So, for some ridiculous reason, I imagined the first chapter was clean. It's not, just in case you missed that. We have language and solo male right off the bat, which I suppose is a strong start to any story. Please review, and I should mention I prefer signed reviews, because I like to respond to them! So please, sign in if you can and I'll get back to you if you have questions, comments that need a response, or if you just want to say hi.

As to the story line…Yes, it's been done before, but we all know I love a challenge and try to give an original twist to the standards. So please, give it a shot and maybe you'll even like it.

Just for clarification, we're going AU right after the Soul Society arc, so if you don't like it... don't complain. Please. Otherwise, I've tried to stick to known facts with few modifications, such as time line; I also tried to stay in character. Alright, enough of my babbling, GO! Enjoy!


So here we are, all lined up, full dress robes and the best formation we can force the new members into. They just arrived a few days ago, though why, when we've been pulled from active duty, war or no, is beyond me. We don't even have a Captain. But, that's why we're here. Tetsummi is doing his best while I'm trying not to panic and give orders like an idiot. The waiting is killing us; where the hell is he?

New Captain Ikkaku Madarame was due half an hour ago and there is still no sign of him. Hurry up, hurry up, they're unsteady enough as it is. I'm not cut out for this leading stuff, I don't know what to do, and everyone knows it. The only things keeping them in any sort of line are Tetsummi's fists and his loyalty to me. Thank god for him.

Heavy steps can be heard coming down the path and I look up to see. There he is; he's so big, not really that tall but wide, heavy muscle and dark tanned skin; his presence fills the compound, vibrant and alive. He looks dangerous, bruised from a recent fight, and like he knows how to command, unlike me, who's soft and pale. And he has someone with him. Is that... Yumichika? I haven't seen him in a while, he looks more beautiful than he did before. I wonder why he's here. Unless I'm going to be replaced.

That thought sends fear down my back. Will I even have a seat if I'm replaced? Tetsummi will stand with me, and most of the older men, but no one who has joined in the past thirty years will. Just relax, I have to be calm and in control no matter what. Control keeps you alive and safe, it minimizes the damage and keeps you from earning more.

A quick wave of the hand and my third barks one last order before coming to stand beside me, head bowed as we've been taught. "Captain Madarame, sir. Welcome to the Third Division." My voice is steady, though a bit high from nerves. Tetsummi's shoulder touches mine briefly, a sign of support and faith, and I rein in the fear. "We're very pleased to have you join us as our leader. I am Lieutenant Kira Izuru and this is our third seat, Tetsummi Asegawa." He knows who we are, but a formal greeting and introduction are nice.

"Ikkaku." I frown in confusion; what? "Call me Ikakku. Take this, put it somewhere." His voice is so deep, a low rumble and I'm caught off guard when a bag hits me in the chest. It is barely caught after a second of fumbling and I can feel my cheeks flushing, muffled giggles from behind me in the ranks. They are followed quickly by the sound of hands hitting the back of young heads, my officers protecting me, but I've already heard and my head bows a bit lower.

Dark eyes are taking it all in and my humiliation is complete. My team is disorderly, poorly trained for battle, I'm a joke to half of them, and I can feel him thinking that I am useless. A delicate clearing of the throat and I peek up to see the gorgeous Yumichika nudging his teammate in the back, perfect hair tilted slightly towards me. His voice is soft and I can't make it out, but he is talking quickly, and Captain Ikkaku is listening, head tilted towards him, eyes still on the suddenly uneasy team.

"Alright, line up. That is some damn pathetic formation and the first lesson we learn is how to stand at attention properly. Lieutenant Kira, come." He's glaring at them, annoyed and I'm not sure why. Still, the bag is handed off and I move to stand before him, eyes down, careful not to look until given permission. "How long have these lazy brats been with the squad?"

Is he, angry for me? Because they were laughing? No, can't be, it must be something else. "Less than a week, sir. Straight from the academy." I assume he's talking about the youngest and least organized.

"Huh. And this is the best line they can manage? Yumi, do that for me, will ya?" He just walks away, doesn't look back or wait for an answer, or even explain what he wants done, before starting to yell and push the men into lines. The older men are already fine and just need a bit of adjusting to compensate, but the younger ones are all over, having straggled out of place to stare at their new leader. "Now, in three weeks, we're having an inspection. Anyone who fucks it up is gonna be working in the Fourth for a month. After I beat them until I'm satisfied. Understood?"

