Me and my friend Mandy (Itachiseme666) were up the night before the first day of school, we got bored and unknowingly began role-playing. It's so common for us it's not even funny, but luckaly I save all our conversations in case one might have an interesting RP in it. This time there was! In this one she played Deidara and Itachi, I played Sasori and Gaara. Some how we got from playing a riddle game to creating a sexy yaoi fanfic together. Yes we are weird, thank you very much.

Disclaimer: Neither of us own Naruto nor AIM, but we did come up with all the dialog by ourselves!


"OMG LETS PLAY A RIDDLE GAME!" Exclaimed a very bored Sasori.

"Okay,un?" said Deidara.

"Ok I'll go first"


"I am 6 inches long.. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job... What am I?" Jeopardy music seemed to play in the background.


"TOOTH BRUSH!" Said Sasori with faked optimism.

"Wow. I don't know many riddles,un. Uhhh... Oh! I got one!"


"You have 2 coins that add up to 30 cents, and one of them is not a nickel, what are the 2 coins,un?"

"A quarter and a nickel" Sasori said with a smirk.

"Dammit, un" Deidara mumbled.

"Cause only one of them is not a nickel" Sasori felt very triumphant.

"Mhm,un. I'm bad with riddles,un"

"Hehe" Sasori chuckled. "Oki ummmm. Some people make me but don't want me, some people buy me but don't need me, some people need me but don't know me what am I?"

Deidara's eyes grew wide with confusion. He had no clue what his danna had just said... "I...I'm confused now..."

"Education!" Sasori felt very triumphant.

"O...Okay...un... an idiot...un..."

"Hehe. Here's one you might be able to get"

"You overestimate me,un."

"I come at the end of time and at the start of eternity. I come four times in every week, but only once in a thousand years. What am I?"

"I repeat...You overestimate me..un..."

"You used me 6 times in that sentence"


"The letter E" Sasori said with a grin. "Don't worry, I was asked that once on a test, I failed the test."

Deidara did his famous Deidara pout.

"...Mrlgl..." Sasori felt very uncomfortable for some reason. He shifted in his seat. Deidara pouted more and mumbled to himself. Sasori held himself in place. He fake coughed a couple times to try to fix the feeling in his stomach. Deidara crossed his arms.

"BLAHICAN'TTAKEITANYMORE!" Sasori hugged Dei to make him feel better.

"HeeHeeHee, works every time, un." Sasori realised it had been a trick to get a hug. He hopped away on ass.

"I shall not fall for that again!" Deidara gave him a sad chibi face. Sasori crossed his arms and looked away. "Hmph." Deidara whimpered.Sasori mumbled "No."

Deidara hugged his knees and whimpered. "All...alone...un..."

Sasori buried his face in his arms. "I can't hear you la la la!" Deidara touched Sasori's shoulder softly, blushed, and looked away.

Looking up, Sasori said "Whatta you want?"

Deidara made sad chibi eyes. "Just...Love...Un... "

" emotions..." He buried his face in his arms again.

"I guess I should just run off and Tobi, un. And we will be married and live happily ever after and quit the akatsuki and be gone forever..."

Sasori quickly looked up "No!!"


"No don't go!" Deidara blushed. "Deidara can't go..."

"Hm,un?" Deidara stood like he was about to leave. Sasori stared straight ahead looking like a deer caught in headlights. "Deidara can't run off with Tobi, no, Deidara stays here with me. Deidara can't just leave me here without him..."

Deidara blushed. "Sasori-Danna,un!!!" He said glomping the red-headed puppet.

Sasori blushed. "Gah Deidara what're-" Cough "What're you doing?" Hack! He couldn't breath from the glompage.(AND DONT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HI NOT HAVING LUNGS I KNOW ITS FOR EFFECT.)

Deidara got up. "S-Sorry Danna,un." Sasori smiled a little and huggled Deidara. The blonde blushed and hugged back.

"Dei-kun you can't run off with Tobi and leave me here" He sniffed like he was about to cry.

"I never could, Danna, un"

"That makes me...happy."

"So Danna does have emotions,un?"

"Erm well...maybe...a little..."

"HeeHee...Danna is still Human, un."

"GAH! Only my heart and brain..."

"Which are the most important parts of a human, so you are human, un!"

