Title: Why Are We Just Friends?
Rating: PG-13 to R (at times)
Warnings: Romance, Suggestive Language
Disclaimer: Vince McMahon owns all WWE names, terms and logos; 98 Degrees owns the song (lyrics are in iltalics), and I own my trademark nameless OC.
Why Are We Just Friends? 1/1
..tell me why...Her POV
I sat across from Adam and watched him interact with Amy. They were everything a perfect couple should be; happy, loving, every component was there. I was so happy for her, with her last night in the WWE. It made me incredible sad to see her go because she was not only one of my best friends but she had taught me everything that I know; but I also knew she had to get away from everything. She needed time on her own and some space to breathe. She deserves better than this anyway. That "last match" was the worst thing I'd seen in a long time and I knew Amy felt the same way.
But tonight, at her retirement party everything was absolutely perfect and everyone was having a blast at this old, run down, bowling alley. It was so Amy's style of doing things; Adam did a great job with everything. There was cake, bowling and music… everything. Except here I was, pretending to be having a great time when I was secretly dieing inside. Watching all these happy wrestling couples was absolutely killing me inside. Adam and Amy, Kenny and Mickie, Maria and Punk-- we're pretty sure there's really something between Carlito and Torrie now that she was in the middle of a divorce. Even Matt Hardy and Ashley had made up and gotten back together. Not that they were here though, Adam wouldn't let that 'waste of space' in his party. I doubt Matt would have come even if he had an armed escort anyway.
It was all me, alone, sitting here watching everyone else secretly wishing I could be them. This was pathetic, I should be out there dancing, bowling and having a good time but instead I choose to sit here on the sidelines. I would chat with Victoria every now and again, or Candice might pass by every once in a while but other than that... I was just… here, alone.
Finally, a loud sigh fell out of my mouth as I got up to hit the outside deck of this joint. I was hoping some fresh air would do me good. I was tried of just sitting there like I was an outcast or something. I popped open the door and walked out; leaning up against the banister I could easily look out over the moving traffic below. I felt the wind blow against my face and I pulled my jacket together and zipped it up. It would be a cold one tonight…
"Mind if I join you out here?" I turned around to a New England accent I knew all too well. I smiled as I watched his muscular form walk closer to me, while slipping a hoodie over his head; he had to slightly adjust his hat after the fact.
"What are you doing out here Cena? The party is in there." I chuckled, watching him smile back at me. We both turned around this time to face the on coming traffic jam as the city hit it's high at midnight.
"I saw you get up and leave and I thought I'd find out what's up with you; and, I could ask you the same thing, yah know? You're out here all by yourself while your best friend's retirement party is in there. What gives?" My smile faded a little bit, but I knew I could trust John, I always have. He was my best guy friend besides Randy and Adam so I could tell him anything that was on my mind and know it would be safe with him.
We do almost everything that lovers do
And that's why it's hard just to be friends with you
"I just needed a little fresh air is all…" Okay, so I bailed at the last minute but I knew the pause in my voice wouldn't go over well with him anyway and I was right. As soon as the words left my mouth and there was a momentary pause before he jumped right back in on me.
"Iight, that's a load of crap and you know I don't believe a word of that so what's really up with you? I know there's something wrong; I know you better than I know myself most times. Now, tell." I leaned back over in my previous spot, leaning on my forearms as I looked away from him.
"There's nothing wrong John, really. I just needed some space is all." I could feel his hand move to the small of my back and for the first time since I came to the WWE and came to know John Cena the person, it made my stomach flip-flop. His touch caused butterflies to rise up and I felt my cheeks get hot as they covered in blush.
"Would you just tell me, for real this time? Come on, I'm your best friend, you know you can tell me anything. I'd let you get away with murder." I laughed, and finally turned to face him again. For the first time ever I actually noticed how truly gorgeous his deep blue eyes were; and how cute he looked with the dimples that covered his face.
"I don't know… it's just... The love in the air in there is suffocating me…" I watched his face screw into confusion. I sighed, looking him over with my eyes. The hood of his jacket was up over the Chaingang hat he wore. He looked good… a little too good I started to notice.
"I sat in there watching all the lovey-dovey couples suck face and it just made me realize how sad and lonely I really am. I just needed a moment to myself… God, there, you happy now Cena? Now you know officially what's up." I turned away from him yet again not sure if I was going to start crying now or not. I sure as hell felt like it and I didn't want him to see me cry over something so stupid and childish.
"Um, if you haven't noticed, I'm alone too, thankyouverymuch. I haven't had a girlfriend since me and Liz called it quits and that was over two years ago; girls and I… I don't know, we just don't click right anymore I guess..." I looked up and locked eyes with him. I know he's right and there's nothing I could do to contradict that. Well, except for that part about him and girls, I know that's not true that's just how he chooses to live his life.
I know he hooks up with random girls every now and again on the road but I couldn't blame him. I never have no matter how many times I've seen him close that hotel room door after letting in yet another ringrat; even though I felt a little jealous run through my veins every time. But at the same time, I knew of his past; he needed that kind of company every now and again and I couldn't say I didn't long for the same thing. You couldn't help but be okay with the way he did things; men could only go so long without the comfort of a woman's touch… I just wish he didn't sink to the level of getting that touch from hookers and strippers when he couldn't find it else where.
"How have you gotten this far without someone? I mean, you're John Cena, WWE Champion and you travel all over the world. I know for a fact there are a million and one girls out there that would kill for the chance to be your girlfriend." He laughed at me, shaking his head like he didn't believe me.