There is a spate of nodding, a few half-hearted 'yes, sir's and that loud voice is ringing over the compound. "I said, DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?"

"Yes, sir!" Even the newest members flinch away and answer loudly. I join them and Yumichika smiles beside me.

I try not to stare but it's hard; he's so pretty and perfect, and he knows it, flaunts it constantly. "You're all going to be just fine. Ikka will love it here." Even his voice is great, smooth and soft, but you can tell if he wanted to, the entire company could hear him without any effort.

It's hard to ask, but I swallow the tiny bit of pride I have and do so anyway. "And you? Will you like it here as well?" I have to know, if he's staying, where he'll be, what is his position here.

Laughter, light and airy precedes his words. "I'm not staying. I could never work under Ikka. I'm simply moving up to fill his position in our squad. Why? Are you worried about your future here?" And now he's mocking me, laughing at me. My eyes can only stare at the ground, my lips pressed together firmly.

"Oi, Yumi, get a move on. Kira, get over here."


My poor little Lieutenant is looking more pale than usual, bright red in his cheeks but he's nearly white, his shoulders tense. Yume is teasing him, I can tell. Hell, even I can tell. I hope he's not being hurtful; charming as he can be, my best friend tends to forget other people have feelings.

This is a pretty sad line up though, these bloody kids are next to useless and it looks like I'll have to beat it into them at some point. But this will do for now. "Alright, dismissed. Half an hour after supper, be back here and we'll see what good you are."

It's painfully obvious who has been here the longest; the ones with their heads down, shoulders curled just a bit forward, eyes only on Kira. The younger ones are not as shy and have a bit of discipline but I suspect they've been protected. The absolute newest are full of attitude and smirks, laughing at their quiet Lieutenant, no discipline at all there.

Then, there's Kira himself. A pretty little guy, and passably strong. At least the few times I've heard of him fighting; Ichimaru didn't let him do much of anything from what I hear, just follow along and watch. Even standing at attention, his shoulders are forward and that single eye hasn't looked up yet. But, we'll work on that.

Something is off though, with his uniform. At first glance, it looks the same as everyone else's but a careful look shows a seam at his waist where there shouldn't be one, as if it's two pieces. The belt is wider too, a little thicker; not enough to draw the eye but it hides the small changes. How odd.

Enough of that, time to get settled in and organized, gotta get this place in decent shape quick. A wave brings my pretty Lieutenant running, eager to please. "Yes, sir?" He's still staring at the ground, watching my feet as if I'll kick him at any moment.

And maybe he thinks I will. My sandal edges forward a bit and he flinches, just around the eyes, barely noticeable. "Kira." He freezes, fear nearly oozing from his pores. I wait patiently, letting him get the courage to look at me. Which he does and for a second, I'm lost, staring into pale blue, the color of the sky after a storm.

My hand moves as if it has a mind of its own, reaching out to touch his cheek and he really does flinch then, pulling back, shoulders tensing. Heat moves in my cheeks at the obvious rejection and I lift the wayward hand to my head, running it over the smooth skin. "Show me around." My voice is harsher than usual and his arms shake, nervous and afraid.

It's a quick tour, Kira staying as far away as possible from me without being too insulting. There are few rooms, mine, his, the top officers', and a general dorm of double rooms, just like the eleventh. The receiving room is dusty and closed, nearly empty of furniture, the ceremonial dishes unused. Surprisingly, the office is neat, organized by priority and there are only the papers I will need to deal with myself; Kira has handled everything else. "Good work." Thin shoulders jerk at my voice and I realize I haven't spoken during the entire tour; his eye darts up to me and away. He doesn't know what to say.

"Th..thank you, sir."


I'm afraid. He's so big and loud and I can feel his eyes on me. I just want to be left alone but he's already tried to touch me, not even an hour after arriving. And all I can do is take it, do what I have to. I'm selfish and I secretly hoped deep, deep inside, he would chose someone else, make someone else sell themselves but it's me again. I hate myself, my pretty face, and I wish I had the courage to scar it, but no matter how long I hold the knife, it never cuts.

