Haru: ugh... it's been what, months?

Zuko: It appears so. People really need to start sending in more letters..we havent got one since like..feburary.

Haru: Honestly people, we're scraping the barrel and dragging out the worst of the worst for this episode.

Zuko: Also, Haru dose not, in any way, own myself, or any of the other members of the A:tLA cast, including the earthbender from that tiny little village that bears the same name.

Haru: Also, Kasy Ann Possible is the invention of NoDrogs here on FF dot net, as is her sister Sheki Go Possible. (although they are usually controled by one of my friends from KP/ )

Zuko: Kaia is owned by hereself, and I am seriously jealous of Haru's pimping abilities. Seriously, Kasy, Kaia, Ty-Lee, and many, MANY other girls all find him datable. Atleast i'm still more popular.

Haru: but for how long? Now, on with the show! Oh, Did I mention we actually hired a narrator?


(Narrator person, voice.. thing: This month's episode, yes, we're going to try doing them monthly now IF YOU HELP! takes place at the WESTERN air temples, as it was supposed to last time, but, due to an INTERN-al error, yes, that's you Steve, we accidentally ended up at the NORTHERN air temple. Steve, if you're reading this, you owe us replacement money for air-fare. For CAST AND CREW. Now, as I was explaining, We can see quite the amalgarithm of people on stage. And yes, they all have beanbags... kind of. Sitting, almost completely on his lonesome, is Zuko, with Katara and Mai at his sides, while Haru sits at his beanbag, next to Ty-lee on one side, A green-skinned girl with flaming red hair on his other side, and a girl with dark-brown hair resting comfortably on a smaller beanbag while resting her head in his lap... man that took forever!)

Haru: Welcome all to this month's episode of Ask Zuko! Yes, we're going to try-

(Narator: I already explained Haru)

Haru: oh...right...you mentioned Steve too, right?

(Narrator: yes. I did, now get back to the show!)

Haru: oops! anyways, yeah, welcome back and all that! I'm Haru, and over there is Zuko! Now, why don't the lovely ladies with us introduce themselves?

Mai: If you don't know me, youre more insane than his family. (motions to zuko)

Katara: Hey, i'm only here because Haru blackmailed me into it. (frowns over at him)

Kasy: Well... i'm here because Haru asked me to show up, that's all there is to it! (hugs him tightly)

Ty-Lee: hey! No touchee my Haru! (hugs his other side)

Kaia: Hey?! Your Haru? What about me? (tackles them all)

Haru: GAH! GIRLS! CANT...BREATHE!! (a struggling, feminine yet male hand is seen from the writhing mass of girls)

Zuko: well...as Haru is indesposed of at the moment... Can we get the letters in here?

(a small, no, REALLY small, like, single digets high, stack of letters is dropped on stage)

Mai: What in the name of black suns is this?

Katara: Yeah, I remember the pile being alot bigger than this...

Haru: (finally free) this is all that's left once we sorted out most of the "I want to bear your children" letters... that surprisingly enough came for bolth Zuko and me.

Kasy: that's just wrong! You're bolth only 16!

Kaia: oh, yeah! that's right! We forgot to tell you all! Haru just turned 16 this month!

Ty-Lee: That's right! He turned 16 on friday, the thirteenth of june!

Haru: 2008 earth-standard-calender. Now, on with the letters please? (he takes the pile and hands one to each) well, atleast there are left-overs (he deadpanns)

Zuko: i'll go first then, Ahem...

I don't see why you say you have no interest in Mom; you married her, after
all! (I'd like to point out now, I have no idea how I ended up in this time
period.) Not only that, you have two kids together: me, and my twin sister,
Kya (though it's hard to tell by looking, considering I take after mom, where
as Kya takes more after you).
My point is, you should hurry up and find Katara/Mom before my very existance
becomes an issue! Please? I like existing!

Your son,

P.S. Think you could get Mom on this show-thing? I kinda need to talk to her,

Katara: well...that's certainly interesting...

Mai: yeah, aren't time-space paradox thingies kind of dangerous?

Zuko: ah well...lets just get this over with, probably just another crazed fan's made-up characters. Ahem...

