Lions Grate Fics

Stupid Stories


Stupid Stories presents

a tale of horror and comedy

A fic by Neo Namco

A key chain glowing bright blue with a key attached floats over the face of a motionless man with his eyes closed beneath the water.

Dumb SAW

The key eventually floats to the end of the tub and gets sucked down the drain, followed by the man's foot, blocking the drain so no more water can escape.

A light comes on, followed by another, and another. It's revealed to be a very dirty and old looking bathroom, much bigger than any bathroom you might have seen in your life. A man in his early twenties wearing no shoes or socks, blue jeans, and a blue shirt shields his eyes, as they adjust to the light. He looks into the bathtub to see a motionless man. "Ahh! Brother!" he rushes to the aid of his sibling, he can't go far because his left leg is shackled to a pipe. "Dumbon? Can you hear me?"

"He can't hear you." another man who appears to be in his early forties says, from across the room, also chained to a pipe. He too wore blue jeans with a white lab coat.

"How do you know?"

"Because he's under water."

"I guess." he shrugged his shoulders and lifted his brother's face up out of the water. "He's dead." he dropped his head with a splash coming from his head hitting the water and the bottom of the tub.

"How do you know?" the other man asked.

"He's not moving."


"He's been under water for along time. Of course he's dead."

"Well if you looked to see if he was alive earlier like I said, he might have had a chance."

"Eh, what are you gonna do?" he crossed his arms and sat down against the bath tub.

Then he noticed the dead body in the center of the floor, along with the other man seeing this for the first time. The camera does a 360 around his gun shot to the head-body. Zooming in, wee see he holds a tape player in his right hand, and in his left a gun.

"Ahh!" the man in blue screamed and threw up a couple super balls "That's why i had trouble breathing." he gasped for relief of air. Then he turned his attention to the chain locking him to the pipe. "Ahh!" he pulled and pulled at it, but nothing doing. "What the fuck is this? Where am I?!"

"Just, just calm down all right." the other man said "Are you hurt?"

"Yeah but it's nothing that a bandage can't fix." he looked through is pockets but couldn't find it "Oh my god. Nooooo!" a 360 camera view is done around his body.

"Well what's your name?"

"My name?" the guy in blue asked "My name is very fucking Bryan Anderson. What's your name? What's going on here?"

"My name is Gordon Pox. I'm a doctor. I woke up here just like you." Gordon explained.

"That doesn't answer my question. What's going on here?" Bryan asked, squinting at his room mate.

"I dont know..." Gordon looked at the body lying on the middle of the floor "You recognize that man?"

"No." Bryan answered while trying to bite his chain off.

"Do you have any idea how you got here?"

"No." Bryan stopped karate chopping the chain and looked at Gordon. "I went to bed with two hot chicks, and woke up in this shit hole...unfortunately those two hot chicks were my cousins so I couldn't do any thing about it."

"As for me I don't know how I got here either. I was on my way home from-"

"I didn't ask." Bryan interrupted him

"Oh. Sorry."

Bryan looked from his chain to the body centered in the room. "I've never seen two dead bodies in the same room before. A couple times I've seen one dead body in a room. That's about it."

"All right, Bryan. We need to start thinking about why we're here. Who ever brought us here could have killed us already, but they didn't. Perhaps they want something from us." Gordon pondered, and then noticed a clock on the wall to his right. "Hey look at that clock."

"Westclox. Nice brand." Bryan nodded and smiled.

"No the brand isn't what's important. It's brand new. Which means someone wants us to know the time." Gordon scratched his head.

"Yeah sooo...want some gum?" Bryan asked.

"What flavor?"

"It's Extra polar ice. Same long lasting flavor. Sugar free."

"Sure all right." Gordon nodded.

Bryan stuck his hands in his pockets and felt something. He gasped when he pulled the object out of his pants "My bandages." then he noticed an envelope with the name Amanda on it. "Not mine. It's tempting, but I'll wait for Saw 4." he tossed it into the bathtub, and it sank to the bottom. Then he pulled out another envelope with Bryan on it. He tore it open to find a 'play me' tape.

"Where'd you find that?" Gordon asked

"It was in my pocket, jack ass. Pay attention." Bryan yelled at him.

"Hey. There's no need for profanity...yet."


Gordon pulled out an envelope from his pant pocket and opened it up to find his 'play me' tape, a flare, and a key. He took the key and attempted to unlock his chain. "Come on, come on. Work damn you. Work!" he sighed when it did not fit the lock hole.

"Throw it over here, jack...i mean...what was your name again? Gordon? Yeah, throw it over here, Gordon."

Gord tossed the key to him and watched as his room mate tried to unlock him self.

"Fuck! What a waste of time." Bryan threw the key at the wall. Then he saw the tape player in the hand of jig-uh...the dead guy. He started laughing "This guy is so white. He should have gotten a tan while he was still alive."

"What's in his hand? I can't tell from over here."

"A tape player. But that's not the point. This guy is so white he's almost a ghost...maybe he is a ghost." he shivered, and his bottom lip trembled.

"Try and grab it." Gordon told him.

"I can't. It's way the hell over there."

"Use your shirt."

"Use my shirt? For what?" Bryan raised an eye brow.

"Take it off and use it to try and get the player."

"Hell no. you'll see my chest. I dont know you, how do i know your not gay?" Bryan covered his chest by crossing his arms.

"Oh for fuck's sake. Even if I was gay, I'm way over here. I can't touch you." Gordon yelled

"You can still look though. That's just as worse."

"Stop acting like a woman. Just grab the fucking player."

"Shut up-shut up." Bryan covered his hears with his hands. Then he mustered up the courage to take off his shirt. "You owe me five bucks for that." he god down and threw his shirt towards the player again and again, but got nothing. "That was just pointless. Although my muscles and abs got to be exposed." he kissed his biceps.

"There must be something else you can use. Look around. There must be something." Gordon looked everywhere, along with Bryan.

"Oh hey maybe this will work." Bryan pulled out a fishing pole from behind the pipes. He cast the line and on the very first try he got the hook around the loop of the chord to the player.

"All right. Reel it in, baby." Gordon smiled

Bryan reeled it in, and popped his tape inside. "This better be good music."

The tape played, and the voice of their kidnapper spoke: "Hello, Bryan. You're probably wondering where you are."

"I'm in an old disgusting bathroom." Bryan answered

"You might be in the room that you die in."

"Oh." Bryan's eyes widened

"Up until now, you simply sat in the shadows, watching others live out their lives. But what do voyeurs see when they look into the mirror?"

"Them self." Bryan answered

"Now, I see you as a strange mix of someone angry and yet apathetic. But mostly just pathetic. So are you going to watch yourself die today, Bryan? Or do something about it?..."

"I don't get it. I can't watch my self die unless there's a mirror. Oh wait, there's a mirror." he points to a big mirror on the side of the wall.

"Throw me the player." Gordon said

"Well...ok." Bryan tossed it to him, but Gordon missed and it fell to the ground and cracked open.

"Oh shit! Oh fuck!...No..." Gordon got on his knees and started to sob "It's all over..."

"Oh well. It was a good run." Bryan crossed his arms and grinned.

To be continued...

No don't worry it's not over yet...so maybe you should worry. But there's plenty more to come, including the second chapter of this Saw parody, my favorite movie ever(SAW). Just remember, this is a parody...PARODY, so don't bash the stupidness(especially since this fic is called 'Dumb Saw') Bash the writing if you must bash something.