They all expected Jackie to get married one day; they just didn't expect it to be to him. J/F, J/? And J/H. Rated M for smut.
This is what happens when three plot bunnies decide they want to share the same story. I wanted to just write a nice PWP based kind of on the story of Eros and Psyche but the other two were all no you need a plot, and I was like, but, you're both humor stories, I can't write a romantic smut piece set post season 8!
Except that I totally can, and have. Please review.
"Night roomie." Fez placed a kiss on the top of Jackie's head.
"Night Fez." Jackie replied sleepily. She looked over at the clock and saw that it was well after midnight, "I should go to bed too."
Fez nodded in agreement, "Yep, you need to get your beauty sleep, after all, tomorrow is a busy day for you."
"Yeah." Jackie agreed, even though she had no idea what Fez was talking about. As far as she knew, her only plans for Sunday were to throw out her old shoes.
"What's happening tomorrow Fez?"
Fez smiled coyly at her. "You know exactly what's happening tomorrow silly!" He gave her a light punch in the arm.
Jackie shook her head, "No, I don't, what's happening tomorrow?"
Fez reached into his pockets and pulled out a small velvet box. "I'm going to give you this." He said as he opened it to show the diamond ring inside. "You want to look your best don't you?"
Jackie jumped up from the couch in surprise, hitting her leg on the coffee table. "No." She said. "No."
"No." She repeated as she slowly woke up from her nightmare. Sweating, she got out of bed to try to gather her thoughts. This wasn't the first time she had dreamt of her new boyfriend proposing to her and while most of her friends would have expected her to be excited at the prospect, the truth was it scared her. Sure, things were going well for them, but marriage? She wasn't sure she saw a future with him.
Of course, if Jackie was to say that to anyone they would have asked her who she was and what had happened to the real Jackie. She had after all, tried to pressure both Kelso and Hyde into marriage with disastrous results. It was a well known fact among the citizens of Point Place, Wisconsin that Jackie wanted to get married.
Realizing that she wasn't going to get back to sleep, Jackie slipped on her robe and slippers and slowly opened her bedroom door so that she could get a glass of water. The door to Fez's room was opened slightly and she could hear him snoring. Tiptoeing as not to wake him up, Jackie walked into their kitchen.
"What are you doing up?"
Jackie jumped back at the sound of Steven Hyde's voice.
"Steven?" She asked, "What are you still doing here?" He had come over to drink some beers and watch TV with her and Fez. She had gone to bed first, and she had only assumed he had left.
"I didn't feel like driving home so I slept on the couch. I woke up when I heard you screaming in there, I was going to wake you up but…" He trailed off not knowing what to say.
Jackie was still confused but she decided to shrug it off. "Oh, okay, I was going to get a glass of water." She explained her reason for being in the kitchen at three am.
Hyde nodded. "Sure, I understand, um…you need any help?"
Jackie raised one of her eyebrows, "You're offering to help me get some water?"
Hyde shrugged. "Well, the glasses are kind of high." He smirked at her, "You might not be able to reach them."
Jackie glared at her ex. "I can reach the glasses just fine." She said, pushing him out of the way. Sure, she had to stand on the tips of her toes since she was barefoot, but she managed to get a glass without any trouble.
"See?" She asked holding the glass in front of him.
Hyde continued to smirk. "You showed me."
Jackie ignored him as she reached into the freezer for some ice. She could sense him staring at her, but she pretended not to notice as she scooped the ice into her glass. Turning around slowly, she walked over to the sink and turned on the faucet. She watched as the water fell onto the ice cubes, causing them to hiss.
"Jackie." Hyde said softly, placing his hand on the small of her back. "Jackie put the glass down."
Jackie did as she was told as Hyde wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.
"We can't do this." She whispered.
"Yes we can." He replied, placing a kiss on the side of her neck. "We can, and we are." He started to unbutton her pajama top, reaching underneath the blue and white stripped fabric to caress her breasts. "Turn around."
Again, she did as she was told. He picked her up and placed her on the kitchen counter, wrapping her legs around his waist. The instant her face was aligned with his, he pulled her head towards his.
And then she woke up. Cursing her alarm, she got out of her bed to turn it off. "We need to have a talk about waking me up in the middle of good dreams." She told the offending clock.
