This is the first half of my two-part gift for my friend Elemental-ANimal. The next part will have to be cut, so most of it won't appear on this site. This fic does contain implied potential for slash and citrusy stuff, so be warned.
Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride.
"I don't know how she did it." Iggy had his pale hands tangled in his hair as he stared at the table.
"Did what?" Fang set down the beer he had been drinking, and looked at his friend.
"Managed to do us three times a week each for almost a year. Who has that kind of libido?"
They were all silent for a moment, pondering how Max could have possibly done it. It hadn't been a week since they had discovered that she had been cheating on all three of them simultaneously, and the shock was still sinking in.
"What?" Both Iggy and Fang turned to look at Ari, who had two empty beer bottles in front of him, but still looked forlorn.
"No, it's stupid."
Iggy shrugged. "If we consider the track record here, it can't be too bad."
"Well…well maybe she had Max 2 help her out. You know, they had shifts or whatever. They still are identical, after all, and if they talked a lot, they could keep each other updated so it wouldn't be obvious."
Iggy looked incredulous as he said, "That actually might be right, dogboy. It'd make sense, anyway." Fang got up, murmuring something about the bathroom, and walked away.
"Of course, they couldn't have risked trying it with me, I probably could tell the difference."
He tilted his head, curious, "How? I thought all cats were gray in the dark, and especially those two. Being identical, and all."
Ari snorted. "For you, maybe. And besides, there's regions of Max 2 you haven't seen that I have that are definitely different than Max. I know that for a fact."
Iggy's expression was a combination of disgust and profound amusement. "Really? So you've slept with Max 2 as well?"
"Once or twice, yeah."
"When we were doing that surveillance thing of you guys at that school in Virginia. The other Erasers were at camp, and we were bored, and, well…"
Iggy looked dumbfounded. "In the van?"
"Yeah." Ari took a bite out of the burger that the bar-restaurant combination served.
He laughed. "That is so Eraser-like of you."
There was silence for a moment, then Iggy asked, "Was it good? Better or worse than Max?"
Ari gave him a blank stare, even though he knew Iggy couldn't see it.
Iggy sighed. "If you had to rate them on a scale of one to ten, ten being the best-"
"I know what you mean, I just didn't know you were such a little pervert!"
"I'm not, just interested in the facts."
Another sigh from Ari. "Max is an eight, Max 2, a seven. Max 2 has some interesting piercings, but Max has a better body. Plus, she's a lot less jealous than Max 2, who refuses to shut up about the real Max."
Iggy opened his mouth to say something, but Fang chose that moment to return to the bathroom, and asked, "What're you talking about?"
"Ari's sleeping around with Max 2 back when he still worked for the School, and who was better, Max or Max 2."
Fang looked mildly interested. "Really, who was it?"
Ari dropped his head into his hands. "What is it about my sex life that you all find so fascinating?"
Iggy shrugged, "You get laid so much more than we do, it's just natural, I guess."
"Well, it's weird. I swear, you could be Erasers, the way you like hearing about that kind of thing."
"Thanks." Iggy's voice was dripping with sarcasm, but Ari either didn't hear it or didn't care.
There was silence for a moment longer as Ari finished the burger, and without asking, reached over and ate Iggy's as well. Iggy didn't seem to mind, as his eyes were glossed over, and he was clearly imagining Max and Max 2 going at it.
Ari made a move towards Fang's burger, stretching his hand out slowly towards Fang's meal. Fang shot him a glare that Ari returned, neither wanting to break eye contact first. Iggy suddenly let out a soft laugh, startling both and causing them to look away from each other.
"What's so funny?" Ari's growl was low and gravelly, as his voice had a tendency to do when he was annoyed.
"Nothing, I just thought…" It took him a moment to continue. "I wonder which one of us was the best. You know, in bed."
Ari said, "Me, obviously." at the same time as Fang. Iggy shook his head. "You're all sadly mistaken, I know I was, by far, the best."
Fang shrugged. "What makes you think that?"
Iggy smirked. "Where I lack in sight I make up for in other areas. What about you, emo boy?"
"Well, duh. I'm the best looking guy at the table."
Ari gave a mocking laugh. "That may be true, but I have you both beat."
Fang looked mildly offended. "How?"
"Erasers are…endowed. And we have this." Their corner of the bar was empty, so he allowed his face to morph partially, a long, agile Eraser tongue hanging from his muzzle.
"But you're as ugly as sin."
"But I bet you have a small dick." Fang's hands clenched into fists as Ari insulted him.
Iggy suddenly said, "You know there's only one way to solve this, right?"
The two of them looked at him, curious.
"We'll have to have a little contest, won't we?"
There was silence for a moment. Then Fang said slowly, "I guess."
Ari didn't sound at all uncertain or anxious. "Fine."
Iggy gave a slow smile. "Let's go back to your apartment, then, Ari."
And who will be our winner? You'll find out in the next segment of 'How Does She Do It'!