Loved & Lost

Notes: This is the end of the road. I hope everyone enjoyed it, thank you all so much for reading!

The next year, James took my advice a little more to heart—he gave Lily a single rose, a beautiful yellow one with a reddish tint around the edges of the petals, enchanted to last forever. "One rose," he said he told her, "for one chance."

And, as he excitedly relayed it to Sirius, Peter, and myself later in the dormitory, she told him 'yes'.

They married, almost immediately after we finished our seventh year. They were in love, and they always would be.

Their wedding was the happiest day of her life, and thus, I told myself, should be mine. Lily and I were best friends, I couldn't imagine feeling any other way.

She was so incredibly beautiful, that day. Her scarlet hair was wrapped in a gorgeous bun on the top of her head, elegant curls falling around her face and down her back. A strand of pearls rested around her neck, and her white dress was beautifully designed, her hands enveloped in elbow-length gloves.

She kissed me on the cheek when I entered her room, one final visit before she was eternally bonded to James. I was speechless when I saw her, completely mesmerized by her beauty, I simple stared at her, mouthing words that wouldn't come.

"Thank you so much for coming, Remus," she smiled, holding me tight. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

I simply nodded as she released me, my throat tight, unable to make a coherent sound.

She hardly walked toward James, a half hour later, gliding instead, her painted lips moving beautifully as she recited her vows, promising to love and cherish James until the day that she died. They were meant to be, meant to last forever...

I would have given anything for that to be me she was telling she'd love forever. Just as she'd told me before, I didn't know what I'd do without her.

Two years later, however, I was forced to find out. On that fateful Halloween night, I didn't just lose my three closest friends, but I lost the love of my life.

Sirius betrayed them, after pretending to love them so deeply.I should have been the one who helped them go into hiding, because I would've died before ever turning Lily, and James, into Voldemort.

And Peter, poor Peter! He went after Sirius. I'm sorry that Peter ever got to Sirius before I did, because that traitor would not be sitting in a dark cell in Azkaban.

It's not fair, not fair that they did this, that they left me like this!

Today marks a year since their deaths. It's been three hundred sixty-five days since that horrible night. Each day has been pure torture.

This morning I took my coat, wrapping my scarf tightly around my neck and stepping outside. The air was chilly, and I hugged my jacket close to me. I looked up to the cloudy sky, finally registering that it was raining profusely.

I slowly trudged through the rain, disapparating after a few blocks, down an empty alleyway. I reappeared, seconds later, on the outskirts of Godric's Hollow. I held myself even more tightly, suddenly overcome by shivering that had nothing to do with the cold.

I hardly watched where I was going, letting my feet lead the way to the familiar memorials recognising the horrible losses of Lily and James, and the horrible marking of Harry as the one to have to destroy Voldemort (or at least, that was the rumour that was spreading like wildfire among those who did not think Voldemort completely dead).

I stared at the war memorial, waiting anxiously for it to transform into the statue of Lily, James, and baby Harry. Just one look at it, and I'd seen enough; I simply couldn't stand seeing it. Even made by magic, the statue hardly captured Lily's stunning beauty.

I easily walked passed their house, fearing the sinking sensation I'd feel if I looked too closely, seeing the second floor in ruins, where Lily had sacrificed her life to save her son's. I strode quickly past the destroyed house, walking immediately through the cemetery gates.

I passed the many graves of great wizards who'd once resided in this small community. I only really cared about two of them.

I waved my wand, conjuring flowers—roses, Lily's favourite—and placed them gently onto the soft dirt.

"It's not fair," I breathed, crouching down and touching the cold stone bearing her name and dates of birth and death. "I love you so much, it's not fair that I lost you like this..."

Suddenly a familiar saying echoed in my brain...

I've always been told that "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

No, I told myself, it's not true. Not in the least.

I stood up suddenly, staring up at the sky, tears mingling with the raindrops which were pelting my skin. I would have given anything to stop the pain. I would have given anything to go back in time, just so that I might never have let my feelings take a hold of me, so that I might have never fallen in love.

I'd rather that I'd never loved her. It would have hurt a million times less to have lost her.