"Stupid clock." She said as she walked into her bathroom to take a shower. Undressing, she couldn't help but remember her dream and the way his mouth and hands felt on her skin. The only time Jackie had felt like that was when she and Hyde had dated. She could feel the ghost of his lips on the back of her neck, the memory of his hands on her hips as she stepped into her shower. As she washed herself, she thought about him, closing her eyes as her mango scented soap awakened all her senses, including her sense of guilt. What the hell was she doing thinking about him? What the hell was she doing having dreams about him, dreams that involved her freaking out at the prospect of marrying her actual boyfriend? What the hell was wrong with her?
"Good morning." Fez said cheerfully to Jackie as she walked into their kitchen. "I made you waffles for breakfast."
Jackie smiled as she took the plate from her boyfriend. He really was thoughtful, and cute, and he took her dancing and painted her nails and did her hair…
It was at this moment when Jackie realized that her boyfriend was gay.
"Huh." She muttered to herself.
"What'd you say?" Fez asked, clearly not paying attention to Jackie.
Jackie shook her head, "Oh, nothing." She lied. In her head, she went over the evidence. His obsession with hair, his ability to dance, his obsession with Michael… sure he said he liked women, but didn't all closeted gay guys? She wondered if he even knew.
"Oh, I'm going to be late tonight." Fez announced as he joined Jackie at the breakfast table.
"Okay." Jackie replied, still processing her epiphany. "Busy day at the salon?" She guessed.
Fez smiled secretively, "No, I have to pick something up, it's a surprise for you."
Jackie smiled nervously. Fez was always buying her presents, which should have made her happy but only served to make her feel self conscious. She was always afraid that one of these days he would buy her an engagement ring, just like in her dream.
Through out the day, Jackie continued to fret about both her problems. She could probably just ignore her feelings for Hyde; after all, she had been doing it for a while now. It was going to be harder to ignore her boyfriend's sexuality though. Never one for beating around the bush, Jackie had always been extremely honest and blunt when it came to the truth. However, she found herself unable to tell Fez that he played for the other team. Or rather, that he should have been playing for the other team. Jackie crossed her arms and glared at the wall. Being with Hyde had changed her.
Jackie shook her head and continued to file her boss's expense reports. For a year now, she had been working in an office as a personal assistant to one of her father's old colleagues. Part of her wondered if he was into the same money laundering scheme as her dad, but she ignored it due to the fact that he paid well and let her leave early so long as her work was done.
"Jackie, I've been thinking."
Jackie pasted on a smile. "About what, Mr. Chandler?"
Tobias Chandler rubbed the top of his bald head and then took off his wire rimmed glasses to clean them. "When do you expect your father to be released from prison?"
Jackie was surprised by the question. Thinking it over, she realized she didn't have an answer. "I'm not sure, a while?"
Tobias frowned, "Embezzling is a serious offense Jackie, and I suspect your father will be in prison for quite a long time."
Jackie nodded to herself, "I guess."
"Have you thought about your future Jackie?"
As a matter of fact, she had thought about her future, every day. She thought about owning a white house with green shutters and being the mother of two curly haired children named Katherine and William.
"Sometimes." She fibbed.
Tobias shook his head, "Well, you should, it's tough out there these days."
"Okay." Jackie replied, continuing to sort through the papers in her hand. "I can't find July's report."
"Nevermind that." Tobias answered. "We have more important things to discuss."
Jackie sat the papers onto the filing cabinet and turned to her boss. "I don't want you to get in trouble."
Tobias smiled at Jackie, "I'm sure it's around here somewhere." He said flippantly. He walked around to her and took her hand.
"I wish to make you a proposition."
Jackie blinked. "What, kind of proposition?"
Tobias let go of her hand and started to walk around the room. "What if I told you that there was a way for you to live comfortably but never have to work again?"
The old Jackie would have jumped on the chance, the new Jackie however, was quite skeptical of Tobias's suggestion.
"By doing what exactly?" Jackie asked nervously.
"Marriage." He replied. "I'm talking about marriage my dear girl."
Jackie had suspected that's what he was referring to. "Oh."
Tobias looked over at Jackie. "My son is going to take over for me when I retire next year, which should give you two plenty of time to get to know each other and plan the wedding."
Jackie blinked, surely this was another dream. "I have a boyfriend."
"End it." Tobias replied simply. "You can't continue to be my secretary."
"I know." Jackie replied. "I signed up for classes at the junior college."
Tobias shook his head and waved his hand dismissively at her. "That's all well in good Jackie, but we need to think about the long term."
Jackie, who was surprised to learn that she wasn't thinking long term, clenched her teeth and counted to fifteen in her head.
"Think about it." Tobias ordered. "You may have the rest of the day off."
