Okay, I didn't want to start anything new before finishing The wedding, but I need a little brake after what I feel is the disaster that was chapter 6. Not my best work that. Sorry.

This story is a bit AU, well maybe more than a bit, I basically change everything to fit my own needs.

That's what fanfiction is for, right?

So I don't own it, but I think you already knew that, I'm just putting it here 'cos everyone else does. It's not like Tom Lynch is really going to sue any of us and if he does, he's a real boob!

Senior year

Chapter 1

It hurts so much sometimes, the love. You wish it away on a daily basis, pray at night it will just leave you be. You wish you could claw away the skin and bone that cover your heart and just take it out. Rid yourself of it. Then she smiles at you in some random hallway. Her smile is magic. It does magic things to you, like for the rest of your day nothing can brake into the bubble of happiness that she surrounded you with. Days like that, although far and few between, you forget about the tears and the almost constant ache. The ache is not only located in your chest, your heart, no its your entire being that hurts, because you love her with everything you have. Your mind and heart and body. It's all hers, if she had wanted it. That makes you sad again, because she does not want it. She barely knows who you are. After two years in almost all the same classes, she barely knows your name. You're not sure whose fault that is, yours for being too scared and shy to approach her, or hers for not caring about anyone that was not in the golden circle.

You sigh to yourself as you watch her, all of them really. They're used to being looked at, all truly popular people are. Sometimes you wonder if they play a part in public, if they try to live up to the image they so carefully constructed. You watch as Madison scowls at some poor freshman that dared to smile at her, making some comment about how there should be a vaccine against losers. You give her points for knowing what a vaccine is, you did not think a cheerleader would, but you bet ten bucks she couldn't spell it.

Your eyes drift to Aiden. You sometimes wish it was him you loved, because even though he was the ultimate jock, king of the court and everything, he wasn't a bad guy. Not too bright, but a generally well meaning guy. He helped you out in PE once, showed you how to get up that god awful climbing rope without falling on your ass. Your own brother wouldn't do that for you, hell, he usually laughed the hardest when you fell.

You look over to him and can only sigh. You love him, you're not exactly sure why, but you do. Maybe it's the whole 'we spent nine months in a womb together' thing, you decide that has to be it, because you can't come up with a better explanation. Your twin brother is an ass after all. His only saving grace is his choice of a girlfriend and the fact that he actually loves her. You can see it in the way he always touches her, even when his attention is elsewhere, he keeps a physical connection with her. You think it's kind of cute, but wouldn't dare mentioning it to him, Glen's still Glen, he'd get pissed off with you. Well, more pissed than usual.

The girlfriend in question is sitting next to him, smiling at whatever he just whispered in her ear. You wish you were more like Chelsey sometimes. She's so free. So unaffected by all the expectations of everyone around her, she dictates her own life. She truly has the spirit of an artist, good thing she has the talent too.

A hand on her shoulder draws your attention. You love that hand, the body its attached to. You let your eyes drift up the arm, over tanned skin that you guess to be silken soft and warm. You've never had the opportunity to touch her, you wonder if you ever will. You sigh wistfully as her curled hair brushes against the delicate skin of her neck and bare shoulders. You envy that hair, wish it was your lips traveling over the exposed flesh. Then you settle on her face. You could use so many words to describe it, beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, a hundred words come to mind, but you can't choose one. It's impossible to give one simple adjective to aptly describe the breathtaking image that is Ashley Davies' face.

You nearly jump out of your skin when Kyla flops down next to you leaning her head on your shoulder. You were so focused on Ashley you blocked out everything around you. Again. It happens a few times a day, the whole zoning out and focusing only on Ashley thing. You've given up trying to stop it.

"God, Spencer. We've only been back to school for two weeks and I'm sick of it already. Can't we just skip straight to graduation?"

You smile at her whining, you're used to it by now. She's been your best friend for two years after all.

"And skip the greatness known as prom? I'm shocked, Kyla, you've been planning prom night for the last two years."

Talking about prom can always pull Kyla out of her funk, she's like obsessed with it or something.

"You're right, how could I say that! I mean I've got everything almost perfectly planned out, just waiting for Matt and Ben to leave their wives and accept our invitations."

She got all dreamy eyed then, probably perving over Matt Damon again.

"I don't know, Kyla, I'm pretty sure Jennifer Garner will kick my ass if I steal her husband. Not sure the risks out weigh the benefits here for me. You only have to handle some skinny Italian chick, wait, is she Italian or Spanish?"

Or maybe she's form Argentina, I can never remember. I just know she's kinda hot. Not as hot as Jennifer Garner though, I think I might enjoy her kicking my ass.

"Hmm, not really sure. I tend to block out anything that's not Matt related, you know?"

Off course I knew, next to prom, Matt was her greatest obsession. It was sad really, not that I was one to talk. I spent the better part of my day obsessing over loving Ashley and the rest over trying to not love Ashley. How screwed up am I?

I glanced over at the golden table again, I could not really help myself. Sometimes I thought I was so obvious and wondered how no one noticed. How my best friend doesn't even see it. Secretly I wish she would pick up on my silent attraction to her step sister, then I wouldn't have to tell her. I feel bad about hiding this from her, guilty in a way. Kyla's never kept a single thing from me, she trusts me explicitly. I'm her best friend after all and best friends in her experience tell each other everything, she said so herself once. I wondered that night if it was her way of saying she knew, that I could trust her enough to confess, but I think it was just Kyla being Kyla. She was naïve like that, I mean I come from Ohio and I know better than that. Ninety nine percent of all people had something they kept locked deep in that place where fear lived. Kyla was just one of the exceptions and I loved her for that.

"Now Kyla, I know you don't want to hear this, but who are we gonna take if Matt and Ben actually end up turning us down?"

I didn't care about prom, not really, but I tend to indulge Kyla on the subject. She knew and appreciated this fact.

"Ugh, I don't even want to think about that. Three quarters of the male populace at King High are idiots and the rest are ugly. I don't do idiots or ugly."

She gave a little repulsed shiver and I smiled. Kyla wasn't always the deepest or most sensitive of beings, but I liked her anyway. I always found it funny that we were friends. She was popular after all, hugely so. With the exception of Madison and Glen, most people loved her. She wasn't like the other popular kids, just because she wouldn't date an ugly guy didn't mean she would publicly humiliate him or hurt his feelings. Ugly guys appreciated this.

As for me, sure I was well liked, but I was a bookworm and this was a well known fact. I was Glen Carlin's shy twin sister and smart and that was all most popular kids cared to know about me. All except Kyla, she had for some unknown reason taken one look at me and claimed me as best friend, just like that.

"Hmm, well we have more than enough time to worry about that later. We've got the whole year ahead of us, you know? A lot can happen in a year."

Before she could reply the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. I sighed for the hundredth time today, I hadn't even eaten anything yet and I suddenly realized I was famished. Just great!

Before I could give this anymore thought I was distracted.

Ashley had walked up to our table. I could smell the faint scent of her perfume and had to suppress the urge to inhale deeply.

"Kyla can you hurry the hell up, that bitch Mrs Avory threatened detention if I'm late again."

She didn't even glance my way, not once, just grabbed Kyla's hand and tugged her away. I felt it again then, the ache. It enveloped me whole, sinking into muscle tissue and bone, penetrating every fiber that was woven together to make me. The ache was a part of me again, I think it always will be.

So let me know if you'd like me to continue this, the feedback would be appreciated.

PS. sorry if the title sucks, I couldn't think of anything else.