Well, new chapter, at last. I'll warn you people that nothing much actually happens in this chapter, but hopefully it will amuse you all just a bit.

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I wouldn't be writing this kind of nonsense, would I?

Alice, slowly, nods. Whether or not Moony will help she's not really sure, but either way, she's going to get to meet Remus Lupin. Remus Lupin! She wonders what he'll look like. Perhaps she will tell me when she gets back. Hopefully, he won't look like the Lupin from the movies – that way he'd grow up to look like a caterpillar had crawled on to his upper lip and died.

No, Alice decides. This Remus will be handsome. He will be 1337. This Remus, Alice decides, will rock her sox.

Sirius takes a deep breath, then shouts, as loud as he possibly can, "MOONY!"

"WHAT?" an irritated voice calls back from down the stairs.

"WELL," Sirius begins, loudly and dramatically, "THIS GIRL JUST RANDOMLY—"

Remus cuts him off. "JUST WAIT, I'M COMING UP!"

Alice hears a book being closed, then put down. She hears a footstep on the bottom of the stairs, then another on the second step. At this point, there is a creak as Remus steps on the third step. She hears him put his foot on the fourth step. The suspense is killing her. She squirms. I'm guessing she's thinking, hurry up, Remus. But he won't hurry. This moment can't be hurried. Although Alice doesn't realise it, this could possibly be one of the most important moments of her life.

"Oh, hurry up," she mutters, as Remus places his left foot on the fifth step. "How mayn steps are there up to here?" she asks Sirius.

Sirius is a little puzzled. "Why does it matter?"

Remus puts his right foot on the sixth step.

"I just want to know what he looks like."

"Who, Remus?"

The person in question trips on the seventh step and tumbles backwards down the stairs. "Bloody hell, Moony, what's taking you so long?" Sirius shouts. "My lovely friend up here wants to know what you look like!"

This is getting far too suspenseful for Alice. She feels as though she has just mixed together a dangerous concoction of unusual and highly flammable chemicals and is waiting for them to explode. Personally, I don't know why she doesn't just go downstairs to find Remus herself, but perhaps she thinks this is a dream, and she doesn't want to move in case she accidentally wakes herself up, it being a particularly good dream, involving Marauders, Hogwarts, and possibly even her secret love, Lucius Malfoy.

Now, if Alice was here beside me as I typed, she would be beating me about the head or tugging the end of my plait and demanding that I delete the part about Lucius Malfoy. Fortunately for all concerned, about five or ten minutes ago, Alice was randomly and inexplicably transported to the other side of the world, and back in time more than thirty years, so I am safe to write precisely what I like.

Is the suspense killing you too now? Shall I just hurry up and tell you in a several page long description what Remus Lupin looks like and what Alice thinks of him? Or will I just wait patiently until all my readers die, death by slow, uncomfortable death… MWAHAHAHAHA…hahaha… erm, right. I'd perhaps rather my readers (what few I have) didn't get scared away, or killed. I do so like reviews after all.

So, Sirius runs down the stairs, taking them several at a time, and comes back dragging a squirming, wriggling Remus.

"This," he declares, proudly, as if Remus is a sculpture he's sculpted, "is Remus Lupin, or, as McGonagall calls him, her little Snugglepie."

Despite this rather disturbing introduction, Alice stands there, silent and speechless. Yes, silent and speechless. As if silence doesn't imply speechlessness. Remus, meanwhile, twists round to kick Sirius. "No, I am not McGonagall's Snugglepie. I am not anyone's Snugglepie. Unless you've brought me up here for anything important, I was in the middle of a lovely book, so will you please let me down." He gives Sirius a hard kick in the shins, and Sirius drops him.

"Well, I've brought you up here for a purpose. A very important purpose." Remus looks dubious. "No, seriously."

"That purpose being..."

"Her." Sirius points at Alice. "Alice, Remus; Remus, Alice." He then goes on to explain how Alice has mysteriously appeared in his dormitory. As you already know this part of the story, I will not write it again.

"Ah..." said Remus. "That would happen to you, Sirius."

"How do you mean?"

"Pretty girls randomly appearing on your bed."

Alice delights at being called pretty by Remus Lupin. As you can probably see by now, she is very fond of Remus Lupin... perhaps a little too fond, considering that up until just now, she thought he was fictional.

Remus, meanwhile, considers the problem. "Where'd you come from?"

"Melbourne." After a moment she adds, "In Australia," just in case someone didn't understand.

"Well..." Remus pauses. "I suppose Sirius has already asked you how you got here."

"Yeah." Sirius says, "And she didn't know."

"Right. I suppose we'd better take you to see the Headmaster."

"That sounds suspiciously like 'We'd better take you to the mental asylum' to me." Alice says, then hopes desperately that Remus will understand her strange brand of humour.

"No," he answers, looking amused, "Headmaster, not asylum. They both have an A, an S, and an M in them, but not many other similarities. So come on."

He reaches for her hand to pull her up off the bed, and Alice is a little disappointed that there is no inexcplicable connection... Maybe she's not destined to be with Remus Lupin after all. She sighs and follows Remus down many corridors, wondering two things. One, how he doesn't get lost; and two, if Dumbledore really looks gay.

My apologies, I cut that a little short. Don't fret. There'll be more in the next chapter, when it comes. Now I'll just pathetically beg for reviews a bit.