"It's a lot more complicated that and you know it. I could hook up with twenty girls in one night if I wanted to but I want something more than that now. It isn't worth it anymore and that isn't what love is really about. I'm tired of hooking up and checking out the next day. I'm done with the whole wham, bam thank you mama lifestyle; I want something long term and that's really hard to find in a business like this. Haven't you realized this yet? But besides that, I know a million and one guys that would kill at the chance to hook up with a Diva like you."
Every time your heart is broken by the fool
I want you to know that it hurts me too
I made a face at him and playfully hit him in the shoulder. "I know what you mean Cena, and I totally agree… but..." Right at that moment a big gust of wind picked up and all of a sudden and almost knocked me over. I instantly started shivering a little as a chill ran down my spine; putting my hands around my mouth I tried to blow heat on them. It was then that I felt John slip his strong arm around me and pull me closer to him into his chest; locking his arms around me like he was trying to protect me from the world.
"It's damn cold out here tonight, not to mention the fact that we're about six stories off the ground and it isn't helping in the least. What do you say we say our final goodbyes to this party and go back to the hotel and watch… oh, I dunno…? The Marine?" I pulled my mind off the fact that I was caught between a rock and a hard place, the hard place being John Cena's chest, long enough to realize he was talking to me.
"John, we've seen that almost twenty-two times, at every debut in the country. You wanna watch it again?" He smiled at me; I don't want to admit it but I almost melted at the mere sight of it. What is this all of a sudden? Am I going completely crazy tonight? I can't possibily like John Cena… can I? He's my best friend… and only that… right?
"I know, but it's our favorite movie… with our favorite actor…" He smirked, knocking me out of my trace. He shot that stupid puppy-dog pout back at me before I could say anything and who was I to say no to him? I'm suddenly having trouble with that too.
"Alright… alright, fine; you're lucky I bought it for you this afternoon." I sighed, rolling my eyes at him. "Your hotel room or mine?" He thought silently and then stared at me for a moment like he was trying to figure out what I was thinking.
"Whichever." I knew he wouldn't be able to pick one. He never does, it's typical Cena. I've learned to ignore it. I shook my head at him knowing full well it would be his hotel room because I was rooming with Victoria for the night and I didn't want to us to be in her way. Besides, she goes to bed early; 'Early bird catches the worm' she says.
"Alright, sounds good. Let's get outta here." I turned on my heel to start walking back towards the door when I heard his voice come up from behind me again quoting a line from his movie. We both knew the whole thing start to finsh. It was cute, but I always toyed with him about his knowledge of a movie he made almost three years ago.
"John… stop quoting the movie please… I didn't ask for a diet Coke." I laughed as he held the door back for me to walk through it. Blush ran to my cheeks again as I tried to ignore the sexual comment. I had to stop thinking this way… he was already starting to affect me more than he ever should have in the first place. I seriously could not get attached to him like this.
When I came back into the party and I could hear one of The Luchagors songs playing on a loud speaker. Amy must be showing her stuff off to the guys. I was so excited for the new band she was starting now that wrestling wasn't the biggest part of her life anymore.
"Fine." He huffed, fake disappointment in his voice as he pulled himself in behind me. I smiled to myself before it suddenly faded when caught myself thinking of what might happen between John Cena and I tonight… and I shouldn't even be having these thoughts in the first place… but I am.
It's hard to wipe your tears away
Knowing that you should be with me
We walked blindly into my dark room about 2am; I searched the wall for the light switch as she pulled the DVD from her purse. We crashed on the couch in front of the television with my movie playing in front of us, apparently for the 23rd time. I had my feet stretched out, up on the table; her legs fell over mine as she leaned into my chest. I could feel the heat from her body as it radiated into me and for the first time since Liz I was starting to feel something for a girl other than something completely sexual.
Why her? Why did it have to be my best friend…? Don't get me wrong here, she's absolutely gorgeous but if I acted on this feelings and things didn't work out I could lose her friendship altogether and that would ultimately kill me. I couldn't do that.
I looked down and shifted under her a little bit. She looked up at me, her chocolate eyes locking with mine and smiled. I felt my heart beat get a little faster, I hope she didn't notice though; the last thing I want is for things to get awkward between us.
"Hey John, I'm going to go change into something else. This outfit from the show is killing me." I just nodded as I remembered the bag she had brought up from the arena. I watched her walk off into the bathroom with the bag slung over her shoulder. She turned around to close the door and actually caught me staring at her. I just smiled and quickly moved my attention back to the movie.
It had only been a minute or two and I jumped a little when I heard her voice pop up from behind me; I didn't even hear the door to the bathroom open. I turned around to face her and my mouth almost hit the floor as a reaction.
Now tell me why...
"John, do you think… what are you staring at? Oh, my hair? You know you like my handlebars." She stated, laughing. I smiled, trying to hide the fact I was just staring at her in general. But given the fact she'd put her hair up in pig-tails or handlebars as she'd called them just added to the appearance in front of me. I laughed along with her trying to knock the thoughts of her like that out of my mind; I shouldn't be thinking about her like this, but damnit if that wasn't an open invitation in my mind.
"Like I was saying, do you think we could move this party over to the bed?" I think it was about the time when the word bed passed her still highly-glossed lips that my eyes bugged out of my head. Did I just hear her right? The bed? I shook my a little trying to shake whatever was clogging my ears up out. She can't be serious... can she?
