Diclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling. Thanks JK I am just borrowing them for a while...
This was originally written pre Deathly Hallows but I have made a few changes due the events in Book 7. Beware spoilers and I hope you enjoy. Please Read and Review...
Severus Snape could barely conceal his smirk. Thank Merlin that his mask was covering his grin. Voldemort had called him in as he was sure that tonight he would finally be able to turn into his Animagus form. However he sure did not anticipate morphing into a little bunny.
"Severus, my most faithful and loyal servant. I require your presence for a most interesting project." he had demanded smiling in the macabre way only he has. Ever since his fleeing from Hogwarts, the Dark Lord had taken to inviting him for tea and crumpets. Even Severus had to admit that the Dark Lord's taste in crumpets was exquisite and was only surpassed by Dumbledore's. Not that he ever would inform his "Master" of that. As always the food had been delicious and the Dark Lord had informed him, as he had done every other night since he began his quest to be an Animagus, that tonight would be the night. The Dark Lord believed that being an Animagus could only prove advantageous. To his displeasure and Severus' pleasure the attempts thus far had been failures. The task was proving more difficult than anticipated. However since Snape was now permanently in the fold the Dark Lord had been making him devote his time to providing potions that could aid this. Of course they were all perfectly brewed but never worked as the Dark Lord hoped. Once the Dark Lord stood up from the table Severus had handed him yet another useless potion. He knew that he would face his "Master's" wrath if this attempt was a failure as he seemed even more confident than ever tonight. He had supposedly been working on this potion for the last month but as Severus knew no potion could aid the transformation into a Animagus but as always the Dark Lord knew better and he knew better than to question the madman. A round of crucios was once thing but an avada kedavra meant that there was no one to pass information to the Order. He had sat watching the attempt in trepidation bracing himself for the revenge.
Once the tea and crumpets were finished, the Dark Lord had swallowed the potion that he had demanded of him. He stood up and went far away from the table as if anticipating a transformation into a macabre monster. Severus blinked and when he looked again a small fluffy white rabbit glared back up at him. For one brief moment Severus got an urge to roar in laughter but thankfully checked himself.
Therefore, this was why he stood in a room hiding a smirk behind his mask. The Dark Lord rapidly turned himself back into the normally terrifying creature that he was. Severus could tell that he was infuriated and embarrassed at the unexpected shape his Animagus form had taken. He also knew that it was likely that the Dark Lord would place the blame on him.
"You are not to inform anyone of this development", he ordered looking at him as if daring him to laugh.
"Of course not, my Lord." he replied, " but if you permit me to say I think that this unexpected occurrence could prove to be advantageous in some way".
Voldemort looked warily at him.
"In what way?" he asked his voice icy cold.
Severus shivered but composed himself again.
"Well, my Lord, nobody would expect such a handsome rabbit to be the greatest sorcerer in the world." Severus began but was soon interrupted.
"Do not attempt to ingratiate yourself with compliments, Snape. I can see right through them and I know what it is that you are doing." Voldemort said. However, despite the icy tone of his voice Severus could tell that his master was gratified.
"Now you were saying" Voldemort continued.
"Potter's little girlfriend and his mudblood pal are very attached to furry little creatures. As well as that, that half-wit, Hagrid could be fooled. One could use this as a way to trap young Mr Potter."
"Perhaps.." Voldemort mused with a sadistic smile on his face.
Severus was proud of his quick thinking. Besides not even Potter and his foolish friends would be idiotic enough to believe that the furry little creature was harmless with the Dark Mark imprinted on its rump. As long as it remained a secret between the two of them there was every chance that the Dark Lord would never discover it.
"Well you have a point but I must remind you that this is not to escape your lips. Now you may go."
Severus bowed and disapparated. Once he reached a safe place Severus burst into the laughter that had been thus far denied him. He had to send a message of warning to the Order somehow but for now he was going to enjoy the first chance he had to laugh in a long time.
It had been a long and exhausting day. After he had laughed until he could not do so anymore, he had headed back to his "home". However, the place that Severus currently called home was not exactly ideal for a man who required a long rest. While he was never overtly concerned with comfort and opulence, somewhere nice and warm would have been nice. As it was, he could not afford to draw attention to himself. Having a fire burning in the grate was therefore out. The squat was at least clean and there was a lumpy sofa, which doubled as his bed as well as many other things. He had been on the run since Dumbledore's death and being a wanted murderer did not make for a quiet life. This lumpy sofa had been transported in his pocket all over Britain as he had fled the Aurors. It had been disguised as everything from a piece of mouldy cheese to a dirty handkerchief. He had been determined not to leave his precious library to the vultures and had brought a few of his most cherished volumes transfigured into potions materials. Getting an Outstanding in Transfiguration had helped immensely in his job as a spy and was proving to be equally useful when on the run. Of course when he was serving the Dark Lord he did not have much to do besides read, eat or sleep. Being a famous murderer had not done much for his social life either. He may have been mentioned in every wizarding home but he certainly was not invited into them.
Severus made himself a nice warm cup of tea and plonked himself down on the lumpy sofa. Despite his tiredness, he was happier than he had been in a while. He sat, drank and reflected on a job well done. After a few minutes of well-earned relaxation, he remembered that a message must be sent to his contact in the Order. He picked up his wand and summoned a piece of parchment and a quill.
"Beware of white rabbit Animagus. His task completed. But marked on rear. -HBP", he wrote. It was cryptic but the person who would receive it would understand. Hagrid may appear to be a half-wit to many people but Severus knew that the half giant was a lot smarter than he seemed. He put down the quill and picked up his wand once again muttering "Expecto Patronum". His doe shaped Patronus appeared and using his mentor's spell to turn it into a messenger, he sent his note to Hagrid.
