I haven't been writing for a long time, yup yup, cause I had major writer's block. And then, I had this really good idea and wrote all of this in one day - yay -
Hope you like it, and I gotta say, this is my fav story yet.
Stuff that's not mine:
Numa Numa by 0-Zone
Puss in Boots from Shrek
All the Pirates from POTC - sniff -
And anything you recognize.
My parents have gone to the American Republic, or Puerto Rico, or China or something. Which means: YOURS TRULY HAS A GLORIOUS MONTH OF FREEDOM!
Walking down the stairs, I choked on a random puff of air, and fell on my cat, Puss in Boots, AKA Garfield, who went "YEAOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!", jumped up, scratched my face, and shot out of the cat door.
"DAMN YOU!" I screamed at him.
Garfield looked at me innocently through the glass.
"Yeah! Ooooh, burn! I just dissed you! Whacha do? Oooh, nothing, cause you're a cat. Which means you can't see the colors of the American Flag! Call me! Hah!"
Garfield shot me a look and started licking his butt.
"Well, that's really smart. Really mature."
Garfield continued licking himself.
After throwing a rubber ducky at Garfield, I headed into the kitchen and took out my deliciously sticky chocolate cake.
"Yum. I've ALWAYS wanted to do this."
I took a deep breath, and slammed my face into the gooey mess.
"WHAT THE HELL?" My glorious moment was wasted. Whatever was upstairs, I was going to kill. Was I scared? Noooooooo. I was about to kick some ass.
Wiping my face on some paper towels, I picked up my mother's can opener and started up the stairs.
"AUGHHHHHHHHHH!" Screamed a voice.
Masters. Got ya.
I quietly slid up to the master bedroom and peeked in.
A guy with messy brown hair was looking at my father's boxers. They were the ones with Spongebob on them that said, "Squishy and absorbent"
"WHO ARE YOU?" I screamed.
"AUGHHHHHHHH!" The guy turned around, and guess who it was? NORRINGTON!
"WHAT THE HELL? I COULD'VE HAVE GOTTEN CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW WHO I COULD HAVE MARRIED! I COULD HAVE GOTTEN MIDGET DUDE WHO I COULD HAVE BLOWN UP! I COULD HAVE GOTTEN BARBOSSA WHO I COULD HAVE THROWN OUT OF A WINDOW! I COULD HAVE GOTTEN LIZARD WHOM I COULD HAVE KILLED WITH MY BARE HANDS! WHY IS IT GOTTA BE YOU!!! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!!!!???"
Norry looked at me.
I closed my eyes and counted to ten.
"You. Messed. Up. My. Chocolate. Cake. Moment. Prepare to die." I advanced, shaking the can opener.
"SHUT UP AND GO LICK THE LIZARD!" I screamed.
"Are these yours?" Norry asked, handing me the boxers.
"Do you think they're mine???"
My face turned red.
"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I jumped onto Norrington, jabbing him with the can opener.
"YOU SON OF A FOOSNIT! DIE!"
Norrington sucked at fist fights.
At the end, I threw a pillow at his head and knocked him out.
"BOOM WAEYDA! BOOM WAEYDA! BOOM WAEYDA! BOOM! OH BURRRRRRN NORRY! BURRRRN!"
I did a little victory dance around his head. But Norry wasn't as wimpy as he looked. Just as I was getting the Victory Dance on, he grabbed my foot and I slammed to the ground.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" I yelled, practically on top on him. "GETMEOFFYOUATONCE,YOULIZARDSUCKER!" I thrashed around and regained my footing.
"Ok, I will ask you one question. If you answer rightly, you won't die. If you answer wrongly, I will throw you out of the window, savvy?"
"Are you a pirate?"
"Shut up! Ok, I will ask my question. Ready?"
I took a deep breath. Again.
"Do you know Captain Jack Sparrow?"
"YOU DO?" I squealed, my anger forgotten. "ISN'T HE THE MOST HOTTEST PIRATE LIKE EVER!?"
Norry looked strangely at me.
"Wait a minute. You're supposed to be dead."
"Am I not?"
"WHAT THE HELL? YOU'RE NOT HOT ENOUGH TO USE JACKIE'S LINES!!"
"I am in Davy Jones Locker." Norrington looked away.
"Excuse me?" I put my hands on my hips. "That's for PUNISHMENT."
Norry raised his eyebrows.
"Are you saying I'm NOT in Jones' locker?"
"Well, duh, you're not a pirate. You're not hot enough to be one."
Norry looked murderous.
"You touch me and I will kill you like you're Elizabeth Swann." I gave him my Evil Eye.
Norry shrunk back.
"Or shall I say, Elizabitch"
Norrington stood up. He was a little taller than me. He advanced.
"Bitch" I corrected.
"You have a foul mouth, did you know that?"
"Elizabeth is a bitch, did you know that?"
Norry came closer.
I leaned close to his face.
"No. Elizabeth is a bitch, and I won't apologize for it."
Norrington took out his sword.
I crossed my hands over my chest.
"No swords in the house."
Norry raised the sword to my neck.
"Well, don't say I didn't warn you."
Norry brought the sword down, but I was already behind him.
"Did you really think of killing me?" I whispered into his ear.
He turned around, but I had already grabbed his sword away and pointed it to the place that hurt.
"Norry, touch me and I'll make you a eunuch."
Norry's eyes widened, and he raised his hands.
"Do you know who I am, Missy?"
My smile disappeared.
"I am Admiral Norrington."
Norry slumped down.
"Yes. I am dead."
"Are you sorry for what you did, Norry?"
"I am sorry for being rude to you."
"There. Once you learn to worship me properly, I am quite fun to get along with."
I turned around and headed to my room. Norry followed.
"Yup?" I turned around.
"What is your name?"
I sat down at my computer desk and opened my laptop.
"And how do you know me?"
"Everybody knows you."
I turned up the volume, and out blasted out my favorite song.
Norry jumped, and his hand darted to his sword, which wasn't there, but by my leg.
"Music, Norry. Music."
It's me, your Duke."
And I made, something that's real, to show you, how, I feel.
Norry turned red.
It's me, Picasso
I will paint,
My words of love
With your name on
When you leave, my colors fade to gray
Every word of love I used to say
Now I paint it every day.
I pressed the 'Pause' button.
"You don't like it?"
"I do. But I heard something."
I frowned. Now he ruined my Cake moment and my SONG??????
"What the hell?"
Norry looked over at me.
"Never mind. Come on."
I picked up Norry's sword and went downstairs, Norry right behind me. We slipped into the kitchen. A familiar scrawny frame was shoving MY cheerios into her greedy mouth.
"WHAT THE HELL? THOSE ARE MY CHEERIOS!"
The Lizard turned around.
"THE HELL WITH YOU!"
I went and grabbed the box away from her.
"James!" The Lizard got all emotion with Norry, and started hugging him and crap.
"Screw both of you."
I stalked out of the kitchen.
Hope you liked it, REVIEW!