Dear 'Kiba' if that is your real name

As you can see, myself and Katara are getting along just fine... and have actually grown close, I mean, have you seen the previews for episodes 316-320? she runs FROM that bald loser, and TO me!

(katara beams him)

Katara: he is NOT a loser. Besides...alot happened.

Zuko: oww...anyways... I dont want to even think about 'how' you got here or anything along those lines. And tell your...er...'sister' we said Hi I guess...and i'm sure you really do love existing, as I know that I do personally as well, but as we all know, sht happens.


An sceptical prince.

Katara: watch your mouth zuko... My turn though! Ahem (her first time reading letters)

Dear Zuko,
Do you resent being stuck with Mai while Aang gets Katara?

Do you resent not being able to shoot lightning from you fingertips, Evil
Emperor style?

Do you resent me asking the Tough Questions?

Zuko, if you are on the market again what kind of girl are u looking for, and
do you mind a litlle extra somthin somthin in the back if you know what i

Katara: okey...

Zuko: Ahem:

Dear you-didn't-leave-a-name-you-freaking-idiot,

(zuko is hit upside the head bu katara)

oww..its true... anyways, No, I did not resent it at all, as I actually cared for her, and still do, especially after she saved me from my sadistic and hot-headed, for use of a bad pun, sister. Although I do have feelings for katara, no matter how far into their infancy they are, they are still there, and I think she actually is starting to return them...(I cant wait for the final 5 episodes, even though it means i'll be out of a job, filming took FOREVER.)

No, I do not regret not being able to shoot lightning, as it's actually kind of cheap, and useless at that. Maybe if we meet up with uncle he can teach it to the avatar or something like that, but otherwise I dont want anything else to do with it. End of Story.

And they aren't actually tough, but I really wish you would have given a name.

Finally, unfortunatly for you I am not 'on the market' as you say, and I actually do not know what you're talking about... it seems kind of weird for you to talk like that. Really.


A now utterly confused Emporer-to-be.

Mai: well...I guess it's my turn then...ah well. (she opens the letter with one of her many hidden knives)

Dear Mai,

You suck. You emo loaded knife throwing,(considering the last one) wrist
cutting WEIRDO! I hope Ty Lee goes good and knokes you into a clown costume!
And I don't care that your parents wanted you to behave. Telling your kid to
sit down and be quiet doea not make them into a knife weilding manic
depressive fruit cake. So I want YOU to make sure YOU take this personaly.
ZUKO! Now that would be neat.

So in conclusion I will not watch the bits of show with you in it, support
any ship with you you in it, or brake if I see you crossing the street. THE


(To Haru: that was fun. :P)

Mai: (she rips at the paper violently before stabbing what remains out of the air with an uncountable number of knives, one of which apparently hits the camera man as the camera falls over, accompanied by a cry of pain)

Ty-Lee: ouch... they're still getting after you about that? Even after everything that happened on the boiling rock?

Haru: err...Ty-chan... that was sent BEFORE the boiling rock was released...

Ty-lee: ooooh... sorry mai...

Mai: (speaking to the fallen camera) I should let you know, little miss "Jewl" that I'm not emo, I just dont care. See these wrists? Not a mark on them! (she holds up her wrists, which are flawless) Yes, I like knives, it started as a HOBBY. Maybe you should get one aside from thinking your better than everyone else! Great spirits, you remind me of Azula! And unless you live in a cave, like you probably do, and HAVEN'T seen the boiling rock, you should know that I actually DID help Zuko and that stupid water-tribe loser escape with his girlfriend and dad, and that lame seven-foot prisoner! Alright? Happy? I HELPED, now GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT! (she sits down, hands griping repeatedly over a small squisy stress ball in the shape of azula's face)

Zuko: it's alright..don't worry... they'll change their minds... it was an old Letter, alright?

Mai: whatever...

Kasy: Alright! well, I think it's time we got onto another letter...now...I just read this aloud, then mister 'everything will be okay' over there answers, right?

(Haru nods)

Kasy: Alright! Hey! Pony-tail boy! next letter! (she tosses a glowing ball of green fire at him, successfully snapping him back to the matter at hand) thank you. now...

