Disclaimer: Don't own Winchester boys, Bobby Singer or Pastor Jim. They belong to Eric Kripke and CW Network. Only had a little bit of fun….
Very special thanks go to Chocolate Rules (Ann). Her help in this story had been so much. I can't thank her enough.
Demon gave a victory laugh as it watched the older brother now broken clinging on to his very much alive brother and whispering comforting words to the younger boy. It was ready to suck the life force out of both boys when Pastor Jim reached it from behind armed with holy water and rock salt.
Pastor Jim threw the holy water at the demon trying to cloak his own fears. The demon screamed in agony and tried to leap onto Pastor Jim, who had started to recite the incantations. But since Pastor Jim was inside his protection circle, the demon couldn't reach him.
The voice inside Dean's head was gone. The fuzziness was slowly wearing off. His head became clear and little by little Dean regained his senses. He opened his eyes and much to his surprise he was hugging a limp Sam…more likely clinging to him. Dean gently laid Sam on the floor. Dean looked up to see what was causing the inhuman scream. He was sure he vaguely heard Latin words. When Dean's eyes met the demon and Pastor Jim, realization came to him. His gaze went back to Sam who was laying there, eyes closed. Dean checked the pulse and they were steady. Sam was heart beating and he was breathing. Dean let go of the breath he was holding. He had thought that Sam was dead. Dean shuddered and pushed the thoughts aside as he went to Pastor Jim's side, contributing his own steady voice for the exorcism. Demon was twitching and screaming. Together they finished the exorcism and bellowed 'Amen'. The demon was exorcised as sickening black cloud was shot out of the host mouth and he was lying sprawled on the floor dead. The body aged and it started to decompose.
"Aw…gross" Dean screwed his face up disgusted. He winced and let go of a shaky breathe that he had been holding during the exorcism . Pastor Jim looked at Dean panting slightly clapped him on the shoulder.
"You ok?" Pastor Jim nodded at Dean. Dean looked back at Sam and then at Pastor Jim.
"I am now" Dean muttered softly, demon's words were still haunting him.
"Sam?" They reached over to Sam.
"He had a full round with the son of a bitch. He was traumatized. When I came he was just staring at nothing. His eyes were damn empty and he didn't even recognize me" Dean said frustrated running a hand through his sweat soaked short hair. "He's burning up too" Dean added looking at Sam's flushed face.
Pastor Jim felt Dean's forehead which Dean tried to avoid but couldn't. "You are running a slight fever too" Dean ignored him and reached to Sam.
"Let's get out of here" Pastor Jim said. Dean gently pulled Sam over his shoulder. Groaning and wincing at the pain in his body. He staggered out of the basement with Sam's dead weight.
Pastor Jim called one of Bobby's friends who were a doctor in the town to come ever and check the injured hunters. Booby had a really bad concussion. The doctor checked on Dean's bruised chest and back that was sore from the flying he took. Dean was given painkillers for which Dean was really grateful. After the doctor left pastor Jim salted the remaining of the host's body and burned it gazing at the flames. ………………………………………………
When Pastor Jim entered the room Winchester boys stayed in, Dean was cleaning the sweat forming on Sam's forehead with a cold wash cloth. Sam was sleeping, his fever was still there. Pastor Jim softly placed his hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean's tired eyes met Pastor Jim's eyes. Pastor Jim smiled at him encouragingly. Dean sighed and continued with his task, wiping Sam's face and neck.
" How are you?" pastor Jim asked knowing the injured young man sitting there waiting for his brother to wake up. Dean shrugged.
" Painkillers are a wonder" he commented dryly. Dean was thankful for them. The only reason he's up without the throbbing pain in his chest and shallow breathing is because of the painkillers.
"He will be ok. Once the effect of the attack wears off, his fever will too" Pastor Jim squeezed Dean's tense filled shoulders gently.
"It's not his fever I'm worried about. What if he never comes back?" Dean said, his voice slightly cracking.
"You can help him to come back but I don't think it's that worse. He couldn't have face the demon that long." Pastor Jim said kindly.
"He wasn't there…you know. When I saw him in the basement staring at nothing. It was scary. Sammy wasn't there his eyes had this dull and empty look…" Dean's voice trailed off. Pastor Jim's worry increased when he saw the haunted look of Dean's eyes.
"He was broken…so fucking broken and I didn't know whether I could fix it. I didn't know if I could bring him back." Dean's hands were shaking. He squeezed his eyes shut.
This was his fault entirely. Dean clenched his fits angrily.
