I understand revenge. I understand wanting to get stronger. I understand Itachi has to die, and that Sasuke must be the one to kill him. I will eventually forgive him for running off with Orochipedefile. But I can never, EVER, forgive him for trading ninjaness for Samurai like aspects. He was such a cool ninja, and now he's a samurai. That is the ultimate betrayal. Plus he doesn't wear a shirt anymore. I truly believe Sasuke should wear a shirt.

Itachi-"Hello Sasuke, ready to kill me and avenge your clan?"

Sasuke-"Hold on, let me take off my shirt."

"Do you have the Mangekyu Sharingan yet?"

"No, but I've got samurai-like aspects."

"I assume you've undergone some sort of intensive training since the last time I faced you, correct?"

"Of course, I trained under Orochimaru."

"The creepy pedophile?"

"He was a powerful Sannin that taught me alot."

"So then he taught you forbidden secrets to increase your power?"

"He gave me a tattoo."

"A tattoo?"

"A forbidden tattoo."

"Does it do something special?"

"Yeah, I activate it, and it gives me power."

"Does it do anything else?"

"Well, it makes the tattoo spread across my body. But when it covers my whole body I'll die."

"That sounds stupid."

"It can do other stuff! When I take it to level two, my lips turn purple, my skin turns grey, and these hands grow out of my back that let me fly!"


"Itachi, are you crying?"

"Did you forget everything I taught you about being cool?"

"But cool wasn't going to be enough to beat you."

"You were supposed to make a friend and kill him like a normal Uchiha, not do something crazy like this!"

"But Dad said not to take that road."

"And this one is so much better."

"Well, what else could I do?"

"Give up and live a nice life. Train with Kakashi, not be a transvestite. Ya know, anything else."

"Then why'd you tell me to be an avenger?"

"You know what brother, I was wrong. I was wrong to make you an emo, and wrong to not kill Orochimaru. I'm genuinely sorry I ever did this to you."

"So what now?"

"I'm going to kill you Sasuke. I'm going to kill you for disgracing all things Sharingan. Then I'm going to kill myself for creating such an abomination to ninja."

"Hold on, I still need to take off my shirt."

Whoo-ooh! Itachi's gonna be so scared. I mean, taking off your shirt increases your power by at least 100 times. Wow, I typed alot. I didn't know I felt so strongly about Sasuke's sellout habits. In any case, as funny as it would be to see Itachi stumble around a house blind, it would be kinda dumb. So go Sasuke, who will probably die at 20 from cursed mark aids or whatever other diseases you get from breathing near Orochimaru. W'ever, I'm going to do work now.

-The Pirate on Wheels