Disclaimer- I don't own any characters. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

"Ah, interesting."

Orochimaru sat at his computer, typing on the keys. He had recently discovered an online chat room where men could talk about anything they wanted such as dreams or ambitions.

What Orochimaru wanted was a 'friend'.

A new message popped up on his IM from someone named ChikenButtAvenger. The snake man read it.

"You seem really cool. I myself am an avenger and I want to destroy a certain somebody. I'll take up your offer for power, but no, I don't like candy or anything sweet. Could you come to my house? I can't travel because I'm being targeted by thugs."

Orochimaru typed his response, which was a yes. He waited for a reply.

"Thanks. Come to the abandoned Uchiha complex. They can't find me there. Be there be noon."

Orochimaru smiled and signed off.

"Oh, I'll be there," he cackled to himself.

Next Day


"Hello?" he silently called in the courtyard.

"Over here."

A bamboo door slid open, inviting Orochimaru in. Once in the house, the door closed and lights came on.

"You're fashionably late," the voice said as a figure came into view.

"Sasuke-kun? You're ChikenButtAvenger?"

"Yes. I'm glad you're here. Let me get something first before we get into details. Take a seat."

Sasuke walked out of the room, leaving Orochimaru to sit and laugh sinisterly.

"So, are you having fun?" a man in a suit and brown hair walked in from another room.

"Who are you?" Orochimaru had no idea of what was happening.

"I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC's How to Catch a Predator."

"This isn't happening."

"In these messages, is it true you offered Sasuke candy and revenge?"


"And did you offer Sasuke something far more serious?"


"Then what's that box of Trojans for?"

Orochimaru looked at his bag on the table that held a box of condoms.

"Nothing you idiot!"

Orochimaru stood up and ran out of the house, only to be tackled to the ground by a squad of ANBU Black Ops.

"Let go of me!"

"Sorry, ButtBow92. You've had your fun. You're going to the correctional facility!"

As Orochimaru taught us, never trust creepy, older men who have a fetish for little boys.

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