Pastor Jim noticed Dean's behavior. His guilt filled features were easily read by the older man. Pastor Jim's heart went out for the younger man. The responsibility he was carrying on his shoulders since he was four years old but never complaining about. Pastor Jim loved the boys as his own son. He liked Dean's fierce protectiveness towards his family and his devotion. Sam's faith he kept in him and the belief that the world out there could be still good. Pastor Jim knew that if Sam didn't come back not only would he be lost but Dean would be too.
"It isn't your fault Dean"
"It is my damn fault he's like this"
"You saved his life"
"You saved our asses Pastor Jim. Unless you forgot, I was ready to feed the god damn sucker" Dean hissed angrily.
"I wasn't able to do it alone. You were there too. The demon was far too powerful and even in the exorcism it was channeling my fears. I wouldn't be able to do it if you haven't joined."
Dean shook his head. "No Pastor Jim…Sammy wouldn't be in this condition if I had talked about the asylum incident. I have been a fucking jackass. He wanted to talk and I ignored him. I should have listened to him and stopped his guilt trips. I have been a selfish jerk…only thinking about myself and pushing him away. Knowing Sam, I should have talked to him. He had gone through enough. Demon said his guilt was strong and let it into his fears. Dammit I made him vulnerable to the attack." Dean spat clutching his head.
Pastor Jim looked at Dean sympathetically. He thought of how to reach him differently.
"Stop beating yourself up, Dean. It won't do any good for either of you. You need to be strong. Sam needs you and you are no good to him like this."
"What if…" Dean looked at him so lost like the little boy Pastor Jim met after Sam was attacked by a shtriga.
"Sam is sleeping Dean. He's not in a coma" Pastor Jim said firmly realizing what Dean was getting to.
"No…Dean. I have a good feeling. Sam is still there despite how traumatized you think he looked. He may need you to come back, so stop beating yourself up and help him" Pastor Jim said in a soft but demanding voice trying to inject his words in to Dean Winchester's thick skull.
"If you still wanted to blame this on someone, you can blame me." Dean looked at Pastor Jim's sad face.
"I called you here. I shouldn't have done it after the asylum incident was so hot. I was blind enough to see that you two weren't ready for this."
"Whoa…hold your horses there old man. You didn't even know what happened in asylum. Not until after Sam told you. And what happened here was an accident. We didn't know it was gonna come here. You did what you had to do even with the plan. It involved not only me and Sam. Bobby and you were in it too. Beside we saved lots of people, that's what matters"
"And put both of you in trouble"
"Come on, you can't be serious…here you gave me a full frigging sermon about not going guilt trips and now you're doing it!" Dean looked at the older man. Pastor Jim was shaking his head. "Don't!" Dean said wondering how the whole conversation turned into a new one.
"Would you say the same if I told you the plan was to put one of you as bait?"
"This isn't the first time I was used as bait." Pastor Jim raised his eyebrows.
"So who was the bait again?" Dean asked brushing Sam's bangs out of his face.
"No one in particular. I don't know what Bobby's greatest fear is but I know yours and Sam's. But I was so convinced that as long as you two had each other, it was the best defense we all could have. As long as you know the other one is there alive with you, you won't totally give into your fears. Your bond is strong Dean, no matter what happened the last few days. I put my total faith on it and I know that whatever happened neither of you would face the demon alone. I was stupid not to consider every possible thing that could happen. My blind faith got you in trouble"
"But it did work. Once I was out of his hold and realized Sam was alive, I was pissed at the bastard and that was enough for me to get my exorcism ass on gear" Dean offered Pastor Jim a small smile.
"You said Sam is still there Pastor Jim and I'm gonna bring him back home if he's too far gone. So stop blaming yourself man"
"He doesn't hate you Dean" Pastor Jim said his eyes boring into Dean's.
"What? Is this make-Dean-feel-good day?" Dean asked with a smirk.
"Ellicott was just using his anger and frustration."
"I know," Dean said in a small voice.
"It just hurt really badly. I was wondering why he was so angry and I wondered where I went wrong…what I did…"
"People get angry with their siblings. It's normal. Don't you?"
"Yeah I do get angry with him sometimes."
"Talk to him about this. Don't let that guilt grow more and you should rest too. You are half dead on your feet. " Dean nodded. Pastor Jim looked at the youngest Winchester still sleeping, squeezed Dean's shoulder and went outside.
Dean was woken up by Sam's moaning. He almost jumped out of the chair he had fallen asleep in. Dean winced at the sharp pain and gasped for air because of his sudden movement. He hissed at the pain. When he saw Sam, Dean sat down next to Sam on the bed, trying to wake up the younger boy who was thrashing widely on the bed, entangling the blankets that he were tucked in around him. Dean released Sam out of the blankets and tried to wake the disoriented boy, muttering unintelligibly. Dean felt Sam's forehead. He wasn't as warm as before which made Dean relieved.