"The couch is getting kind of uncomfortable, don't cha think? Let's strentch out." I sighed easily, hoping she didn't notice much. I knew she couldn't have meant what my mind thought she did. I really had to get my mind out of the gutter; we're friends, that's all. I smiled a little, nodding at her in agreement; I pulled myself up from my seat following her over to the big king-sized bed. I watched her crawl up the length of the bed before turning herself around to face the television-- it kind of reminded me of a cat.. a really sexy cat..
Why are we still friends?
When everything says we should be more than we are
We had been laid up, side by side for a little over half an hour before I started drifting off, trying to aimlessly think of everything but her and even the damn movie now; the romance there was starting to make me feel awkward after the way I had been thinking tonight. I felt myself sigh easily again as my eyes darted to different parts of the room around me.
I guessed it was because I am the WWE Champion that I get better rooms than everyone else. I smiled to myself a little though, it gave me a little bit of guilty pride but I'm sure I deserved it-- I'd worked harder than most this past year. But to be honest it didn't matter to me though, I wasn't all about the material things and everyone knew that. I lacked more in the things that meant most; like family, best friends and lovers.
I tried again to focus on my movie, "The Marine," as things started to get interesting and the explosion screens were carrying through. It was almost over; I swallowed hard as I started to wonder where things would go after the movie was finally out of the way.
I held my chin in my hands now, elbows sitting straight up on the mattress as I continued to pay half attention to the scenes playing out ahead of me; I knew I was half paying attention to her at the same time though. Her breath was even, her eyes brightly studied the DVD as it slowly crept to the final moments.
I knew she was silently critiquing me on my acting skills but that's just how she was; a complete perfectionist. She would watch her matches a million and one times just looking for ways to make it better next time around; to be completely honest I admired that. I wish half the boys in the locker room had half the drive and passion that she does about her job. I studied her face a little longer than I should have I guess, because the next thing I knew her dark brown eyes were staring straight back at me before I even realized it.
"What?" I asked playfully, smiling back at her, trying to escape the awkward feeling that had found it's way into my stomach.
"What was it like kissing her?" She asked, totally out of left field. I didn't expect her to say something like, that's for sure. I wasn't prepared to answer right off the bat, either. I continued my small laugh, as my eyes fell back on the movie; I was frantically trying to save my "wife" Kelly Carlson from drowning in an 18-wheeler.
"She's a gorgeous woman, no doubt; I don't know though, maybe it was just me. I thought she was a little..." my voice trailed as I mentally searched for the right word.
"Old?" She finished for me. That's exactly what I was looking for; I nodded, agreeing with her term. Every time I saw her I thought of how much older she looked than me even though we were around the same age. I laughed again, rolling over to my side, propping my head up against the bed on my elbow.
"Old... yeah, and a little rough around the edges too; definitely not as sexy as the Divas we have in the WWE. And, in a creepy sort of way, she almost came off like she was my sister or something..." She instantly busted out laughing, rolling over to lay on her back. She held her sides as her eyes started to water from laughing so hard.
"John kissed his sister... ewww!" She squealed after a minute, hugging her stomach closer even more.
"That's enough of that, she's not my sister and it's not like I even enjoyed kissing her anyway. It wasn't that special, hell, it wasn't even that good to be honest!" I augured back, watching her every move as I defended myself.
"That's not what it looks like to me..." She breathed heavily, looking up and back at the television as the end scene ran through with the very last kiss between the co-star and myself. I grabbed the remote and hurriedly flipped off the TV just as the end credits rolled up the screen.
Some one that I like
We always end up just being friends...
"Hey, I like that song!" She whined, referring to my song "If It All Ended Tomorrow," which played during the credits. I look back over at her with a sudden mischievous look on my face. That one that told her I had something up my sleeve but I wasn't about to let her know about it; that one she knew all too well...
"Cena, I'd think twice before you do whatever it is you're about to do." She said, picking herself up off the bed. She scooted her way back towards the headboard on her knees as I crawled to my own knees like we were about to have a match right here, right now. I was shirtless, and wore only my blue jean shorts and a pair of white foot socks. I could see her eyes get a little wider as she felt her back hit the wall as I moved in closer.
"Cena, really! Don't do whatever it is you have planned, I know you. I know what you're thinking." I smirked as she shook her finger at me; there was less than five inches between us and all I could do was smirk. I don't know where my sudden burst of confidence came from but I wasn't about to complain. She looked to be ready to take whatever I was willing to dish out so I wasn't about to back down now.
"Oh really, so if you know what I'm about to do... I guess I'll just have to do something totally different now, spur of the moment." I snaked; I knew I was so conniving sometimes but I knew she loved taking it just as much as I loved dishing it out. I barely had time to think before I suddenly grabbed her wrists between my palms and pinned them against the wall above her, my body pushed up against hers. I didn't even realize what I was doing until I had already done it.
"You didn't see that one coming did you?" I whispered, my breath hot on her skin. I had never been this close to her before... she was my best friend; I didn't feel her trying to get away so I just kept going. I couldn't lie and say I didn't like it because I did. I had always been attracted to her but I didn't think I was good enough for a girl like her, especially after my reputation and track record. I brushed my cheek gently up against hers as I closed my eyes, losing myself in the situation, just listening to her breath was like music.
