Rated: T for swearing… in French… I tried to keep the rating low, but that swearing was just… necessary
Summary: Book of Stupidity 4, because the world is just that stupid.
Pairings:Atoji and Dirty
Disclaimer: I don't own pot.
This is my list of stupid Hyoutei drabbles….
Hyotei Library Session
Bets and Lovers
Book of Stupidity
Fights and Idiots
Book of Stupidity 2
Lost in Tennis
Of Cameras and Attention
Advice from Jirou
The Park and the Church
Help from Jirou
Reconcile and Resolve
Catching up aka BOS3
Daycare and Librarians
Necrophilia and Llamas
Ranking and Stalking
We really ARE straight.
"MUKAHI GAKUTO!" A flustered, glittering Atobe chased a short, red-haired boy down the lobby to the movie theatre.
"Atobe-sama has glitters all over him!" One fangirl (who just happened to be there) pointed out the obvious.
"Could this mean that Atobe-sama is gay?"
"Atobe-sama!" The fangirls swooned. (They all happened to be there.)
Atobe however, paid no attention to such trivial things as fangirls swooning, he was too busy trying to overcome his developing migraine and kill Mukahi at the same time.
Mukahi, while desperately trying to escape Atobe and hopelessly laughing at the same time, wished he had as many fangirls.
The others watched in amusement, wondering what Mukahi did to Atobe. They didn't have to wonder long, for a trail of glitter followed Atobe in a perfect graceful sequence. However, Atobe hardly thought glitter was graceful, if anything, it was ruining Atobe's near perfect image.
"Can this wait till AFTER the movie?" Shishido demanded, lugging around a bucket of popcorn.
Mukahi suddenly stopped, almost making Atobe run into him, "It's for a project!"
"Which class has a project that requires spilling glitter all over your captain?" Taki asked.
"It's like this class I can't spell, it goes like this," Mukahi frowned, in thought, "Psy-cho-lo-gy."
"Psychology? What the hell, you're taking a class you can't spell?" Shishido whacked Mukahi on the head.
"What's wrong with that?"
"Are you at least passing?" Oshitari asked.
"I have a forty-eight…"
"How is ore-sama supposed to get this off? Ore-sama refuses to sit through the whole movie with glitter. Ore-sama demands to know where ore-sama's servants are."
"Atobe, you're not in your home theatre remember?"
"Ore-sama would be if SOMEONE didn't kill it." A significant glare at Mukahi followed this statement.
"You can't kill a theatre, Atobe."
"Ore-sama knows THAT! It is just a figure of speech!" Atobe added, "The theatre might as well be dead after Mukahi THREW drinks at it!"
"How was I supposed to know that would kill the thing? Besides, the movie sucked so much, it deserved to have drinks thrown at it."
"It was a VIDEO on Ore-sama's childhood years!"
"IT was boring. Who wants to see you go potty?"
Atobe was speechless, who didn't want to see Atobe's childhood life? It was the great ore-sama…
"Mukahi-senpai, be nice." Ohtori scolded.
Atobe started raging again, "Do you realize how hard it is to get glitter off? Mukahi, you are officially suspended from the team!"
"Atobe, you look like a gold-digger." Shishido sniggered.
"You're suspended too, Shishido."
"For calling Ore-sama a gold-digger." For gold-digger was probably the most insulting things to call someone in high society… in Atobe's anything but humble opinion. "Ore-sama is NOT a gold-digger."
"No Atobe of course you're not." Oshitari cut in, "You're top-heavy with money, too handsome to be true, too clever for your own good and a law unto yourself."
Atobe began a reply but was interrupted by Mukahi wailing.
"Oh my god! Hiyoshi won a freaking dolphin in the game thingie! Hiyoshi, you're so skilled!"
"Do dolphins have like, bones?"
"What do you think?"
"Well, do they have spines?"
"Well this dolphin is like soft! It has like no bones!"
"It's a freaking plushie!" Taki took Mukahi by the shoulders and shook him vigorously.
"Kabaji, wake Jirou up and go buy some popcorn. We're going to watch the movie before Mukahi gets a brain cramp trying to figure out the anatomy of a dolphin." Atobe said, walking towards the ticket office where the manager of the theatre was glaring at the team.
Someway or another, they all settled down comfortably in their seats, although the same thing couldn't be said for the people sitting behind them for Kabaji all but blocked their view. Grumbling about kids these days, the people had to get off their butts and move off.