My shoulders try to straighten a bit; there must be a reason I've been chosen again and I'll hold my place as I always have. Tetsummi and the others expect me to and they've stood behind me for so long, I can't fail now. I must be strong enough, stubborn enough to last. Even if the entire Soul Society turns their backs on us again, we will survive.

I keep talking, giving details and showing him the entire building, waiting for him to shove me against a wall or to the floor. The bedrooms were especially difficult and I tried to move past them quickly, directing him to the office where paperwork waits a Captain's signature. I have done nearly everything, just to make sure that the first day will be pleasant and he seems to appreciate it. "Good work."

What do I say? I haven't been praised for a long time, and only for things I wish I'd never heard of. "Th..thank you, sir." That seems to be a proper response as he nods and moves to sit in the chair. It's too small and creaks under his weight. Another difference between him and, Him. He almost never sat down, just leaned over me and signed while He... I can feel my shoulders twitching and shake the memory away. The less paperwork there is to do, the less I have to suffer and I plan to keep it that way.

"Is there anything I can get you, sir?" The soft shuffle of papers is soothing but I still want to escape and hide for a bit.

"Yeah, get me a beer, will ya?" He doesn't even look up, pen already moving over the sheet in front of him. I just stare. Beer? In the morning? "What? You have beer, don't you?"

Stuttering makes my words indistinguishable from one another and I swallow and try again. "No, sir, I'm afraid not. I'll go get some for you right away, sir." What else is there to do? I hope he isn't a drunk, and if so, can he at least be a pleasant one? Please?

"Naw, don't worry about it." He's looking at me now, staring and I can't help but shift my weight around a little. "Grab a chair, come sit with me." He scoots his chair over a little, obviously intending me to sit right beside him.

No! No, I don't want to! "Of course, sir." My face is blank, carefully hiding the screams in my head as I tug my chair around the heavy desk and perch on the edge. "How can I help you, sir?" He isn't even looking at me anymore, absorbed in the reports, making notations and scribbling a signature along the straight lines.

"Tell me about the division. Who's who, how long have they been a part of the squad, what's their specialty, that kind of thing." His voice is lower, softer now, as if he's trying to sooth a wild kit. He knows I'm afraid. Someone, anyone, help me.


Kira has such a lovely voice, soft, a bit high, even the trembling is lovely, though I wish it weren't there. If only he weren't so afraid of me. Yumi said the best way to have him get over it is to spend quiet time with him, have him talk and let him relax, get used to me. But it's hard, I'm not a patient man and I just want to hug him and promise to protect him. Of course, if I tried that, he just might have a heart attack. A faint smile tugs at my lips and he falters, voice fading as he stares at the desk top, thick wood in the way of my feet.

"Keep going, I'm listening." I'm not, but who cares? He'll just tell me again if I forget. These papers are really boring, requests for transfers, both in and out. Nothing to hold my attention and I let myself indulge in just listening to him talk.

"And that's the squad, sir." Silence for a moment before I focus again and realize he's stopped and doesn't seem to be in a hurry to start again.

Well, time to push a bit. "Kira, are you afraid of me?"

His eyes are huge, even the one hidden by the long bangs shows the bright white of terror. I'm waiting, watching him try not to fidget or tense up too much, hands clasped in his lap; the knuckles are turning as white as his eyes. "Sh, should I b, be?"

He's killing me with terrified eyes and shaking shoulders; I want to hug him so much, protect him forever. Which is the last thing he needs, lies as promises. The longer I sit here quietly, watching him, the paler he gets, the more tense his shoulders become, the harder his hands clench together. "That's up to you. Dismissed." A visible, full body jolt, he seems so afraid of even my voice. My head aches and I'm a bit harsher than necessary when he starts to speak. "Dismissed!"

Wide blue eyes shimmer and I swear I can see tears at the edges before he whirls and bolts, slamming the door into place hard enough to make it jump the track. Fuck. Of course I scared him, who knows what he's been conditioned to and what he was expecting. My head is aching and my pen starts to move over the papers again; with any luck sheer boredom will tune it out.


What should I do? He's angry and I don't know why. I can't help being afraid and I'm hiding it as best I can. It's not fair, He always wanted to see the fear and hear you deny it. But they aren't the same. Even if I haven't changed, my role hasn't changed, he is different and I must remember that. And now I've run, like the coward I am. He's sure to be angry now.

