Warning: PURE CRACK!

Based on a role-play my friend and I did, yes, extremely random x3

Rated for language.

[No Death Note ownage... sorry D;


"Mello! Me-ello!" Matt called, his back on the sofa, a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. "Where are you?"

"Here, stupid." The blonde called from the other room, his fingers rapidly typing out some message. He yawned, "Matt! I'm hungry. Let's go to the Chinese restaurant, its down-"

"No." The redhead responded, not bothering to move to Mello's room. "I feel like some pizza. Or something greasy. Not stupid Chinese."

Mello rolled his eyes. Matt was being in his defiant three-year-old mode, but Mello knew exactly what to do to stop that. He stood, looked at his computer and pushing the 'save' button, smiling a bit to himself. He surveyed his room - Matt's old room - covered with random Kira files and chocolate candy wrappers.

"You sure?" Mello asked, stepping out into the tiny living room – well, living room in the sense that that's where Matt kept all of his games and the television was, where the two would often fight over who had the right to this space. Mello often won; all he had to do was mention the fact that the gun was in the other room, and he was once in the Mafia. That often shut the redhead up.

"What?" Matt stared, hearing the challenge in the blonde's voice. "What in hell are you gonna do?"

Mello smirked a little at Matt's response. He reached into his leather pants pocket, pulling out the keys. "Drive."

"You fucker." Matt seethed, unsure what else he could do; although the physical difference between the two wavered in Matt's favor.

"And don't you love me for it." Mello grinned, pulling another item from his pocket; chocolate. He bit off a piece, the evil smile still plastered on his face.

"Ugh! You know… I don't even feel like eating!" Matt answered defiantly, folding his arms and frowning, eyes piercing through his orange-tinted goggles.

"Oh, you big baby. Stop PMSing and let's go. Or I'll take the motorcycle." Mello indicated to the door, and Matt immediately stood. The blonde let out a little laugh, then opened the door and got ready for some Chinese food.

"Yeah, Mel, I'll drive, y'know…" Matt attempted at getting the keys, but Mello just shook his head.

"Hey, you're forgetting one key element here; you're talking to a fricking genius. Second in line to be the next L," He stated proudly, swinging the keys around on his index finger.

"Yeah, second. That's why I thought it would work," Matt said, shrugging, which earned him a hard kick in the leg. "Aw, c'mon, Mel, y'know I didn't mean it!"

"Shut the fuck up."


"Mello! You're driving a little fast!" Matt gripped the side of the seat, scared out of his mind. And, he had the seatbelt on. The redhead NEVER had the seatbelt on. It was just something he didn't like, unless he was driving with Mello.

"Aw, need me to stop so you can change your panties?" Mello taunted, making another dangerous turn.

"N-No, Mel! Just slow down! I'm gonna die!" Matt pleaded, to this Mello laughed. "You know there are a hellofalot of cops in this area?! You'll get caught, and then-"

"I'm not going to get pulled over. Jeez. There's a donut store right over there, that's where they all hangout. Duh," Mello bit on his chocolate, guiding the car with one hand on the steering wheel. Stupid worry-wart.

"Slow down, Mello! There's one right over there!" Matt warned. "I'm serious!"

"Like hell you're serious!" Mello responded just as he saw the flashing red lights behind him. Crap.

"Matt! What the hell do I do?! Do I floor it?! DO I FUCKING FLOOR IT?!" Mello screamed, speeding up.

"No! Mello! DON'T FLOOR IT! PULL OVER TO THE FUCKING SIDE!" Matt screamed back, his death grip on the side of the seat tightening.

The chocolate-addict slowed down, pulling to the side. His heart beating faster than ever, and looked at the redhead, who's expression was priceless. If only he had a camera.

"Matt, switch places with me." Mello pleaded, but Matt just stared back. "Matt!"

"Why? Just give him your license," Matt responded, looking in the rear view mirror, seeing a young man, maybe a few years older than Mello, stepping out of the car.

