Disclaimer: I don't own Akatsuki. I don't tihnk they'd let me.
It's Mika-chan! FINAL CHAPTER!!! I'm so sad to see it end! But I hope everyone likes the ending. I shouldn't have any protests at it. The deadly tale...concluded!
When Deidara woke up a few days later, he heard voices arguing. He quickly identified the voices as Hikaru's and Hidan's. "What could they be arguing about so early?" The blonde got out of bed, pulled on his cloak, and walked out the door to the living room. Hikaru and Hidan were in the kitchen, apparently yelling over who had the bleach.
"Why are you guys yelling so early, hmm?" Deidara yawned.
"Hikaru has the bleach and won't let me use it." Hidan said.
"Why the fuck would I have the bleach?" Hikaru protested. "You know we keep it in your room because you use it the most."
"You use it more than I do." Hidan yelled back.
"But it's still in your room." Hikaru said as she went to find some tea.
"Why the fuck would I have the fucking bleach?" Hidan yelled.
"How the fuck would I know?" Hikaru snapped.
"I should start counting how many times you guys say the word fuck." Deidara said as he went to find some cereal.
"That's not the point, Sensei." Hikaru exclaimed.
"You had the bleach last, Hikaru." Hidan said, leaning against the counter.
"But I don't have it." Hikaru said.
"Well, I don't know where it went." Hidan said.
"Did you think to ask Konan when she gets back?" Deidara asked. "And Hidan, why do you need the bleach now, hmm?"
"Because my scythe is looking like shit!" the Jashinist yelled in reply.
Sasori walked into the room with Sayu, saying, "Hidan, don't yell so early."
"I don't care if I wake up Kakuzu." Hidan said. "He kept me awake until 3 in the morning."
"Doing what?" Sayu asked.
"You don't wanna know." Hikaru said.
"Why not?" Sayu frowned as she sat next to Hikaru at the island.
"Trust me." Hikaru said. "You don't wanna know."
"You'll figure it out later, Sayu." Sasori said.
Sayu scowled, but dropped the subject.
"Is Leader back yet?" the Puppet Master asked the group at large.
"Not yet." Hidan said. "He's supposed to be back sometime today."
"Where did Zetsu go, hmm?" Deidara asked.
"He was sent to spy on Konoha." Sasori told his partner. "Itachi and Kisame came back late last night."
"Where were they?" Hikaru asked.
"Trying to track one of the Beasts." Sasori said, walking to the fridge and retrieving some shrimp for breakfast. "But they wouldn't tell me which one."
"Man, I hope Itachi doesn't use his eyes too much." Hidan said.
"Why's that?" Hikaru looked at the silver-haired ninja.
"I wanna play Shougi with him." Hidan said.
"Why in hell would you want to play Shougi with an Uchiha?" Sasori questioned as he distributed the shrimp to 2 bowls and placing them in the microwave.
"Because if he cheats, and we end up fighting, I won't die." Hidan said.
"Go figure." Hikaru rolled her eyes to the ceiling.
"I'd never do anything with Itachi." Deidara said firmly.
"What's with you two?" Hikaru asked. "You never seem to get along."
"Deidara hasn't told you?" Sasori raised his eyebrows in amazement.
"No…" Hikaru replied.
"Deidara, why haven't you told her yet?" Hidan asked the blonde.
"I didn't think it was important, hmm." Deidara said. "Does it really matter how I got into Akatsuki?"
"Yes, it does." Hidan said.
"So what happened?" Hikaru asked.
"We brought Deidara from Iwa and told him that he should be in Akatsuki. He didn't want to join, of course." Sasori said.
"It would take time away from my art, hmm." Deidara scowled.
Sasori ignored Deidara and pressed on.
"So it was decided that Deidara would fight Itachi. If Deidara lost, he would become a member."
"And I obviously lost." Deidara was obviously annoyed.
"Is that why you made the eyescope?" Hikaru assumed. "So one eye wouldn't be affected by the Sharingan?"
"Basically, yeah." Deidara said.
