I don't own nuthin or no one.
This fic was written completely for the sake of amusement.
FOR THE SAKE OF GOD, DON'T TAKE IT AT ALL SERIOUSLY!
Enjoy if you will, Tolerate if you won't . . . Flame if you must.
With a final sigh of relief, Ranma watched as the glowing portal shrank to a tiny singularity of light, before vanishing completely with only the fanfare of a tiny puff of smoke. Turning away from his recently departed past, he took in his surroundings, as vaguely familiar as they were after all this time. Still heady from his successful return, the pigtailed warrior took a deep breath, inhaling the smells of his nearly forgotten home.
A second later, he was coughing and gagging as his lungs did their best to breath in all of the smog and pollution that was endemic of a metropolis the size of Tokyo. 'Gods,' he thought to himself, 'I pretty much forgot about that.' Taking a quick moment to smooth out his drab green bodysuit, straighten his dark vest and readjust his stylized head guard, he took several more small breaths.
Two years . . .
It wasn't a terrible amount of time, not compared to the seventeen or eighteen years that he'd been wandering around Japan and China with his pops. Still, it was two years removed from his family, his friends, his fiancées . . .
So, in retrospect, it hadn't really been that bad at all!
Of course, being transported to an alternate dimension in a blinding flash of light wasn't exactly his ideal idea for a vacation. He wasn't sure how it had happened, but he was pretty sure it was the work of his miserable, dishonorable, cowardly and dastardly rivals, Kunou, Mousse and Ryouga. It was obvious that they were responsible for his banishment from the world of his birth.
A wicked chuckle escaped his lips. Oh, they would get theirs, of that he had no doubt. His revenge would be so horribly disproportionate, that super villains the world over would wince in sympathy. Unfortunately for his weak and pathetic enemies, they had no idea what kind of world they were sending him to. To say that he'd been productive in his time away would be an understatement to end all understatements.
It had all begun when he had stumbled across a young and lonely kid named Naruto. After he had instantly befriended the boy, perfectly understanding Naruto's pain at being shunned and hated his whole life (after all, being adored and loved by everyone was just as bad, wasn't it?) the two of them had gotten sucked up into a whirlwind of training, adventure and life and death struggles that defied all description.
Of course, being the greatest martial artist on Earth, he had quickly applied his staggering intellect to learning and mastering all of the ninja arts presented to him. Over his extended stay in Naruto's world, not only did he master the use of Chakra, he had learned ten Genjutsu skills, forty Taijutsu skills and one hundred and seventy-nine Ninjitsu techniques, pretty much mastering every single jutsu the world had to offer.
Unfortunately, things got a bit hairy for a bit there, when Orochimaru had decided that he would make the perfect vessel for him. The crazy loon had bitten Ranma twice, giving him both the Ten no Juin (Cursed Seal of Heaven) and the Chi no Juin (Cursed Seal of Earth), the two most powerful cursed seals in the world. Luckily, Ranma was more than strong enough to have survived both, despite the one in ten chance of surviving either cursed bite.
After that debacle, he had trained with Gai sensei and learned to unlock all eight of The Gates, even the Shimon (Death Gate). Except, unlike poor, weak Rock Lee, Ranma was in such amazing physical condition that unlocking the gates didn't actually harm him at all, he could even survive opening the eight gate, just because he was so freaking awesome!
It was pretty lucky that he did that, as well, since he got involved with those bastards, the Akatsuki, not long after. It wasn't exactly a period of his life that he wanted to recollect, but it had been fruitful. Along the way he: got to kill Orochimoro for being just a jerk, incidentally got caught in a massive, yet botched ceremony which ended up bonding him with all nine of that worlds legendary demons, all the way from Ichibi no Shukaku to Kyuubi no Yoko, and even won the Mangekyō Sharingan from Itachi in a game of poker.
On the bright side, now that he had the Nibi no Nekomata trapped inside him, he now had perfect control of the Neko-ken!
After that, things finally calmed down and he had finally been able to turn his attention back to all of the people that loved and adored him for his amazing accomplishments. In fact, he was so powerful now, that they even made up a new title for him. It was a combination of Genin, Jounin and Sannin. Yes, Ranma was the first and only legendary Guanine ninja!
And that had all been in his first year there!
Over the next three months, he'd ended up getting married twenty seven times, just to appease everyone in his mighty harem; yet he still maintained the moral superiority to pound Jiraiya's butt into the ground for being such a peeping pervert. Hell, he'd practically married everyone from Anko to Zabuza . . . not even he was exactly certain how that last one had happened, though. He had spent the rest of that year just trying to stay alive as all of his love interests vied for his attention. It was about then that he'd figured out how to get home, by creating a jutsu that allowed him to breach the barriers between dimensions . . .