The hall is empty and I'm grateful for that, leaning my head against the door of my room, drifting in rare silence. I realize now I've run like a child, bolting for the safety of my quarters and hoping no one will follow. There are no steps behind me, not even the shuffle of daily business.

The building is empty, Tetsummi must have taken the others away to save me more humiliation. The bed is too far away and I fall, back against the wall and sob. Why? Why me? I didn't do anything wrong, I couldn't have! There is nothing I could do to deserve this but I can't just step aside and let another replace me. Even the smirks and mocking laughter are soothing, in a way; they can appear, without fear of reprisal, of dying for a mere stumble. My fingers slide under my collar to trace the long scar just over the curve of my shoulder. The warm feel of skin under my fingers isn't felt by the scarred tissue nor at the edges. Even when I pull my hand back and trace a line over my arm, there is nothing there, as it doesn't exist. Like me.

No, I can't leave another to take my place. Another child to be scarred and destroyed. Tears are wiped away quickly and I brush my pants down as I stand. There is much to do before tonight.


Deep breaths, Kira. You can do this, you're not a child anymore. There is no need for Tetsummi to carry you here. But it would be so great if he were here, big hands on my shoulders to push me forward. The last steps are always the hardest, that final chance to flee the most difficult to give up.

Hadarame already reported the Captain's tastes in alcohol and women to me; apparently only one of the three bags that had arrived during the day actually had any personal effects. The other two were full of porn and bottles of beer. My fourth officer went out and found a few bottles of the right brand while I made a trip to borrow the pale pink and blue kimono I'm wearing. Matsumoto didn't say a word when I arrived, blushing brightly behind my bangs, just let me in and opened her closet; it was incredibly humiliating to have her help me tie it correctly and show me how to take it off. But, it works well with my coloring and I look passably feminine, hopefully enough so that the Captain won't mind.

Sad eyes watched me the entire time and she started to say something a few times but stopped. Finally, as I left, she leaned in close and kissed my cheek. She's my friend but I can't forget she looked away, believed in Him, just like everyone else. It's hard not to be bitter, not to hate them all, but I don't, it's not their fault they refused to interfere. Not entirely. If I'd asked, begged for help, they might have tried; I like to think they would have.

My shoulders straighten a bit, pushing back as I lift my hand to knock; the faintest shuffle of cloth makes me pause. Behind me, there is a pair of young men, new to the squad, peeking around the corner and laughing silently, hands over their mouths

For an instant, I want to scream, throw the tray and tell them to do it themselves if they're so much better than me but it passes quickly; they are only children. Before I can tell them to go away, there are tiny squeaks and they lift into the air, dangling by the back of their uniforms. Tetsummi stands behind them, frowning down as he shakes them briefly. He looks up at me and bows his head, mouthing my name.

My bangs tip gracefully and I send a tiny smile to him, thanking him for his assistance. One last deep breath and I kneel, balancing the tray in my lap as I knock softly. "Captain Ikkaku? It's Lieutenant Kira."

"Come in." Such a deep voice, loud and filled with life, so different from His mockingly cold tones. No, no, forget that. I have to stay focused.

The door slides open soundlessly under my hand and I remain kneeling, head down while I wait for permission to stand. "Well, come on." My lashes provide cover for me to find him, sprawled out on the bed, propped on an elbow and waving me in. All that bare chest, much wider than my previous Captain, muscle bulging in thick arms and I shiver; if he hits me, I might not be able to continue.

Of course I can! Don't be such a coward; you exist for one thing only, Izuru, and you can at least do that bravely. I rise as gracefully as I can mange, the unfamiliar clothing clinging to my legs, and slow steps take me to the bedside to set the tray down carefully. The Captain's dark eyes light up at the sight of his favorite drink and he takes the tray from me, placing it in his lap as he shifts his legs over the edge of the bed.

Is he naked? I've never met anyone who sleeps naked before. Truly, I don't think I've ever really seen anyone else entirely naked. Even after all those years, He never took everything off, just the relevant parts. And I've seen others in the dorms and whatnot, but only parts here and there. It feels strange, to be in a room with someone else unclothed. But it doesn't bother him, he just rolls to sit, sheet hauled casually over his lap.

"So? What do you want?" He doesn't sound angry but that might be the beer.