"No I'm a puppet too" He mumbled. Deidara put his hand to Sasori's cheek and his mouth hands licked the small puppet boy's face. "GAH!" Sasori quickly wiped the spit from his face.

"HeeHee, un. I think my chest-mouth would like you,un."

"Noooooooo! Do not want!" Sasori faked being scared to death."Evil evil tounge!" He had flashbacks of having Orochimaru as a partner.

"Daaaannnaa you're zoning out,un!"

"Hmm wha..?"

"You zoned out,un!"

"Sorry, hehe, I didn't notice"

"What were you thinking about,un?"

"Ugh Orochimaru...the Michael Jackson of the Naruto world..."


"Y... yeah."

There was a long silence. The Deidara said out of the blue, "Can you feel stuff Danna,un?"

" Hmm?Um...yeah, just not quite as well as humans...why do you ask..?"

"Because you say that you dont,un."

"Well...I lied..."

"Hmph ,un!"

"Sometimes I wish I didn't...but yeah I do... just not really light things, like I can't feel a light breeze the way you would..."

Deidara walked out of the room suddenly, then stopped, sighed, and came back in. Sasori blinked.

"Do you miss it,un?"

"Sometimes...sometimes I'm happy I can't feel well, like in a fight...but other times I wish I could feel like a human..."

"Hmmm...un..." After a little thought Deidara blinked, tilting his head, as if in realization of something.

"Hmm?" Sasori inquired.


"You looked as though you just realized the meaning of life, the univers, and everything" He blinked at his blonde partner.

"Noooo...I realized that Kisame has gils,un." Deidara said.

"Yeah...he's a shark..."

"But that means he can breathe underwater,un. "

"I guess...I mean his name is even 'Pure shark'"

"Which means..." Deidara stopped dramaticaly." ...That Itachi should be banned from cooking,un."

"Hahahahaha!" Sasori began laughing loudly.

"Oh Jashin! That's the first time I've ever heard you laugh Danna, un!"

"Oh um heh...ahem..." Sasori stammered as he regained his composure. Deidara fell over laughing.

"I never thaught I'd hear you laugh,un!!!!!" Sasori growled at his blonde partner. "I was beginning to wonder if you had the capability to be amused,un." Deidara giggled.

"Well I do, and I also have the capability of becoming very angry" Deidara pouted.

"Hmph, You really need to have fun more,un."

"Hmph no one can make me." Deidara crossed his arms.

"You're such a killjoy,un."

"Yeah, I'm also a killanythingelse, remember?"

"Well...That's just part of being a Shinobi, un."

"Does that wood ever rot? "

"Hmm?" Sasori was taken aback by the randomness of the question."Me rot?"

"Even if you got soaked,un?"

"I... I'm water resistant..."

"Do you have to eat, un?"

"Well, technically no." Deidara suddenly put his hand over Sasori's mouth.

"I wonder if you breathe,un..."

"Wlph I Dmph Hff Unfth tho nmo." He tried to talk. Suddenly he seemed surprised. He tore Dei's hand off his mouth.

"BLAH keep that tounge of yours to yourself!"

"What, un?" Sasori wiped his mouth off.


"Heh, sorry. Wanted to test if you had to breathe, un. "

"ANYWAYS as I was trying to say... Well I don't have lungs, so no"

"You're so odd,un. It's intruiging,un..." Deidara mumbled about Sasori to himself.

"Hehe I just like the look on your face when you hug me really tight and I act like I can't breath. Sadly, I wont get the pleasure of messin with ya like that anymore hehe." Deidara pouted.

"You're so mean sometimes,un."

"Aww, c'mon Dei, You're just so cute when you-- oops"


"Uhh umm nothing!:

"What did you say,un?"


"Daaaannaaaa teell meee!!!Un!!!"

"No..." Sasori played with fingers like Hinata when Naruto is around.

"Please" Deidara leaned on Sasori. "I wanna know what you said, un."



"I said that you look really cute when you blush and look all flustered..." he mumbled. Deidara's eyes widened."Like when you'd think you were hugging me to tight..." Deidara giggled.

"Do you still have the state of mind of a 14 year old,un?"

"What?! No! I just...I mean... You're...well... You're my partner and..I mean...either of us could die at any minute so, I mean, theres no point getting all attached..." Then he tried to act cool by saying, "And besides I'm a puppet. I...I don't have feelings"

"But...because we're partners, and we could die at any moment...we shouldn't keep feelings inside should we,un? any moment we could regret never saying it, un." Deidara pointed out.

