Jacob's Point of View
Bella. My heart broke again at the thought of her name. She loved me. Only it wasn't enough. Of course she loved him more –he was everything I wasn't. So I ran –away from my family, my friends, my past. I ran away from everything that reminded me of her, everything that brought the pain back.
The day I left, Sam had told the others to let me go. That was a month ago. Sometimes they phase because they can't help it or they just want to make sure I'm still alive. I really hate those days. I ran to get away from my past. Yet, no matter how hard I try, it still finds me.
There's a reason I'm in New York now. I was as far as I could make myself go. I know I could have run forever. But there was this part of me –a very stupid, hopeful part of me, but still probably the most dominant –that thought that if I was still close enough to her, Bella would still love me.
I returned to my human for the first time since I'd left. I was nearing a small town, and I hadn't had real food in a long time.
I had to have looked kind of odd, walking in to town in nothing but a pair of cutoff jeans. I was just about to walk into a restaurant when I realized I didn't have any money. Great, just great.
I rolled my eyes at my stupidity, and continued to walk down the street. Who knows, I thought, maybe I'll get lucky and find a twenty.
I rolled my eyes again. Yeah, right. I decided to head back to the forest. At least there I'd find something to eat and be able to make a bed for myself.
I'd become really good at surviving off the land in the past month. I wish it was like that in the beginning, though. Thinking about the first time I'd tried to catch my dinner makes me laugh now. Then, however, it made me want to cry, or hit something really hard, or both.
It had been four days since I'd last eaten. I had been debating over whether or not to kill myself by not eating. The one thing stopping me was Bella. What if she needed me? What if something happened to her I could have protected her from? What if she changed her mind? What if…? Those questions running through my head, I looked around the forest for something that would make an easy meal. I only took seconds for me to track down a few deer.
I stood there staring at the four bucks and two doe that stood not ten yards before me, all the while trying to figure out the best way to attack. I knew enough to know that I would only be able to attack one of the deer before the others scattered. That meant that I'd have to go for the biggest buck so I'd get more to eat. I thought that would be fairly easy since I was in wolf form. Big mistake.
With out giving it much more thought than that, I ran and jumped at the biggest deer. It wasn't facing me but I thought that was good. Boy was I wrong. It sensed me and ran out of the way, and I landed flat on my face. The next deer I went for kicked me square in the jaw. I gave up on the deer after that, and my dinner that night was a rabbit, and a bunch of berries and leaves and other thing like that, all of which wouldn't fight back.
Now, as I took off into the forest, things were different. I had become a much better hunter, and could now capture a deer in a matter of seconds. That was a great accomplishment to me.
I had two things on my mind at the moment –food and, of course, Bella. I had to stop thinking of her. She made her choice, and I obviously wasn't a part of it. I just had to keep reminding myself of that.
That was becoming more and more difficult, though. What was the point in living if she didn't love me the most? There isn't a point, you idiot, I answered myself. That's not true, I retorted. Yes, it is true, and you know it, I replied. I was officially crazy. I'd always thought that it was fine to question yourself –or even to talk to yourself. But when you answer, there's something seriously wrong.
I was nearing a cliff and instinctively skidded to a stop. This always happens to me –I get so absorbed in my thoughts that I lose track of where I'm going or where I've been. I returned to human form again and sat down on the edge of the cliff. There as at least a hundred foot drop from here and if I fell I'd definitely be dead. I think that's what gave me the idea in the first place.
I stood up and looked down to the base of the ninety degree incline below me. There were jagged rocks like there'd been a landslide that threw them across the grass. There was no way someone would survive that kind of drop.
I closed my eyes and thought of the happiest memory I had. Bella had told me she was in love with me. She told me not to go and fight. She told me to kiss her. And it was the best kiss I've ever had –it was also the best day of my life. Yet, the memory brought so much pain that I'd do anything to make it end.
I spread my arms out and prepared to take my final step with the face of an angel in front of my eyes.
So there it is, the first chapter. Please, please review!!! And, let me say this now, I WILL NOT KILL JACOB BLACK!!! (at least in this story, so if your read my other stuff, that might be a hint.) As I said before this is about Jake finding someone. So don't flame because you think I killed Jake. I DIDN"T AND WILL NOT! Ok, mini-rant done. Review!