"I don't have a license, moron!" Mello said, more desperately this time. Oh, shit. There was the police officer.

"May I have your license and registration, please?" The tall man asked, his dark chocolate hair and round M&M eyes looked like the least threatening police man either of them had seen. Ever.

"License… and registration… Matt? Registration?" Mello looked at his friend, whom promptly reached into the glove box and retrieved this. Mello handed it to the policeman, who just nodded.

"License?" He repeated, looking from Matt to Mello.

"Um, lemme get that…" Mello gulped, turning to 'look for his license' in the backseat, signaling for Matt to do the same.

"How the hell do you not have a license?!" Matt asked angrily, pushing random items around to make it seem as if they were looking.

"Mafia had no need for those pieces of paper." Mello scoffed, moving an empty coke bottle aside. "Just give me yours!"

"No, I don't have it, and besides, you don't look anything like me." Matt reminded the blonde.

"Yeah, you're right; I don't look like a technosexual who is addicted to cigarettes and Silent Hill." Mello sneered. "Why didn't you bring it?"

"I thought you were driving! And, I thought you had a license!" Matt protested. "Come to think of it, I should have realized you didn't when you began going 40 miles over the speed limit…"

"Just shut up and help me find an excuse for-"

"Um, I'm still waiting." The police officer called. He was getting impatient, and really wanted some donuts.

"Oh – ok…" Mello said, nodding to his friend to sit back normally. He really didn't want to do this…

"Um, yeah… I can't seem to find my license…" Mello gave his best Valley-girl accent, smiling and began playing with his hair. The officer seemed unphased. "I think I left it at home…" Mello let out the most female giggle ever, "I can be so careless sometimes… ha-ha!"

The young man turned a bright shade of pink. The girl was kinda cute, he had to admit.

Mello continued, seeing as it was working. "Oh! I know! I must have lost it at my ex-boyfriend's house!" Another school girl giggle. "Hmm, I'm sorry… officer…" he leaned out the window, careful not to show the scar that infected half his face, reading the man's nametag. "Smith..."

The officer turned even redder, he smiled when 'she' read his name aloud. "Oh, really, well that's rather unfortunate, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is." Mello pouted, bringing his face dangerously close to the man's. "I promise I'll try and get it back…"

"Yes… that would be good…" he breathed. Holy crap.

"Ok…" Mello withdrew his face, "I'll get on that…"

"You should..." the brunette replied, looking into the car. Who was that guy-

"Oh, this is my friend, Matt. I just needed to drop him off at his sister's house." Mello lied, still keeping up the girl act.

"Oh... ok..." he smiled, then looked to Matt, who nodded, trying hard not to laugh. Mello.. as.. a girl?!

"Well… if you ever need anything…" The man stuttered, "You can call me…" He reached into his pocket and pulled out his card. "Here… the number is here…"

"Oh, ok. I'll be sure to call." Mello winked. "And-" He paused, grabbing a pen and an unused napkin, scribbling a number onto it. "Here is mine."

"Alright" was all the man could say. "Um, I'll let you off with a warning, ok? Please drive carefully…"

"Oh, I will!" Mello said excitedly, as the man walked back to his own car. He turned to Matt, who was red from trying to stop from laughing.

"Holy Crap, Mel! You're such a girl!" Matt laughed hysterically, so hard his stomach almost burst. "You… you… you just gave... him… out number!" he spoke between laughs.

"No, stupid." Mello frowned. "I gave him Near's number."

"AHAHAHA! That's just... oh my God…" Matt laughed for a few more minutes, until calming down a little.

"Now, let's go eat, ok?" Mello asked, relieved his friend was done laughing at him.

"Aha… ok…" Matt choked, he still felt extremely amused.

"Damn, I don't even know what a license looks like…" Mello replied, taking the car out of park, still pissed about his dignity going down the drain.

"Oh, really?" Matt asked, turning completely serious now. He reached into his pocket, pulling out his wallet. "Here- you can look at mine."