Still fuming at his unsubtle jibe, Jackie gathered her purse and walked out the door not paying any attention to where she was going, she ran straight into a male chest. Looking up, she was surprised to see the face of Chip, the guy she had used to make Hyde jealous two years before. Looking at him, she was surprised to see how handsome he had gotten. His hair was shorter, his clothes were clean, in fact, and if she didn't know how much of a jerk he was she would have thought him handsome.
"Well, if it isn't Jackie Burkhart."
"Chip!" Jackie replied. "What are you doing here?"
"I came here to see my father."
In an instant, Jackie put two and two together. "You're Tobias Chandler's son?"
"Step son, actually." Chip grinned at Jackie who smiled warily back.
"Oh good, you're here." Tobias said poking his head out the door. "We need to start training you if you're to take over the company." He nodded at Jackie, "Jackie, I see you've met my son, Charles."
"You can call me Chip." Chip told her with a grin.
"Yes, your son and I go way back." Jackie said to Tobias. 'Seeing Steven punch him for me was the best moment of my life.'
Tobias smiled widely. "That's wonderful!" He rubbed his hands together. "That's just perfect."
Something in his tone made Jackie recoil. She was about to say her goodbyes and walk away, when Tobias spoke again.
"Did I mention that my son is going to be worth eight point two million dollars?"
"Dad." Chip said embarrassed, "You know I don't like to talk about that."
"Nonsense." Tobias replied, "Everyone should know exactly how much their worth."
Jackie gulped; she didn't even think her father had been worth that much, even with all the embezzling he did.
Tobias smiled again, "Well, if you'll excuse us Jackie, me and Charles have business to attend to."
Jackie smiled back, thankful that she could finally get away.
In times of crisis, Jackie always turned to the same person for guidance, and thankfully, ever since he had retired, Jackie had been able to find Red Forman without any trouble. Walking into his garage, she was unsurprised to find him peering into the engine of a car.
"Hand me that wrench." He told her, holding out his hand.
"How did you know I was here?" Jackie asked as she handed him the wrench.
"It's a gift." Red replied. "Dick Thompson asked me to look at his transmission." He explained his reason for looking at the old Cadillac. "I should just tell him that it's dead and to get a new car."
Jackie watched Red for a minute before sighing to herself.
"So are you going to tell me what's wrong or are you going to keep sighing like that?"
"I have a problem, well, three problems."
"Ah, so you finally realized that your boyfriends queer."
Jackie backed up. "What?" "How did you know that?"
Red looked up at Jackie and shook his head. "Jackie, everyone knows, the only two people who didn't were you and Ali Baba, and now… well at least one of you knows."
Jackie cringed. "What am I supposed to do?"
Red shrugged and returned to the Cadillac, "You should tell him, it'll sound better coming from you."
"It will?" Jackie asked hopefully.
Red laughed. "No, it'll probably sound worse."
Jackie sighed to herself and sat down on the cooler. "I had another dream."
Red put up his hand. "No, the last time you had one of your dreams I couldn't sleep for two days, no more."
"But you don't understand Mr. Forman, they're getting more and more frequent, and in this one, he almost kissed me."
"Why didn't he?" Red asked against his better judgment.
"The alarm went off." Jackie replied. "I'd try to avoid him, but you know how that is."
Red sighed. "At least he has the record store; otherwise he would never leave the house."
The two shared a smile with each other before Red closed the hood to the car. "Get up."
Jackie stood up from the cooler and moved out of Red's way. He reached inside and pulled out two beers and handed one to Jackie.
"So what's your third problem?"
"My boss wants me to marry his son."
"Isn't your boss Tobias Chandler?"
Jackie nodded. "Yeah."
"I hear he's retiring next year."
Jackie nodded again. "Yeah, his son is taking over the company, and he wants me to marry him."
Red took a drink of his beer. "Given your dilemma with the foreign kid and Steven, I say it's the perfect solution to your problem, have you met the kid?"
Jackie cringed to herself. "Yeah, it's Chip."
Red shook his head, confused, "Where do I know that name?"
"Remember that guy I brought to your Veterans Day barbeque a few years ago?"
It was Red's turn to cringe. "That guy? The one Steven punched?"
Jackie shared Red's look of ire. "That's the one." She took another drink and swallowed. "Mr. Chandler says that I'd never have to worry about my finances ever again."
Red nodded. "Right, and all you have to do is become your mother."
Leave it to Red Forman to hit the nail right on the head. "I know." Jackie said with a sigh. "I don't want that."
