A/N: A simple story, fun and happy. Well, for the most part. :)
Rukia eyed the green thing sitting on her paper plate with curious interest. She followed Ichigo from the cafeteria to the roof, barely paying attention to where she was walking. All of her focus was on the vegetable before her. Ichigo held the door to get to the roof open, and it was a good thing he did, as she would have run right into it. He raised an eyebrow at her facial expression.
"Oi, what are you looking at, Rukia?" he followed her to the side of the roof, where she sat down in her usual spot. None of the other guys were there yet, as Ichigo and Rukia had beaten them getting lunch.
"What is this, Ichigo?" she gingerly picked up the green vegetable.
He almost burst out laughing, but he managed to reduce it to a smirk instead, "It's a pickle. Like a cucumber, only shriveled up more."
"Oh…" she had learned about cucumbers the previous week. As she brought it to her mouth to take a 'yes or no' bite, Ichigo realized that here was the perfect opportunity to have a little fun with her.
"You're not going to eat it, are you?" he demanded, face blank, eyes serious.
She blinked, once at the pickle and once at him, "Um, yes?"
Ichigo frowned, playing the part perfectly. He even added an alarming look in his eyes for extra convincing, "Pickles aren't meant to be eaten."
"Of course not," he scoffed as if it was obvious. "They're alive."
Rukia promptly dropped the pickle back on the plate, "What?"
"They're like goldfish, only they don't move very much. If you put them in a bowl of water, they'll stay perfectly still, and the minute they think you're not looking, they'll whirl around the bowl twice before falling still again," he folded his arms. "They do it once a day. They're very intelligent."
She stared at him inquisitively, but he kept a straight face, so she glanced back at the pickle, "So, why did they serve it for lunch?"
"Some kids complained about not having anything fun on the lunch menu a few years ago, so they added it on as an extra bonus. They only have them a few times a year," he grinned. "You're really lucky to have gotten one."
"So I have to put it in water?"
He was almost shaking with silent laughter by this point, but kept it mostly contained. His lips quirked upwards, "Just use your water bottle for now, and we'll put it in some water when we get back to my house."
Obediently, Rukia fished her water bottle out of her backpack and unscrewed the cap. She picked up the pickle and gently stuffed it into the bottle, twisting the top back on and holding the pickle-bottle up to her face. Her violet eyes scanned the green vegetable, floating in water, for any movement.
"Rukia-chan?" Mizuiro's voice drifted over to her, but she didn't look away from the pickle.
The boy cocked his head, "Why are you staring at a pickle in a water bottle?"
"I'm waiting for it to move," she answered; almost smug that she was so savvy with the real world's vegetables.
Mizuiro glanced at Ichigo, whose face was lit up at the joke he was playing. He had lost control and was now trembling with laughter, grinning fiercely. Mizuiro sighed and looked back at Rukia.
"Rukia-chan, I think—"
"Rukia-san!" now Keigo's voice was heard, and he bounded over, glomping her. Ichigo's eyes momentarily darkened, but he didn't have to push the boy off of Rukia, as she kicked him off first.
"Don't disturb me, Keigo," she stated firmly. "I'm waiting for my pickle to move."
He beamed and sat down beside her, "Brilliant! I'll wait with you!" the two stared at the pickle; Rukia expectantly, Keigo stupidly. He would do just about anything to be accepted by Rukia.
Ichigo was rolling on the floor by now, but Chad walked up before Rukia could notice her orange-haired friend.
"Rukia-chan, what…?" the large teenager stared blankly at the petit girl and Keigo.
She continued to watch the little bubbles floating off the pickle towards the surface of the water, "Good afternoon, Chad. I'm watching my pickle. Ichigo said that if I watch long enough, it'll move, and that's very rare."
Chad glanced at Ichigo, but stayed silent. Mizuiro folded his arms and glanced at the rooftop door, where Ishida and Inoue were currently emerging. The Quincie held open the door for the redhead, and she thanked him before skipping over to the rest of them. Ishida cleared his throat and turned to hide the slight blush rising on his cheeks.
"Rukia-chan!" Inoue called, waving as she juggled her lunch. "What are you doing?"
"Waiting for my pickle to move," Rukia repeated, getting a bit irked at having to keep reiterating that statement.
Inoue blinked in confusion, then glanced at Ichigo, "I didn't know pickles moved…"
"They're alive," Rukia responded. "They don't move but once a day."
"Oh no!" Inoue gasped. "That means that I've killed hundreds of pickles in my lifetime! I have to perform a burial for them!" she frowned sadly.
Rukia nodded approval, still watching her pickle.
Ishida ambled over, pushing his glasses up farther on the bridge of her nose, "Pickles, alive? Are you insane? Pickles are vegetables; they aren't living."
"Ichigo said they were," Rukia stated, then froze, eyes narrowing. She looked away from the pickle at last, staring at Ichigo, who was laughing so hard his face was red from loss of oxygen. "Ichigo…" her voice held a cold warning.
"I … can't believe… you believed me…!!!" he gasped, trying to get air and speak through his snickers.
Rukia stood up, face impassive, eyes hidden in the shadows of her bangs. Ichigo's laughing slowed to a stop, and he glanced up at Rukia's form, towering over him. He swallowed reflexively, shivering as the atmosphere suddenly got colder. The glare he received as she looked up was more than enough to slay a hundred hollows.
"Rukia-chan!" Keigo leapt up. "Don't be angry!"
She turned the glare on him, and he gulped and took off in the other direction. She didn't watch him go; her death threats were for Ichigo, and Ichigo alone. The boy in question had stood up, hoping to intimidate Rukia by using his height.
It didn't work. She still seemed to tower over him.
"Ichigo," she began slowly, fists clenched, her right hand tightening around the water bottle. "Your death will be very painful," she grinned viciously.
Mizuiro laughed lightly, thinking it to be a joke, but Chad, Ishida, Inoue, and Ichigo knew better. The petit shinigami was deadly, and should be treated as such.
"Ichigo," Ishida muttered. "Beg for mercy if you know what's good for you."
Ichigo eyed Rukia nervously, beginning to inch towards the rooftop door, "Come on, Rukia. It was a harmless joke!"
"Your blood," her grin grew. "All over the streets of Soul Society."
The pickle was the weapon.
A/N: Funny? Not worth your time? Drop me a review! I love to read what you think! (btw, the 'yes or no bite' is something that my parents made me do for the longest time. You know, when I didn't want to eat something that looked weird, they'd say "Take a yes or no bite", and if I didn't like it, I wouldn't eat it. For some reason, that never worked with broccoli, though...)