Tripping Overseas

Tupelo Twang once said – Shit…the water is cold!

A/N Criminal Minds belongs to Mr Big…not me. Setting this in England so I know what I am talking about for a change. Thanks.

The whole team had been sent overseas on a consult. This meant a long flight, and it also meant that they took a standard flight to London, England, and not their comfy little jet.

Hotchner and Gideon were travelling business class, and they actually slept for most of the journey. JJ, Prentiss, and Garcia, had fluttered eyelashes and when that didn't work fluttered FBI badges and demanded good seats.

Morgan spent the flight flirting with the flight attendants and getting an awful lot of attention in return.

Reid was in economy. He was squashed between a man with an interesting smell about him, which just seemed to get stronger, and a rather large chested woman who fell asleep with her head face down on Reid's lap. He prodded her gently a couple of times, but she just muttered something and snuggled in deeper into Reid' lap and wrapped her arms around him. He half heartedly attempted to pull her arms away, but she just held on tighter and snuggled deeper, so he left her alone.

For some it was a good flight. For one it was the flight from hell.

There wasn't enough leg room. For someone with long legs this starts to get very uncomfortable. The person in the chair behind Reid was an eight year old boy, and spent the flight kicking the back of his chair. Reid tried to distract himself with reading the sick bag, and the other bits that had been left to read in the pouch in front of him. It took about 3 seconds to read the lot. He attempted to get up and get his hand luggage from the compartment above his head, but Miss Large-Chest wouldn't let go of him, and the more Reid wiggled the more she did. So he sat and counted the pattern of dots on the back of the chair and tried to stay very still.

This was OK until she started to dream, and Reid didn't know what the dream was about, but it was making him squirm even more.

"Excuse me Miss, do you mind not doing that?!" He yelped, but she carried on tossing and turning in her sleep and making odd muffling snuffling noises.

A head popped up from the seat in front of him.

"Geez man, do you have to do that here?"

"What? Oh no…no…its not…no…she's dreaming. I don't even – I don't know her."

"Well dude, I think when she realises what you look like she will pretend she don't know you either. That's a nightmare boy, not a dream."

Reid's face was scarlet and his glasses steamed up, but he still couldn't rouse her from her sleep, and the man sitting the other side, broke wind.


They finally landed in England, and when the woman woke up she stared and Reid and slapped him around the face

"How dare you take advantage of me whilst I slept. You dirty pervert!"

And Reid was so shocked that he didn't say anything.

The arrival in England was uneventful. Unless you were Dr. Reid. It seemed that his luggage had been misplaced somewhere, and when he showed his passport at customs they leapt on him and dragged him off to a room on his own, and left him there for three hours while security argued with Hotch

"I don't give a fiddlers fart who the hell you are Mr Suit. That name was on our alert list and we will deal with it."


"No buts or ifs and put that bloody badge away." And security walked off leaving the other agents looked dumbfounded. No one talked to them like that.

They offered Reid coffee. It was instant. It was sweet. That's about all you could say of it really. The only reason he could possibly be here would be because of that stupid woman on the flight, so when security came in to talk to him he burst into vocal action.

"I didn't d, d, do anything! She was – she was just there, in in in my lap. What was I meant to do about it? She seemed happy enough." His hands were twisting in his lap and his face look wide eyed. His voice had risen in a panicked pitch.

"Who are you talking about Dr?"

"The girl on the p p plane. Really I didn't do anything, she was, you know…it was a dream!"

Reid took his wallet out of his pocket. He should maybe have warned the blokes that he was going to do something. They were already jumpy and waiting for the little American speccie pervert to do or say something to dig himself a bigger hole. They leapt on him so hard and fast that Reid was knocked out of his chair and his wallet flew across the room.

"Move and I will hurt you so bad."

Said a big man towering above the prone Reid with a police batten in his hand. Another bloke picked up the wallet and opened it. It was his FBI ID.

"And this?" Enquired the officer. "What the hell is this?"

"My ID." Muttered Reid.

After a few murmerings in the corner the wallet was thrown at Reid and he was dragged to his feet.

"You can go, oh and Welcome to England."

As Reid opened the door to leave he was happily informed. "By the way, we have just heard. Your luggage is in Thailand."


They now had to make their way from London Heathrow airport to a place called Brighton, which was a seaside resort on the south coast of England. Garcia was scanning a map which Reid snatched out of her hands.

"Hey snatchy!" she said "We are all jet lagged…take a chill pill."

"I just want to get there. I am tired and frustrated and……………………." And a shout from nearby stopped him mid track

"Hey girls, stay away from him. I sat by him on the flight. He's a dirty pervert!" and just to drill the point home further she strode over and slapped him again with a follow up kick to the left shin.

Reid just stood and let the map fall from his hands, and closed his eyes. "Please guys, can we just you know – go?"