"Test it on me," she breathed, nothing above a tiny whisper. I slowly released her hands and she brought them to rest down beside her body. I softly took her face in my cupped hands, knowing exactly what she meant. My lips gently brushed against hers as I engulfed her body into mine. We continued to kiss like that, it growing passionate after a few minutes until we both struggled for air.
I would hate for you to find somebody new
Who you really love
I pulled back, looking down deep into her gorgeous orbs. Without saying a word I wrapped my arms around her again and picked her up; turning my body around with her I laid her head softly against the pillows we had used earlier during the movie that still laid at the foot of the bed. I hovered over her, and all I could do was stare down at the most gorgeous human being I had ever seen. She had dug up feelings in me that I had tried to cover up for so long… but I knew I couldn't hide this anymore.
I had crushed on her since the moment we first met, but somewhere along the line we turned into best friends instead of what I really wanted… instead of being more than that. She was just over five feet tall, she had the most gorgeous set of brown eyes I'd ever found myself lost in. I couldn't help the way I felt, I couldn't change the fact that I had fallen for her all those years ago. The woman was a Greek goddess, I felt like I was under a spell when I was around her; she made my heart beat faster than any female I had ever been with or even laid eyes on.
He slowly leaned down, his face directly above mine as he gently rubbed his nose against mine, brushing his cheek across against my cheek and all I could do was close my eyes and get lost in his touch, his smell... everything about him was finally and openly making me weak and breathless all at the same time and I wasn't even trying to hide it this time.
Cause it would mean losing you
But am I a fool, girl, not to say
"John..." I whispered so soft I barely heard myself.
"Yeah?" He answered slowly; it almost sounded like he was just as breathless as I was, that thought causing a light blush to rise up on my cheek bones. I ran my tounge over my lips, wetting them a little.
"Can I tell you something?" I asked, niether one of us moved. I guess he figured that if I didn't want him to touch me like he was I would have thrown him off me by now; but I wasn't complaining in the least. His touch caused my skin to crawl with electricity, that's the best way I knew to explain it-- he made me feel things no one had ever made me feel before.
"Yeah." He finally answered, still hovering over me as he hadn't moved a muscle yet. I had to wonder if his arms were getting tried of holding his heavy, muscluar body up like that for that long, almost in a push-up position. I felt my hands touch his arms before I even knew they were moving; I ran my fingertips up the length of each arm, feeling every muscle and every vien along the way. His skin was soft and hot; I stopped once I was at his bisceps, letting my palms rest there flat against him.
"I'm scared John.." I started, taking another uneasy breath as I whispered more to him. "I'm afraid that if I open my eyes, you won't be there anymore... and I'll wake up and realize this is just another dream." I felt his face lift up from mine and I moved one of my hands back down to the bed beside me as his arm moved away from my touch to lightly brush a strand of hair from my face. I knew he was staring at me but I still couldn't bring myself to open my eyes-- I could almost feel the tears in them already, I'm a highly emotional person sometimes. I didn't want this to end up just being another hopeless fantasy...
"You're not the only one that's scared... I'm terrified." He replied, rubbing a finger down the side of my face causing chills to run over my whole body. How could John Cena, the man who never backs down from anyone or anything be scared? I've known him a long time but I've never known him to be scared of anything, ever.
If I'm always scared
I'll lose you anyway
"Of you walking out of this hotel room without knowing exactly how I feel about you... of you walking out of my room tonight not knowing how much I love you..." I instantly felt a gasp leave my lips and a ringing in my ears. Did he really just say.. he loves me? I had to be hearing things, he couldn't have said that. Guys like John Cena don't fall for girls like me, Diva or not... it just didn't happen.
I felt his body intense up almost as soon as his confession hit air, then the pressure from his palms disappeared-- telling me he had moved away from me. The bed shook a little as he was obviously getting off the bed.
I finally opened my eyes as I pulled myself to the side of the bed. Looking back towards the door I saw John standing there, gripping onto the corner of the dresser like he was trying to will his knees not to give out on him, his knuckles already white. I slowly touched my feet to the carpet on the floor; standing, I'm pretty sure I was starting to feel the same weakness he was. My nerves didn't know how to handle all of this--- up until now I had only dreamed about it, and fantasized about what might happen between us. I never thought in a million years that this would actually happen in reality; I didn't know how to handle this for real, especially when I knew that Cena wasn't an emotional person, and far from it.
I softly walked up behind him, my nose barely three inches from his right shoudler blade. I could faintly hear the wild beating of his heart and I could sense he was shaking ever so slightly. This seemed to be a huge deal for John, which made it even seem that much more surreal. I just couldn't wrap my brain around it-- although I knew whatever happened tonight was going to happen either way and I knew I wanted it, I couldn't hold myself back anymore knowing he felt the same way I did.
Somewhere, somehow I've got to chose
No matter if it's win or lose...
"I need you Johnny," I started, my voice muffled into his t-shirt as tears already began to sting my eyes. "I need to feel you; I need you more than I've ever needed anyone in my whole life..." I choked off at the end, hoping I just didn't make myself sound as desperate as I really felt. I jumped a little when I felt his hands over mine, his forearms laid gently on top of mine-- it was only a few moments before I felt him tug on my hands causing me to let go of him, retracting them back to my own body. He turned around then, facing me-- his blue eyes looked a little lost yet they still had that same gorgeous sparkle that had made me weak so many times in the past... times he obviously didn't even know about.
"Do you mean that?" He asked, looking down at me, with a finger under my chin holding my face a little so I would look him directly in the eye. I took my hand to his face, gently rubbing my fingertips over his muscluar cheek and jawbone outlining him slowly. I passed him a small smile when I felt his hands on my hips, the gap between our bodies being very small.