What? It had obviously worked; he was home now, wasn't he?
Ranma shook his head, clearing it of the mighty expositional lump that his mind had just vomited forth for no logical, though strangely convenient, reason. It wasn't like it mattered now; that was all in the past. The only thing that mattered was that he was finally home and he could finally have his revenge!
Smiling wickedly, the pigtailed ninja went off in search of his first victim.
An evil chuckle escaped Ranma's lips. It appeared that the first step towards his revenge was at hands. In a burst of coincidence so powerful that it almost felt contrived, he saw the first of his targets wandering down the street . . . roughly thirty feet away from where Ranma had reappeared in the first place.
He ran forward quickly, stealthily stalking his prey . . .
Hmm, or at least he thought it was Kunou. As Ranma got closer, he noticed something odd. While Kunou was wearing his usual robes, his hair had grown much longer, longer than Ranma's even, and was tied into a loose, spiky ponytail. He also seemed to have a live, metal sword sheathed at his side. Not one hundred percent certain, Ranma decided to use his staggering intellect to determine if this was indeed the object of his wrath.
"Oi! Kunou! Izzat you?"
As he predicted, Kunou stopped walking at hearing his name spoken aloud. A moment later, the taller guy turned around to face him.
Kunou stared at him vacantly for a moment, the large, X-shaped scar on his cheek nearly shining in the bright moonlight. After a moment, recognition entered the young man's eyes and he let out a gasp of surprise.
"Saotome, it is you! I had thought to seek you out, though only after I had reunited with my dear sister and father after such a long absence," declared the kendoist confusingly.
So, the sword toting rich boy had been on vacation, eh? Well, Ranma wasn't about to let that get in the way of his righteous vengeance.
"Yeah, well your little reunion is gonna have to wait. I'm here for . . . revenge!" With that, he dropped into a fighting stance, his left hand sliding behind his back for a waiting kunai.
Kunou looked at him strangely for a moment, before shrugging lightly and drawing the gleaming metal sword from its sheath. The moonlight reflected brilliantly along the razor sharp edge that ran up the back of the sword's blade . . . something that drew an odd glance from the legendary ninja.
Before they could begin, though, Kunou began to speak again. "Though I have never been in need of an excuse to battle you before, I must ask, for what reason do you seek revenge upon me? I have not lain eyes upon you for two long years," asked the young samurai in a surprisingly calm voice.
"Ha!" he barked back derisively, "Of course you haven't seen me for two years, not since you, Mousse and Ryouga did whatever it was that you did to banish me to a different dimension! Well, you made the biggest mistake of your life, buddy. Now that I'm back, I'm going to crush you all with my newfound powers!" he shouted accusingly. Man, what a jerk, having the nerve to act like he didn't know what Ranma was talking about?
Again, Kunou just shrugged, still not looking overly worried. "I know not what you speak of, friend, but I must say, you seem to be acting verily out of character. Seeking bloodthirsty revenge does not seem like the kind of thing that the Ranma I remember would be doing."
Ranma just rolled his eyes, grumbling loudly in reply. "You try having forty five tails worth of demon jammed in your head and see how in character you stay." He growled loudly then, feeling the rage inside him boiling over. "And it's all your fault! If you hadn't used some crazy powerful magic to banish me away, it wouldn't have happened!"
Kunou looked at him strangely then. "Hmm, while it is true that I have always professed myself to be your enemy, I am sad to say that your blame is misplaced. As my past actions have shown, though my inclinations toward you are negative, my overriding goals have always been to attain the love of Akane and the pigtailed girl, or to defeat you outright. Banishing you to another world would be terribly out of character for me."
Ranma considered this statement for a second . . . Damn! The guy was right! Even when he had that damned wishing sword, he never did anything as cowardly as just wish his pigtailed butt out of the picture. "Aww, screw it!" With that, he pulled the kunai out from behind his back and brandished it threateningly before him. "That's it, enough talk! It's time for my revenge!"
Kunou nodded sadly, before raising his sword to his side. "Very well, never let it be said that Tatewaki Kunou, the Blue Battosai of the Meji Restoration, ever backed away from a duel."
Then the Samurai charged!
Doing his best to ignore the various (and loud) protests of his battered body, Ranma slowly dragged himself away from the shattered remains of his latest battlefield.
What the hell had just happened there?
He had won, but just barely. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that Kunou had been using that Sakabatō (reverse-bladed katana), Ranma would have been killed nearly instantly. That was not the Kunou that he remembered, that was for sure. The master swordsman that was wearing Kunou's face, he had moved with Shinsoku (God-speed), it had been all that Ranma could even do just to keep up.
