who only grew more confused.

"... You didn't realize she was a girl? What the hell is wrong with you people!"

Genma just shook his head, and looked back at Naruto.

Not realizing that the three other girls had been separated by another wall of sand, Genma decided that anyone who could apparently be with four girls at once and not be killed deserved to be a Kage, much less a chuunin.

"Winner, Uzumaki Naruto!"


Naruto stared nervously at the sand-hand, and gulped as he saw it hit the back wall of sand, nearly breaking through it.

He sighed, and stood up.

'Well, if I have to do it... I might as well do it right...'

Just as Naruto began to reach out and get a hold of Gaara, the wall of sand, after being weakened by Gaara's bitch-slap, collapsed.

"Yes! There must be spankings!"

Naruto looked up, confused, to see Ino, Tenten, and Hinata, all half-dressed and looking half crazed, staring at him in a way that made him feel like he was a giant bowl of ramen.


"Yes, Naruto, we've all been bad girls; trying to get in the way of you being a chuunin... you must punish us!"

"Yes, a spanking! A spanking!"

"And then... The oral sex!"

Not really knowing what to do, or why these girls were in the process of getting undressed and demanding that he do with their young, nubile flesh as he willed, Naruto decided he didn't care.

Because this was fucking awesome!

"No, Naruto! Don't do it!"

Hobbling into the room, with an icepack clutched to his balls, Sasuke burst onto the scene.

"No! We've been bad girls... We must be spanked!"

"Yes! Spank us!"

"Silence, foul temptress!"

"Why the hell shouldn't I do this, Sasuke?"

"It's too perilous... I've seen what girls do when they try to do THAT with you... They just want to use you, then get themselves pregnant, and force you to marry them! It's much too perilous to leave you alone with them, where they might trap you into a relationship!"

Naruto looked skeptically at Sasuke... This was definitely crazy talk.

"Err, I think I can handle a little peril, Sasuke, thanks for the concern..."

Sasuke, looking even more frantic then before, yanked Naruto up by his shoulder, and began pushing him out of the room.

"No! It's too perilous! I know... Girls have tried to do this to me before... And even though I don't like you that much, Naruto, I refuse to let you fall for their evil tricks! There's too much peril here! We must flee!"

Naruto resisted Sasuke's pushes, trying to get back to the good looking girls who had started stripping.

"Look, Sasuke, it's not THAT perilous... I can handle it... I could handle it single-handedly!"

"Yes, let him handle us."

Everyone paused, looking at Gaara. It seemed that Gaara had been caught up in the moment, too.

Sasuke shook his head. "No! Quick! Quick!"

With that, Sasuke hustled Naruto out, up into the arena competitor box.

"Whew... I was in the nick of time... You were in great peril."

"I don't think I was."

"Yes you were."

"Look, let me go back their and sample the peril... It's my sworn duty as a ninja of Konoha to sample any peril that comes my way!"

"No, you have a Chuunin exam tournament to compete in."

"Oh, come on... Let me have a little peril."

"No, it's unhealthy."

"... I bet you're gay."

"No, I'm not."

Yeah, it's a tad out of character... But I think it came out ok.

And if Gaara was a girl, I could see that thought process of violence-for-pleasure occur (hell, it'd make sense in canon, too).

Lighter on the spankings, heavier on the plot... But it sorta had to be, because it would have sucked completely otherwise...

And note that the invasion hasn't even started yet... there's still more room for this to continue!

And if you don't recognize the Omake, shame on you! Go watch Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail. Like, right now. Go.

Do it.