A/N: (Well, here's the rewritten version. And I worked VERY hard on it. I spent hours every day for several weeks re-reading it over and over and editing. I hope it's worth it. Also, I might point out that some of the events happen out of order and differently from the show. I planned this on purpose to work with my plot.)This story will have some lemon scenes. My policy on this is to be sweet and romantic about it, not overly explicit, descriptive, nasty, or animalistic in any nature. Please let me know if it keeps to the proper intentions; however, please don't flame me. I don't know what I'm talking about entirely, having never experienced it. It's just a story, it's fantasy, it's not meant to be entirely realistic. I'm just having fun writing, and I hope you'll have fun reading it.
Disclaimer: I do not own GX.
Alexis sighed as she gazed out the window of the classroom. She bit her lip apprehensively, drumming her fingers on the desk. For the fifteenth time that day, she looked down at Chazz, sitting coolly and confidently in his obelisk blue uniform. Looking at him made her feel even sicker to her stomach.
Not that there was anything wrong with him. As of that week, he'd done nothing to annoy her or pester her. That was the problem. Something was up, and she didn't know what.
This annoyed her greatly. Nothing was normal anymore. She felt as though it had all started with Jaden. No matter how much she adored him, he never seemed to notice. She had, for the longest time, felt as though she was falling for him, yet she never knew what to tell him. He wouldn't have understood nor would he have returned her feelings. And what was all the more irking, he hadn't been paying her any attention at all lately! Perhaps he had even been avoiding her. She had plenty of reason to believe this.
When she'd tried to talk to him, he'd reacted rather strangely. She recalled earlier in the morning, when all she had done was approach him. Immediately, he'd seemed nervous. However when she had spoken to him, he had gone ballistic. He'd laughed a little, his eyes darting about, as though he were contemplating escape. She could still hear the hurtful words he'd spoken.
"Um, I can't talk right now. Sorry, I gotta go finish my homework." And off he had run.
What really bothered her was--no, not the expression on his face, his body language, or his vocal tone--but that he'd used homework as an excuse to get away from her. Since when did Jaden do homework? He never did, that was the answer.
But he hadn't been the only one. Her other friends had been treating her strangely as well. They had noticed her mood swings for the past few weeks, and were whispering about her behind her back. She tried to ignore them, but it was awfully hard with the entire school breathing down her back. Sometimes, she'd receive sympathetic looks or a murmur of apology. She did not need their compassion. It was all probably fake anyway. Not that anyone had exactly been really horrid to her. Well, no one except for a few random students and Katiann.
What bothered her was the fact that instead of acting normally, everyone was treating her as though she were too fragile to handle herself. And, instead of talking to her like they had in the past, her friends had been avoiding her to some degree. They never were mean to her. On the contrary, they acted very polite to her when they did communicate. But it just wasn't the same anymore.
Zane, as well, had been more distant than usual. The previous night, she'd tried to stand with him at the dock, as usual; however, this time, after ignoring her for several long minutes, he'd walked off. She remembered being completely stunned by his strange behavior. What was wrong with him? Why was he so upset? Had she done something wrong?
She had figured that perhaps he wasn't feeling well; however, his next statement had proved otherwise.
"Alexis, I don't feel like talking to you. Go away."
Why had his tone been so cold? Did he hate her?
She shook her head to clear the painful incident from her memory. Sighing heavily, she looked back down at Chazz. So far, he hadn't said anything that would add to her stress. Question was, how long would that last?
Later that afternoon, she walked down the hall, carrying her books. Somehow, she felt depressed, more so than she ever had. She felt as though things could not have been worse. And she didn't know why. For some reason, all her self confidence was gone; she felt too drained to care about anything.
"What's wrong with me?" She wondered, hugging her books closer to her chest, "Nothing makes any sense anymore. Why do I feel this empty hole in my heart? Why does it hurt so much?"
She noticed people starting to look her way, staring and whispering as tears began to fill her golden eyes. Shaking her head and biting her lip, she decided she just didn't care. What did it matter what they thought anyhow?
As she rounded the corner, she spotted her brother, Atticus. Her eyes softened. It wasn't that she didn't care about him at all; sometimes she just felt inferior to him, like she did at that moment. He was the favored one…he never did anything wrong. And then…
"Poor Atticus," She whispered, leaning against the wall. Her eyes dropped to the ground, "It's not your fault. I'm sorry I felt so jealous of you. Who could've known that this would have happened?"
Quietly, she started to walk away. It wouldn't be long before he--no. She must not think of that. He would be all right. She must have faith in him.
