Title: On Letting Go

Author: ash ily

Summary: In one moment, a single second, my perfect life came to an end. And for three months, I entered into an affair that changed everything I thought I knew.

Disclaimer: Patterson owns.

Warnings: Slash.

Notes: Could it be? Really? –gasp- Ashily's writing again!Well, my friends, it's true. I've been to hell and back, as they say, and now I've finally gotten everything on track again. I'm at a boarding school now, (blehh, send me back to public school) and I have a wonderful boyfriend who continues to make my life better everyday.

Not that you guys really care.Anyways, I'm hoping to keep the updates rolling on this one, if you guys like it.Remember, I love feedback!

On Letting Go

Prelude: Your Call

The call came in the late afternoon, the October chill had not yet reached Southern California, and the sun was blazing high in the sky like any other day. I was just leaving the office, on my way to the chic little hybrid foreign car I was oh-so-proud of at the time. In one hand, I was checking my voicemails on a Blackberry that cost a fortune, and in the other I was juggling an overstuffed briefcase filled with office files. My head was somewhere else, with my cohabitating fiancé and our looming date, the personal invitation to a swanky office party stuffed in my pocket and the files I needed to look over in my briefcase. You were the farthest thing from my mind.

The number was from an area code I didn't recognize, which usually meant I wouldn't answer, but I was in a good mood, and I figured it had something to do with work, so answered anyways


The murmurs, so soft, so delicate, I barely caught them.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Fang…" Your voice… your breath, in my ears again.

Ice swept through my chest , seizing my heart in a chokehold and tightening it with every shallow breath. I hadn't heard that name in years and years, it was like a slap in the face now, dredging up all those old memories I'd worked so hard to bury in the farthest corner of my mind.

"Who's this?" Edge crept into my voice I don't think I meant. I was scared again, sixteen-years-old and confused as hell, afraid of what tomorrow might bring.

"It's me, Fang, it's me, don't you remember?"

That's when everything good in my life came to a crashing halt.

I dropped my briefcase right then and there, forgot about Lexus and the rock I put on her finger, and the office party that had excited me so much now seemed to trivial and insignificant. My classy little condo, my little European sports car, my Armani suit, none of it mattered to me anymore. In short, my entire existence was shattered into tiny, little worthless pieces.

I opened my mouth and crash landed on a name I hadn't said in years, it was yours, "Iggy"

"Is this a bad time?" I thought I heard you sniffle, just a little, like you'd been crying. The thought made my stomach turn.

"No, no, not at all," I fumbled with the straps on my briefcase as I tried (in vain) to pull myself back together into the calm, cool no nonsense guy I'd come to be, "Uh, what's up?"

"Fang, I need you, there's something I need to tell you…"

"Baby," My lips slipped over the words easily, like it was just yesterday that I'd held you in my arms and kissed you goodnight. Even though my brain was screaming Lexus! Lexus! Lexus! when I closed my eyes and tried to picture my busty, beautiful fiancé (the woman who's hand I was to take in marriage!) the only thing I could see was a gangly blonde boy, with big blue eyes and a shy smile- god, you were so beautiful, not even half as beautiful as I remembered.

"Baby, what is it?"

"I miss you, so much, Fang, it hurts so bad…" It just about broke my heart, hearing you say that, hearing you crying, saying my name, it was like that last time all over again.

"Please," I had to shut my eyes to stop myself from turning into a big, sobbing mess, "Just tell me what's wrong."

For the longest time, you didn't answer, but I could hear you, breathing so quietly on the other line, it made my heart flutter. "Fang, I'm sick. I'm really, really sick."

I was so scared, I didn't know what to think. All I knew was that you were hurting, and I had to fix you. My mind starting rolling off all these possibilities, AIDS, cancer, tuberculosis, I thought maybe you called me cause you needed money, maybe you were living on the streets or something. God, I imagined all the worst things. "Do you need money? A doctor? Somewhere to st-"

"Fang, I'm dying."

And if I had to pick one moment in my life, one pivotal point that changed my life, I think that would be it. No, I don't think it, I know it. I couldn't say if it was for better, or for worse. But after that, things were definitely very, very different. And I couldn't turn back.