"Yes John, I mean that-- I've never been more serious about anything, ever... hearing you say all those things, you've made me realize how much of a fool I was for not telling you what I felt a long time ago." I paused, feeling him pull me a little closer still. "I should have told you a long, long time ago that I had feelings for you-- feelings I thought I could surpress, feelings I thought would never be returned by you because of your past relationships and current views on your future... but now that I know you feel the same way I have since the moment I met you is an amazing feeling--- too good in fact... I feel like I'm going to wake up from this dream at any moment and you'll be just another figment of my fantasy world like all the other times..."
I sighed heavily, my head falling a little to stare at the section of his t-shirt just below his collar bone. I could feel a few tears slip down my cheeks but I didn't want to move my hands to wipe them away; I like the way they felt slung around his neck, fingers laced again and have it mean something more than just being a friendly hug. I'm tired of being just a friend...
"Sweets, look at me--" he whispered, shifting his finger back under my chin to make me look at him again. I quickly tried to blink back as many tears as I could but I knew it wasn't going to help much. He gently brushed the pads of his thumbs under my eyes a few times, wiping away as much as he could brushing them off on his jean shorts. I sighed contently against him as he continued on...
"Baby, I'm not going anywhere, and that's a promise; I would never ever leave you, you know that. You're the best friend a guy could ask for, you've helped me so much... more than you will ever know and-- well, every year we spend here together I find it harder and harder to keep my mind off you. I find myself wanting to see you when you're not around or when I actually have a day off. I hate my days off because I can't see you, or hear your voice, or smell the fruity scent of your hair; I'm always wanting to talk to you, even if it's only about the weather. I want to be with you every minute that I possibly can... I guess, the reason I never had enough guts to tell you before now is because I was so afraid of what you would say, or that it would somehow ruin our friendship but I just can't live a lie anymore-- I had to tell you."
I felt his hand slid over my back as I gently pressed my face against his chest again, my hands locked under his arms. I sighed heavily, letting all my emotions out; I couldn't help but cry I was so scared of where this could lead. His hand cupped my face as I felt him lean down and lay a soft kiss on the top of my head. I knew I was probably getting my eyeliner and make-up all over his white Michell and Ness t-shirt but at the same time I needed to feel him close to me; afraid that if I moved away, he'd walk away from me and that would be it and I couldn't take that... I'd buy him another shirt...
It felt like I had been standing there with him for hours but really it had only been a few minutes. I had been crying so much, and so hard I could feel my knees getting weaker the longer I stood there with him; I had developed a small shake just the same as he and every minute or so it coursed it's way over my body; one because of all my emotions running wild and for standing in a place where I could feel the cooler air from outside coming in from the cracks of the window.
"I'm glad you told me..." I choked out inbetween a sniffle and a small cough. I felt my knees completely give out then, but just when I thought I was going to fall to the floor John caught me as he picked me up in his strong arms. I wrapped my arms back around his neck, burying my face in his peck even more.
"I'm glad I told you too," he replied, carrying me back to the bed as he laid me down on top of the pilliows. I slid up with my back against the headboard as I watched him closely. He knelt down eye-level with me to wipe away the tears out from under my eyes once again. "I'm glad I told you now, and I didn't wait until it was too late... but don't cry anymore, okay sweets? I don't want to ever make you cry over me unless they are happy tears-- got it?"
I passed him a small smile when I saw the same on his own face, his dimples shining through; he was a gorgeous man, I couldn't deny that even at a time like this-- especially with those dimples and his adorable ears. I nodded slowly even though I was still a bit unsure about what exactly would happen from here. He stood straight up again, in only his t-shirt-- which was now covered in my make-up, his trademark shorts and small white socks on his feet. He looked down at me, staring for a moment longer as I tilted my head back to lock brown to blue once again. I reached out to him, touching my fingertips to the top of his forearm so they could gently slide down his smooth skin until my hand found his. Wrapping my digits around his softly I tugged on him a little, moving over a little to make some room next to me.
"Come here," I whispered as I pulled on him a little more, my eyes staying with him the whole time. He plopped down beside me making the whole bed shake for a few seconds before it died down. He leaned back against the bed, and I turned so I could face him. It was now or never and I wasn't about to let hiim tell me how he truly felt about me without taking the same opportunity myself; it wasn't fair to him and I couldn't hold the truth in any longer either, I know how hard it was for hiim.
I still held his hand as I took the opposite in my other one as he continued to look at me; I could see the worry, and the questions in his eyes-- this had to have been the only time I had ever known John to be so openly afraid of something. I still couldn't believe it was all over me. I gave his hands a light squeeze before rubbing my thumbs over the top of his hands in a comforting way. I swallowed hard, taking a couple of breaths before I started to tell the man sitting in front of me how much I was truly in love with him... here goes nothing..
"John," she started, folding my hands palms together with hers holding them together like the cover of a book. "Thank you for telling me how you felt about me, you don't know how much that truly means to me... I couldn't tell you how long I've waited to hear you say that. I've dreamt about it, I think about it constantly-- wondering what it would be like for you to tell me everything I wanted to hear from you... much like you already did tonight; my dream is starting to come true when I never ever thought it would..."
She paused, looking away from me for the first time, moving her eyes to focus on her hands as they still held mine. As soon as I saw her take a heavy breath in I instantly knew she was starting to cry again.