"That...I...I guess that's true..." Sasori agreed. Deidara blushed. "Ok"

"I LOVE YOU SASORI-DANNA" Deidara keept his eyes closed as if expecting to get slapped or something. Sasori put his arms around his blonde companion and hugged him.

"I love you too, Deidara-kun." Deidara did a Sasuke-style-chill-up-spine.


"Yes, Dei-kun?"

"I get the feeling we're being wayched,un..." Sasori blinked.

"By who?"

In the heating vent Itachi whispered "Shit!"

"I dunno,un." said Deidara.

Gaara whispered "Shut up you imbecile!Why did I even agree to this..."

"Now that you say it, I get that feeling" Sasori looked around the room.

Itachi: "STFU if it wasn't for that stupid gourd they wouldn't have noticed us"

"Who would be wathing us,un?" Deidara pondered.

Gaara: "It was your loud mouth you baka!"

"I dunno..." said Sasori. "Who knows were even here?"

Itachi: "I am not loud!"

"I don't know, no one as far as I know, un." Deidara tried to think of who would know.

"Well my doors locked and my blinds are closed so no one can see in..."

"I just noticed something Danna,un." Deidara said, shifting uncomfortably.

"What's that, Dei-kun?"

"It feels like all the puppets in here are staring at me, like those haunted dolls from the movies, un!" Sasori blinked at Deidara, then burst out laughing.

"What's so funny,un?!?!?!"

"Would you like to go somewhere else then, Deidara-kun?"

Gaara: "Shit!"

"Sure,un, cause this is creepy,un"

"Hehe ok then, where?"

Itachi: "Dammit!" He said that out loud.

"What the fuck was that,un?" Deidara asked, scared.

"You idiot they heard that for sure!" Gaara said in a loud whisper

"I don't sounded like Itachi." said Sasori. Deidara squirmed.

"Maybe it's the haunted puppets! Deidara shreiked like a girl.

"My puppets aren't haunted Dei-kun, I think were being spied on, by a certain Uchiha and his fish friend."

Gaara blinked in the vent. "HEY I AM NOT A FISH!" he said.


"YOURE THE ONE YELLING!" There was much noise from vent before Gaara came spilling out into Sasori's room.

"Ahem" Sasori said, standing above Gaara. "What are you doing here, raccoon boy?"

"Oh Jashin! It's a mini Sasori!" exclaimed Deidara.

"Itachi's in there too!!! said Gaara. Itachi crawled out.

"Oh Jashin, It's like alarger Sasuke!" exclaimed Deidara.

"Deidara..." Sasori seemed annoyed with the blonde. He bonked him on the head.

Gaara scrambled to his feet and bolted out of the Akatsuki lair.

"See whatcha did," Itachi said, "you scared him! Maybe next time you should let us be" He attempted to walk out casually.

Sasori blinked before going into a Huge chibi-afied, like Edward Elric when he was just called small.


"hy were you spying anyway,un?" Asked Deidara. "! It's not like you coulda known what we were gonna do,un!!!!"

"Lucky guess." Itachi said. Sasori attached his Chakra strings to random puppet, which held Itachi down.

"Whatcha gonna do to him Danna,un?" Asked Deidara. "Remember not to look in his eyes, un."

"I'm not sure yet" He got a cynical expression on face. "But I have ideas..." Itachi looked scared. "I'm not looking at him don't worry" Sasori assured Deidara.

"I think this is an appropriate time to remind everyone that I am infact a Male. Just in case people forgot,un. "

"I... I knew that" Sasori said, seemingly annoyed."How is this an appropriate time..?"

"Yeah, but I got into the habit of saying it at random times,un."

Sasori sat on ground looking bored, moving his fingers casualy, the puppet at the end of the chackra strings tickling Itachi profusely. Deidara began drinking a carton of milk.

"What the...where the fuck...did you get that?!?" Sasori inquired.

"The minifridge that I keep in your closet,un."

"That's... that's kinda creepy... And seems a little bit stalkerish..."

"I have one in everyone's room,un."

What in the...Why?"

