A/N: Last chapter! All the loose ends are going to come together finally. Again, a ruler symbolizes a flashback or a break in storyline, bold italics a flashback in the character's head, and italics are thoughts. You'll be able to tell the difference if they're Sora's thoughts or Riku's thoughts. Sora has a bigger part in this chapter but Riku is still the main character. If you're a yaoi fangirl, read this xD. It isn't pure yaoi but you can look at it as yaoi. Anyway, read on.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or High School Musical.

What I Used To Be – Memories

"Remember, if Riku ever shows any erratic behavior whatsoever, CALL 911!"

Sora held a picture of himself and his best friend when they were about nine or ten. Riku had Sora in a headlock. He had made a peace sign as Sora was laughing. Whenever Sora saw this picture, he used to laugh like his younger self in the memory. Now, it only caused him heartbreak.

The fifteen year-old sat on his bed. The royal blue of his walls were closing in on his heart, choking him, and destroying him. The pale moonlight was the only source illumination in the cold room. Riku had been gone for two weeks. He had knocked Sora out and ran away, his hip bleeding crazily. The police were looking for him but they hadn't had any luck.

Sora had been thinking back to the words of Riku's late mother. Ever since Sora was little, she would repeat to him those words. They used to jingle like a bell in his head; "Remember, if Riku ever shows any erratic behavior whatsoever, CALL 911!" or "If Riku seems to be hurting himself, tell me!" Those words used to mean nothing to him. After a few events, he believed them and they meant everything. They hurt him so much, Sora couldn't stand it. Not only did he find out from his own mother that Mrs. Takada had died, Riku was missing and Sora couldn't do anything about it.

It hurts so much to know that you can't control what happens…Is this how Riku feels?

Suddenly, the phone rang. Sora put the picture down and picked up his bright red razor phone.


"Sora!" Kairi said.

"Oh, hey Kairi," Sora replied sadly.

"I guess that means that there's no news on Riku, right?" Kairi said thoughtfully.


"You know, you shouldn't have done what you did two weeks ago."

"I didn't know…About Riku's mother…I forgot what she used to say to us…" Sora recollected.

"Are you ready to go to the play islands?" a six year-old Sora grinned at Riku.

"Yeah," Riku smiled. He quickly put his shoes on and walked out his front apartment door to stand beside Sora.

"Have fun!" Mrs. Takada beamed at the two children, "Riku, maybe you should start going downstairs now. Sora will meet you down there in a minute."

"Sure," Riku ran down the hall to take the staircase.

After hearing the door to the stairs close, Mrs. Takada bent down so she could see eye-to-eye with Sora. Her hazel eyes peered into Sora's sapphire ones.

"If Riku seems to be hurting himself, remember to tell me," the single mother said seriously.

"I know that. You tell me everyday. What I don't get is, why would someone hurt himself on PURPOSE?" Sora asked innocently.

"Listen Sora," Mrs. Takada looked at Sora tearfully,"Riku hasn't had the greatest life ever. He's a bit different from other people. Sometimes, when you're sad, you do things you wouldn't normally do. I worry about if he's truly happy or not. Do you understand what I mean, Sora?"

Sora nodded, "I think so."

"Ok," the black haired woman laughed, "Go and have fun!"


"Oh, uh, hi Kairi!" Sora's voice betrayed him. He had tried to sound happy but his voice had starting to shake.

"Things will be alright, Sora," Kairi attempted to comfort her boyfriend.

"It's…just so hard…" Sora began to sob, "No matter what you do, you can't change the future. I…I just can't…stand it! He's probably cutting again…I don't want Riku to…die!"

"Sora, thinking negatively will only make it worse on you and it won't help the situation!"

"You're right…but I don't know what to do…I said such nasty things to him two weeks ago…I was impulsive…I thought that he knew my feelings for you and was doing it to make me mad or something…I wasn't myself…He did it to try and make me realize that something was wrong with him. It was…As Mrs. Takada used to put it, erratic behaviour…I punched him…How could I have done something like that? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself!" Kairi cried, "You can try looking for him. Where do you think he could be?"

"The police have searched everywhere," Sora answered, "I have no idea where he could be!"

"What about the play island? We used to go there all the time. Maybe Riku went back for some nostalgia."

Sora dropped his cellphone. Riku just had to be there. He always used to sit and watch the sunset from the crooked paopu tree.

"Sora! SORA!" Kairi yelled into the cellphone. There was no answer; Sora had already run out of his room.