"Sammy, wake up man. You are just having a nightmare." Dean shook Sam by the shoulders. Sam woke up with a start. He sat up so fast he almost threw Dean onto the floor. Dean regained his balance and tried to get Sam's attention on him. Sam fought him like a mad man when Dean tried to steady him.
"Sam, snap out of it. It's me… Dean" Dean said pinning Sam down to the bed to get Sam's unfocused eyes look at him. Sam looked at him and slowly Sam's struggles became less and his eyes met Dean's. His eyes were widening.
Dean's heart swelled with happiness when he saw the focused eyes of his little brother. They were not dull and empty as they had been at the farm house. There was confusion and sadness in them. Dean couldn't care less. He saw some emotion in Sam's eyes and it was good enough for him. He could comfort Sam…he knew how to do it unless Sam was far too gone for him to reach. "Hey Sammy" Dean softly said releasing his hold on Sam. He sat down on the bed looking at Sam's confused face.
Dean expected Sam to calm down but it was short lived. Sam's breathing became hitched and he tried to curl into a ball much to Dean's dismay. Dean reached out to Sam and tried to uncurl him. Dean was not gonna let Sam break again. But Sam wasn't any where helping. He was muttering "I'm sorry" like a mantra and tried to get away from Dean. But his big brother had something else in his mind. With difficulty Dean made his little brother look at him. He cupped Sam's face in his hands and forced him to look at him.
Sam's eyes were filled with grief .Tears rolled down from his eyes when they were locked with his big brother's concern filled eyes. "I'm so sorry Dean. I don't hate you" Sam whispered. He looked and sounded far younger than 22 which made Dean's big brother protectiveness kicked in more.
"I know" Dean said softly brushing Sam's tears with his thumb other hand still holding Sam's face.
"I killed you…" Sam said choking and Dean finally realized what Demon had made Sam see and feel to make him so traumatized. It made Sam think that he had killed Dean in asylum. Dean's heart sank. He cursed the demon for doing it and wished he could do more than just exorcism the son of a bitch. "I'm so sorry….please Dean don't hate me…I'm so sorry."
Dean shook his head sadly. "I can't hate you kiddo…not me." Dean grabbed Sam's hand and placed it on his chest. Letting his little brother feel his rhythmic heart beat although it was a little bit fast. "I'm not dead Sammy…you didn't kill me."
Sam's shaking fingers traced Dean's chest. Dean tried hard not to wince when they lightly touched his bruised places. Sam drew his hand away. "I shot you with rock salt….on the chest" Sam's voice trembled. Dean kept silent not wanting to interrupt. "I called you pathetic and…oh God" Sam covered his face with his hands and sobbed, shaking violently with each breath.
Dean didn't think for a minute. He slipped his arm under Sam and gently pulled him up and wrapped him in a hug biting the groan that was threatened to escape. His chest was on fire with the bruises but Dean couldn't care less. Not when his little brother so damn upset. Sam tensed slightly but it only lasted seconds before he returned the hug, clinging to Dean as if his life depended on it. The hug was so tight it was hard for Dean to breathe. He struggled not to wince and keep his breathing normal ...so that Sam wouldn't back away from him. His Sammy always came first. Even before him.
Sam's sobs continued and Dean's own tears rolled down too. He rested his cheek on Sam's brown hair, one arm stroking his long hair and other one rubbing soothing circles on Sam's back which was trembling against him. "I gotcha little brother…" Dean muttered to Sam's soft hair.
"You told me if I hate you that much…" Sam's voice hitched and another sob escaped.
"I don't hate you Dean…"
"Shhh…It's ok...you are ok…"
"I don't hate you" Sam desperately tried to make Dean understand.
"I know that. I'm the big bro. I know everything" Dean said trying to lighten the mood.
"Then you gave me the…." Sam voice trailed. Dean waited patiently holding his little brother tighter.
"You gave me the gun and God I shot you four times straight into the heart…I'm so sorry Dean…I killed you…I" Sam pulled himself away from the hug and swung his legs out of the bed. He almost fell down but Sam steadied himself holding the wall. Almost immediately Dean was at his side. "Gonna be sick" Sam muttered desperately and a minute later he was retching to garbage can Dean held.
Dean rubbed the soothing circles on Sam's back trying to comfort him. Once Sam was over Dean got him a cool glass of water and helped his shaking sibling back to the bed. Sam sat on the bed with hands on his head.