And that Hiten Mitsurugi-Ryū style that the kendoist had gone on about so much, it had been no joke. Their battle had been akin to a duel between a teenage oriented comedy character against a serious, drama driven powerhouse. He was just lucky it had been Kunou that had learned it, and not one of his more serious opponents. Even in that guy's hands, it had been nearly more than he could handle.
Reluctantly, the battle had made Ranma realized one thing, as well. It was obvious that whatever had happened to him, had happened to Kunou as well. There was no way in hell that Kunou could have stayed in Nerima and improved as much as he had. He just had to have been dragged away to another world. Which meant, of course . . .
That now Ranma had to get revenge for both of them!
Leaning carefully on his newly constructed crutch, Ranma gleefully spotted the next person on his list of people to get revenge on. Admittedly, it was a pretty short list, but still, it was the principle of the thing.
There, walking down the street in the general direction of the Cat Café, was the familiar figure of Mousse. There was something odd about this boy too, two things actually, one very subtle, one not so much. First off, Mousse's hair seemed to be slightly longer as well, not to mention much fuller and more lustrous . . . that was just weird.
Secondly, the Hidden Weapon master almost looked like he was . . . sneaking? Indeed, the bespectacled martial artist was practically tip toeing down the sidewalk, looking very much like he was trying to perform the Umisen-ken by willpower alone. (Which he probably could, had he the proper training that Ranma had obtained).
Slightly more curious than enraged at the moment (in no small part due to the blinding pain he was in) Ranma casually hobbled up and began to walk beside the nearly blind boy towards his destination. So wrapped up in his sneaking, it took Mousse nearly a half a minute to finally notice.
Ranma just nodded. "Heh, judging by the surprised tone in your voice, you must know that I'm here to get my revenge on you," he stated confidently.
At least until Mousse stared at him like he'd grown a second head (which considering how well the guy could see, was quite likely).
"Really?" asked the nervous young man, "Whatever for?"
The master ninja rolled his eyes again. "For banishing me to an alternate dimension, yadda yadda yadda, so on an so forth," he breezed out in a bored voice.
Mousse seemed to consider his words for a moment. "Well . . . that does sound like something I'd try to do. I have been pretty heavy handed with the underhanded tactics and such before. Of course, I feel obligated to point out my track record in that regard. Not only would the Shrunken Mummy have tried to stop me, but if I had actually tried to banish you to another world, it would have backfired in the most embarrassing manner possible, thus entailing hilarity to ensue," explained the luxuriously raven haired youth.
Ranma considered this statement for a few minutes. Damn again! Just like Kunou, Mousse was completely correct. While it was in character for Mousse to try something like send him to another world, it was extremely out of character for him to actually succeed.
The pigtailed boy let out a tired sigh. "Don't tell me, you got sent to another world, where you learned ancient skills and gained tremendous power, too?" he asked weakly.
The sudden question shocked Mousse more than he figured it would have. His old enemy turned to face him suddenly, an expression that just screamed 'What have you heard?' burned onto his gaunt features. The sudden shift caused something to slip free and tumble out of his oversized sleeve.
Ranma stared in confusion at the small red pen that dropped to the pavement with a rattle of cheap plastic. A weird symbol was on top of the pen's cap, a circle with an arrow pointing up diagonally. That was odd, it certainly didn't look like anything that even the versatile Hidden Weapon master could use to hurt someone . . .
His line of thought was cut off abruptly, as Mousse dove for the pen like a soldier diving for a trench. In a flash of movement faster than even Ranma could follow, the pen vanished back up the boy's sleeve. Mousse then looked him in the eyes, a look of stark horror on his face.
"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!"
Then Mousse vanished to the nearest rooftop . . .
Leaving a very confused Ranma staring after him.
'Well,' he thought to himself as he absently crossed another name of his list, 'I guess that just leaves one person left.'
"Ryouga, this is all your fault!" he cried to the heavens. Not that he really meant it, he just wanted to try it on for size. After all, it seemed to cheer up the Lost boy whenever he shouted it about him.
"What's all my fault?" asked a puzzled voice, nearly crushing the world under the weight of its conveniently coincidental appearance.
Spinning angrily, Ranma drew another kunai and dropped into a battle stance facing his oldest rival. "Ha!" he howled in victory. "I've finally found you! It's obvious that it had to have been you that banished me that other world. I bet you must have drugged me somehow, then beat me half to death in my defenseless state and somehow left me in that other world to die with your damned direction curse!" he gasped for breath after his extended exclamation.