If a normal person walking by saw Riku, they'd think he was just a popular teenager. He probably had so many girls around him that he had his own fanclub. The guys probably envied him and everyone wanted to be his friend. That's what someone would think, but that's not the case.

Ever since Riku was little, his mother worked two jobs to support them. He had never met his father. He felt loved although he didn't see his mother as often as he would have liked.

When he started school, his world changed. His classmates all made fun of his hair and the older students teased him for being an albino. Everyone made fun of him when they found out that Riku was gifted.

And gifted he was indeed; Riku's IQ was over 200. He probably was and still is the smartest person on Destiny Islands. He could calculate long division in his head quickly from the time he was five. Unfortunately, this seemed to be a 'nerd' thing.

Riku took on a major emotional toll from the bullying. He started cutting himself when he was eight. Everyone still made fun of him at that point except Sora and Kairi. They went to a different school and didn't know about the situation. Riku acted happy in front of everyone so nobody would find out. His mother had her doubts about Riku's happiness but didn't suspect that he was being bullied.

When Riku was twelve, Sora found Riku cutting himself with a dagger on the crooked paopu tree. Sora was so startled that he went straight back to the main island and told Riku's mother. Riku was then forced to go to rehab to for a month and a half.

It didn't work. The situation got out of hand when Riku was fourteen; Riku was being bullied so much that he tried to commit suicide. Sora and Kairi found Riku bleeding insanely in an isolated area of the main island. He barely survived; there were no available blood donors with his blood type. At the last minute, they found someone with blood type O and saved Riku. Afterwards, he had to go through rehab again for three months.

After that, Riku transferred to another high school far away from his old one. The girls there thought he was 'hot' and the guys respected him for being good at sports. Nobody made fun of him for being albino. Sora and Kairi eventually went to that high school. Everyone loved Riku. His world turned upside down and he didn't know what to do with himself.

In truth, Riku was just lonely. Even though everyone practically worshipped him, he had almost no friends. Tidus, Selphie, and Wakka were just acquaintances. Kairi just plain scared him; she could see right through Riku and always knew what was going on with him. He was scared of being released from his façade of high school and having to face the real world.

The only person Riku could count on was Sora. He was his best and only friend. Riku truly liked him as a person which is why he didn't burden him with his problems; he didn't want to cause problems for Sora.

At a loss for what to do, Riku looked for happiness within the darkness even though it meant giving up everything: his home, family, friends, and even himself. This just made Riku even more depressed and took him to where he is now.

"Riku, what are you doing?" an eleven year old Sora's eyes opened wide in horror. They were standing by the crooked paopu tree. Riku had a dagger pressed against his skin and was drawing blood.


His eyes were so lonely…How could I not see it back then?…

Sora was paddling as fast as he could towards the play island. A sense of fear and taken its place in his heart. When he made it to the play island, he ran towards the secret place. For some reason, he was running there instead of the small islet where he thought he would be. When he made it there, his sapphire eyes immediately died.

Lying in front of him was Riku, skin torn apart. His arms were tattered and cut to ribbons. His clothes were both soaked and stained crimson. His body looked so fragile…It was painful to see.

"RIKU!" Sora screamed. He ran to the broken body and summoned up his keyblade.

"Heal, heal, heal, heal, heal…" he murmured, the mint green flashing before his eyes, "please, wake up…"

After a few minutes, Sora swore and muttered, "I'm out of MP…"

A small laugh echoed through the cave. Riku slowly opened his eyes. They were glazed over with pain, but he had a small smile on his face.

"That sounded so stupid…"

"Ri…ku…" Sora was at a loss for words, "Why did you do that? Why did you have to go and start to cut yourself again? Riku…You've got friends. Why didn't you tell anybody that you were dying inside?"

"I was just lonely. I felt left behind because you and Kairi were dating."

"Riku, I would NEVER leave you behind!" Sora cried.

"Yeah, whatever," Riku stared at the cold crimson sand he was lying on.

"Riku," Sora said seriously, "I'm not sure how long the cure spells I used are going to last. This is worse than the last time you cut yourself this badly. You're really pale. We need to call 911." He searched his pockets to remember that he left his cell phone in his bedroom.

"Do you have a cellphone?"

Riku snorted weakly, "Man, this hurts…Anyway, I don't have a cell phone on me. Even if I did, I'd lie my way out of giving it to you."

"Does that mean you might actually have it on you?"

"…No, I'm telling the truth. I got rid of it last year."

"This isn't good."

Riku looked into Sora's eyes. His vision was getting hazy.