"Sugoi! A movie!" Jirou stole some popcorn off Atobe and snuggled comfortable down with his head on Atobe's shoulder.
"Atobe feral'amour avec Jirou." Oshitari muttered to Mukahi.
"You're wrong, Atobe baisera Jirou." Mukahi replied.
"Gakuto, when did you learn such uncouth French?" Oshitari asked, "It's unsuitable for you."
"From your French notebook." Mukahi replied, "Where did you?"
"Nowhere." Oshitari made a mental note to hide the notebook from Mukahi from now on.
Off somewhere down the row of seats, AWAY from the dirty minds of Oshitari and Mukahi was Taki complaining to anyone and everyone who would listen about the opening song of the movie. "Like what the hell? The lyrics are so lame 'I knew I loved you before I met you, I think I dreamed you into liiiiife! I knew I loved you before I met you, I have been waiting all of my life' THAT GUY WAS SOO HIGH, like who in the world writes that? Also this part 'In your eyes I see the missing pieces' well guess what. I look into my eyes in the mirror and guess what I see? BROWN. That's the freaking missing piece, retard!"
"Calm down, Taki-senpai," Ohtori said.
"I'll calm down when I freaking slap the guy that wrote it."
The movie started and the group of boys fell into silence as they watched the movie with occasional comments like, "Oh my god, that guy is so stupid." Or "Pass the popcorn." But they ARE junior high boys.
"I want a frapp." Atobe sighed in the middle of the movie.
"Isn't there a frapp place somewhere… like… away?" Jirou mumbled, half-asleep.
"Frapp place? Don't you mean Starbucks?" Shishido asked.
"Yeah… that too."
"I read the label on the back of the table salt and it said sodium chloride, something else, and sugar. I was like, what the frick, there's sugar in the table salt?" Mukahi declared.
"…Calm down, Mukahi-senpai." Hiyoshi consoled.
"…Wow, Mukahi, you can actually pronounce sodium chloride." Shishido said, amazed.
"Shut up, I'm not that dumb."
"You act like it."
"Your cute Gakuto," Oshitari whispered to stop Mukahi from uttering curses at Shishido, "No one else could be called cute but you, the others have different strengths."
Mukahi, apparently satisfied, settled down again to watch the movie.
But Taki interrupted the peace of the movie theatres, "Look, she has a Mohawk! If I was a lesbian, I'd get a Mohawk, but since I'm not, I won't."
"…Please just watch the movie." Hiyoshi really wanted to watch the damned movie.
When the movie was finally finished, the boys got up to walk out of the movie theatre.
"That was a second rate movie in a second rate theatre, ne Kabaji?" Atobe declared.
"Everything's second rate compared to your place." Taki said.
"Of course," Atobe replied haughtily, "Ore-sama is student council president, ne Kabaji?"
"What has that go to do with anything?"
"You didn't know, Hiyoshi?" Ohtori inquired politely.
"I'm new here remember?"
"Hyoutei is a hierarchy society; the lowest of them, who are either considered parvenu or have a notable pedigree but without wealth are on the bottom of the chain, unable to join in clubs or student council. The wealthiest and noblest are admitted into the student council and the crème de la crème among them are the head of the council. That's one of the reasons I'm treasurer for the school." Oshitari explained.
"So basically, Atobe is the wealthiest and the noblest."
"His pedigree is the best out of all of Hyoutei. He almost runs the school"
"Ore-sama's leadership skills are also flawless, ne Kabaji." Atobe put in as arrogantly as he could (being a fourteen year old boy decked in glitter and all).
Beside Atobe, Mukahi stumbled, "Dude, if you keep saying that, I'll fall backwards down the stairs, I swear."
"What the hell, how do you fall backwards down the stairs?" Taki smacked Mukahi. "I swear, you need help."
"But those spongy rooms in the insane asylums look fun." Jirou said.
"You need help too." Taki concluded.
"Look at those posters!" Jirou completely ignored Taki and ran towards the random posters stamped neatly all over the Previews board. Jirou turned around with his oh-so-innocent look that the whole team learned by now not to trust for it either meant a stupid statement of some sort or was followed by the invincible puppy dog eyes. "Fish lay eggs?"
"Uh… what kind of preview are you looking at?"
