I guess it shouldn't shock me this much that my first Twilight fanfiction (that I actually upload) is Rosalie and Emmett related. But anyway…I'm digressing and no one cares. Soooo…this is a funny, goofy one-shot my sister and I thought up while talking. Enjoy please (and expect more as I have several ideas and lots of place to put them!) By the way…it's Emmett's perspective (which I've never written from—I prefer Edward's mostly. We'll see how this turns out…

At last…peace and quiet.

Which is quite a feat in a house full of vampires with super sensitive hearing.

But let me explain…the reason my house was quiet was because it was empty. Jasper had accompanied Alice on her latest shopping excursion (just so they could spend time together—gag me.). Carlisle and Esme were out doing…something. Edward was with Bella and Rosalie….

Come to think of it…I didn't know where Rosalie was.

Ah, well, I got my peace and quiet and, dang it; I was going to enjoy it!

I flipped on the high-definition television that sat in the middle of our living room, plopped down on the not-as-cushy-as-Edward's couch, and quickly became engrossed in the football game.

I prefer football to baseball—there's more hitting involved. My favorite is hockey.

Luckily, I hadn't missed much since it was only a few minutes in. I let the organized chaos suck me in, so much so that I didn't notice when Rosalie bent down and kissed the top of my head.

"Whahuh?" I looked up into her deep gold eyes. "Oh…hey. What have you been up to?"

"Nothing much," she replied, coming around the couch to sit next to me, draping her legs over my lap. "Another game?" She rolled her eyes. "So predictable, Emmett."

I was annoyed now. I love Rosalie. I really do. But I really, really, really wanted to enjoy this game in peace! I gritted my teeth, wanting to make my annoyance obvious, but not too obvious. "Well…you know I love my football."

She either heard it and ignored it, or just didn't care. "Could you pick a more Neanderthal sport to love?"

"Well…I think it's quite interesting. And organized. You'd be surprised how much strategy—"

"Boring me, Emmett. Don't care."

"Then why don't you leave?" I grounded out.

"Because, honey, I want to spend time with you!" She snuggled close to me, laying her head against my chest.

Normally, I would have cuddled her closer and stroked her golden hair…but today was not normal. Normally I would be cuddling her while listening to Edward and Jasper argue over which team will win when I could give a crap and would rather just enjoy the game without the statistics…unless money's involved.

Today…today, I could enjoy the game in peace and quiet without the two smart-asses "intellectually" fighting. The most boring fighting of them all. I hate arguments unless they end in someone getting their front teeth knocked out.

I would not let Rosalie ruin my man's day!

"Rosie…honey. My feet itch. Could you go get that foot cream from Carlisle's bag?"

She raised one perfect eyebrow. "You can't itch, Emmett."

Damn. "Um…my eye hurts. I think there's something in it…can you get me those eye drops?"

She regarded me suspiciously—curse her for being so perceptive!—but then left me to find the eye drops.

I took the moment to my advantage. Rosalie would have no idea where Carlisle kept that stuff. I crept to the TV, unplugged it and carried it into the other room (with a couch…can't be football without a couch). I plugged it back in and found the station. I was settling back in to figure out what had happened while I was escaping Rosalie when—

"Emmett? Emmett! I found the eye drops…why are you in here?"

"Um…better lighting," I said, unconvincingly. "And my eye is better now, thanks darling."

"Oh…okay." She settled back against me, curling a lock of her hair around her finger, all the while chattering about…nothing.

I could feel my eyebrows slowly coming together on my forehead. Dammit! How am I supposed to enjoy my man's day with women's chatter?!

I tried to tune her out…but it was impossible. How in the world does she do that? How in the world is it that I can tune everyone else in the free world out when I want to—but not Rosalie?!

If anyone says "because you're in love with her", I will hunt you down and turn you into a human pretzel. Unless you're a vampire or werewolf. Then you will be a vampire or werewolf pretzel…which wouldn't taste very good.


"Hey? Emmett? What's wrong?"

"Um…." Now here's a predicament. Lie and not get my man's day (or what's left of it). Or tell the truth and get my face pummeled in by my sometimes wife. Hmmm…

Man's day is important.

So is Rosalie.

She'll get over it.

She is stubborn.

I don't care.

Your funeral.

"Rosalie…I'm trying to watch this game."

She tilted her head as if to say, "And…?"

"Alone…in peace and quiet. Please?" I tried the puppy dog eyes (probably very unsuccessful).

I waited for the legendary fury of my Rosalie. Known to rip apart evil, vile men who cross her and make her very, very, very pissed off, it is a fury like no one has seen.

Instead, I get, "Oh, okay. I have to tune your Jeep anyway. I'll see you later when we go hunting." She kissed the top of my head and walked off, humming happily.

Okay…um. What the f--?

Where's the fury?! The legendary fury?! If I had known that she was going to be so agreeable then I wouldn't have moved this damn couch in here because it's very uncomfortable!

Now, I'm so mad and annoyed…I can't enjoy my man's day.


Damn it….


"Hey…Rosalie…need a jack?"

The end! Poor, poor Emmett. Rosalie sure keeps him on a tight leash, heh heh. Well that's all from Liz-chan! Love love