The microwave dinged, telling Sasori that the shrimp was done. He grabbed 2 sets of chopsticks and placed a bowl of shrimp in front of Sayu. Taking the remaining shrimp, Sasori joined Hidan and Deidara at the table.
"And you won't take it off even when Itachi isn't here?" Hikaru questioned.
"Just in case, hmm." Deidara said.
"Deidara, none of us can do any eye techniques." The Jashinist reminded the blonde.
"I know." Deidara said. "Still, you can't be too careful."
It was silent for a moment before Hidan said, "I can't believe that Kakuzu's sleeping this late."
"It's not that late, Hidan." Sasori said.
"It's 9." Hidan said.
"Is that a bad thing?" Sayu asked Sasori.
"Kakuzu tends to wake up early." Sasori explained.
"It seems like everyone here does." Hikaru noted.
"You sleep in pretty late, Hikaru." Deidara said.
"Not that late, Sensei." Hikaru said. "I only wake up early when I need to get stuff done."
A door opened and Kakuzu stepped out of his room and walked into the kitchen.
"About time you wake up, Kakuzu." Hidan said.
"You kept me up." Kakuzu accused his partner.
"I said we should go to sleep, but you wouldn't let me." Hidan said.
"We don't want to know the details of last night, guys." Sasori said.
"It's not like you haven't done it, Sasori." Hidan said, amethyst eyes now resting on the Puppet Master.
"Does it really matter?" Sasori raised his eyebrows.
"Well, how could Sayu be here if you didn't…" Hidan started to say.
"Hidan, do you know what the words 'shut up' mean?" Hikaru interrupted the Jashinist.
"Yes, Hikaru, I do." Hidan said, facing Hikaru.
"Then why don't you do it?" Hikaru smiled.
"Because you don't control me." Hidan replied.
"Here they go again." Deidara sighed.
"If you guys are going to argue, then go outside." Kakuzu said.
"But I don't feel like going outside." Hikaru said, retrieving her sword and slicing the air.
"Then quit arguing!" Kakuzu exclaimed.
Later that day, Itachi and Hikaru were playing Shougi. Kisame stood by to make sure that the Uchiha wasn't using his Sharingan. Sasori and Sayu were working on puppets at the worktable on one side of the room. Deidara was playing Call of Duty on the Playstation and Hidan and Kakuzu were in Hidan's room doing something very loudly.
"What in hell are they doing?" a very annoyed Hikaru asked.
"I dunno, Hikaru." Sasori said.
"Sounds to me like they're making out." Kisame said.
"I guess you'd know about that." Hikaru shrugged, emerald green eyes fixed on the game board. "You and Itachi certainly did it enough."
"I'm tempted to go and yell at them about it." Deidara said, switching off the Playstation, taking out Call of Duty and putting in Final Fantasy VII.
"You know what they'll do if you interrupt them, don't you?" Kisame asked the blonde.
"Of course I do, hmm." Deidara said.
"What would they do?" Sayu asked Sasori as she worked on the arm of her puppet.
"Well, Hidan would start a riot." Sasori replied. "Kakuzu would probably start yelling."
"And nothing would be censored." Itachi added, moving a piece across the board. "Got you, Hikaru."
"God dammit!" Hikaru yelled. "Kisame, he didn't cheat, did he?"
"Not from what I saw." Kisame answered.
"You left the king unprotected." Itachi told Hikaru.
"It's harder playing Shougi with you." Hikaru shrugged. "It's easier playing with Sensei."
"That's because Deidara makes the most obvious mistakes." Kisame said, leaving the game site.
"I do not, hmm." Deidara protested, eyes focused on the screen. "Besides, it's boring."
"Whatever you say." Kisame rolled his eyes.
"Seriously, will someone shut those two up?" Hikaru asked, referring to Kakuzu and Hidan.
"I don't think anyone wants to die today, Hikaru." Itachi said.
"How long have they been at it, hmm?" Deidara asked.
"Almost 2 hours." Sasori rolled his eyes to the ceiling.
"That's long enough." Deidara said. "I'm going to make a bomb and-"
"Don't even think about it, Deidara." Kisame said.