"It's a curse to be constantly thirsty and lazy,un. "


"Bathroom,un." Deidara threw the carton at Itachi and walked out of the room, and returned a minute later. Sasori's puppet was still tickling Itachi.

"Hmmm...when will we let Itachi go,un?" Deidara pondered.

"Hmm...Itachi, how long were you in there spying, how much did you see?"

"Pretty much an array of wonderful emotions that no one knew you had. "

"72 hours of tourture begin now, not just tickling either

"Eh,un?" Deidara was confused.

"There are 6 puppets. And they all want ITACHI CHIPS!" Sasori played with a Mitch Hedberg joke. "Oh and Itachi..?" Sasori started.

"Hmm?" Itachi said.

"How much of that information are you willing to keep to yourself..?"

"Most likely none of it." Itachi said with a smirk. Sasori's puppet started up an electric razor.

"Prepare to go bald, Itachi."

"GAAAAHHH NOOOOOO!!!!! I'll kepp my mouth shut, I swear, I'll never talk ever again, I'll never mention your names, I'll be a good boy!!!!" The puppet shut the razor off.

"Are you sure..?"

"Yes, very sure, I swear."

"Ok then" Sasori turned to Deidara. "Deidara, I'm gonna need to stay in someone else's room for the next few days...can I stay in yours with you?"

"Mhmmmmm, un," Deidara said with a smile. "Of course Danna, un!" Sasori smiled

"Thank you Dei-kun!" Sasori's chakra strings attached to a second puppet, which mmediately headed out of the room... It came back a couple minutes later with Kisame in tow.

"Daana why did you bring Kisame,un?" Deidara asked.

"72 hours of torture, Dei-kun. We should go now" He drug Deidara out the door and locked it from the outside, not forgetting to barricade the vent and windows first.

"O-Okay Danna, un."

"He's not wearing anything under that cloak, and it's gonna get pretty hot in that room" Sasori whispered in Deidara's ear. Deidara gained a nervous sweat/blush.

"Y-yes Danna,un."

"And maybe it could get pretty hot in your room as well?" Sasori said, looking down blushing.

"Hmm...I'm sure it can,un." Deidara giggleed. Still looking down blushing, Sasori pus arm around Deidara's waist as they walked. Deidara shivered.

"What's wrong, Dei-kun?"

"N-nothing, Danna, this just still feels,, I guess,un."

"Yeah... My tummy feels all...squiggly..." Deidara giggled.

"I thaught you wouldn't be able to feel that kind of thing, un."

"Umm" Sasori blushed deeper "I umm...I lied about that too..."

"Daaannnaaaa, you need to lie less,un" Deidara kissed Sasori on cheek. Sasori's face became the same color as hair.

"I um I it was um." Sasori stuttered. Deidara giggled.

"You're probably the cutest 40-year-old guy on Earth Danna,un!"

"And I'll stay this cute forever, if you'd like."

"I may begin to feel like...a pedophile...eventually... HeeHee"

"Well... You know how I get new puppet bodies right..? It would be hard to find someone who looks just like me, but older."

"Hmmm..I guess, Oh well, I'd just have to get used to it,un. "

"Hehe sorry, Dei-kun."

"Don't appologize, even if you had your real body, we would just switch rolls as who is the pedophile,un. "

"Yeah...We...we look pretty close in age right though don't we?"

"I guess. Close-ish,un."

"We've been walking a long time...where are we headed..?"

"Well...It looks asthough we're headed to Zetsu's room...we passed mine a while ago,un."

"Hmm...I've never seen his room before although the door is covered in vines."

"Yeah...I wonder how many mangled, half eaten human bodies are in there, un..."

"That...That would be interesting to find out...Although, somehow I feel as though my Dei-Dei-Kun's stomach couldn't handle it all if we looked."

"Why does everyone treat me like a child,un?" Deidara pouted.

"Maybe cause... umm...cause of that cute face you have... 'specialy when you pout..." Sasori giggled lightly.

"Grrrrrr... I do not pout,un!"he said, pouting csome more.

"Hehe yes you do!" Sasori stood on his toes and kissed Deidara's cheek."But it's cute."

"I don't pout, un." He pouted harder than ever. Sasori giggled, then blinked in realization of something.