"Sweets, please don't--" I started softly, moving my hands slowly within hers to snap her out of the trance she was sat in. Her eyes moved back to mine as I saw one tear slide down each side of her face, mixing with the dried tear stains already on her once wine-colored cheeks.
"No John," she whispered, trying to half smile at me to prove her case. "These are definitely happy tears; it's just an emotional thing to hear someone finally tell you what you've wanted to hear for so long... and it's equally emotional for me to try and explain to you what I feel for you because it's my turn now--" I squeezed her hands a little to let her know I was there for her no matter what and that I wanted her to continued; like she said, I've been waiting just as long to hear the words straight form her without it being a figment of my imagination. I felt myself start to hold my breath again as I waited for her admission; my mind was buzzing with all the possible things she could say, I honestly didn't know what to expect at this point. This morning when I got up I didn't expect I would be here with her right now experiencing every emotion in the book so I was walking straight into this completely blind.
"From the moment I met you almost four years ago I was instantly attracted to you. You were funny, respectful and just a flat out amazing guy to be around... As our friendship started to form on one hand I was happy because I got to spend so much time with you and over time I did feel like we had that 'best friend' connection I hadn't felt in a long time; but on the other hand I was upset and a little hurt that you had never once hinted or tired to make it something more than that... It's not your fault though, I realized that's just the kind of person you are-- you're sweet, gentle, you care more about your friends, family and the people around you more than yourself and I knew that you would never try to make a move on me because you respected me that much... but somewhere along the line I've managed to find myself completely head over heels in love with you-- John, I love you too."
She finished, a couple more tears sliding down her face as I continued to watch her, almost in a state of disbelief. I couldn't believe she was saying she felt the same way about me that I did for her. She wasn't the only one that dreamed of us being together; I had been having vivid dreams about her every night since I met her-- except she didn't know that.
"I love you sweets, I want to be with you... please say you'll be with me?" I swallowed again, searching her eyes with my own for a few silent seconds before she spoke to me, bringing the most geniun smile I'm sure I'd ever had to my face.
"John, it's more like please don't make me be without you. I couldn't even if I wanted to; there's no one I could go back to being just friends with you-- I need to be with you as so much more than that." I saw the smile on her face as well, which made my heart beat even faster than it already was. I couldn't believe I was in love-- I told myself I'd never let it happen again but here I sit with this beautiful girl who loves me, and I love her... the feeling that she put in my soul just couldn't be expressed with any words that I knew, they just weren't strong enough.
"I need you too baby, so much." I whispered as I slowly inched my face closer to lay my lips to hers again in another heated, passionate kiss. I felt the electricity and the spark when my lips touched her skin and I knew that this was right, and it had been right all along we were just too scared to go for it. Now all that was left was to look to the future we have together and make up for all the lost time.
She slowly pulled back away from me, as we both needed air; she tugged on my bottom lip a little with her teeth getting a throaty moan from my body in response. I reopened my eyes just in time to see that the reaction had caused her to smile as she slowly opened her eyes as well. I reached up and gently started to tug on the hairbow that held up her left pig-tail. When it was completely down, and her hair hung back around her face I gently tucked a few strands behind her ear, smiling at her the whole time. I gave the other side of hair the very same treatment before coming back to look at her again.
"You're absolutely beautiful.. I hope you know that." As soon as those words left my mouth a small amount of blush creeped into her cheeks; I cupped my hand around the right side of her face, rubbing my thumb over her cheek gently just taking her all in.
"I know now," she whispered. Before I could even process her voice in my head she rose up on her knees, hobbling closer to me only to throw her right leg over my waist to have a seat on my lap. I watched her eyes closely as she looked at me a second before dipping her face into the nape of my neck. I instantly tilted my head to the side, and laid it back against the headboard when I felt her teeth graze my skin before her tounge went to work, sucking on as much of it as she could-- she was completely devouvering me. I knew at that point kissing wasn't the only thing she was good at that invovled her mouth. I felt her left hand cupped around the back of my neck as the other snaked down my body in search of the hem of my t-shirt.
I flexed as a reaction when I felt her soft hand find it's way under the fabric of my t-shirt, rubbing slowly up against my defined abs. I smiled when I heard her giggle when she felt my body contract. Her mouth had managed to find it's way up to my ear as she gently tugged on my lobe with her teeth almost like she was teasing me. I knew she had to have felt my growing arousal seeing as she was still planted firmly on my lap; but, even if she did it didn't look to me like she cared at the moment.
I felt her move away from me as she brought her head back up, taking her hand from my neck to my chin, forcing me to turn to look back at her. She had a smile on her face now, her lips slightly swollen from her make-out session with my neck but her eyes were still a little bloodshot from all her tears. I grinned back at her knowing I probably looked like a kid in a candy store but I didn't care. I had wanted this for as long as I had known her and it was finally happening and I wasn't about to hide how happy she was making me.
I knocked out of my thoughts when I realized her hands were now pulling at the hem of my t-shirt, silently begging for me to lean up so she could pull it off me. No sooner did my back leave the headboard then my shirt was off and on the floor it one quick motion. The back of my head touched the wall again when she placed her lips to my chest, in the middle of my collarbone before trailing her way down further with as many butterfly kisses as possible in the position she was in. She stopped right as she got to the skin where my abs started because I had started to tug on the bottom of her shirt this time. Her eyes locked back on mine as she rose up again, searching for reassurance and confidence no doubt. I licked my lips, as I pushed a fallen piece of her dark hair behind her right ear.