"We don't want the hideout set on fire like last time." Itachi said.
"Sayu, are you having problems?" Sasori asked his daughter, smiling a little.
Somehow, Sayu managed to put the arms where the legs were supposed to go.
"Can I finish this tomorrow?" Sayu asked.
"We have been working a lot today." Sasori said. "I guess you can stop for today."
"What else is there to do?" Sayu asked.
"You can help me put DVDs in the right cases." Hikaru said. "It's gotten really bad lately."
Sayu nodded and joined Hikaru over at the large box of DVDs. Hikaru dumped out the DVDs onto the floor and started to go through the cases with Sayu.
"Who has the case for Remember the Titans?" Sayu asked.
"Hidan." Kisame said from the kitchen.
"Wait till later, Sayu." Hikaru said. "Just make a pile somewhere."
Sayu set the DVD to the side and continued going through the enormous pile.
"Sensei, if you didn't throw the DVDs in random places, this wouldn't happen." Hikaru said, putting the DVD for Eragon in the proper case.
"I'm not the only one, hmm." Deidara said, turning off the Playstation. "Konan does it too."
"But Konan isn't here, now is she?" Hikaru pointed out.
"Hey, does anyone know what time it is?" Sasori asked the group.
"Almost 5." Itachi said.
"And who is making dinner?" Kisame asked.
"I think its Kakuzu tonight." Hikaru said.
"Someone has to go get him." Deidara said.
"Who's brave enough to do it?" Hikaru looked nervously around the room.
"Let's see." Kisame said. "Who do they hate the least?"
"We can't make Sayu do it!" Hikaru exclaimed.
"It sounds like they've stopped…" Deidara said. "It might be safe to go in."
"Ok then, Deidara." Itachi said. "You go get them."
Hidan woke up feeling very sleepy. He looked over to his right and saw Kakuzu sleeping next to him. The Jashinist rubbed his amethyst eyes and turned over on his back, trying not to disturb his sleeping partner. He heard Kakuzu stir next to him. Hidan looked over and saw that Kakuzu was waking up.
"How long have you been awake?" the stitched-nin asked.
"Not that long." Hidan replied. He stretched his arms out in front of him and said, "We've been asleep for a while, haven't we?"
Kakuzu looked at the clock on the nightstand and said, "It's 5."
"No wonder why I'm hungry." Hidan said. "I guess having sex can make you hungry, huh?"
"That would make sense." Kakuzu said.
"So…" Hidan said, resting his head on Kakuzu's chest, "What are we going to get into tonight?"
"More sex?" Kakuzu suggested.
"Can't argue with you there." Hidan smiled.
"I guess we should get up, huh?" the stitched-nin suggested.
"But you're so soft, Kakuzu." Hidan said. "And warm, too…"
"Don't you dare fall asleep, Hidan." Kakuzu smiled.
"But I'm still tired." The Jashinist complained.
"If you don't wake up, we won't have sex tonight." Kakuzu said, knowing this would make Hidan stay awake.
Hidan scowled, but said, "Fine."
Someone knocked on the door. Hidan said, "What now?"
"Can I come in?" Deidara's voice came through the door.
"Ok." Hidan rolled his eyes toward the ceiling.
Deidara came in, hesitantly at first, as though he was afraid that Hidan and/or Kakuzu would throw something at him.
"I'm not interrupting anything, am I, hmm?" Deidara asked, slightly embarrassed at seeing Kakuzu and Hidan in the same bed together.
"Just waking up, Dei." Kakuzu assured the blonde.
"What do you want?" Hidan demanded, pulling Kakuzu closer to him.
"It's Kakuzu's turn to make dinner." Deidara said. "And everyone's hungry."
"Damn." Kakuzu had clearly forgotten.
"I thought Hikaru was making dinner?" Hidan frowned.
"Nope." Deidara shook his head.
"Ah well." Kakuzu shrugged. "Thanks, Dei. I'll be out in a minute."
The blonde nodded and left. Kakuzu got out of bed and got dressed, but Hidan remained where he was.