"I dunno, it's a kind of fish I think." Jirou pointed to the non-descript object depicted on the poster.
"Jirou-senpai, it's a tank." Ohtori pointed out. "And the 'eggs' are grenades."
Mukahi walked up and studied the poster, "le gasp, it's nose was aten!"
"Aten? It's eaten."
"Aten! It's the past tense of eaten.
"…Eaten is already a past tense, loser." Shishido told Mukahi, taking the perfect moment to snub him.
"NO IT'S NOT! GAWD!" Mukahi gasped, as if Shishido was the idiot here instead of Mukahi.
"Hey, I gotta go to the washroom," Taki said.
"To reapply your makeup?" Shishido snorted.
"I gotta go too!" Mukahi said.
"I'm not babysitting you in the washroom."
"I'm older than you!" People really didn't seem to have much faith in Mukahi to actually go to the washroom and come out alive with the toilet monster and all.
"You'd probably get lost on the way. Good riddance."
"Alright, alright, I'll stop, I don't want Oshitari killing me for attempting to murder you."
"…YUUSHIIIIIIII, I DON'T FEEL SAFE ANYMORE!"
Oshitari was compelled to cover his ears and save himself from Mukahi's unusually high-pitched scream, "…"
"You know what, if you don't shut up now, we'll all go with you." Hiyoshi said.
"Too late, we're going."
"YUUSHIIIIII…" Mukahi was desperate.
So, like a group of girls (or gay guys) they all accompanied each other to the washroom. Atobe spent his time washing his hands like a good rich kid and complaining about the lack of quality in public washroom soap these days. After his long chain of complaints, he walked towards the hand drying machine and pushed it… nothing happened… so he pushed it again… and again… and yet again.
"Atobe, it's called an automatic hand dryer for a reason..."
"Oh…" Atobe finally dried his hands and walked back into the lobby.
"Look! It's a new poster!" Jirou screamed excitedly, "Whoa, it looks like Africa… but it's like… Canada."
"Canada can't look like Africa, Jirou," explained Oshitari patiently, "they have different landforms and climates. Besides, that was a movie depicting Canada in the early twentieth century."
"And why isn't Ore-sama's limo here yet, a-an?"
"Who knows, why don't you call your driver?" Taki asked, "Why aren't any of our rides here yet?"
"Shishido's is…" Ohtori pointed at the shiny black limo that everyone was staring at.
"Let's all go to Shishido's place!" Jirou said.
Shishido looked horrified, "Uh no. You're not coming into my place."
"Why not…?" Jirou pouted.
"OKAY FINE! COME TO MY PLACE, JUST MAKE THE POUTING STOP!" Shishido, like everyone else, couldn't resist Jirou's pouts.
"Why did a limo come to pick you up anyways, do you even own a limo? I thought you had a Porsche." Hiyoshi said.
"Ore-sama's butler told him to take a limo," Atobe said, putting his phone away, "It appears that the other cars are going to be late because of an accident on the road."
"Oh… so either way we're going to Shishido's."
"Fate must not like me today…" Shishido cursed the skies.
So, they all piled into the limo and comfortably sat themselves down. The limo started towards Shishido's while Shishido was still busy cursing the sky and beating the ground.
"I swear my phone just talked to me."
"My phone just like… talked to me!" Mukahi said again, "I can like have a conversation with my phone!"
"Guess what?" Ohtori said, breaking off the awkward silence.
"My flute teacher just married."
"Is he gay?" Mukahi asked.
"He just married."
"To a gay guy?"
"No…" Ohtori said uncertainly, "To an Asian woman…"
"I'm Asian!" Jirou piped up.
"No you're Japanese!"
"Isn't that the same thing?" Hiyoshi asked.
"I'm bored, I have a test on Monday, Taki said.
"So on a test, if you circle true, and it's actually false… do you get it wrong…?"
"Hm, I wonder…" Hiyoshi rolled his eyes sardonically.
"So… pounds are US currency right?" Jirou asked sleepily.
"No, Jirou, they're not." Atobe said, stroking Jirou's hair as Jirou drifted off into his own little world. "They're U.K. currency…"
"Oh yeah, I meant to say U.K…" Jirou yawned, "Anyways… do you have any Pocky?"
"You realize everything we said today is going into the book of stupidity?" Oshitari pointed out.