Her hands slipped easily from her small t-shirt as I slowly pulled it from her body, throwing it off into the floor with my own. She sat before me now in only a black lace bra and some of the shortest shorts I had ever seen in my life. I must have been staring at her for too long because I saw her arms start to go up over her, she had always been a little self-concious around me but she didn't have any reason to be. In my opinion she put all the other Divas the WWE had to offer to shame.
I took hold of her wrists, stopping her from covering herself. "Don't," I started, watching her stare up at me-- a look of what I took to be surprise on her face. "You don't have to hide from me anymore..."
I don't wanna be like your brother
I don't wanna be your best friend
"We don't have to do this if this isn't what you want.." I whispered, brushing the pad of my thumb against her jawline, slowly tracing her face. "I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do or that you don't feel comfortable with; you know that right?" I almost didn't have enough time to get that last bit out of my mouth before I felt her index finger lightly pressed against my lips keeping me quiet.
"John, if I didn't want this, I wouldn't be here-- I wouldn't have put myself in this situation..." She removed her finger to brush the back of her hand against my cheek, sending a chill down my spine. "John, don't think, don't worry, don't hold back... just feel-- I want this, I've wanted this for a long time." That's all I needed to hear from here as I pushed my lips against hers again feeling the spark between us all over again. The things I felt when touching her were beyond words, with every single one of my senses hightened.
I felt her nails rack down the front of my chest, rippling over my muscles as she moaned against my mouth-- a ringing echoing in my ears. I slowly picked her up in my arms, scooting off the edge of the bed only to feel her legs instinctively wrap about my waist, locking at her ankles. I smiled against her collar bone, leaving soft kisses on every inch of her skin I could get acess too. I turned back around, facing the bed again as I gently laid her down on her back against the mattress. I stood there for a moment staring down at the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen who was not only my best friend but the girl I was about to make love to; something I'd wanted for a very long, long time as well.
I was already painfully erect, it had only gotten worse since I saw her walk out of the bathroom with her hair in pigtails. My hands went to my belt buckle making quick work of it as I slid my shorts to the floor. Kicking out of them I stood there in just my boxers but as I stared directly at her, my eyes surely glazed over with pure emotion I could tell she wasn't looking anywhere else but in my eyes; that wasn't the norm for me, normally all the girls I brought back to the hotel couldn't do anything but stare at my body, drooling. I knew she respected me for more than that which made my feelings toward her that much stronger.
I weighed my body down on my right knee on top of the mattress as I carefully slipped my fingers against her skin to remove her short-shorts from her tan, toned legs throwing them to the floor with everything else. As she laid in front of me now I leaned even further down to kiss her once, twice, three times-- I couldn't exactly keep account I was so punch drunk over her. I'd never felt this smitten over a girl before; that fact alone made me realize this was something I needed to pay attention to.
I felt her lightly sigh against me as my fingers slipped her thong down her thighs and to the floor as well. I rose back up on the bed as I pulled her with me so that her body was now on top of mine, nothing between us but body heat. I felt her press her lips against mine again, whimpering softly as my fingers tangled in her hair before slipping down her back. I could feel the spark she was causing in the pit of my stomach, something I haven't felt in a long, long time. I had always wondered what it would be like to make love to her, and now that it was finally happening I knew this was definitely something I could get used to. I never wanted this feeling to go away, it's something I knew I didn't want to live without.
"Johnny..." she whispered slowly as my mouth found it's way down to her neck again, sucking and lightly bruising the skin there, I could already tell how much she enjoyed it.
"Yeah," I answered quickly, taking my lips away from her for only a second. I could feel one of her hands pressed against my shoulder as the other slide against my back.
"Don't tease.. me," she choked out, her words mixing with a moan as it escaped her. I smiled against her, moving my lips back up to her jaw line and then to her lips again. I pulled back and looked down at her gently moving a strand of her hair from her gorgeous eyes.
"Are you in a hurry?" I smirked, watching a small smile smear over her face. She cupped my face in her tiny hands, massaging the pad of her thumbs over my cheek bones.
"No, I'm definitely not in a hurry-- but I can't wait much longer.." I laughed a little, leaning down to kiss her again.
"Good-- no hurry, no rush. I can take as much time with you as I want... as you deserve." I watched her smile get a little bigger as she blushed lightly. I gently rolled her over again so her back was to the mattress; I slide down the length of her until my knees hit the floor. I linked my hands around her ankles as I slowly pulled her closer to the edge of the bed. I threw her legs over my shoulders as I took in the task in front of me. I could hear her breathing getting a little faster everytime I placed a small kiss on the inside of her thighs. I felt her body react and heard a sharp hiss escape her as I finally indulged in her; I was prepaired to take her to the edge and back tonight, tonight was all about her.
Even from here, as my head laid against the pillows I could smell the strawberries in her hair which was making sleep harding to fight off. I sighed contently as I traced small lines up and down the length of her arm. For the longest time I thought she had been a sleep the whole time but then I heard her speak up-- her voice groggy and small, barely above a whisper.
"Johnny.." I knew she was checking to see if I was still awake so I picked up my hand just a little and moved her hair away from her shoulder and then tucked the rest behind her ear.
"Yeah?" I answered, feeling her sigh against me this time. I tilted my head to the side a little as I felt her move against me. I looked down to watch her pick her head up and look up at me, her big chocolate eyes gazed with passion and sleep. She just smiled and pressed her lips to mine in a soft, gentle kiss. Neither one of us had enough strength to make it into anything else, even if we wanted to.