"Shall we continue tonight?" Hidan said with a smile.
"What do you think I just said?" Kakuzu said, heading toward the door. "Oh, and Hidan?"
"Do something with your hair. It looks horrendous."
With that, Kakuzu left. Hidan scowled, but got out of bed. After putting some pants on, he looked in the mirror, seeing how bad the damage was. It wasn't too bad. Nothing a little gel wouldn't fix. Rummaging through the drawers, the Jashinist found the hair gel and ran it through his hair and brushed it out so it looked like it usually did. Pulling on his cloak, Hidan walked out into the main area of the hideout to find that, for once, all of the Akatsuki members were present.
"Why the fuck is everyone here?" Hidan questioned. "We're never all here at the same time."
"I have some fairly important news, Hidan," Pein said, "So be quiet."
Hidan scowled, but remained silent. He joined everyone else in the kitchen, sitting next to Kakuzu at the table.
"As I'm sure you all know," Pein began. "Sayu has been living with us for a long time."
"No need to tell us that." Hikaru muttered under her breath.
Pein ignored her and continued.
"It has been my decision that she will be staying with the Akatsuki, but she will not become a full member."
Sasori breathed a sigh of relief.
"So if she's staying with us, why won't she become a member?" Zetsu's white side asked.
"Because she's too young." Itachi said. "Obviously…"
"I guess it's not obvious, Itachi, because Zetsu didn't think about it." Kisame said.
"But what about our missions?" Hikaru asked Pein.
"Either you, Deidara or Sasori will have to stay behind with her if no one else is around." The Akatsuki leader said.
"But I hate kids…" Hidan scowled.
"Too bad, Hidan." Kakuzu said.
"And you wanted us all here because…?" Deidara questioned.
"Because, Deidara, I felt it was best if I told everyone directly." Pein said.
"But I thought that she'd be staying with us anyway." Zetsu's white side said. "Why come out and say it?"
"Something was brought to my attention that I wasn't aware of when Sayu first came." Pein said.
"And that was?" Zetsu's black side demanded.
"It is not important what it was." Pein said. "Just know that she will be staying with us from now on."
"So that's it?" Sasori said.
"That's it." Pein said.
"What about the missions?" Konan reminded her partner.
"Oh, right." Pein seemed to have forgotten about giving out missions. "Hidan and Kakuzu, you two will be leaving for the Grass Village tomorrow to collect money that was stolen from one of Sasori's idiot spies." Pein began.
"All right!" Kakuzu exclaimed happily.
"I've fired him, Leader-sama." Sasori told the Akatsuki leader.
"I should think so." Pein said. "Itachi and Kisame, you two will remain here, as will Hikaru, Deidara and Sasori. Zetsu," Pein turned his attention to the Venus Fly Trap member. "You will be spying on the Village Hidden in the Clouds. You will leave tonight before 8."
"Understood." Zetsu's white side said.
"Konan and I will be going to Iwa to investigate a lead on another Beast." Pein said. "That's pretty much it."
"Are we dismissed?" Kakuzu asked.
"You are dismissed." Pein nodded once.
The sound of scraping chairs could be heard for a minute while the 9 Akatsuki members left the kitchen. Hidan and Kakuzu retreated back to Hidan's room. Zetsu left for the Cloud Village. Konan and Pein went to the library to review scrolls. Or so they said. Itachi and Kisame started playing Madden NFL on the Playstation while Hikaru and Deidara played Shougi on the floor. Sasori went to his room to fetch Sayu, who wasn't allowed at the meeting. The two started to work on puppets on the worktable in the living room. The chess game between Hikaru and Deidara lasted only a few minutes: Deidara foolishly left his king wide open for an attack. But Sasori wasn't really thinking about Deidara's poor Shougi skills. He was relieved that Pein had allowed Sayu to stay with them, even though she might be a problem for the group. Maybe she would prove herself useful to Akatsuki.
I love the part with Hidan and Kakuzu. I'm thinking of writing a HidaKuzu yaoi fluff thing pretty soon, so look for it! Let me know what you think! thanks for reading!