Dear Zuko,
I know you only have one sister and my letter did NOT say Why are YOUR
sisters so annoying. When I wrote that I was also refering to my sisters who
annoy the crap out of me.


Zuko: right...er...

Dear Hyuga,

I'm guessing, from what Haru tells me, you're Neji or something like that, right? If not, ah well. I'm just going to call you that from now on! Now, i'm not actually sure why they do, i'm just gessing that it's a sister's job to make their brothers misrable in every way possible, I know my sister dose, as dose haru's. And we're not even related! I truely wish I knew more on the subject and could help, but I dont so I cant.



Haru: ugh...sisters...anyways, next letter! Ty-chan?

Ty-lee: alright! Here we go!

Dear Zuko

WHY?! WHY?! Why did you betray you're Uncle, you a son of a beep! And Mai,
you realize she's emo right? How do you know she's not cheating on you? Ugh! I
really want to you to dump Mai and go to Katara. Also join the Gaang! I want
you to reply.

From a seriously PO fan,

Raidon Phantom

P.S. It tells you the name on the review accualy. I forgot to write it on my bad.

Zuko: okay..well...

Dear Phantom,

I had my reasons...mainly I was tempted by the offer of going home after all these years and actually being welcomed back without knives at my back or flames on my heels. litterally. And I think i'd know if Mai was cheating on me, no offence to her or anything, but she can't really tell a lie to save her life.. (he is hit by Mai now) owww... I said no offence... anyways, no, she is not emo, and like I said earlier, Katara and I are just now discovering how we fell about eachother. Now just sit back, enjoy the ride, and wait for the series finalie to come out, hopefully with a BOOK FOUR like everyone wants there to be. We keep going on about there being 'four nations' and 'four seasons' and 'four elements,' but Mike and Bryan wont spring for "Four books"? that's just a load of komodo-rhino dung to me. And, as you can see, I did join the 'gaang' even if it is a stupid name...


A now good prince zuko.

P.S. Wish I would have noticed that earlier, even though it wasn't on the LETTER. Only haru's got access to the 'reviews,' I only get to see the letters.

Haru: hey, it's not my fault! I didn't know either!

Zuko: for four chapters, and a chirstmas special, you didn't know? seriously. you need to pay better attention to the details Haru.

Haru: and you need to pay better attention to Mai before she eats all your fire flakes.

(mai is now munching on a handful of the sizzling snacks)

Mai: what? I was Hungry... ranting makes me like that...

Zuko: (he sighs, facepalming) next letter please...

Kaia: alright.

To Iroh and Ozai

What is the age diffremce betwwen you two? I know Iroh is older but he's old
and has a white beard where as Ozai looks to e maybe in his late


Zuko: ugh. I know we need more reviews, but seriously, FROM DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Not one person repeatedly. now, Ahem...

Dear Jewel,

If you really want my father and uncle to answer this, please send it to one of their talk shows they want to start up, as i'm sure they'll be as without work as i'll be once the finalie is finished filming, yes, we're STILL filming it. it's FOUR PARTS. Also, I guess I can tell you that my uncle is ten years older than my father, this being the reason he is beginning to grey. That and all the stress he went through what with my cousin dying in the war, my aunt dying, and finally my banishment. It happens.


A slightly annoyed firebending prince.

Zuko: NEXT!

Haru: alright, alright, fine, fine, I'll read, i'll read... bossy-pants...

Ty-lee: aww...someone needs a kiss... (she puckers up, moving twords him)

Kaia: aww, here! let me help!

Kasy: me too! Hey! move over you two! I cant get in there!

Haru: Gah! help meeeeee! (he is engulfed by the now lipstick-wearing trio of girls, the letter flying up and landing in zuko's lap)

Zuko: I swear... We're not letting those three on the show again...

Katara: that wouldn't be fair... you getting to have us around and him all by himself?

Zuko: It's called "Ask Zuko," not "Ask Haru"

Mai: he has a good point there...

Zuko: now...ahem...

