I no own, so you no sue!

The Litigation sensation that's sweeping the nation!

This is a Science Fiction/Comedy "House" story set in the future. Yes, there will be Wombat torture. Yes, I am nutty. Yes, you should be afraid.


Chapter One: Meeting

Medicine in 2107 was...stagnant. Cancer had been cured, and the mandatory genetic counseling and screening required by most first world countries meant genetic diseases like Huntington was virtually extinct. A.I.D.S was just some boring facts in history books, and while the fields of genetic research was always on the cutting edge, attracting the finest and brightest minds, almost all the other specialties in medicine had experienced a major slump in interest, and funding. Just about the only field that still excited medical students, trying to decide what to do with their lives, was in the highly specialized fields of space medicine.

Dr. Robert Chase sat on his comfortable chair, reflecting on universal constants. Elevators sucked. Even Spacevators sucked. Why do they always have that annoying, and really boring Muzak?

"It's psychological, you know." said Dr. Allison Cameron.

"Huh?" good going, Robert. Act like a total idiot in front of the gorgeous girl you've been eying since you started the trip to N.E.O.S One.

"We're not really in a normal elevator, you know. We're traveling up a thin cable of carbon mono-fiber, accelerating to hundreds of miles per hour, all the way to Near Earth Orbit Station One, into SPACE. The really annoying music fools the mind into believing that we're just stuck here in another boring elevator ride. Helps to keep people from freaking out. Even though they still do. All the attendants have pneumatic syringes full of sedatives. And instead of a window, we get these HD screens showing the Kenyan National park, Brazilian Rain forests, and the Grand Canyon. All pictures of the earth, all pictures of the ground. They used to have windows, until they started ferrying up regular people, instead of astronauts. They ended up having to give everyone tranquilizers. So now they have video games, really boring music, and viewers on every chair, so people can veg out during the ride." She tapped the virtual reality glasses attached to the chair she occupied, which offered an unusually large selection of movies and games, for something offered free to every passenger.

"And your way of coping is to talk, right?" asked Robert with that trademark boyish grin of his.

"Right. Doctor Allison Cameron." she held out her hand.

"Doctor Robert Chase." Robert was tempted to kiss the hand instead of shaking it, but judged it was too soon.

"Joining the medical staff?"

"Yep, I got accepted by..."

"Doctor Gregory House. So you're the new intensivist?"

"Yep. How is he? Is he as bad as everyone says he is?"

"Worse. You know how they say his bark is worse than his bite? Well, his bark is so bad, that no one has ever been brave enough to annoy him enough to be bitten. But he is brilliant, he is...a total genius. I've learned more with him in my first year than...my entire five years in med school! And he seems to know everything..."

After the first few minutes, Robert Chase crossed Dr. Allison Cameron off his list. She was obviously highly infatuated with their boss, Dr. Gregory House, and the chances of getting her into his bed was non-existent. He still had hopes. He was determined to try out those moves he'd read about in the "NASA Sutra." He had downloaded the book years ago, back when he was still a med student, and after reading the first line, he knew he had to get to Space someday.

"Having sex in microgravity can be tricky. You have to remember Newton's Third Law of Motion, 'For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.' Capacious use of Velcro is highly recommended."

Most of NEOS One was under spin, up to half earth gravity in some places, but there were still some areas with no spin. And one constant in every hospital, even the ones in space were pretty nurses.

"Changeover in one minute. Changeover in one minute. Everyone please fasten your seatbelts, and secure any loose items" announced the intercom.

"You know what Changeover is, right?"

"Yeah, our seats will move to the ceiling, as we deaccelerate."

"It kinda makes a few people freak out. And 'cause we're doctors, the attendents will expect help from us if someone gets the heeby-geebys. I can't really help with restraining anyone if they're violent, but I'm good with a tranquilizer gun." Cameron half pulled out a small styrette out of her vest pocket, and showed it to Chase. The quarter of earth's gravity experienced by the passengers was solely due to the fact that their capsule was continuously accelerating on its way to earth orbit. At the half way mark, the capsule started to deaccelerate, which meant that up was now down, and the seats moved to the ceiling. During Changeover, people did freak out, during the brief period of weightlessness, and someone always forgot their space-sickness medication.

Surprisingly, no one hurled their lunches, or got violent on this trip. Some people just didn't belong in space. Everyone settled back to relax during the last four hours of the trip. Cameron was always nervous during the acceleration phase, but once Changeover happened, she relaxed. She pulled her Omni out of her pocket, and started to catch up on all the emails she had gotten during her mandatory three weeks in Earth. Low gravity meant calcium loss, and all space personnel were required to spend three weeks out of every six months in full Earth gravity, along with their dietary supplements they all took religiously. She had spent her time as usual with her large family, and it was a good thing that her's and Greg's Groundhog's Days didn't match, or they'd never get out of bed. As it was, she missed Greg terribly, and undoubtedly Foreman, Wilson and Cuddy were already going out of their minds while House was coping with the absence of his girlfriend.

Chase noticed that Cameron was no longer interested in conversation, and he pulled his Omni out of his pocket to catch up on his paper work. It was no good fretting about his new boss, things will take care of themselves.