Both bottles are opened quickly and I offer a glass; it gets a distasteful glance and he drinks from the dark neck, swallowing heavily. I hand him the second and watch him drink half quickly. "Nothing, sir. I just thought I would come and see if there was anything you wanted."

He pauses, cradling the cold bottle. "Here, gimme that glass." It's handed over silently and he pours part of his drink in before handing it back. "Drink up. And come sit." A large hand pats the bed beside him and I perch carefully on the edge. The beer is bitter, sour but I swallow a little, both hands wrapped around the glass. "You always wear that?"

The question takes me by surprise and I glance up to see him staring at me. My cheeks redden and I look at my hands again. "If you dislike it, I can take it off, sir."

A brief shrug and he adjusts the blanket in his lap. "Do what you want."

Well that isn't very encouraging. Usually by now, if I'm lucky, I'd be on my way back to my own room. I stand and unwind the obi slowly, folding it loosely over my arm and setting it on the floor in easy reach for when I leave. A careful ripple of my shoulders sends the edges of the kimono gliding over my arms. My cheeks flush and I stare at the floor as he looks me over; I can feel his eyes on me, curious.

I hope he doesn't find me too ugly; scars trail over my chest and stomach, surrounding the gold hoops in both nipples and my belly button. A little shiver and I shift to allow the smooth cloth to slide further, over my hips and down to puddle at my feet. He doesn't make a sound, just continues staring, hooded eyes traveling over my body, pausing at my chest and further down, taking in the small ring at the tip of my penis.

Still he says nothing, just watches. My arms cross defensively over my stomach, hugging me as I shiver again. A reaction; he lifts a corner of blanket and I step forward to sit beside him, tucking myself against his side. His hand rubs my head before looping around my waist, thick fingers trailing over my skin. Power brushes along my nerves, bright overflow and I shiver again, pressing into the heat of his side and strength. It's warm here, pressed to him, tanned skin dark against my nearly white complexion. I feel very pale and delicate.

Slow petting isn't so bad, he's not hurting me yet and I burrow into his heat, tucking my feet up beside me; slow sips of his beer are the only sound other than our breathing. It makes me a little nervous that he isn't doing anything; am I supposed to take the lead? His stomach flexes as I run my fingers lightly over it but he says nothing, doesn't move away or towards me, and I try again, skittering across the ripple of muscle and skipping down to the edge of the blanket.


He's fucking killing me. I didn't expect him to come so soon and certainly not dressed in a pink kimono too small for him. At least it's not his. Even if he did look pretty cute, it doesn't suit him. What does are those rings; holy fuck do they suit him. A pale gold, the color of his hair with tiny blue beads on all four standing out against that pale, soft looking skin; I'll be having wet dreams about that for the rest of my life.

He's afraid, I can smell it on him, see it reflected in his eyes, the curve of his shoulders. My hand rests quietly on his side, the only place I trust myself to touch without losing control and taking him. He would let me, it's why he's here after all but he's shaking so hard his teeth are nearly chattering. Ichimaru might have enjoyed that but I prefer screams of pleasure over terror.

A groan is stifled as he runs his hand over my stomach. It stops for a second before moving again, trailing over my side and down to inch under the blanket I dragged over to hide the brutal erection I'm sporting. The last of the beer spills as I grab his hand, pressing it to my stomach and preventing him from touching me; I'd be lost if he did. Soft confused whines make me gulp for air as I brush the spilled beer away, scattering it in droplets over the blanket. I pat his hand lightly before moving it back to his own lap, not looking at him.

"Sir? Is something wrong?" His cheeks are bright pink, eyes down and he looks worried more than afraid; does he want me to like him?

"No, nothing is wrong. Are you staying here tonight?" I want him to, I want to fuck him until I can't breath then tuck him into my side and fuck him in the morning too. Not going to happen but it would be nice to have his warmth snuggled against me all night

Maybe I was too blunt. His eyes are huge, his fingers tangled tightly together across his stomach. "I, sir, I" I guess he doesn't want to. A short shrug and I open my mouth to send him away. "If you want me to, sir, I will." He's staring at the floor, head turned away from me, long bangs over his cheeks to hide the blush.

