disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII and all related characters are © 1997 to Square Enix and don't belong to the author of this story in anyway. The song "Dirty Business" and the lines echoed belong to The Dresden Dolls, not the author. Kill Bill vol 1 and 2 belongs to Quentin Tarantino. Edward belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

.Queen of Spades.

Yuffie was unlike any girl Vincent had ever known.

She came to poker with her pockets stuffed with kings and aces (despite the fact that she was a brilliant poker player and insisted that they were just insurance in case Rude ever came out of nowhere and challenged her to an epic poker showdown in which he would rob her blind and she'd become homeless and who'd want to date a homeless girl who chases pigeons in the park? Vincent pointed out that she chased pigeons anyways, to which Yuffie reminded him that they stole her sandwich seven years ago remember? Never minding the fact he met her five years ago…)

She took delight in ordering dinner at restaurants for people she'd just met, assuring them that The Great Ninja Yuffie could figure out something as simple as what someone wanted for dinner. And when they sent the dishes back, often being vegetarian or allergic to the dish's key ingredient, she'd order desert for them, saying second time was the charm and leaving the people too flabbergasted to correct her.

When she got bored, she'd drag Vincent to a grocery store (using the excuse that he'd scare away anyone who forgot to put on pants for some inane reason) and buy a new bottle of hot fudge as well as several potatoes (and along the way she'd see how many rubber ducks she could put in an old man's cart before he noticed). Using these, she'd make a dish she called 'Blown Up Potatoes and Hot Fudge sundae without ice cream', cackling as they (Yuffie insisted he was her partner-in-crime because he never interfered) exploded Aerith's microwave again, and of course they'd run like mad before she came so she'd blame Zack because he was the one who invented the dish in the first place.

When she got sad, she'd watch Kill Bill volume one and two back to back, because ordinary problems where nothing compared to a crazy woman wielding a samurai sword coming into your restaurant that couldn't even be defeated by being buried. Then, she'd beg Vincent to bury her in a wooden coffin with a flashlight because for a ninja it'd be easy and was bewildered whenever he said no, and that's that for the millionth time.

When it rained, she would call Vincent and tell him to get his gothic ass over here because he was the only one who could out-stare Lord Fuzzingtons so they could have a cat beauty pageant, and then make up stories about what kind of trouble the winners and runners up would get into and what the tabloid headlines would be. And he always would come, because who would want to spend a quiet rainy day reading instead of dealing with angry cats (and it was worth it, the scratches and the glares, just for the satisfaction of seeing the inflictor in a fluffy pink tutu)?

When they met at Sephiroth's birthday party, she hadn't flinched away like her friend Aeirth who suddenly remembered she had Zack in the vicinity of cup cakes and microwaves and really had to go. No, she had just grinned, introduced herself, shook his hand, guessed his name was Victor and asked if he was a vampire and if so, would he say hi to Edward for her? All in one breath. And before he could respond, she said she loved the song that was now playing and dragged him onto the dance floor.

At first, she was just a hyper yet annoying distraction, to keep his mind off the woman who just broke his heart. But somewhere between shopping for ferret clothes in-case Vincent ever found out his soul mate was a ferret in which case she or he would need to be dressed nicely and getting swarmed by pigeons in the park because Zack stuffed their clothes with bread somehow as payback, Vincent realized that rainy days weren't the same without her and neither were trips to the supermarket. That she meant more to him than his well being and his microwave combined.

Somewhere along the way, Vincent realized Yuffie was unlike anyone else he ever knew, and wasn't that a pity because the world needed more blown up potatoes and rubber ducks. Somewhere along the way, he realized he loved her.

.fin.

a/n: So! Yeah. I don't know. D: I've wanted to write something like this ever since I heard the song "Dirty Business" by The Dresden Dolls which has the phrases "She's the kind of girl who looks for love in all the lonely places/The kind who comes to poker pockets stuffed with kings and aces". The second part reminded me of Yuffie, thus why I wanted to write it. I finally got around to writing it because I felt like writing something, and the song started playing in my head.

It's AU because it doesn't fit into canon. It's Yuffentine because I adore that pairing. It's titled Queen of Spades because of the card thing. Also, well, Spades used to be Athena's card, and Yuffie pretends to know everything.

I'd love any feedback or constructive criticism for this story. Oh, but I already know I shouldn't have things in brackets. Sorry, I can't help it. Bad writing habit of mine. It's not beta-ed by the way, so if you'd be so kind to point out any mistakes I've sure to have made, that'd be lovely.

Thank you in advance!