a/n: damn you, i mean "thank you trace" for you and your rhyming ways for actually giving me an inkling into how to write this out. clinks glass.

i don t know what came over me to write this, nothing bad i swear...but maybe its the lack of smacked that i have in my life right now...or maybe i just cant wait till these two are finally paired.

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the clouds ran away, opened up the sky and one by one he watched as each constellation died. there he was frozen, standing at his normal spot watching as the sun began to set making it seem as if some one had sprit zed shades of purple, red, and black forcing it to look like an invisible hand was pressing down on it and at any given moment the sky would pop. face to face, eye to eye with the last star. he should have known, and walked all the way home to find that she wasn't there and he was still all alone. he entered, feeling a bit frantic as the door creaked and gently pushed it open. shrugging off his coat and placing it at the edge of the table he softly strode to his bedroom.

mac's strength was replaced by grief. if the bed hadn't been there, he would have fallen to the floor. people wept from their eyes, mac of course knew that, but on that evening it felt that the tears secreted from every pore in his body until he fell asleep.

"hey babe."

"hey."

"i m off to work, i love you!"

"me to..."

mac awoke with a muffled cry and a painful jerk that almost tumbled him off the side of the bed. he hadn't been asleep for long, the tears still damp on his cheeks and pillowcase. never the less he spent the rest of the night on the couch in his living room. there wasn't much living to do in the room as he sat silently with his back against it. he sat there with the picture of claire in his grasp. he liked the picture actually and gave a brittle smile at the thought. she was smiling at him, his arm wrapped tentatively around her waist. it was one of the most vivid memories he had ever had, so clear it felt that he could step right into the picture frame and relive the moment all over again. what would he do differently? mac wondered about that. then it popped into his head the owner of capturing the moment where he felt the most joy surge through his veins. stella. he looked out onto his table where a picture of her sat neatly by his clock. moments later he found himself looking through the fridge.

"fuck...i have nothing," he muttered with an angry sigh.

he dug deeper into it, moving away the milk and juice until he just sighed in frustration. mac leaned against the counter and darted his eyes back and forth between the kitchen. he opened up a cabinet and took out the small bottle of scotch, placing it neatly on a tin tray and carrying it out to the living room. the memory of claire continued to bury its self more and more into mac's mind but tried his best to suppress it by taking a huge swig of the brown liquid, gasping and sucking in a breath feeling the sting momentarily.

mac sighed. he shifted from his position on the couch and stared at the control, his eyes red and puff from the tears. all the lights where off, the phone unplugged, as every electronical device remained silent. his cell phone vibrated beneath him but ignored it by taking another swig. 11 missed calls.

'stella' came up on the screen but he dismissed it again by getting up and heading towards the bathroom where he looked at himself in the mirror for what seemed like forever. he came back and sat down on the couch, scrubbing his face as tears began to form at the corners of his eyes.

"you haven't answered your phone." came a voice from the shadows.

mac looked around, his vision blurry from the alcohol and tears. a figure came out and sat down next to him. he immediately crumbled into her embrace, feeling a sense of warmth build at his core. mac began to shake silently, the tears trickling down his cheek landing on the embracers shirt. she didnt seem to mind as she just continued to rub his cheek, removing the droplets and wiping them down on her shirt.

"come on mac."

mac didn't fight it and instead trudged to the bedroom. he lay down on his bed facing the wall where even as the smooth surface revealed nothing then that in it's self, a picture of claire appeared. a balled up fist spread its fingers as he tried to touch it but nothing came to its grasp and instead withdrew it taking the fingers back. the bed dipped from the weight and mac flipped over sluggishly staring at the figure before him.

"c'mere."

he did that, slinging his arm around her while she played with his hair. it wasn't awkward, as any moment catalogued in their story of life had been. mac sighed and broke the silence.

"stell," he questioned lifting his head up briefly before laying it back down.

"yea?" she said, continuing to feel his hair course through her fingers.

"why?"

she knew what he was talking about, but pained her as an answered couldn't surface. stella hated to see mac like, as any other person would tell you, that they didn't like to see a loved one break down and cry their eyes out. loved one. she loved mac, but couldn't dare to tell him. it didn't seem like a good time. he continued to cry, as a child would, breaking stella's heart more and more seeing him vulnerable and defenseless, traits that mac never possessed regularly. with her free hand she scrubbed her face, then went slightly bug eyed as a slight snore came from mac. she dipped her head lowly, his eyelids shut securely and mouth parted to a small slit. stella stealth fully removed mac's hands leaving him sprawled on top of the bed. as quiet as she could, she took blankets out from the nearest closet and turned around only to be bumped against mac's chest.

his eye's glowed fiery, hooded by heavy eyelids, the dark making it that much mysterious.

"mac." stella breathed placing a hand over her chest.

he stepped forward. "i've been stupid," he said abruptly.

"what? no...you haven't...let's get you to bed, you need to rest."

"no. and yes i have been. trust me."

"always..."

"i've been reminiscing over claire. spending my time trying to decipher why. i haven't noticed that the love of my life has been with me all of these years. i don't care how stupid this sounds but you re my everyday breath that i breathe stella."

she shuddered as the words sunk in.

"the reason for my everyday living. i can't change what happened, no one can, but i can move on. i have come to realize that i"-he stepped forward, stella's breath hitching as mac's lips lingered around hers. "i love you," he said before crushing his lips to hers. "i love you," he repeated into her mouth.

stella's hands came to rest on his shoulders for support but they were roughly yanked above her at first touch. her hands found their way into his hair, as he stood there nipping and suckling at every square inch of her neck.

"mac," she breathed.

stella snaked her hands into his short, feeling each taunt muscle below her fingertips. they bumped the walls carelessly, making no attempt to muffle each others moans. one by one their clothes lay haphazardly until boxers, panties and a bra was left. mac hovered over her showering stella from rough to butterfly kisses. the final pieces of clothing were discarded of, remaining on the floor the same way with all the years of lonely spent nights, secretive glances, flirty quips and bright smiles. this night meant something to both of them.

mac separated from stella's lips, feeling like if it was his first time all over again.

"ready?"

she seemed hesitant at first but looked into his eyes and knew he would never hurt her. "yea," came the throaty reply.

a moan escaped their lips as he filled her fully. he didn't want to hurt her as they both knew it had been awhile for both of them. mac started to move slowly, and then began a normal steady pace. stella couldn't help it as an orgasm hit her making her arch her back up in response.

"where did that come from?" he said breathlessly.

"you."

her voice was like a drug for him. he dug in deeper feeling her walls clench around him. her arms flew up to his shoulder, each touch like fire to him, her nails raking down his back making him hiss in pure ecstasy. mac began to buck wildly, his head coming to rest on her shoulder, delicately biting her leaving his mark to anyone daring to come near. their orgasm hit both of them, making their heads spin, muffling their cries as their screamed meshed with each other.

they panted and heaved waiting for their high to wear off.

"stell," mac said, finally regaing enough energy to break the silence.

"yea," she said equally exhausted.

"i-"

"i love you too ma,c" she said parting away a stubborn strand of hair that stuck to his forehead form the sweat. he smiled at her, staring intently into her eyes.

"that was-"

"beautiful," she finished off for him.

he smiled at how natural it was for her to finish off his sentence. and she was right. it was beautiful. after today he knew that stella would always have a special place in his heart and so would claire. if it wouldn't have been for claire, he wouldn't have had stella. and if he wouldn't have had stella...he wouldn't have found the true him.

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a/n: hope you guys enjoyed it d