She turned slowly, feeling slightly ashamed. "Oh, hey, Atticus." Shifting uncomfortably, she avoided his gaze.
His expression grew worried. "Sissy? Are you all right?"
She looked up into his concerned chocolate eyes. "Well, I…" She couldn't bring herself to lie to him. Although she felt inferior, although she felt self conscious, she could not let him down. Feeling all the sorrier for him, she threw her arms around him and squeezed tightly. "You'll always be here for me, right?"
Atticus looked down at her, smiling softly. "Of course!"
She hugged him tighter, closing her eyes and concentrating on his heartbeat. A weak heartbeat…it only reminded her that he didn't have much longer until…until…She squeezed her eyes shut as pain shot through her chest.
"I love you, Atty." She whispered, holding him tighter.
"I love you too, sis," Atticus told her, kissing her on the top of the head.
Reluctantly, she pulled away from his warmth, trying not to remember what the doctor had said. Despite his words, she knew he would not always be there for her. In fact, soon, everyone would be gone in their own separate ways. And she would be left to walk the world all alone.
As she retreated down the hall, walking by a classroom, she overheard a conversation between two girls. Recognizing her name, she stopped to listen.
"Have you heard about Alexis Rhodes?" One girl asked in a hushed whisper.
"I know," The other one murmured, "It's a shame. Poor thing. To think, pregnant at sixteen! And by Jaden, too."
"There's nothing at all wrong with the boy," The first girl muttered, "He's actually quite nice."
"Yes, which is why I don't understand why he would abandon her like that! Have you seen how he's been acting?"
"Unfortunately. Why must she be put through this? It's terrible!"
"And no one will reach out to help her,"
"No, I can't bring myself too. How awkward she'd feel if she knew we knew!"
"That's true. And what about the fact that she also has been sleeping with Zane Truesdale?"
"I have no clue what to say to that. Poor Alexis. It's not really her fault. And I know it's not her fault that those nasty pictures got up on MySpace. I feel so sorry for her. It's just not fair."
"And we all know why she's doing this. Her poor little heart has been broken. But there's nothing we can do to help her."
"No, nothing. How shameful! The whole school knows she's been sleeping around. Not to mention pregnant. No wonder everyone's been so hushed and careful around her!"
"Yes, there's no reason to get worked up. She's got enough on her already."
"Such as her brother's heart--"
"Don't say it."
"I'm sorry. It is just too sad…no one knows what to say to her."
"It's best we leave her alone."
"I suppose it's only fair."
With that, the two girls retreated into the background, whispering in even lower tones. Alexis shook her head in disbelief. How could anyone think such things? She wasn't pregnant! Moreover, she was a virgin! Perhaps these rumors had been why Zane had behaved in the manner he had. Feeling more torn inside, she hurried off to get away from the stressful atmosphere.
As the afternoon continued, she found herself growing more and more upset. Every time she thought of Atticus, she felt a horrible stabbing at her own heart. Whenever she thought of the way she used to feel about him, more guilt overwhelmed her system.
Not to mention the fact that her mind kept replaying the conversation from earlier. Why did the school believe that? Where had these pictures come from? It was just too much for her to take. She felt as though she could not go on. She was a nervous wreck.
In despair, she went down to the beach. She hoped to be alone so she could sort her life out. No such luck. As soon as she reached the shoreline, she saw a familiar figure with spiky black hair standing in the ebbing tide, tossing rocks carelessly into the foaming waves.
She started to turn around, afraid he might add to her burden. Before she could run; however, he spotted her and called to her.
"Alexis, come here."
Hanging her head in shame, she trudged reluctantly over to the youngest Princeton. "What do you want with me?"
He said nothing for a moment, only tossed another smooth stone into the ocean. "Hey, I've noticed you've been upset lately. And now I think I know why. I've heard what people have been saying about you."
"So?" She said miserably, "What does it matter to me? Everyone's heard that. No one really cares."
He stopped throwing rocks and turned his head to face her. "Alexis, I want you to know that I didn't believe them for a second. I care about you. I've known you since duel prep school, and I know you'd never do anything like that. Not to mention I know all about your little self esteem issues and your little breakdowns. I want you to know, no matter what, I'm always here for you."
She sighed. "What difference does that make? You'd follow me to the ends of the earth. You'd follow me to hell and back. You're nothing but a lovesick puppy."
"I'm not just that," he told her, gripping a stone in his fist, "I'm your friend."
"Sometimes it feels like you're my only friend" She muttered ungratefully, "No one ever understands."
