This is set in New Moon right after Bella, Edward and Alice reenter the reception area after being allowed to leave by Aro.
This is my first ever fan fiction so please excuse any stupid mistakes.
Also, For those that have read this, I changed quite a few things in the story, so it's better now. Hope you like it.
Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and all its characters.
"Sshhh, Bella its ok, you're safe" His onyx eyes riddled with worry. "Nothing is going to happen to you."
It took me a while to calm myself down after realizing what would happen to those people Heidi had brought in. Alice and Edward had comforted me as best they could within the walls of the castle we were in. Once I'd regained my normal breathing pattern I looked at Edwards face.
His beautiful face.
I'd been forcing myself to hear his voice by any means I could but even the dear mental pictures of him I'd been clinging to in my mind didn't do his glorific features justice. Looking into his face took my breath away momentarily. Usually his striking excellence made my heart race with love and passion, but this time it only made me sad, for I realized it would be all too soon that he would leave me again and the raging hole in my heart would finally tear itself wide open, leaving no chance for my survival. Not that I wanted to survive without him.
He was looking at me too, staring into my face with an expression of incredulity. He was probably just amazed that I was still alive and thanking the heavens that he wasn't responsible for my death. If I wasn't so mesmerized by his face I'd be annoyed at his unnecessary gallantry.
I forced my eyes away from him and sat on one of the leather couches in the reception area staring straight ahead. Edward had given me the cloak Aro had handed to him and I wrapped it as best I could around myself. Maybe if I didn't look at him too much it would make it easier to go on without him later. But it was a vain hope as I began to have trouble breathing at the thought of being without him again. I tightly held my sides together at the pain of it.
"What's wrong?" Edward was kneeling in front of me in one of his blindingly fast moves. The sudden alarm in his voice didn't make it sound any less beautiful, I couldn't help but notice. "Are you hurt?"
I gripped my sides a little tighter, knowing that I would soon not hear it anymore. "Give me a second," I gasped. "… I'll be fine….. Happens… all… the time." But I wasn't fine. Tears were starting to form in my eyes.
"Bella," Edward moved to my side again and slowly wrapped his arms around me. "Please don't be afraid, I'm right here, and we're going to get out of here soon and go back home."
Sitting in his arms like that it would have been easy to allow myself the luxury of pretending that he loved me. Here in his embrace I could let myself inhale his scent, relish the feel of his stone chest so close to me. But I knew what it would do to me later. So I froze after a second and then gently pulled away from him. I didn't look at his face to see what his reaction was but I heard him stop breathing before he let me go.
After a few minutes of silence Alice finally became impatient. "You two are both incredibly dumb, you know that?!"
I was so caught up in protecting what was left of my heart that I'd forgotten Alice was even with us.
We traveled for who knows how many hours, jumping from plane to plane. I got in a few hours of sleep in that time but not much. Alice kept trying to force feed me but after assuring her that I probably couldn't keep it down she'd given up. I had to focus on breathing correctly; I couldn't deal with trying to swallow food right then.
Edward didn't say anything the entire ride back; he barely looked in my direction. I stole a couple of quick glances at his face to try to decipher his thoughts. He looked troubled and extremely sad. He probably was feeling guilty again.
When we finally arrived in Port Angeles, the rest of the Cullen clan was there to greet us. They each took turns hugging each of us. I was stunned when Rosalie hugged me tightly.
"Bella, I'm so sorry, this was all my fault, I don't even know how to begin to make it up to you…"
I tried to smile warmly as I looked up at her lovely face. "It's really ok, you didn't do anything. The smart thing to do would have been to not jump off a cliff."
Emmett laughed loudly as reached over to playfully ruffle my hair. "Bella, you never cease to amaze me! Jumping off a cliff?!!! You can barely walk on a normal basis, what makes you think you can fly?!"
Everyone else laughed at that… almost everyone.
Edward walked silently to the car. His face was still filled with sadness. It broke my heart even more (if that was possible) to see him so sad.
We reached the parking lot where three of the Cullen cars were parked next to each other.
Carlisle turned to Edward. "I'm sure you and Bella have a lot to discuss so why don't you take her home. The rest of us will meet you back at the house."
Edward nodded quickly and stepped into his silver Volvo, parked in between Carlisle's Mercedes and Rosalie's BMW. I said goodbye to the rest of his family and got in.
The ride back to my father's house was quiet. I soon realized I only had this little time left with him so I'd better make it count. I wanted to hear his voice but I couldn't think of anything to say. So I asked the only question I could think of when I looked at his heartbreakingly sad face.
"Edward," I began, "are you ok?"
He looked at me for a full minute, not caring to look at the road ahead of him. "I'm dealing." He finally said, his silky voice troubled. "What about you?"
"I've been better." I whispered. The hole raged once more and I held myself together again.
He winced as he watched me struggle. "You never moved on, did you?"
"Not really, no"
"No, Edward." I knew that letting him finish his words would break me. "Please don't. It's just too hard. And I don't think I'm going to survive a second time. Please don't make it harder." My voice became thick as the tension in my throat increased. "I understand how you feel and I can't really say that I blame you." I glanced at his face and saw that he looked confused.
"After everything I've put you through, you don't blame me? After leaving you with Victoria on the loose and not being there to protect you from werewolves and Laurent?" He paused. I could see that if he could, he would have tears in his eyes. "How is that possible? I'm the most ridiculous excuse for a-"
Again I stopped him. "Edward, please! You have to stop blaming yourself. You did what you had to do and that's it! I'm fine! And no matter what stupid thing I may do in the future, you can't blame yourself. Enough with the guilt!" I was crying now. I couldn't help it anymore.
"Bella," He began in a whisper, "do you hate me now? Because, after everything that I've put you through, it would be quite fair." He paused, the hurt in his eyes intense. What a stupid question!
"Of course not!" I sobbed. "But no matter how hard I try, I can't stop loving you, and its killing me…" I let my tears flow freely as I shook with grief.
We were parked in front of Charlie's house now. His cruiser was missing and I knew no one was home. Edward was out of the car and had opened the passenger door before I had a chance to react. He pulled me out gently and hugged me tight. It was bliss, the calm before the inevitable storm.
"Bella, its ok. I'm here and I love you…" He whispered as he began the wipe my tears with his fingers.
"No!" I screamed, "I won't have you here pretending for me. I know I'm pathetic for not getting over you but I'm not having you waste your time for me. You deserve to be happy. Stop wasting your time worrying about me and go live your life. You should be happy." I tried to run to the door of the house but he reached it before me.
He held my shoulders and shook me gently. His face was so sad again. "I don't want a life without you, Bella, please understand that." But I was shaking my head is disbelief, not being able to control the sad tears any longer. This was another lie. It had to be.
"Please, Edward" I begged, gasping for air again. "Just go… I just… I can't do this right now…. Please…. Go."
He pulled me into his chest for a few moments. I thought heard him sobbing, his face in my hair, but I couldn't be sure as I was sobbing so loudly. I closed my eyes and let myself cry against him. And then he was in his car, speeding away from me.