"Bush Whacked"

"Bush Whacked"

(Author's Note: I prefer the seasons on the show when Miles Silverberg is the producer, so that is what format I'm writing it in. Also, I writing this as if this is just another episode anywhere from seasons one through eight, and not much has changed.)

Scene: The News Room, early, on a Monday morning

Murphy: (enters through the elevator, is clearly having a bad morning)

Miles: Murphy, we're having a meeting as soon as Frank gets here.

Murphy: (exasperated) Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Miles: Murphy, why are you still wearing your bunny slippers?

Murphy: (looks down at her feet) Oh, dammit! It would figure, wouldn't it? (storms off into her office)

Scene: Murphy's Office

Miles: All right, Murphy, what's wrong?

Murphy: (pulling out a change of shoes from her drawer) What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. Did you see NBC Nightly News?

Miles: Yeah, so what?

Murphy: (hits him in the shoulder) So what?! Tom Brokaw got the interview I've been wanting ever since the idiot was elected!

Miles: Well, maybe if you stopped referring to President Bush as "the idiot", you might get an interview.

Murphy: Oh, come on, Miles. The guy doesn't even know that Australia is a continent!

Miles: Well, Murphy, this is kind of what the meeting is about.

Murphy: What?

Miles: What if I told you that the President is also willing to talk to someone from FYI?

Murphy: Miles, you don't get it, do you? Brokaw already asked him the questions. Even if I did an interview-

Miles: Well, Murphy, I must say I'm disappointed. I mean, I can't believe that Tom Brokaw asked all the questions you wanted to ask. I guess Corky will have to do it.

Murphy: Are you nuts? Corky interviews people at pet circuses, not the President of the United States! Although, I'm sure Dubya has been to at least one of those pet circuses.

Miles: Well, you don't want to do it, so I don't have any other choice.

Murphy: Are you kidding? Of course I want to do it! Geez, Miles, you don't know me at all! (walks out of the office)

Scene: The News Room, at the conference table

Murphy: (pouring herself coffee) Is Frank here yet?

Corky: (looks up from the table) No, not yet.

Murphy: God, what is with him? I wish everyone were as prompt as I am!

(An assortment of mumbled "yeah rights" are heard)

Frank: (enters through the elevator) Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late, but you know that recycling plant I've been investigating?

(An assortment of mumbled "yeahs" are heard)

Frank: Well, I had a hunch, and I figured out that the plant is using Mexican immigrants for cheap labor.

Miles: Good work, Frank. OK, let's start the meeting.

Jim: (to Murphy) I heard you're getting a big story, Slugger.

Murphy: Yeah, big story. I officially hate Tom Brokaw.

Corky: Murphy! Don't be so gloomy! You're going to be interviewing the leader of the free world! I'd kill for that interview!

Miles: Well, um, uh, you were my second choice, Corky.

Corky: Really?

Murphy: Oh, yes. You were next in line.

Corky: Wow, that's great! As my mama always said, "it's always better to be second choice than third!"

(Everyone exchanges confused looks)

Jim: Yes, Corky, very well said.

Miles: All right, Murphy. President Bush's advisors said that he wants to meet with you at the White House first, and review your questions.

Murphy: Are you kidding me?

Miles: Murphy, don't push this. Ever since your interview with the former President Bush, you're lucky you're being invited back into the White House at all!

Murphy: Oh, sure. I slip up one time!
Miles: Murphy! You set the man's jacket on fire!

Murphy: He put his sleeve to close to the candle!

Miles: You were waving it around!

Murphy: Oh, so what? I put it out, didn't I?

Miles: Murphy, do not push this. The Republican party is giving you another chance. Don't blow it. You're meeting with him tomorrow at 9am, don't be late, he has a busy schedule.

Murphy: Oh, please. How hard is it to pretend you're important? We all know it's Cheney who's running the show.

Scene: The White House, 9am, Tuesday

Murphy: The White House. I haven't been in here in awhile.
Secret Service Agent: Ma'am, the President will see you now.

Murphy: (enters the Oval Office)

President Bush: Well, hello there, Ms. Brown.

Murphy: Hello, Mr. President. May I call you Dubya? I heard all your friends do.

President Bush: Uh, well, let's just stick with Mr. President.

Murphy: Oh, all right.

President Bush: I assume you've brought a list of the questions you'll be asking me during the live interview?

Murphy: Yes I did.

President Bush: Can I see them?

Murphy: Um, why don't I just ask you them now?

President Bush: Oh, all right.

Murphy: Do you feel you won the election fairly?

President Bush: Excuse me?

Murphy: Well, this whole Electoral College thing.

President Bush: I'm not sure what you mean, Ms. Brown.

Murphy: OK, I'll explain it to you. Let's say I'm running for President of the FYI news room against my producer, Miles Silverberg. Now, he gets 10 votes, and I get 3, but I win because those 3 people were standing in my office. That's how you won.

President Bush: OK, I think this interview is over. I have a Pro-Life Rally to go to anyway.

Murphy: Pro-Life? Are you joking?

President Bush: I am very serious, Ms. Brown.

Murphy: Well, do you know that when you sentence people to death, it kills them?

President Bush: OK, I think it's time for you to leave, Ms. Brown.

Scene: News Room, later that day

Miles: (coming off the elevator) Murphy! I just heard what happened!

Murphy: It wasn't that big of a deal, Miles.

Miles: Murphy, the man is in the office for four years! That's four years of you not getting to do interviews with the most important man in the country!

Murphy: Miles, you know me. I'll always get my story, one way or another.