His expression grew bitter. "Well, if that's the way you're going to be. Fine, go through life without a single friend. But take it from me, the world is very cold without friends."
She started to turn away, but then stopped, and turned around again. "Chazz, there's nothing I can do to stop this rumor. It's already spread like wildfire."
"That's not my point."
'Then what is?"
"I-I need someone to be there for me. Please, don't let me walk this world alone. Please understand that this is a hard time in my life, and it's been going on for awhile now," She paused to breathe deeply, "I'm not sure if I can handle it on my own. I know I've done so in times past, but this is strangely…different."
He stared at her for a moment. Their eyes locked, charcoal gray and golden brown. The only sound was the now distant crashing of the waves on the shore, and the pounding of their hearts in their ears.
Finally: "What do you want from me?"
Nervously, she wrung her hands, looking down at the sand. She swallowed hard before answering. "I-I want a friend."
This was it. He knew.
"And," she continued, squeezing her eyes shut, "I need someone. I mean, because of this rumor, I might never find a boyfriend, much less a friend. I'm so afraid…What'll I do if that happens and I want to get married? What if no one wants to marry me?"
"I'll marry you." Chazz said softly, looking at her with tender eyes.
She blushed at his words. "I can't do that. Not anytime soon. I'm not saying I want to get married."
"I'm not saying I want to be your girlfriend."
"I'm not saying I'll be committed and refrain from seeing other guys." She thought of Jaden at this point, and blushed more.
"Do you know what I'm saying?"
She bit her lip, and took a deep breath, eyes closed. Then, in a shaking, choked tone, "You know I have no friends that I can truly count on. In a sense, they've abandoned me. I know they don't mean to, but that's what's happened. I know they mean well and want to give me my space but…they've hurt me. I implore you, do not be the same."
"I can promise you I won't."
She breathed even deeper to suppress her deepest sorrows. Covering her eyes with her hand, the once strong queen of Obelisk blue crumbled. Her facade vanished.
"Chazz, you have to promise me you won't hurt me." She cried softly, then, almost reminiscent of her talk with Atticus, "You've got to promise that you will always be there for me."
He took a step closer to her and took her in his arms. "I promise I won't hurt you. And yes, I will be here for always."
"You'll make sure I'll be Ok?"
"Please, don't abandon me," she said again, clawing at the front of his blue jacket.
Seeing that she was falling to pieces, he stepped back, slid an arm around her shoulders to support her and led her back to his room. She tore away from him, and slammed the bathroom door shut.
She cried for what seemed like hours, then, to wash all her tears and sorrows away, she took a long, hot bath. She didn't care that she was at his room. Nothing mattered. And it didn't matter what she did now. Her reputation was ruined anyhow. Her heart had been broken into a thousand tiny pieces. And her closest friend would soon be…gone. It seemed as though she could do whatever she pleased at this point. Nothing else mattered anymore.
This in itself was a bit of freedom that she took pleasure in. However, no matter what, she would never be a slut. There was no way she'd give it up to just anyone. The man she gave it up to had to be something special.
Then again, she really needed someone to help her out. Sure, she could take care of herself, but she was deeply wounded by everything that had been happening. She felt as though she would have preferred it if her friends had been mean to her rather than to shun her and leave her confused. She didn't have anybody, anywhere to go.
Thinking on the subject for several minutes, she finally came to a conclusion. No matter what, she had to make sure that Chazz couldn't leave. She would do what she had to in order to keep him around.
She came out of the bathroom finally, having dressed again. After all the crying, she had developed quite a headache. She took an aspirin and lay on Chazz's bed, covering her eyes with her arm and feeling drained of all energy.
He understood and closed the curtains. As darkness enveloped the room, she became more aware of the rapid beating of her heart. She knew why.
"Chazz." She said softly, feeling the aching hurt come back to her chest. She hesitated for a moment.
"Yes? What is it?" He sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at her.
She took a deep breath and told him, "Come sleep next to me."
He was stunned for a moment, but quickly jumped at the chance to show affection towards her. He pulled his jacket and boots off and crawled in bed next to her. She lay absolutely still, her heart thumping harder feeling his warmth next to her.
They lay in bed quietly for a long time, just resting and recovering. She glanced over at him many a time, wondering if she really wanted to do what she felt like she had to. Then, looking into his soft charcoal eyes, she decided that it was indeed for the best. He wasn't stupid. He would understand what it meant and wouldn't abuse it.
"What do you mean to tell me by this?" he suddenly asked, interrupting the silence.
