Tales of the House of the Red Moon-01
Return of the Weasel
Leader: "So, Itachi, do you have any special skills that we could use to help take over the world?"
Itachi: "I can use my Sharigan to exactly forge signatures."
Leader: "That sounds useful. Go forge some rich person's signature and get us some money. If you succeed, then you can join."
Itachi leaves the leader, and goes through Akatsuki's bank records, and exactly copies the leader's s signature onto a check paid to the order of Itachi Uchiha. Itachi goes to bank and cashes the check for 20 billion dollars. He carries the money back to the Akatsuki hideout in huge bags.
Itachi: "I have succeeded in getting the money."
Leader: "Let's see it..."
Itachi empties one of the bags onto the floor.
Leader: "Okay, you can join. By the way, who's signature did you copy? We might be able to get even more money from them."
Itachi: "So can I keep the rest of the money?"
Leader: "No! That is just about all of the money Akatsuki has! ...well, besides the money Zetsu eats..."
Zetsu : "…sorry…"
Leader: "….The nerve of you, Itachi… If you were not so useful, I would kill you…
Itachi: "If you could."
Leader: "Kakuzu! Come here and count this money and make sure Itachi did not steal any."
Kakuzu arrives and counts the money, only to find out that 5,000 dollars is missing.
Leader: "What did you do with the rest off the money Itachi?"
Itachi: "I bought that."
Itachi points at a 6 foot wide plasma TV in the living room area.
Leader: "You spent 5,000 dollars of our hard stolen money on a TV??!!"
Deidara is watching a show titled "Easy Clay Bomb Secrets."
Deidara: "This isn't bad, yeah."
Leader: "…Well, I guess the TV might be useful, just do not steal from us again."
Itachi: "Fine. From now on I will just steal from our enemies."
Leader: "Kakuzu, go and re-deposit this in the bank."
Itachi: "Isn't having a bank account stupid? Can't they trace it back to us?"
Leader: "I don't think so: we have a false address and false names."
Itachi: "I saw those names…"
Leader: "Kakuzu! What kinds of names did you give us??!!"
Kisame: "You had better not have given us insultive names."
Kakuzu: "I gave us really descriptive names."
Leader: "You idiot! If our names are descriptive, then the tracker shinobi might be able to find us! Go change the names, now!"
Kakuzu: "...but you did not even ask what the old names are."
Leader: "Fine. What are they?"
Deidara: "I don't know if I want to hear this…"
At this point ,the rest of the Akatsuki show up from whatever missions they were on.
Kakuzu: "Well… your account name is 'that mysterious dude who could be the fourth Hokage.'"
Leader: "That's a rumor!"
Kakuzu: "Notice that you are not denying that it could true."
Rest of Akatsuki: "……….."
Leader: "So what are the other account names?"
Kakuzu: "Kisame is shark, Deidara is bomber dude, Hidan is that crazy dude, Zetsu is that cannibal plant dude, Sasori is Pinocchio , and the mysterious Akatsuki is that flower haired kunoichi."
Mysterious Akatsuki: "..."
Sasori: "I would have preferred 'master puppeteer…'"
Zetsu: "I got the best one!"
Hidan: "I am highly offended."
Kisame: "'Shark' isn't that bad…"
Leader: "Go change them all this instant!"
Kakuzu: "Any requests?"
Mysterious Akatsuki member: "I don't really care as long as its not insulting…"
Kakuzu: (thinking) "If I leave quickly I might be able to give them even worse names than before."
Kakuzu runs out the door.
Rest of Akatsuki: "Wait! We had requests!"
Leader: "He left in such a hurry, I bet he is going to give us all undescriptive, horrible names."
Leader: "Okay, Itachi, while Kakuzu is gone, I guess I can introduce you to your new partner, as well as the rest of the Akatsuki."
Kisame walks up, as well as the rest of the Akatsuki besides Kakuzu .
Leader: "This our new member."
Mysterious Akatsuki member: "Ask me if I care."
Zetsu: "He looks tasty!"
Leader glares at Zetsu.
Leader: "You had better not eat him! How many times do have to tell you to stop eating your fellow Akatsuki??!!! The reason we have an open slot is because you ate Kisame's partner!"
