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"Ziva, you seem nervous about talking to me. Why?" Bianca asked.
"I'm not nervous. I just want to be with Tony."
"He'll be back soon." Bianca said, coming to stand next to Ziva.
"What do you want Bianca?" Ziva asked.
"To discuss the truth with you."
"The truth about what?"
"About you. Whatever you say to me will remain between us." Bianca said. "Do you remember who you are?"
"I am Ziva Da… DiNozzo." Ziva replied.
"Okay. Can I share what I think?" Bianca asked. "I think you remember who you are and you're afraid of revealing that to your friends. You are deeply in love with Agent DiNozzo and you really do look up to Agent Gibbs as a father figure. You desperately want to belong within this NCIS family because these people mean more to you than anything else in this world. And that is why you afraid to let them know that you have your memory back. But the feeling of guilt at deceiving them is taking a toll on you. It feels terribly uncomfortable and goes completely against your nature."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Ziva said her mood dark.
"I think you do." Bianca said. "And I know that you will do the right thing."
Oh stop pushing me.
I don't know what to do.
I just don't want to lose Tony and I don't want Gibbs to be disappointed in me.
"Don't wait too long, Ziva. There is so much more to gain by opening up to those you love."
Yes I love them…
But they will hate me when they learn the truth…
"I want you to leave now." Ziva said.
"Okay, but like I said, whatever we discuss will remain between us." Bianca said as she left the room.
Ziva fumed with anger and self-loathing.
If Bianca can see through me, it's a wonder that Tony, Gibbs and the rest of the team hasn't yet.
Oh God, Oh God... Ziva felt totally distraught and confused.
What am I doing?
Using and abusing the ones I love!
Deceiving them and myself…
They will be so hurt when they find out!
This is so… so… so… wrong.
But I can't let it end.
But I can't let it go on either.
Ziva felt ashamed. This was not her at all.
She would not deceive her friends… her family any longer.
God… I hope they will understand and forgive me…
Oh Tony… Will you understand?
When Tony got back to the ward almost an hour later, he was surprised to find Ziva out of bed, standing by the window.
"Ziva, are you okay?"
She didn't answer and that scared Tony a little.
"Hey, why are you out of bed?" Tony asked as he went to stand beside her.
"Tony…" Ziva turned and hugged him close.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm here." Tony returned her hug.
"I'm sorry." She whispered.
"Hey, baby, what for?"
"For lying to you." Ziva pulled back and looked at him. Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears.
Tony froze as realization dawned.
"I remember everything." She whispered.
She remembers everything and she hasn't killed me yet…
What are you up to Ms. David?
"I got my memory back a while ago."
"So." Tony processed this, "you've been pretending?"
"I … yes. At first I didn't understand what was going on."
"And when you figured it out?" Tony tried to think back over the last few hours, days and remembered all the intimacy they had shared… she had let him share…
This is very, very interesting…
"It was confusing and … scary and… nice, really nice."
"What was nice, Ziva?" Tony prompted.
"You were nice."
"Your protectiveness, your caring, your attention,"
"Your pretending to be my husband… it was all so special and I didn't want it to end." Ziva said looking up at him.
"Me neither," Tony sighed.
But ending it was…
Like right now…
"But I know it must have been difficult for you."
"I would do anything for you, anything." Tony sighed holding her close.
"So, what happens now?"
"We stop this charade." Ziva said.
Damn it, I knew it would be over the minute you came back to your senses.
"Okay Ziva, whatever you want to do is fine by me." Tony started to pull away from her his heart breaking.
Ziva and me…
Are no more…
Ziva pulled him back and wrapped her arm securely around him.
"I want to make it real."
"No more pretending. No more playing games."
"What are you saying, Ziva?" Tony dared to hope.
"I want to be with you…"
"But only if you can forgive me and if you want to be with me." Ziva held him closer still. "Do you want to be with me?"
"Mmm, let me think about it for a moment." Tony's mood swung like a pendulum between heart break and elation.
"Tony?" Ziva feared he was about to refuse her…
"Oh God Ziva, all I want is to be with you. Can't you tell how crazy I am about you?"
"Are you, really, Tony?" Ziva pulled back to look at him, relieved, nervous and excited.
His response was to wrap his arm around her and to kiss her deeply communicating all his longing, all he tension, all his wanting. She responded to him, surrendering all her fears and reveling in the feel of being in his arms.
Ah God… she remembers…
She's in my arms…
She wants to make this real…
Hey! Does she mean…
Real … as in… REAL HUSBAND and WIFE?