Dear Zuko
What is with people with annoying crazy type attitudes?
And also what is with my dog Ben and food?
From Amaterasu77

Dear Ama-whatever 77,

I honestly can't say. you'll have to ask Ty-Lee that sometime if I ever let her back on the show.

And your dog, What in the world is a "Dog?"


A re-confused prince.

Haru: (coated in a decent ammount of lipstick kisses) a-a-alright... I think I can read one now... (blushing heavilly as he takes a letter, opening it shakily) ahem...

Dear Zuko,

Hi, just got a few random questions for you. Did your mom actually think
Azula was a monster, or was that just in the script?

Is your family as off their rocker as they seem, or do they just act well?

Do you still have the dagger that Iroh gave you?

And, finally, hypathetically, not meaning to cause a fight, but if you break
up with Mai, would it be so bad to have Toph as your girlfriend? I mean, given
a few years of age progression of course.



P.S. Just to clear things up about my name, I am not a fangirl, but I am a
major Tyzula fanboy

Dear Juria,

What an interesting name you have... like, really weird actually, no offence. Anyways, yes, my mom actually did begin to think Azula was a monster around when she turned seven. I actually started calling her "Akuma" shortly after mother left to try and get to her, but it only made it worse so I stopped.

Also, my family is actually insane in real life. Exept for uncle, he's just eccentric about tea.

And yes, I still have that dagger Uncle gave me. It's stored away safely so Mai can't get it out and lose it if she ever happens to run out of knives. (he is hit yet again by Mai)

And no, I can firmly say that the little blind earthbender would never be a love interest for me. She still seems to be quite infatuated with that water-tribe boy that is related to Katara (katara off screen: Sokka!) Right, socks! Odd name for a guy...but still. they seem to be quite the pair, despite that Suki girl from the boiling rock and...what was it...kiohana island? Yeah...I think that's it...back when Socks wore that dress... (he shudders) anyways, a very interesting love triangle there... despite the fact that she was actually the first one to trust me out of the group...and I ended up hurting her... i'm such an idiot...


A regretful firebender.

(Narrator: Akuma means 'demon' )

Katara: well, my turn now! whoa..two letters left...why dont the three of us read this one, then Haru and those girls can read the last one?

Zuko: fine by me.

Mai: whatever.

Haru: okay, but since there's more of us, we go first. alright?

Ty-lee: okay! here, we'll get this big one!

Kaia: well...there are four of us, so I guess we can...hey! there's two letters in here! two of us read one, two the other?

Kasy: okay. i'll read mine with Ty-lee, kaia can read her's with haru.

Ty-lee: aww...I wanted to read it with haru!

Zuko: just read it already!

(the girls meep slightly before delving into the letters:

Group 1:

S & T ask:

S: Would you ever talk like Azula again? I found quite...hilarious! I dont
know why you said you suck at impersonations, I espescially liked the one of
your Uncle. "Zuko, you must look within yourself, to save yourself, from your
other self, only then will your true self, reveal itself." LOL!

T: Yeah that was funny! Anyhoo, my question is, do you still have feelings
for Mai? If so, then why cause she was so...dead. She had no emotion! Would
you ever get back togehter with her?

S:I WILL have your children! Bye!

T:Wow! Random! I dont want to have your kids...just your hand in MARRIAGE!
not to be forceful but...REALLY I WILL! Ja Ne!

S & T: (bickering over Zuko)

Haru: well...that was wierd... I thought we got rid of all these...and DONT STEAL MY LINES!! .

Kasy: this ones actually fairly new... it wasn't opened

Ty-Lee: aww, poor girls... zuzu is taken!

Zuko: dont...call me that... (he turns slightly red)

katara: aww..but it's cute...zuzu... (giggles slightly)

Mai: you know what...it actually is (she grins)

Zuko: Haru. I hate you so much.

Haru: me? what did I do?

Zuko: you let...THAT onto the show! (points at ty-lee)

Ty-lee: THAT? what do you mean THAT? I am a girl, and I have a name!

haru: (sighs) Alright, no more fighting. Zuko, answer the fekking letter. Ty-lee, please get back over here...

Kasy: mmm... I like a man that takes charge... (she moves twords him on all fours, grinning deviantly)

kaia: mmm...yeah...that was kinda cool...