The following morning, Severus awoke to feel his Mark burning.
"So much for yesterday's cheer", he thought groggily as he grabbed the cleanest black robe that he could lay his hands on. Not only did black serve as the illustration of his demeanour but also had practical applications as black robes could hide many stains as well as scare little children. As soon as he was dressed, he put his finger to the Mark and Disapparated. He found himself in front of the Dark Lord, who did not appear to be in the best of form. Severus bowed deeply and he soon realised that this was to be a private interview, which did not bode well. He strained his ears hoping that he was wrong and that he would hear another pop signalling the arrival of another of his compatriots. He stood up slowly and Voldemort met his gaze. He hid his unease with a respectful smile in Voldemort's direction.
"My Lord, how may I be of service?" he asked.
Voldemort's eyes flashed and he raised his wand.
"Severus, I have discovered that you have mislead me. What say you?" Voldemort hissed with a malevolent grin on his hideous face. Severus feigned ignorance. He had been discovered but he was not likely to play into Voldemort's hands with a confession. He was a Slytherin after all. He would use his cunning to escape detection.
"My Lord I fear you are mistaken. I have not misled you about anything." Severus replied.
"Really" hissed Voldemort, "Why then did you not inform me of the ah misfortunate placing of my Mark?"
"Your Mark, my Lord! I did not know it was there."
"Do not play the fool, Snape. You are no fool and you know that I do not suffer fools gladly." Voldemort whispered dangerously. When Severus made no reply, he walked over to the window and then he continued.
"I was rather excited last night and I sought to examine my animal physique in the full length mirror in my chamber. I was pleased with what I saw until I spotted the Mark right there in the middle of my buttocks." he explained. Suddenly he turned around and shouted "Crucio". Severus fell to the ground twitching. The pain was intense but it did not last very long. His first coherent thought was surprise that Voldemort's punishment had not been worse and more painful. As he pulled himself up, he noticed that Voldemort had collapsed on the sofa. It seemed that the sight of the Mark had traumatised the Dark Lord.
"Perhaps my Animagus form may not be as beneficial as we had hoped", Voldemort mused.
"But my Lord." Severus interjected.
Voldemort glowered at him.
"Are you daring to question me, Snape? I simply will not be seen like that in public. I refuse to", Voldemort roared.
He stood up and flung his customary crumpets on the floor. Now Severus really knew that he had been badly affected. Every Death Eater knew that if the Dark Lord was off his crumpets then things were seriously wrong. He struggled to prevent himself from telling his supposed master to pull himself together and rolling his eyes. Severus watched as the most powerful Dark wizard in the world began to smash all his precious tea bone china. This was good. The Order could benefit if the Dark Lord was lacking in common sense. So he began formulating plans to further madden Voldemort.
Severus stood watching the Dark wizard throwing a childish hissy fit. Smirking beneath his mask, he found his mind whirling with interesting plans for Operation Madness. Over the course of the previous night, he had been thinking if there were any interesting ways in which to use Voldemort's Animagus form against him. His first thought had been perhaps if they could find a way in which to force the Dark Lord to retain his bunny shape. However he knew that even if that was case that a man as power-hungry as Voldemort would always have an army of sorts. Even if it was of the rabbit variety… However, there were some things that Severus could do in order to make Voldemort uncomfortable. Fleas were a terrible disadvantage of having an Animagus form. Perhaps he could help with that. He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he barely noticed that the Dark Lord had stopped abruptly and turned to him.
"What were you saying, Snape." he asked just as if the last five minutes of destruction and childishness had not occurred. Severus wondered for a moment if he was the one who had gone mad and that he had dreamt up the last few minutes.
"My Lord, very few humans are likely to pay much attention to that part of the anatomy of a rabbit. The only ones that may notice are other rabbits." he reasoned. He could see that Voldemort was thinking. He seemed much calmer now and he decided to take a chance.
"Perhaps if I could have a look then I could see about creating some camouflage" he suggested.
To Severus' absolute glee, the Dark Lord obliged him. Not only was he getting a chance to see Bunnymort again but also he had a great idea about sabotaging the potion with some of the Weasley Twins boil cream. The little white bunny was in front of him again and turned to give him a look at the Mark. He could feel his lips curving upward into a smile behind his mask once more. The mirth soon turned to panic when he realised that a near human Voldemort was standing in front of him and preparing to relieve him of his mask. He composed himself rapidly as the mask was torn from his face.
"Do you think it is funny, Snape?" Voldemort demanded.
"No my Lord truly" Severus replied trying to maintain an even tone. It seemed that he had been satisfied.
"Good. Now go and see if a camouflage can be created." Voldemort ordered.
Severus was wary. He knew that Voldemort was suspicious. He was unsure as to whether he managed to convince him fully or not. He bowed once more but just as he was heading out the door to disapparate he was called back.
"Severus, you will not go unpunished for laughing at my plight. Do not deny that you were amused", he smiled and handed him a leaflet. Severus unfolded the leaflet and read.
"Welcome to the Death Eater karaoke"
Severus looked at Voldemort in horror.
"And you will be performing so practice your dancing and singing", he said with a malicious grin. Severus knew that he that there was nothing that he could possibly say to get out of it. As he left the room and Disapparated, he could have sworn he heard someone whistle "Grease Lightening". Severus resolved that he would not be forced to perform some banal pop tune. He was a punk through and through. Voldemort may have thought that he had won this round but there was more to come. Severus had plans to put in action.