"Hmm, Danna, what are you thinking about,un? "

"Ya know...even though we expressed our feelings to each other," Sasori blushed, "...we're still technically not a couple...neither of us has um...neither of us has asked the other if they wanted-"

"Sasori-Danna...will you go out with me,un?" Sasori smileed brightly.

"Of course I will Dei-Dei-Kun"

Deidara kissed Sasori. Sasori kissed Dei back. Deidara put his hand in Sasori's hair. Sasori put his hands on Dei's shoulders, not sure whether he was trying to lift himself up or pull Dei down closer. Deidara leaned down slightly. Sasori licked Dei's lips, begging entrance. Deidara opened his mouth slightly, and Sasori slithered his tounge in a small way, as if questioning if he can go further.

"Nn" Deidara said, a small grunt signifying approval. Sasori massaged Dei's tounge lightly, before going on to explore the rest of his mouth.

'He tastes good... kinda like... dango...' Sasori thought. Deidara dropped his hand to Sasori's waist. Sasori turned his head to the side slightly, to make it easier as he deepened the kiss even more, massaging Dei's tounge roughly, begging Deidara to fight back a little. Deidara teasingly pulled away and smirked. He licked Sasori's neck gently, waiting for approval.

"Uuh mm Deidara-kuuun." Sasori moaned.

"Maybe we should...move this to my room,un?" Deidara looked Sasori straight in the eyes softly.

"Mmm.. yeah..." Deidara picked up Sasori bridal style, and walked quickly down the hall. Sasori blushed, wanting to be set down and walk himself but not finding the words to say so. They reach the door to Deidara's room. Deidara gently placed Sasori back on the floor and fumbled with his key before swinging the door open. Sasori walked in slowly, slightly stumbling from the feeling of being set down after being carried so long. He gingerly sat on Dei's bed waiting for him to come and sit with him. Deidara came over to the bed, wraping his arms around Sasori and gently pushing him onto the bed, returning to that still bright red spot on his neck.

"Uhhn Dei...Dei-kun...It's" 'This is gonna be fun' "It's about time I was on top." He rolled them over so he was almost sitting on Deidara and began to tear the blonde's Akatsuki cloak away.

"Fine,un" Deidara helped get his cloak off. Throwing the cloak onto the floor Sasori began kissing Dei on the lips, then leaving a trail down his neck...

"Nnnn...D-Danna" Deidara clutched the bedsheets around him.Sasori began licking and biting at the nape of Deidara's neck. "Nnnn...ah...un" Deidara bit his lip and buckled his knees. Sasori reached his hands up under Deidara's shirt and began pulling it off. Deidara raised his arms to enable shirt removal. Stopping his assault on Dei's neck for a moment, Sasori sat up and pulled Dei's shirt off, tossing it somewhere randomly around the room. Then he realized something.

' one's ever seen my puppet body without clothes on... Jashin...I wonder how he will react...'

Deidara intertwined his fingers through Sasori's hair, and pulled him down into a kiss. Sasori smiled into the kiss and began absentmindedly playing with Deidara's long flowing blonde hair. Deidara noticed that his hair was no longer covering his scope and he could see every little line in the smooth wood of Sasori's 'skin'.

His fingers finding the base of Dei's ponytail, Sasori began to unwind the cloth keeping it up. Once Dei's hair was free from it's cloth holder, he also threw that in some random direction around the room. He broke the kiss and sat up to look at Deidara, who he had noticed was staring at him.

"Do you find something suddenly more intriguing on me than usual..?" Deidara blushed.

"Actually, yeah, my, uh, scope, I can see, like, uh, microscopic stuff,un." Sasori blinked in realization that Dei's scope had been uncovered during their small taste of fun, then looked at it closer.
"Well damn now I'm the one staring I'm... I'm so sorry" Sasori looked down and his own hands, which layed upon Dei's bare chest.

"N-No, don't be sorry, I did it myself, I guess I shoulda figured I would regret it one day, heh, un."

" I think it's cute...and least it's just your one should see my bare chest..." 'Shit! He has the perfect ability to do that right now!Dammit!' Sasori thought to himself.

As if Deidara had read Sasori's thoughts he curiously lifted his shirt until the redhead's arms were in the way. "It's...It's...amazing...I hate to admit it...But it looks,un." Sasori blushed deeply.

"I um...You.. like it..? You aren't..frightened... or disgusted..?" Deidara smirked.