Red put his free hand on Jackie's shoulder. "You're screwed kid."
"Damn." Jackie stated.
Whenever Jackie fantasized about being proposed to, it always involved a carriage ride through the park, or a fancy restaurant with the ring sitting at the bottom of a glass of champagne. It did not involve her gay boyfriend smiling nervously at her while he kneeled on one knee in front of her in Eric Forman's basement with their friends watching. One of whom had his jaw hanging open, two who were grinning like total loons and the other sitting across from her in his chair, arms crossed and scowling behind his rose colored sun glasses.
Jackie closed her eyes and willed herself to wake up. She slowly opened one eye, hoping that she'd still be in bed.
But all she saw was the diamond in Fez's hand.
"Marry me?" Fez squeaked.
Jackie just continued to stare at the ring, bidding it to disappear.
"She's speechless." Donna exclaimed. "Jackie is actually speechless."
"Sweet lord hallelujah." Eric looked up to the ceiling.
"Shut up Eric." Jackie said without taking her eyes off the ring.
"Well, maybe not totally speechless." Hyde said with a smirk. "Come on Jackie, we're all waiting for your answer."
He stood up and walked towards her. "You know what your answer has to be." He crouched beside her and moved her hair behind her ear. "You know exactly what you need to do." He whispered as he placed a kiss on her jaw line. "Tell him no so we can get out of here." "Tell him no so I can carry you to my bed room and rip off your clothes and fuck you against the wall."
Jackie opened her eyes to see Hyde still sitting in his chair, Fez still kneeling on one knee and Eric, Donna and Kelso leaning towards her on the couch all awaiting her answer.
"I can't." She said jumping up from the lawn chair and running out the basement door before anyone could stop her.
"I thought I'd find you here." Fez said an hour later as he sat next to Jackie on the bench in front of Halverson's department store. "You don't want to marry me." It wasn't a question.
Jackie sighed. "I'm sorry, Fez. I just don't think…"
Fez nodded. "I understand." He lied. "You were just using me to get over Hyde."
Jackie backed up, shocked at the bitterness in Fez's voice. "No Fez, this has nothing to do with Steven."
Fez crossed his arms and glared. "This has everything to do with Hyde and you know it, I heard you talking to Red last week. I heard you tell him about the dream with you and him, the one where he told you he still loved you."
Jackie closed her eyes. "Fez, don't." She said softly.
Fez continued. "Nothing I ever say or do will ever make you forget about him, I know this now."
Jackie felt like crying. Behind Fez's harsh words was a grain of truth. "I'm so sorry."
Fez stood up. "Sorry isn't good enough; I want you out of the apartment by tomorrow night." Ignoring her protests, he left without even saying 'Good Day.'
Jackie walked into Tobias Chandler's office without bothering to knock. She was unsurprised to see Chip was still there. They looked up at her from Tobias's desk.
"Jackie." Tobias said walking towards her. "What are you doing here?"
Jackie took a deep breath and looked at Chip. "I'll marry you."
Tobias clapped his hands together. "Oh good!"
Jackie held up her hands. "On one condition."
"Yes, anything." Tobias claimed.
"We don't wait a year to get married." Jackie stated.
Tobias nodded. "Okay, six months," Seeing Jackie shake her head, he amended his response. "Three months, though that might be pressing things a bit."
"Next week." Jackie responded. "We get married next week or not at all."
Tobias looked over at his son. "I suppose…"
"Okay." Chip answered. "We can get married next week."
Tobias nodded. "I'll go get Connie to make the arrangements." He patted Chip on the back and gave Jackie a kiss on the cheek before leaving.
Chip leaned back on the desk. "You want to tell me what this is all about?"
Jackie shook her head. "No."
She didn't want to talk to him at all.
Hyde sat across from Jackie and picked up one of her fries. "You'll never believe the rumor that's going around about you."
Jackie shrugged and flipped her magazine. "What?"
Hyde leaned back. "Well, apparently you and that Chip guy are dating."
Jackie shook her head. "We're not dating."
Hyde nodded. "I told that guy you'd never hook up with that dillhole."
"We're getting married next week."
Hyde dropped his fork. "You're what?" He hissed.
"Married, we're getting married."
"Chip." Jackie finished for him.
"Why?" Hyde said with a slight squeak.
Because I was kicked out of my apartment, because I'm still in love with you, because his father offered to pay me, take your pick.
Jackie just shrugged. "I have my reasons."
Stay tuned for next time and remember to click the button on the bottom of your screen that says review!