Windows to the Soul
Yamcha presses his lips to mine hesitantly. My eyes go wide as I push him away and slap him hard across the face. "What the hell do you think that you're doing?" I all but scream.
"Hey, I'm sorry, alright?" Yamcha replies, holding a hand to his cheek, as tears start to once again stream down my face.
"No, I'm sorry," I say between my sobs. "I'm sorry, Yamcha, I'm so sorry."
He gathers me into his arms and lets me weep into his chest. It isn't the same as it is with Vegeta, nothing is the same.
I look up into Yamcha's face, tears still going down mine. "I'm sorry for the way I treated you, for everything that I ever did or said to upset you. I'm sorry I let it go the way it did without attempting to stop it. I'm sorry I broke up with you to fuck some jerk." I sob again but don't break eye contact with the man in front of me. "Please forgive me, Yamcha."
"I do, of course I do," he replies with a small smile.
"So you'll take me back then?" I ask, tone hopeful. "You never realize what you have until it's gone, right?"
"Bulma…" he pauses, "what about Vegeta?"
I narrow my eyes, "what about him?"
I stride through the front door of my house smelling faintly of alcohol and Yamcha. My headache from the events of the night before was getting fainter, partly due to the painkillers I had taken before leaving Yamcha's apartment. I couldn't wait to take a shower and rid myself of the dirty feeling clinging to my skin. Luck was not on my side as Vegeta walked through the other entrance to my living room, the one that I had to go through. I set my jaw, avoided eye contact and tried to walk by him. He grabbed my arm as I was going past, and I stopped, looking back at him. He was still staring straight ahead, his face giving away nothing.
"Why do you smell like him?" he asks quietly, still not looking at me.
"What business of it is yours?" I reply, trying in vain to pull my arm away from him. "I undid my mistake." I try hard to keep my voice hard and steady. I don't want my hurt to show through.
He slowly turns his head to look at me. He narrows his eyes and speaks low, "if you value his life in any way, you will not let him near you like that again."
"Excuse me?" I say, feeling anger start to build inside of me. "You have no right to threaten him and try to control me. At least he wants to be near me," I spat at him.
He growled slightly, but gave no response.
I narrow my eyes at him, "let go of me."
To my surprise, he removes his hand from my arm. "Easier said than done," he says in a voice so quiet it's barely audible.
"You're leaving me, I'm just putting my life back the way it was before you happened," I tell him, keeping my voice cold.
"You're deceiving yourself, you know he isn't what you want," he says, staring into my eyes.
"Maybe not, but he's what I can have," I reply, mentally kicking myself as my voice breaks. I hear the front door slam open and I know it's Yamcha. He was coming over after he did some errands.
"Hey, babe," he yells, making his way into the living room.
I finally tear my eyes away from Vegeta's dark ones as Yamcha enters the room. My heart sinks as I see him look back and forth between myself and the man beside me. I force my legs to take a couple steps towards him, and he quickly closes the distance, eyeing Vegeta with mistrust. He wraps his arm around my waist and I glance back at Vegeta, my heart skipping a beat at the deathglare he was sending the way of Yamcha. I suddenly feel very uncomfortable being so close to Yamcha, and I push him away. I take a step back, looking between the two men. "I…can't, I just can't," I murmur, running past Vegeta and up the stairs.
I throw myself onto my bed and bury my face in my pillows. It's not fair. I can't have the man I want, and I don't want the man I can have. I thought I'd be alright with Yamcha, but I can't be near him in front of Vegeta, not with a clear conscience anyway. Maybe I should just become a nun…
I don't look up as I hear my door open and close, already knowing who it would be. "Go away, Yamcha," I say.
"He's still downstairs," came the rough voiced reply.
I curse my heart as it starts to pound faster at the sound of Vegeta's voice. "That goes for you too, let me have my breakdown in peace." I wait a few minutes, hoping that he'll go away. I finally give up and turn my head to look at him. He's leaning against my wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest, and watching me intently. I growl and sit up, grabbing my pillow and chucking it at his head.
He easily sidesteps it. "At least your maturity is still intact."
"You drive me nuts!" I exclaim. "What the hell do you want from me, Vegeta? I'm tired of going back and forth with you. You don't want to be with me, but you don't want me to be with anyone else either. You can't have it both ways!"
"I don't know," he replies, "you confuse me."
"I confuse you?" I repeat incredulously. "I have been so straightforward and not confusing."
Vegeta rolls his eyes and starts pacing back and forth, brows furrowed in thought. "Disgusting smell, another man's scent," he mutters, making me lower my eyes.
"You make me feel guilty," I say quietly.
"You should," he replies, not breaking stride.
"That's not fair!" I exclaim. "You should know by now that I would rather have you then him! I can't explain why though, because you're a complete jerk." I cross my arms over my chest, watching him from my seat on my bed.
"I'm psychologically damaged," he says with a slight smirk.
"I already knew that," I agree. "You're psychologically damaged, you're half mad, you have homicidal tendencies, as well as intimacy, trust, and communication issues, and to top it off, you're ego rivals the size of mine. You are not good relationship material."
He finally stops pacing and looks at me, cocking an eyebrow in amusement. "As long as we're listing faults. You're bossy, bitchy, self-centered, lazy, brash, weak, emotional, and you scream more than anyone I have ever met."
I narrow my eyes at him, "I can go on with yours if you'd like."