"Fine." And I have to make a quick trip to the bathroom. "Get settled, I'll be back in a minute." He might be asleep by the time I return but I doubt it. He still doesn't look up as I stand and tie the thin blanket around my waist. It's a bit difficult to walk but I manage and slip out the door, closing it quietly behind me. For a second my head rests on the door but the sound of cloth rustling inside sends me to the bathroom quickly, before I embarrass myself in the hallway.

How did this happen to me? I never liked men before, never even considered doing Yumi even after all the years of close contact and the fact that he's much prettier than most of the women I know. And anyone who can live with Yume and not want on has to be straight, right? Then skinny little Kira Izuru came trotting along, trailing his division leader with downcast eyes and a soft voice welcoming us to the Gotei 13; I wanted him immediately. Yumi nearly killed himself laughing and had to be excused; somehow, he knew the same instant I did, perceptive little fucker.

The sheet drops to the floor as I lean against the closed door, fumbling for the lock; the last thing I need is someone walking in on me jerking off over my Lieutenant on the first day. My cock is hot in my hand and I stroke quickly, eyes closing to imagine those pale, lean legs wrapping around me, skin warmed metal on my tongue easy to taste, soft whimpers nearly audible. A low groan as I lift and squeeze my balls, rolling them in my hand as I thumb the thick head before sliding my hand down again.

Just that is enough with the sight of my blond still imprinted in my head, bright jewelry and flushed cheeks, creamy skin laced with delicate scars; the tiny whimpers he can't quite silence when I get too close to him, the jerk of his skin when he's startled, I imagine them willing under me, his voice sweet and shivers trailing his body under my hands. Another groan as my hips jerk forward, cock twitching in my hand as thick seed sprays over it, coating my skin. Shit. Even if he's the worse lay ever, it'll be worth it for that kind of orgasm.

A few moments to enjoy the relaxed afterglow before I have to grab a towel and get cleaned up; he's waiting for me. Soft cloth is a pleasure to use, rubbing my overly sensitive skin. Okay, all clean again. The sheet is wrapped around my waist again and I march back to to my room, sliding the door open quietly, just in case Kira did manage to get to sleep.

He's still awake, watching me from a little ball on the far edge of the bed. Blue eyes are huge, the only part I can see in the dim light and I smile at him; he's just so adorable. The blanket is immediately spread out and he claims a tiny corner, curling as small as possible. I keep the sheet I took with me wrapped around my waist and stretch out beside him. "Come here."

Thin shoulders jerk at my voice but he shuffles over to lay beside me, still curled up. My hands look enormous when I set them on his shoulders and back, stretching him out to lean against my side. "Go to sleep. Early morning tomorrow." Blond bangs rub under my chin, smooth and soft.

He's trying so hard not to make any noise or move, I can barely feel him breathing. Every time I shift my weight, a breathy whimper sneaks out and I'm sending him back to his own room if he does it again, I swear. "S,s,sir?"

"Yeah." Fuck, he can barely speak.

"I, I'm, s,s,sorry." Aw shit, is he crying? The blanket twitches against my chest as he wipes his face. Fuck, he is. "I, I'm, s,sorry, s,s,sir, I,I'll, I'll tr, try har, hard, der. P,p,plea-se, d,d,on't be, be angr-gry." Damn it all anyway; I think he's hyperventilating.

"Cut it out." A quick pinch to the ass has him jolting against me, surprise heading off the panic attack that's building. "Why would I be angry with you?"

A few deep breaths before he speaks again. "Be, because I'm, not, not pretty enough. I'm not go, good enough." His face is hot against my shoulder and I run my fingers through his bangs, forcing his head back so he has to look at me.

"Anyone who says you aren't good enough is a prick and you should beat him up." I hate this, trying to figure out what to say. He's staring at me, wide eyes wet, fear and misery etched on his face. "You're fine. We'll do fine, get this place back into shape."

I tuck the blanket around him, keeping his skin from touching mine; it's too great a temptation and I don't think he'll sleep at all if he's touching me all night but I can't bear to send him away. Once he's rolled in tightly, I pull him against my side firmly and ruffle his bangs. "Go to sleep." A shaky nod and he sets his head down, body rigid against mine.

It takes a long time and my faking sleep before he relaxes a bit, breathing evening out as he lays quietly. Finally, his eyes slide closed for the last time and his body eases into unconsciousness, warm and limp against me. Ah, Kira, what did he do to you?