"Sora…stay with me…until I die here…"

"You're not going to die! But…I'm going to stay here with you anyway…If you're still awake in ten minutes, I'm going to go back to the main island to go and get some help, okay?" Sora sniffed.


The two friends stayed in the cave together. There was an awkward silence until Sora spoke:

"Your hair is stained with your blood."


"Your clothes are stained with my blood."


More silence.

"Riku, I'm sorry that you felt I left you behind. I'm sorry for hitting you. I just…I love Kairi. You know that. I was impulsive. I didn't know what to do and I let my instincts take over. I should have never done what I did. I want you to know that you mean the most to me."

Riku didn't answer. After a while, he replied:

"Sora…do you remember? When we fought against Xemnas in the end…That hit I took for you…"

"Yeah? You really saved my life then! What about it?" Sora grinned slightly at his best friend.

"That's what's wrong with me."

"What do you mean?"

"Two weeks ago," Riku replied sadly, "I was bleeding weird. When Xemnas hit me…"

Sora squirmed nervously, "Go on…"

"I can't."

"Was it important?"

"No, I just mentioned because I thought it would make a good scene in a manga."


"Sora…I just…Do you remember when we first met?" Riku changed the subject.


"It was a rainy day…I was seven maybe? You were six…You were making a sand castle and I kicked it down."

Sora grinned, the anger diminishing from his eyes," I remember that! I was so mad at you. I ran home crying, so my mom called yours. She made you apologize. Then we went for ice cream together!"

"Yeah," Riku smiled.

"And you remember the time when I spilled your entire bottle of shampoo on myself?"

"I remember that. And you remember when we first met Kairi and I pushed her off that islet attached to here by a bridge?"

"Yup! That…was so much fun," Sora beamed, "What about the time we had a sleepover against Kairi's parent's will? We were at your house and High School Musical started playing on the TV."

"Oh God, I hate that movie."

"Yeah, you did back then too, so you egged what you thought was a random house but it was actually Kairi's house. It was too dark for you to realize which house it was."

"I was practically grounded for life for doing that. I just can't stand those stupid songs. They make me angry."

"It's an okay movie. Anyway, then Kairi's parents were so angry, they made you clean their entire house. It's pretty big too."

Riku smiled at his best friend. Sora had been his only reason for living until he started dating Kairi.

Suddenly, he felt a pang in his hip. His vision was going blurry.

"Sora…You should go. I'm fine. Go get help."

"You sure?" Sora asked, "You look a bit sick still."

"JUST GO!" Riku yelled.

Sora's face fell, "Ok," he stood up.

"I'm sorry, Sora! I'm just…a bit messed up right now. Listen, we're best friends and always will be, right?"

Riku took a deep breath, "Sora…You…You're my inspiration. I believe in you."

Sora had a look of shock on his face. Then he smiled widely, "I'll go get help now!" he ran out of the cave.

Riku sighed. He knew he was going to die at any moment. The silver haired teen didn't want Sora to have to go through the pain of seeing him die.

"Sora," he whispered, "What I said was the truth, but I never would have said it out if I didn't want to die knowing you were happy."

That's why I didn't tell you about Xemnas…Xemnas's attack was an attack of darkness. That very darkness is destroying my heart. In the end, it's going to destroy me. Even if I don't die now, the darkness will cause my heart to die. I guess that's one reason I did this to myself; I didn't want to lose out to the darkness. Because of it, I'm just a remnant of what I used to be. I don't want to die completely taken over. At least there's still a small piece of me left. It's small, but it's still me.

I didn't want you to worry. But now, the darkness is spreading fast. Between that and my loss of blood, I'm going to die. But knowing that you're happy, I can leave the earth happy too.

Riku tried to get up. He managed to with great difficulty. He slowly limped outside and managed to walk towards the crooked paopu tree. He collapsed just by the tree, his body twitching.

My life is going to end right here.

Riku stared up into the azure sky; it was a beautiful day. The sun made the waters sparkle brightly. It was the perfect last sight to ever lay your eyes upon.

The haze now blinded the teen. His eyes slowly closed.

Heh…your life doesn't actually flash before your eyes.


I want you to know.

You made a big impact on my life. You have my thanks for that..

Thanks for inspiring me.

Thanks for caring for me.

Thanks for always being there for me.

Thanks for encouraging me.

Thanks for guiding me.

Thanks for supporting me.

Thanks for not abandoning me when I thought you had.

Thanks for apologizing when I'm the one who should have.

Thanks for being my light within the darkness.

But most of all...



Thanks for the memories.


A/N: I liked this chapter Review please, it was my Birthday yesterday :O! It actually was.