Kisame: "…It was horrible…"
Itachi: (thinking) "…I wonder if I have made a mistake…"
Zetsu: "Okay, I won't. Can I eat Deidara then?"
Leader: "No!! You cannot eat any of them! Understand!?"
Sasori: "Just don't touch my puppets okay, Itachi?"
Leader: "Okay, Itachi, this is your new partner, Kisame."
Kisame: "Am I actually going to have to work with this girly-looking pansy?"
Leader: "If he were not strong, I would not allow him to…"
Itachi: (interrupting) "...Mangekyou Sharingan!"
Leader: "Hey, wait, what are you…"
Kisame: "What did you just do? Where am I? What is this???!!!"
Kisame is forced to watch people eating shark meat for 2 days...
Kisame: "Uhn... Okay stop it! I admit you are not girly... even though you look it…"
Itachi: "That's worthy of another 5 hours of this…"
Leader: "Itachi, stop it!"
He shuts off the Sharingan eye's shadow world.
Kisame: "Why you, I ought to..."
Leader: "Well, whether you two like it or not you two are partners now… You will have to work on your team work."
Kisame: "I refuse to work with him!"
Leader: "Fine. Then Itachi can run solo, and you can team up with Orochimaru. He's been wanting to join anyway."
Kisame: "I'll… I'll work on my team work with Itachi…"
Leader: "Good. Now get out on your first mission."
Kakuzu: "I'm back, Leader-sama! I changed the account names like you said."
Leader: "What are the new names?"
Kakuzu: "Heh. The new names are- Itachi: Puppy, Mysterious Akatsuki member: Unmysterious, Kisame: Wimp, Hidan: Sane, Zetsu: Fluffy Bunny, Sasori: Human, Deidara: Hater of art and Leader: Idiot."
Leader: "Well I guess those cannot be traced to us… Wait! Why is mine 'idiot??!!!' Are you daring to insult me??!!!"
Kakuzu: "I gave you names that are the exact opposite of what you really are."
Leader: "Oh, so you actually think I'm a genius? Well, then we will keep those names."
Kakuzu: "Okay." (thinking: The Leader one is actually true… I can't believe I got away with that!")
Deidara: "'Hater of art ??!!!'"
Sasori: "Don't worry, remember, they are our opposites."
Deidara: "You don't understand art anyway."
Sasori: "Puppet attack!"
The two fight for an entire hour.
Leader: "Deidara, Sasori stop it! Idiots! Look at what you have done with all of your fighting! You… You …Look at the plasma TV Itachi wasted our money on."
Leader cries.They look at the plasma TV, which has a puppet knife in it and a huge bomb hole.
Leader: "I... I wanted to watch my favorite TV show on it… I wanted to watch 'Sailor Moon…'"
Deidara and Sasori: "What???!!!"
Leader: "…Itachi won't be happy about this…"
Itachi and Kisame return from their first mission, which resulted in the successful capture of a wild (without a host) tailed beast. Itachi stares at the TV, and surrounding rubble.
Itachi: "…ho is responsible for this?!"
Leader points at Sasori and Deidara and cries about how Deidara was the only one that got to watch anything on it.
Leader: "They did it, they did it!"
Leader points at them.
Kisame: "I wanted to watch it, too."
Zetsu: "I got to watch it for about 5 minutes before I had to run from the explosions…"
Kakuzu: "I didn't get to watch any! I couldn't see over Zetsu's plant!"
Sasori: "Deidara, I hope you know that this is all your fault."
Mysterious Akatsuki member: "I don't care, since I already have my own plasma TV…"
Mysterious Akatsuki member: "Forget about what you are thinking. "It's not up for grabs."
Zetsu : (thinking) "I might steal it when she's not looking…"
Itachi: "How dare you do this! I wanted to watch... gasps Wait, I cannot reveal what I wanted to watch. (thinking) "episodes of Naruto that have me in them, because I like to look at my beautiful face."
Itachi: "Deidara, Sasori, You shall both pay! Mangekyou Sharigan!"
Deidara and Sasori are subjected to days of ten thousand Itachi bragging about how Itachi is the prettiest Akatsuki member.)
After this, the leader decides to pass a rule prohibiting fighting amongst the members of the Akatsuki. However, these rules are largely ignored.
Leader: "I wanted to watch Sailor Moon…"