"Of course not...It's...Perfection...I new kind of perfection...errr...I confused myself heheheh, un." Sasori smiled meekly, pulling his shirt the rest of the way off.

"So...uh...where were we,un?" Deidara smirked. Grinning, Sasori bent down and began kissing and licking at Deidara's neck again, slowly moving his way down his chest."Nmmm D-Danna... " Moving over Deidara so closely, Sasori noticed all the muscles on Deidara's body, and suddenly felt small and weak, thinking of his own hallow body. He blushed deeply. Deidara noticed Sasori's blush. "What are you embaressed about this time,un?" Sasori blushed even deeper and lifted his head again. "Well I... Compared to you I feel so small and weak and well...empty...I mean..." He sighed. "I can barely even feel most of this and it's starting to make me kinda sad..."

"You...I..." Deidara pouted because he couldn't think of anything comforting, in his current lustful state. "...I love you, un." Sasori smiled a little, still blushing. "I love you too, Dei-kun." 'I just wish I could feel this like you can...'

Moving his head back down to Deidara's body he began kissing and biting his bare chest, as well as starting to fiddle with the blonde-haired pyro's pants.

"Mm,un." Deidara clenched his teeth from Sasori being so close to him. Sasori began moving downward, leaving a trail of kisses down Deidara's body, as he pulled Deidara's pants slowly off of him.

"Nnnn Danna,un!!" Deidara grabed the sheets clutching so tightly that his knuckles turned white. Sasori stopped suddenly and sat up, looking Deidara straight in his one baby blue eye, and his other mechanical one.


"Hm, Danna, is something wrong,un?"

"That's what's wrong." Sasori was speaking of what Deidara just said.

"What,un? "

Moving slowly, as it had been a while since he had done this, he moved his hands down into Deidara's boxers and grabbed the blonde's length. "Call me by my name, please."

"S-Sasori nnn" Deidara anxiously bucked his hips, hungry for more of the wonderful friction.

Slowly moving his hands along Deidara's member Sasori demanded, "Louder, Dei-kun."

"S-Sasori!" He bucked his hips again, wanting more, biting his lip hard.

Removing his hands from Deidara's member, Sasori began slowly removing the blonde's boxers, absolutely loving the look of need on Deidara's face. Never opening his eyes, Deidara waited as patiently as he posibly could for the pleasure to start again.

Once he had gotten the boxers off and thrown them somewhere in the direction he had thrown Deidara's shirt earlier, Sasori put his mouth right near the head of Dei's member. "I want you scream my name, Dei-kun" He began taking Deidara into his mouth, allowing his teeth to skid along the sides as he moved slowly over Deidara.

"Sasori-danna please!!!" Deidara panted out between loud breathes. Sasori moved a little fast over Deidara, pressing his tounge up against the sides as he moved along.

"Scream it loud, Dei-Dei-Kun"

"sa-So-RI!! Mmm It feels so gooooood!!!" Dei ran his fingers through Sasori's short red hair. Smiling, The redhead moved faster over Deidara and, deciding he needed more control over the situation, he raised one had and grinned as his chakra strings latched onto Deidara's arms and, like a puppet, forced them above his head as if they had been tied down. "Nnnnn...ahh...SASORI!!!" Deidara screamed out the name, ignoring the restraints on his arms. Sasori smiled as he moved faster over Deidara's length, pressing his tounge against it, nipping at it, lingering at the head and going back down, taking it all in. "Ahhhhh...I..I'm gonna...nnn" Deidara could barely speak, his words were high-pitched, and his breathing heavy. Smiling, Sasori thought 'Good' and began sucking on his new lover's member, moving his head as fast as he could over his boyfriend's length. "Ahhhhh... nn... Sasori!" Deidara screamed as he came into his new lovers mouth, his limbs becoming limp.

Swallowing as much as he could, Sasori moved himself up and off so he was laying next to Deidara. "You taste.. oh so good, Dei-Dei-Kun." Deidara was still breathing heavily, and just noticing that his arms were still tied up.

" could I possibly let you cause me so much pleasure and give nothing in return?"

"You can pay me back some other time." Sasori smirked and, removing the chakra strings from Deidara's wrists, kissed his new lover deeply. "Deidara?" He said.

"Yes, un?" Deidara replied.

"I love you. And for once, I'm not lying."