Ryouga just blinked . . . twice.
"Ummm . . . Ranma, what the hell are you talking about? Trips to alternate dimensions aside, we've been on more or less decent terms since the end of that whole Herb fiasco. Heck, I was one of the only people that showed up at your wedding without the intention of blowing it up! Not only that, but it's been well established by my actions up to this point that I would never attack a helpless opponent, not even you. I'm pretty disgusted that you would even accuse me of something like that," the Lost boy muttered that last bit rather angrily.
Ranma considered this statement for a moment. "Damn, I'm sorry man, I don't even know where I came up with that from. You've always made it abundantly clear that you wanted to beat me with your own power, not using some cheap trick or taking advantage of me when I'm weak to defeat me. Sheesh, only someone that didn't understand your character at all would think of something as crazy as you doing something like that at that point in the st . . . um, I mean at that point in our adventures . . . yeah."
Ryouga nodded. "I mean, sure, if it had happened shortly after I learned Bakusai Tenketsu, then maybe, but not all the way after your wedding. Besides, you being all hell-bent on revenge is pretty far out there, too. You might be a jerk, but, as much as it pains me to admit it, you're a pretty decent sort . . . as jerks go."
The pigtailed ninja laughed happily. "Heh, I've been hearing that a lot lately. So, I guess that means you got sent to another world too, then, eh?"
Again, the Lost boy nodded in agreement. "Pretty much, met some interesting people, did some interesting things. It wasn't too bad, as far as banishments to alternate dimensions go. How 'bout you?"
It was Ranma's turn to smile, his smile nearly painful. "You wouldn't believe me if I told ya, P-Chan. I learned over two hundred techniques, mastered an entire different way of using my chi and even mastered the Neko-ken! I'm easily the most powerful person on the planet right now," he boasted proudly.
His companion let out a low whistle. "Dang, that's pretty damn impressive. My entire time away, I pretty much only learned one technique," he admitted, sounding a bit sheepish.
Ranma laughed loudly at that. "One technique? In two years? Sheesh, you are slow, Ryouga!"
The Hibiki lad glared at him lightly. "Hey! A few other things happened while I was there . . . Like . . . um, like this huge green guy put his hand on my head and said he unleashed my full potential. Then this really old purple guy did this odd dance around me for, like, twenty four hours or so. He seemed pretty sure that that would unleash my full potential too . . . Hmm, not really sure how that worked though."
The lost boy's contemplative expression made Ranma laugh all over again. "You learned one technique, got felt up by a fat man and had some old pervert give you a private dance? Heh, yeah, you must have gotten reaally strong," he couldn't have hid the sarcasm spilling out around his words with two mops and a bucket. "Well, c'mon then, P-Chan, lets see this fancy technique of yours."
Ryouga just shrugged, sadly missing the sarcasm that flew over his head in a stream. "Sure, why not. But then you have to show me some of the things that you learned too," he stated happily.
Ranma just nodded, slightly interested to see the single technique that Ryouga had spent so long learning. He then chuckled evilly. One way or the other, Ryouga was going to see a lot of his techniques . . . quite painfully. That's what rivals were for, after all, wasn't it?
The Lost One nodded stiffly to himself, then dropped into a low horse stance. A look of intense concentration then settled over his face and he pulled his arms tightly to his sides. Ranma started to notice something odd almost instantly, his keen senses starting to warn him of something very pow-
Ryouga's body straightened with a loud crack, his back arching painfully and his arms shooting into the air.
"Kaiō-Ken Times Twenty!"
Ranma was blown to ash by the wall of blazing red chi before he even had the chance to think.
Ryouga looked around, confounded.
"Ranma? Ranma, where did you go?" he asked rather loudly.
He looked around again. The usual crater of devastation his aura caused when he used the Kaio-ken spread out around him for a hundred meters in every direction. That, he was more than used to after all of this time.
But Ranma was gone . . .
Ryouga let out a sad sigh. Sure, his power level was only a paltry half a million, hardly even a drop in the bucket compared to his Saiyan friends back on that other world, but he'd really thought that he'd gained enough power to actually pose a challenge to Ranma now. Considering how incredibly powerful the pigtail boy had claimed to have become, he figured at, the very least, his rival would have stuck around to fight out of common decency. He'd really wanted to see whatever tricks Ranma had learned too-
Wait a second! That was it!
"Ranma, you jerk! Running off as soon as I show you my technique so you don't have to show me any of yours!" He grumbled loudly to himself. Like he'd let his rival get away with that!
Target in mind, Ryouga ran off in search of his vanished rival . . .
No one ever saw him again . . .