He shrugs, "go ahead."
"You play too many games," I say slowly, "I can't ever figure you out."
"I thought you had figured me out already. I believe it included trust issues and homicidal tendencies, didn't it?" He replies.
"Be honest with me, Vegeta," I say, taking a deep breath, ready to have my heart broken. "Do you have serious feelings for me at all? Could you ever love me?"
He stares at me for a moment, his surprise etched in his expression. "No."
As prepared as I was to be letdown, I still feel tears well up in my eyes. I turn my face away from him, trying to hide it.
"That emotion is foreign to me," he says carefully, "I can't feel something I don't know. To tell you that I could would be a lie."
I know his explanation should make me feel better, but it doesn't. I watch out of the corner of my eyes as he walks over to my bed and sits beside me.
"You knew what my answer would be before you asked the question," he states. "Don't deliberately make me hurt you. Watch my actions instead of asking for verbal confirmations that I can't give you."
"Are you leaving still?" I ask after a moment's pause.
"Yes," he replies, "and yes, I am leaving to get away from you. I need to sort my priorities out, and I can't do that with you around. I need uninterrupted training time, and you pose as a distraction."
"Oh, I'm a distraction?" I repeat, finally turning to face him completely.
He takes that opportunity to close the distance between our mouths for a few moments. "You're a distraction," he confirms, licking his lips. He grabs my hand and gets to his feet, pulling me up with him. "Follow," he instructs, leading me into the adjoining bathroom. He turns my shower on before turning back to me. He places his hands on either side of my face and kisses me again. "You are very lucky I didn't kill him, and if I ever smell any other males scent on you again, I will hunt them down," he states in a dangerous voice, "I'm possessive of what is mine, understand?"
I nod and he drops his hands back to his sides. "I hope you realize that isn't a one-sided deal."
He smirks and nods. "I couldn't possibly put up with another screeching human female."
I smile and smack his shoulder, "jerk."
"Just clean yourself, woman," he tells me, moving towards the door.
I smirk and grab his arm, making him turn towards me. "Join me? I missed you last night."
He nods, watching intently as I shed myself of my clothing and step into the shower. I raise my face to the water, letting the heat of it wash over me. For now, everything is right and I intend to enjoy it.
I feel Vegeta step in behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. I lean back against his body and sigh as he trails a hand over me. The feel of his body and the hot water pelting me makes for a wonderful combination. I turn in his arms to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck and hungrily taking his mouth with my own.
I lay on top of Vegeta, my head resting on his chest, my wet hair fanned out around my head. At some point in the last hour, we had moved to my bed, although I can't seem to remember when. I smile contentedly as he unconsciously trails his fingers up and down my back. "I love you," I murmur before I can stop myself. I bite my bottom lip, waiting to feel him tense up and get distant.
"I know," he replies, surprising me.
I walk downstairs and into the living room to try to find Yamcha. Not finding him there, I make my way into the kitchen, where my mother is humming as she moves a cleaning rag over the counters.
"Have you seen Yamcha?" I ask her, sitting down at the kitchen table.
My mother turns to me with a smile. "Oh, yes, sweetheart, he was here earlier. We had a nice chat about how well my garden is doing." She opens a drawer and pulls an envelope out, handing it to me. "He left this for you."
Curious, I take the envelope and open it, finding a short note inside:
Last night was a mistake, you and I both know it. I deluded myself into believing that you had finally realized what Vegeta truly is, but I was wrong. I knew I was wrong as soon as I saw you beside him earlier, the look in your eyes gave it away. I'm stepping out of your life completely, because I can't bear to see you with that monster, and I refuse to be your release every time he hurts you. I love you too much for that. I never thought I'd walk away from someone so amazing, but you only see him now, and it hurts me to no end. I'll always love you Bulma, I have no regrets about that, and I hope you don't either, but I need to move on. Don't ever forget me, babe.
I blink back tears as I silently fold the piece of paper and place it back in the envelope. I make a promise to him and to myself to never forget him. He was my first love, and my best friend for many years. Some day, I hope we can move past this, past all the confusion and hurt, and be friends once more. I would like that. I know he'll never see in Vegeta what I do, but maybe he can put that resentment behind him eventually, and see I'm in good hands. I stand and walk to the counter, opening a drawer and rummaging around inside of it. Finding what I want, I pick up the envelope again and head outside to the porch. I close my eyes and take a steadying breath. Opening them once more, I flick the lighter that I had retrieved. I stare into the flame for a moment before catching the corner of the envelope in it. I release the lighter and watch the paper burn until it's black and charred. The wind scatters the ashes as I drop the remnants on the ground, letting the fire burn itself out.
"Goodbye Yamcha," I whisper. It's time to leave the past behind. I glance out over the backyard until my eyes land on the gravity chamber where the man I love is training. He'll leave within a couple days, but he'll come back. He needs to reach his goals, and I can't stand in the way of that. It's time for me to get my life back, and it's time for me to look to the future.
The end of Windows to the Soul
I hope you enjoyed the ride, and please look for the sequel, "Pain Runs Deep". The sequel will go through the conception of Trunks, the androids and Cell, and for a bit afterwards. You can add me to your Author's Alert to be notified when it is released, or send me a message through my profile and I'll personally let you know.
Thanks for everything, it was amazing writing this for you, and I promise that the next one will be even better. As always, please leave me some reviews.
Clear Eyed Dreamer