By then, her headache had subsided. She propped herself up on one elbow to look at him. "Chazz, since you're sacrificing your time and rep for me, I might as well do something for you."
"Not if you don't mean it." he admonished, frowning, "I don't want you to play me or anything. Besides, I thought you didn't want to be my girlfriend. You don't…have to."
"I do mean it. And not as payment. I won't play you; I like you, a lot. I just can't be committed to you nor do I want to be your girlfriend. But I'm willing to be your lover, as long as you take care of me and respect me."
He nodded, his mouth going dry. Deep inside, he figured he knew what she meant.
"I'll do more for you than anyone has or anyone will. I'm about to give something to you, and only you. And keep this between us." She told him quietly and seriously.
"What about your rep--"
She placed a finger to his lips. "Honestly, I'm too broken to bother with it anymore. Those people will never care again nor will they know about this. You, unlike them, have stayed. Please, let me do this for you if you will do this for me."
He only nodded again. "All right."
Slowly, she undid her jacket and tossed it aside. Then, she peeled off her shirt and unzipped her skirt, letting them drop to the floor. Her face turned scarlet as she unhooked her bra and slipped it down, followed by her panties. Ashamed, she held the covers over her body, not willing him to see it yet. She had undressed for him; however, he would have to follow through in order to see her.
He blushed, knowing that she was naked. For a brief moment, he hesitated. Then, he, as well, undressed. Both lay still for a minute, staring into each others' eyes, with red faces.
"Are you sure--"
"Yes. If you are. I'm sorry it's so quick. I'm just so--"
"I understand. You're hurt. You need someone to love you. I will. I promise."
She took a deep breath and grasped his shoulders, now afraid. He held his breath as he rolled her on her back, staring into her eyes the whole time. He saw her trust.
Slowly, he eased down on her thin frame, until he had obliged to her wishes. She winced as he started to drive into her.
"Stop, stop, stop," She gasped, clawing at his shoulders.
He did as she asked and looked down at her. "What's wrong?"
She squeezed her eyes shut, pain ripping through her body. "It hurts…so much."
"It'll be Ok, I promise you," He told her, "It won't hurt but this once…"
She swallowed hard, then, tears brimming in her eyes, nodded for him to continue.
Being as gentle as he possibly could, he pushed all the way into her. She bit her lip and arched her back, trying not to cry. Slowly, the ache subsided. She relaxed, telling herself that it would be all right.
He lay on top of her, feeling her heart pounding against his, feeling every curve of her body. His arms slipped around her body, holding her to him.
Alexis blushed deeply, and held him tightly, scared out of her mind. "Be gentle."
They clung to each other, both inexperienced, both afraid. Neither knew of what to expect.
With great care, he gently began to move in and out of her. She allowed him this, feeling less frightened. It didn't hurt as much anymore; in fact, it began to feel sort of pleasurable to her.
He leaned down, his silky, black spikes tickling her nose, and pressed his warm, soft mouth to hers. She let their lips melt together. He gently forced his tongue in her mouth, which she allowed. She was filled with ecstasy.
Shaking, she pulled her mouth from his and touched a trembling hand to his thin cheek. "Don't stop."
"I'd be crazy to."
She didn't know how she could manage to utter any sound at all, much less form comprehensible words. She rubbed her long, smooth leg against his, causing him to shiver harder.
"I couldn't ever stop." He told her, pushing a little closer.
She squeezed her eyes shut, clutching him tighter, digging her fingers into his back. "Don't hurt me."
"I told you I won't. Am I now?"
'"No." She swallowed harder.
"I'll be good to you. I promise." After a minute, he gasped, "I love you!"
She stared up into his face, ashamed of the dirty sin they were committing under the bed sheets.
"I can't honestly say the same." she finally whispered, her eyes dropping. She laid her head against his bare shoulder, her golden locks falling in a cascade over his back. "But I can say," she whispered, "I like you very much and I want you to take care of me."
"So where do we stand?"
"I don't know." she gasped as it grew more intense. And thus, it rendered her incapable of speech.
But she did know. She knew she shouldn't have done this. But she had done it anyway, despite her upbringing and despite her common sense. She'd have to live with it for the rest of her life; however, it would be all right since he would never leave her. After all, they were lovers now, whether she liked to admit it or not.
A/N: I hope that was a little better than the original. If not, then tell me.
Next time: Chazz begins to doubt that Alexis was genuine about their night together when they have an unpleasant run-in with Jaden. And was Alexis really just using him to erase her pain?