She pulled back and smiled again as her side bangs fell in her face, covering her left eye. She was fucking beautiful. I smiled back down at her as I rolled her over a little so both of us were laying on our sides, face to face my arm still around her. I picked up her right hand in my left, lacing our fingers together as she stared into my eyes. I knew right then I could stay in this moment forever and be just fine; she made me feel like I was on top of the world, that's something I'd never felt with anyone else and she had to know that.
"A penny for your thoughts?" She asked, knocking me out of my day-dream as I came back to reality to see her still looking at me and I knew she was wondering what I was thinking about. I softly pressed my lips to her forehead before I felt her lean against me the spot where I'd just laid my kiss against my chin; I could feel her warm breath on my neck as I tried to form an audible sentence to two.
"I was just thinking about us.. tonight, holding you-- what it all means to me." I started, closing my eyes getting lost in the moment with her again. She didn't move, she just continued to lay against me like that, holding onto me like I was a life-line which I was more than okay with.
"What conclusion did you come to?" When she spoke she sent a chill over me and I could tell I had goosebumps-- one's that she caused; yet another first for me.
"Honestly?" I questioned, just giving her a reason for her to look at me. I wanted to say this directly to her-- and I would never ever think to lie to her; I know how much that has hurt me in the past, from relationships, my parents and my friends and I wouldn't do it to anyone, and I don't.
She pulled back, looking at me again giggling a little. "Yes John, honestly-- expert opinion?" I smiled, chuckling a little myself. It was a great feeling to know even in a moment like this, with so many things left unside we could be so light-hearted together.
"Okay okay.. honestly--" I gently released her hand from mine as I brought it up to caress her cheeek, raking a few strands of her fallen hair behind her ear again. I held her face in my hand as I brought her to kiss me again, soft and easy. Everyone knew I wasn't the smoothest guy around so I wanted to use actions to help explain myself-- the last thing I wanted was for this to come out wrong.
"You know my rep with girls, you know it's not the best in the world... and I really don't want this to come out wrong-- so if you get offended or something, I want you to know a head of time that that's not what I meant..." She laughed a little as her eyes closed a little before re-opening. I knew she was getting tried after our last few hours but I needed her to know this before it went any further.
"Okay Cena, just tell me already-- it's not like I didn't know you like the back of my hand before now... only now I know all of you like the back of my hand." I had to contain my own laughter this time at her little attempt at a joke. I rolled my eyes playfully at her before trying to go back to being absolutely serious. She quickly calmed down, focusing her amazing eyes on me once again; she could tell I really was trying to be serious and she had a playful spirit just like mine and I could tell she knew it was time to shut up and let me have my say-- it was that important to me.
"You will never know how much tonight means to me..." I started, whispering to her softly. "I've waited for the right time to approach you about my feelings for you but I never felt it was the right time-- well, that and I was scared out of my mind... I never knew what it felt like to be completely under the control of a female before.. until you. You are unlike anyone I've ever been around before-- you make me feel like a million bucks when I shouldn't amount to 25 cents... I've had feelings for you since the first time I met you, and I wish I could have said something before now especially knowing it could have turned out like this--" I paused again, searching her eyes a minute before pressing my lips into hers again, stealing a quick kiss. "I feel things with you I didn't know I could feel and... and I know I don't know how you feel about all of this but I was kinda hoping..." I watched her silently push me to continue with her eyes. I could feel her leg shift a little under the covers as the soft skin of her thigh rubbed against mine. "What if I told you I wanna be in your life?... What if I told you I wanted you to be the woman in mine?"
If I told you that I wanna be in your life
And you could be the woman in mine?
Now tell me...
I felt my breathing get a little heavier, my heart rate getting quicker by the second. I gently smoothed the pad of my thumb over his kiss-swollen lips just watching him, and the sparkle in his crystal eyes. I felt the first tears slip down my cheeks but before he could reach around me and wipe them away I latched my hand with his, lacing out fingers together. I slowly I brought his hand to my lips, kissing it softly.
"Johnny... I-- I don't know what to say, you-- you're an amazing person, you do things to me I couldn't explain if I tried... For so long I wondered what it would be like to be here with you like this, wrapped up in your strong arms, to feel safe-- feeling your lips on mine, to feel love." I paused a second to swallow hard, trying to push back more tears that threatened to fall as I ran my free hand through his short hair. "Now that my biggest dream has come true I couldn't imagine going back to be just your friend-- I'm never going to be able to look at you the same again, even if I wanted to. You've made me realize how much time with you I've wasted... I couldn't imagine any other man being in my life the way you've been tonight-- You've given yourself to me and now that I've had you completely I realize everything I ever wanted has been here all along... I want you Johnny... please.. promise me you'll let me be that woman in your life; the only woman in your life... I love you too much to give you up now."
I could only stumble out in a whisper there at the end; I guess it was a mix between the way he was staring down at me, telling me he was really listening to me and/or the way he was softly petting me, his fingertips making small circles on my bare arm-- the whole situation mixed with the warmth of his body causing me to shiver.
I let him wipe the teared streaks from my face this time, watching him as he lower his face to mine in a soft kiss before he leaned his forehead against mine. He smiled, breaking one out on my features as well. He kissed me again, gently pulling at my bottom lip as he pulled away a little.
Why are we still friends?
When everything says we should be more than we are