Ty-lee: yes haru, sir! (she giggles, mock saluting before the three pounce on him again)

Haru: GAH! I cant take much more of thiiiiis!

Zuko: alright, alright...(he sighs) here we go...

Dear...S & T...Names would be helpful btw instaid of initials...

first S - no, I will never do impersonations again. As I said, i'm terrible. Even if it is for a laugh. that was a one-time deal, no matter how much you beg, or how many times these two give me the 'puppy dog pout' as kasy calls it(whatever a 'puppy dog' is) end. of. story.

And T - no, she is not dead, she just dosn't like expressing herself, as you can plainly see what 'expressing herself' entailed earlier. I personally like that quality of her and will, in the future if not sooner, hook up with her, or katara...once I can make up my mind that is...

And no, nether of you will have my children, or my hand in marriage, or any of the above. I'm spoken for.


The luckiest prince on the face of the planet.

Katara: awww...that was so sweet... (she grins, hugging him close and kissing his cheek)

Mai: that actually was kind of... nice... the way you stood up for me... (she smiles, kissing his cheek also) Just remember to make the smart choice when you do choose. I can slice you into tiny pieces bit by bit if you break my heart again. All she can do is castrate you with her tears.

Katara: you know...in a sick, twisted way, that was actually kind of poetic...

Zuko: Mai, you're rubbing off on her...now, onto the last letter of the episode, yet hopefully not the last ever!

Dear Zuko
how do you feel about the whole ursaxiroh shipping? i've always wondered how
you would react if you read a story based on it.

4 4 4 4

Dear 4 to the 4th,

I actually haven't heard of that before..although I must say it dose disgust me slightly. honestly, uncle and mother? I mean...as Haru or Kasy would put it... "Wrong-sick." I will have to keep my eyes peeled and stray from any of those fanfictions should I happen to come across them.

Sincerely, the ready-to-puke prince.

Haru: (covered, yet again, in lipstick kisses) gah...air! huh? we're done? that was the last one?? you're kidding!! IT is official: Ask Zuko has RUN OUT OF LETTERS!

Kasy: we're sorry if this episode was a little dry by the way, but still... lack of letters, lack of entertainment, more filler to try and make up for it. Now, if you dont mind, us girls are going to get back to our daily schedueled Haru... (the three girls grin mischeviously before dragging him off-screen)

Haru: NUUUUU!! HELP MEEEE!! (he is dragged off screen)

Zuko: ah well...since Haru isn't here to say it, we hope you all stick around, read this, SEND LETTERS, and review and such. Don't worry, Haru tells me that the next part of chapter 3 of his other FF, "Naruto - A Destined Heart" will be out soon, so keep your eyes peeled!

Katara: now...hmm..the showis over, what can we do to await the next episode?

Mai: hmm..drag zuko clothes shopping with us?

Katara: yes! let's do it!

Zuko: oh, crap.

all 5 girls(ty-lee, kasy, and kaia all from off screen: JA NE!


Gah...well, theres the latest chapter of Ask zuko. as kasy stated, it was a tad bit dry, hopefully my and zuko's female-related misfortunes were enough to keep you entertained through this filler episode. If it comes to it though, I just might have to cansel production on this show entirely.

Zuko: and if you make him do that, i'll kill a kitten.

whoa. dark dude, dark.

Zuko: my second-to last, and soon-to-be-last job is on the line. you atleast will be getting that gig at the fast-food place. I will be put out of business and left to the ravenous fan-hoards.shudders

true..true...so remember everyone! If you force my hand and make me close this up, Zuko will kill a kitten!

bolth are hit over the head by our respective girls, meaning I get hit 1 more time than him

girls: hmph...

Ty-lee: ah well, untill next time then!

Katara: also, vote on who you want to be a perminant member of the Ask Zuko cast! Polls are open for the next chapter and the winner, or winners will be relesased on the chapter-after-next!

Kasy: the candidates are:

Me, kasy.





Other, you'll have to state who.

Mai: so again, untill next time, and this is the final time we're gonna say it,

All: JA NE!