Shishido started cursing the skies and beating the earth again. There was an instinctive feeling inside his head warning telling him that if he valued his sanity, he should get away from the limo. He sighed, this was going to be a lonnggggg lonnggggg longggggg ride.
Glossary of Quotes: (I swear Ral's rubbing off on me…)
Rachel – I have a class that I cant spell, -sounds it out- psy-cho-lo-gy (She can't spell psychology…)
Ral and me - Do dolphins have bones/spines?? (I asked whether it had spines and Ral asked about the bones)
Ral- Like what the hell? The lyrics are so lame 'I knew I loved you before I met you, I think I dreamed you into liiiiife! I knew I loved you before I met you, I have been waiting all of my life' THAT GUY WAS SOO HIGH, like who in the world writes that? Also this part 'In your eyes I see the missing pieces' well guess what. I look into my eyes in the mirror and guess what I see. BROWN.
Ica- I want a frap (randomly in the middle of a freaking movie) Me- isn't there a frap place somewhere in Chapters? (I was too busy watching the movie to make sense)
Ral- I read the label on the back of the table salt and it said sodium chloride, something else, and sugar. I was like, what the frick, there's sugar in the table salt? (Ica went home and checked, lol)
Rachel- If I was a lesbian, I'd get a Mohawk, but since I'm not, I won't. (No offence to the lesbians out there… Rachel's just dumb.)
Me- fall backwards down the stairs & those spongy rooms look fun.
Me- Fish lay eggs (the legacy of Aquaman and Aquasuzy continues from Science class…)
Yue- le gasp, it's nose was aten
Ral – in the bathroom in front of the AUTOMATIC dryer pushes dryer, again and again- WHAT THE HELL?? Me - its called an automatic dryer for a reason….
Me- it looks like Africa… but it's like… Canada
Ral – I swear my phone just talked to me…I CAN HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH MY PHONE!!
Ica – my flute teacher is married Me- to a gay guy?
Ral- I'm all white! Irina- No you're Romanian! (I substituted those for Asian and Japanese… XD I love you Irina)
Ral- if you circle true, and it's actually false… do you get it wrong… (Replace the You's with I's)
Me- pounds are US currency (I meant to say UK)
Wow, I thought I'd have the most quotes in there, the one with the most quotes is still Ral. (I love you Ral)
Glossary of French:
"Atobe fera l'amour avec Jirou"- Means Atobe will make love to Jirou
"Atobe baisera Jirou." – Means Atobe will fuck Jirou (I learned it from my French teacher!)
A/NI totally forgot Mukahi's b-day so this will be for him… along with Shishido and Kirihara (tho this has no connection whatsoever with Kirihara.) I hate how their b-days are all grouped together so I'm here like furiously writing… kinda… been lazy. Next year is a leap year so I bet there will be a 100 new fics dedicated to Fuji's (once in four years) b-day… fun. Anyways, yeah, no comment on the stupidity. Decided to include Taki for some reason, he needs love (Hiyoshi needs the most love). I finally finished this too, be proud. Especially posting this on the day of the Grade Nine Olympics, I think I killed my legs and voice... scared the niners too XD. Maybe BOS5 will be about Shishido's house... Please Review!
E/N: We have WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much free time…GOOD JOB ANGIE –thumbs up!- you FINALLY finished it-hearty things that fanfiction doesn't like-ANYWAYS. Dude….you REALLY suck. Ur gonna dedicate this to KIRIHARA?? He wasn't in this AT ALL…yare yare… BTW, what movie were they watching?? (Anti: I have no clue what movie they're watching… some random one…)
Anti (Valentine Rankings ramble): By the way, I saw the 2007 Valentine rankings and it's scary... Atobe's first obviously (by around 3.5 times the votes Sanada got) but SANADA is second... how did he manage that (took Ica like 20 guesses and a spazz to figure it out)? Fuji dropped out of the top 5, which was depressing for me (number 6). Oshitari (number 5)beat Fuji too...Ohtori is number 8, poor Echizen (Nobody likes him) is number 9. Jirou, Shishido and Yukimura tied at 10. (Hyoutei dominated top 10s, YAY.) Hiyoshi is number 15, he finally got more love.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MUKAHI and HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIRIHARA AND SHISHIDO… (Belated or early… since I have no clue when I'm posting this…)
Courtesy of the Book of Stupidity (copyrighted and trademarked).