Author's Notes: I AM OBSESSED!
a sad song
who I like in spite of myself
She closes her eyes and thinks of Jude, of his eyes and his hair and his smile. She tries to remember the way her name sounded on his tongue, his accent mangling the oo into a sort of oh that had caught her attention the very first time he said it (bowling after thanksgiving, smiling at down at her and laughing, "excuse me, Lucy," like she was some sort of delicate vase and he'd nearly tipped her off the table).
Another bullet hits the phone booth. She wonders how many shots it takes to break this glass.
Max said it was her fault that Jude left, and maybe he was right, maybe it was because she'd pushed him and pushed him and pushed him until he finally just gave in and went to the rally and then--
Lucy reaches for the phone again and dials slowly, fingers barely knowing the pattern they're following. (She tracked him down through his father. She couldn't help it. it made her nervous not to have any way to contact him but she never though she'd use it because-- well because they were broken up, and wasn't that the way it worked?)
A woman answers. His mother?
"Hey, bitch," someone snarls at the glass. "What're you hiding in there for? Huh?"
She clutches the phone in her fingers. The woman speaks again. "Hullo? Can I help you?"
A woman is thrown against the door, police dog sinking his teeth into her leg. She is screaming, possibly someone's name, possibly a prayer, possibly Lucy doesn't know shit about shit, anyway. "Jude, are you playing tricks again?"
Her breath catches-- Jude are you playing tricks again Jude are you playing Jude Jude-- because maybe he's in the same house as the other end of this phone, maybe he's on the same street or at least he's in the same country and that's more than she can say for herself.
"I'm sorry," she says. "Wrong number."
She hangs up, and the bullets and the dogs and the screams replace his name in her ear-- Jude Jude Jude are you playing tricks again?-- and soon she will have to open the door and soon she will have to step out into the crowd and fight, for Max and Daniel and she doesn't even know who else anymore.
Soon she will have to step out of her glass haven but for now-- for now she will stand and think about the way his name sounded in her ear.