before i begin i need people to know three things

1. number one this is my first fic ever

2. i haven't actually seen the 4th series as a live in england

3. i haven't read any other ncis fics so any similarity to them in purely coincidental

Tony sat at his desk eyebrows furrowed in deep thought. Turning his phone over and over in his hand, willing it to ring. His other hand was balled in a fist so tight his fingernails dug into his skin, but he hadn't noticed, he hadn't noticed anything. He had been there since this morning, jumping down the throat of anyone who dared to approach him. He tapped his foot in impatience,

Now though Mcgee, Abby and Ziva were before him.

'We were wondering-' Mcgee started but Ziva cut across him.

'Why your being such a bitch' she finished.

Tony didn't even bother to reply.

'Maybe he's PMSing?' said Abby in all seriousness. Ziva laughed but shut up quickly as Tony threw her a filthy look.

'It's not that' he said irritated. 'It's… its personal'

'Jeanne' said Ziva carefully, it suddenly hitting her. She mentally kicked herself for not realizing it earlier.

Tony nodded slowly.

'She hasn't broken up with you has she?' asked Abby putting a hand on his arm.

'No.' said Tony annoyed. 'It's just that well you see I… proposed.'

'Congratulations!' smiled Mcgee. 'Wow that's-' But Abby whacked him in the stomach to shut him up.

'She said no' said Ziva.

'No she didn't!' Tony shouted angrily.

'Then why are you so upset?' asked Abby.

'Because… because she hasn't exactly said yes yet either.'

'What?' said Mcgee, confused.

'She said that she loved me.' Tony explained bitterly. 'But she's not sure if she' ready to marry me yet.'

'Oh god, I'm so sorry Tony' said Abby throwing her arms round his neck.

Ziva simply put her head on one side and watched the scene unfold. Mcgee and Abby telling him how sorry they felt for him and him taking it graciously. She could sense that Tony was watching her, willing for her to tell him that she was sorry too. But she couldn't seem to bring herself to do it. She didn't like Jeanne, and wasn't going to pretend that she did. She knew it was foolish as she had never actually met the woman, but she didn't like her all the same. She had changed Tony, anyone could see that. He was no longer bragging about his latest one night stand or checking out every girl who walked by. He had treated Ziva differently too, holding her at arms length, making her more and more frustrated. He looked at her differently, she could tell that he was shielding himself from her, creating an invisible, unbreakable barrier Every time she would get close he'd push her away, their light-hearted banter turning into hurtful insults from either side. And now he had proposed, Tony the forever bachelor was settling down, now that she really didn't understand. She knew that he and Jeanne had been dating for a while, but not how serious it had become.

Tony was staring at her now, directly into her eyes, it made her feel uneasy. It was more like he was surveying a suspect before interrogating, trying to read all her movements. She broke his gaze and slid off his desk and walked away, without looking back. She could feel Tony's eyes burning holes in the back of her head but that just made her walk faster, trying to outrun her guilt.


Tony didn't hear the doorbell ring the first time, he wasn't sure if it was the trash TV he had been watching or the drink. It rang again, a short sharp noise that snapped him out of his comatose state.

He stood up quickly only to feel a wave of nausea causing him to have to run to the bathroom. He stumbled to the door and looked through the peephole. He blinked; to make sure it was really who he thought it was and then opened the door.

'You know where I live?' he asked bewildered.

Ziva just stood there smirking, a large plastic bag swinging from her arm.

'You know where I live.' He said again slowly as if confirming his previous question.

They looked at each other for a minute, silently weighing the other one up, like boxers before a fight. He didn't know why she was here. She didn't know why she was here. There was a long drawn out awkward silence, you could almost see the tumbleweed floating past

'So…' Tony started. He didn't have anything to say, he just wanted to break the tension. He sighed and scratched the bag of his neck. 'Do you… want to come in?'

He regretted it almost instantly; he had in a few words, broken down the walls he had spent the past months constructing. To say that Ziva was surprised would be an understatement, but he could tell she was trying to hide it. Her eyes widened but then she smiled. Tony hadn't seen her smile for a long time, and he had forgotten how much he had missed it, he had forgotten how much he had missed her…

'Sure' she said. 'But err…' she gestured towards him. He looked down at himself and flushed red.

The simple shirt and jeans he was wearing were stained and he had dark circles under his eyes. His hair stuck up at an odd angle, and when she wrinkled her nose, he could tell that he reeked of beer and sweat.

'I'll go have a shower,' he said uncomfortably 'you can go in the living room…or not' he corrected when he saw the mess. There were old take pizza boxes and mountain of empty beer can scattered in an untidy heap all over the sofa.

'Yeah…'

Tony couldn't think of what to do apart from wander in the vague direction of the bathroom. Which he did, apart from that suddenly there were two bathroom doors. He walked towards one, collided with the wall, and fell over. Ziva laughed and pulled him to his feet. Embarrassed he stared at his feet.

'Maybe you ought to sober up while you're at it.' She grinned. 'Coffee ok?'

He smiled in way of thank-you and made it to the bathroom.

Ziva wandered in the direction of the kitchen. She found the coffee maker and after struggling with it for several minutes put on some coffee. She'd never seen Tony's apartment before and took this as the chance to look around. Further along the corridor she could see a door slightly ajar, obviously the bedroom. She glanced in the direction of the bathroom, and the sound of running water assured her that Tony was occupied. She slowly pushed the door open and surveyed the scene. The bed took up most of the room, ad Ziva wandered how many times she had been there and slept in this bed. How many times she had woken up next to Tony, how many times he had kissed her. How many times he'd told her he loved her…

'See anything interesting Zi-vah?' said voice She span round on the spot, and there was Tony leaning against the doorframe in a towel.

'No particularly' she replied, trying to hide her embarrassment.

'Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get dressed.' He said taking her buy the shoulders and steering her towards the door.

'Oh I don't mind. It's not like I haven't seen it all before.' She said turning to face him.

'Yes but we were working undercover. It was all strictly professional'

'Right…' she said slowly, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

He rolled his eyes and shut the door in her face.


'So there I was surrounded by cops, and all I wanted was a freakin' soda' laughed Tony. Ziva giggled as he shoveled more noodles into his mouth. They had been there for a couple of hours now talking about nothing and eating Chinese take-away (which was the contents of the bag Ziva had brought).

'Have you heard from her yet?' said Ziva, knowing that Tony probably didn't want to talk about it.

'Who?' said Tony brought back to earth.

'Jeanne' said Ziva cautiously, watching how he reacted.

He paused and broke her gaze chewing at his bottom lip in thought.

'No.' he said slowly.

'Have you called her?'

'Yes, but she's not picking up, and she hasn't returned any of my messages.'

'Well if she can't see what she's missing out on than it's her loss.'

'And what is she missing out on?' said Tony carefully.

'A wonderful man who obviously think the world of her.' Said Ziva putting a hand on his. Suddenly she realized that was a mistake, and withdrew it quickly. Not wanting Tony to see her blushing.

'Ziva…' Tony whispered. She turned around to Tony, his face merely a breath away from hers. He was looking so deeply into her eyes, she wanted to pull away but t the same time found herself powerless to do so. She could feel his heart beating jut as fast a hers, gradually she leaned in and closed her eyes and…


this is my first fic, and i have other chapter written but i won't put them up unless anyone wants me to, please review!!!