"I really thought I killed you" Dean sat next to him pat him on the knee.
"No Sammy…I'm alive, breathing and the ticker is ticking. You felt it Sam. You didn't shoot me" Dean said in a firm soft voice. 'At least not with real bullets.'
Sam tried not to cry and to stop shaking but he couldn't. The nightmare was so real and fresh. It seemed to be glued in his mind. Sam saw Dean's blood everywhere. "I…" Sam started but Dean cut him off.
"You didn't kill me cuz I'm alive…bitch. It was just a dream." Sam leaned on to Dean and Dean wrapped his arms around the younger boy. He waited Sam's silent sobs to end and his breathing to be normal again. Slowly Sam's breathing matched Dean's and they were breathing together. Dean felt Sam becoming heavier in his arms.
Sam blinked few times. He was exhausted and sleepy. God he was drained both emotionally and physically. He hadn't killed Dean. His big brother was hugging him. Which was confusing him to the hell. Sam let him calm in Dean's comforts. But something was not right and he couldn't put his finger and find out what it was. Sam tried to remember what had happened but the memories were fuzzy. The last coherent memory of his was the talk he had with James Ellicott. He looked around and Sam was amazed to see that they were at Bobby's place. Sam pulled away from the hug and looked at Dean confused.
"Why are we here?" he asked words slightly slurring. Dean gave him a funny look.
"What do you remember?"
"The talk I had with Ellicott. Why aren't we at asylum? Did we finish the job? " He rubbed his sleepy eyes which were threatening to close
Dean was still looking at him in a funny way but why?
"We did. Burned the sucker and saved two kids. We are here to deal with a demon."
"Oh…How long?" Sam said hugging himself. He was cold and tired.
"That was about two days ago."
"Did we get the demon?"
"More likely the bastard had a drop on you kiddo"
"Why can't I remember?"
"You had a pretty bad concussion. Your head hurts?"
"'M cold" Sam muttered shivering slightly.
"Come on Sam…go to sleep. You look like shit."
"Same to you," Sam said snuggling inside the comforter. Dean tucked him in, after an awkward thought he bent down and planted a soft kiss on Sam's forehead. Sam held his breathe for a second but gave him a small smile dimples flashing. "Christo" Sam whispered, the comfort of the bed tugging him into sleep. Dean laughed and ruffled Sam's hair. He ran his hand through Sam's hair lulling the younger boy further into the sleep. Sam leaned onto the touch and after few minutes he was fast asleep.
Dean looked at his little brother sleeping peacefully. He was kind of relieved that Sam had forgotten the bad encounter. Dean wished he could do the same too. Forget it…think that it never happened and go on. But he couldn't. Dean stopped stroking Sam's hair earning a soft whimper from Sam. Dean smiled at his brother's antics and he felt better. Sam is there alive and not really gone , maybe a little confused. The fact Sam still needed him, he could still make things better for Sam made Dean feel much better. Dean knew tomorrow, when Sam was awake and coherent …there would be lots of questions. And if Sam eventually remembered what happened, Dean was more than willing to hear what he wanted to say. Hell they are gonna talk and end this for good. Some things should be talked before it will be too little too late. He wasn't going to let Sam fall apart again. It broke him as much as it did Sam. A chick flick could be endured as long as he got his pain in the ass geek brother whole and that was worth it.
Well this had been my original end and I had this very nervous feeling that I had screwed up the end. While reading the reviews I was tempted (or more forced ) to do another chapter where Dean and Sam would really talk about asylum and Sam get to know what happened. I'm open for ideas…so please tell me how you feel about it. That update will take a bit time though.
A huge 'Thanks' goes to 1Pagan3 , sammygirl1963 ,Colby's girl, JHNNangel13, gothraven89 , SingleMinded , alwaysateen, Deanlovr, Kimbles15, Lezlo3, Tammy K, eddy6401, lilja89, supernaturalrox, suzijacuzi, virezz ,Ana21913, Brenny, Palo Alto , busigt-81 , callieannamaria, deejay83, sam0and0hannah and schaundar for all the support they have shown for this story. It meant a world to me. And thanks to all who are reading this!
A/N: I guess I can't bear up hurt Dean is bcuz of my big sis. Dean and my sis have lots of things in common. She's 4 years older than me; both Dean and my sis are selfless, protective and sarcastic. Those are the reasons I love Dean more. I would have given anything to have Dean as my big brother along with my sis. I just like hurt Sammy cuz Dean go all protective big bro mode which I love so much.
Great !! here I go rambling again. I really gotta stop this.
Love you all